Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

I struggle with it everyday! We should put ourselves a side with the Lord. He wants us to put others before ourselves, but He doesn't want us to be doormats either. The way I understand it is we find our strength, joy, peace, love, and everything we need and His promises in Him.
Do I have joy or peace every day, no, but I go through my day saying, "God, You put me here for a reason, and You can get me out of it anytime now. I remind myself that Jesus died for me to have life and to have it more abundant. I thank him all day every day. I see the little things He does and I thank Him. Example, my mother is quite for the day or most things went smoothly today so, I thank Him. I just remind myself how good He is and He has everything under control. But it is hard to feel joy when someone is on your last nerve. Just keep taking time for yourself and for Him. I put myself in time out when I feel like I am overwhelmed or about to lose it.
Remember we can stand firm in Him. He lives in us, have confidence in He who lives in you.

May God keep you in His peace and give you His strength. Comfort you in your darkest times. God bless you. I will pray for you.

Hi Annie,

I think all of us can relate to how incredibly hard this journey is in so many different ways. But interestingly enough, this struggle that takes us completely out of our comfort zone, that makes us wonder if we will endure what comes next, and even sometimes we may wonder if God forgot us...yes, we are humans, we may feel all that, but this journey full of trials is also one of the greatest opportunities for real growth we have, specially in the areas where we need it the most; and which those areas are, only each one of us knows it.

In my case I think the biggest areas of growth have been to really put my words into action, actions that fully support every “I love you” I have said to my mom in my life; also my understanding towards others, specially those who could and should help, yet don’t care to help and don’t even comprehend what we are going through. My patience, to put in practice true meekness, to really put others before me. All of this is part of my daily learning, a work in progress.

Of course there are MANY moments when I fall short, many moments during the day! But it is that very moment to moment struggle what forces me to learn, and this everyday learning has enhanced my spiritual life incredibly.
That, is the greatest blessing of all.

When I feel tired beyond words, incapable, inadequate, small...I try to remember that the goal as Christians is to allow others to feel the love of Jesus through our actions. That is such a tall task, Isn’t it? But I’ve found it is the greatest reminder of who we should be, and the greatest encouragement to fulfill our upmost purpose.

I share all of this with the hope that in the midst of all the pain you are feeling, you’re able to find those areas of growth that this journey is meant to touch, and while going through this you’re always able to feel the love of God, who never, ever! leaves our side, specially when we suffer. From my heart I hope you are able to find some peace and rest in knowing that all you’re doing is a blessing, a blessing that your mom is receiving through you, and that you are receiving through your mom.

May God bless you both!!

My resolve is fading. I look to the Lord for help. Please pray for me. Tia.

Rosses: Thank for supporting Annie!

Shell: Hang in there! Look to Jesus for support. He died for us all.

Smeshque: That is a lovely discourse! Thank you for your uplifting, soulful words!💖💖💖

LL- Always in my prayers. It will get better, hang in there.

Rosses- Beautifully put, Beautifully. Thank you.

Shell- Thank you for your post. The encouragement of trusting Him.

Much love and prayers for all of you, and Frazzled also.

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:” 
1 John 5:14

It does feel like your burnt out. And it does feel like that your heart ❣ is very very loving and giving.

You write that we are all sinners ( my words) and I repeat . We are all sinners. Jesus died in the cross to take our sins away. We humans are so so blessed and we can be grateful that Jesus died on the cross for US.
Jesus wants us to feel loved. God is just pure love.

So without jumping up and down tiring yourself out: how can you feel blessed?

My idea may fit ..... just be kind. Be kind to others. Stay safe. Be kind. Stay safe.

“How do we have joy during our trials and tribulations ?’

Fleetingly.
We can hold joy in little moments. When we go outside and see a beautiful flower lifting its head of petals to the sun 🌞. A woman cuddling their newborn child, a Grown son holding their arm out to help their aging father walk across the road.
The wind softly blowing against our face 5am.

smeshque: Thanks much!

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
Proverbs 15:1-2

Fruit of the Spirit~Gentleness

Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and friend
Who would have thought that a lamb could
Rescue the souls of men
Oh, You rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we hopelessly lost the way

You are the one that we praise
You are the one we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own
Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne

You are the one that we praise
You are the one we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for.

Sung by Phillips, Craig & Dean

A CHRISTIAN WOMAN
A faithful Christian woman is a precious jewel to find,
She will stand out above all woman-kind;
You'll never find her in a worldly minded crowd,
And she will always make her husband and children proud.
She will do good and not evil all the days of her life,
And her husband will give his love only to his wife;
Together – she and her husband – will faithfully toil,
For each will hold the other with a love that is royal.
A Christian woman is like an untouched flower,
That radiates it's beauty every hour;
She is alert to the devil and his vices,
And is not tarnished by his cunning devices.
A faithful dedicated woman is content in her place,
And looks forward to a heavenly home to embrace;
She will faithfully follow God's Word and it portray,
Fearful of being rejected by the Lord come judgment day.

smeshque: Oh, so beautiful!

Send and Ll- what great and wonderful words you have shared. Thank you.


1 Timothy 3:16
And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory.

“...Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” 
Ecclesiastes 12:13

I like others here have had several days of struggling where my patients hurts so bad.
My human flesh wants so bad to just complain and murmur about these struggles.
I know that these things are temporary, and I know that with the Lord's help I can and will do and be better.
I just want to say I love all of you who labor/labored and will labor in this journey taking care of loved ones, it takes the bravest and strongest to endure and survive this. And my strength and courage comes from the Lord.

I will be content with my manna, I do not wish for the cucumbers or quail.
I know that many have suffered worse than I, with much patience.

James 5:10
Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience.

Smeshque, for about two weeks now I’ve had terrible days of struggle because my patience has been severely tested and unfortunately I seem not to have the regular strength to overcome this.

I normally can manage not to argue, not to take it personally and just keep doing and loving above all. But not this time, I’ll admit and will share that I kept being pushed, and pushed some more. It was tiring, it was unfair and I wasn’t strong, so I got mad although didn’t necessarily engage in any arguments, nor said anything, but inside I was boiling, dreaming of leaving at least for a few days, my attitude was becoming cold towards the end of these few weeks.
But I want to share what happened yesterday, my mom -who has been back in her deep depression and absolutely fed up with the life she has to endure with so many things breaking down and hurting, so many limitations-, well I noticed she went inside her room and closed the door for a long while, at that point I was just letting her be because anything I said or suggested was not well taken. Then later in the day I came in cautiously to just offer lunch to her...to my surprise her attitude was absolutely different! I mean night and day different. She was kind and not filled with anger anymore. So, I immediately went back to normal too.

Later in the evening she mentioned that she had been praying the Angelus (the angelus for us Catholics is an special devotion) and that she was glad her knees weren’t hurting because she did it on her knees. I will tell you, the way my mom is, she normally doesn’t look back to check herself and determine if her behavior wasn’t ideal and therefore change her attitude, yet I believe something very powerful happened though that prayer that helped her regain some peace and strength to overcome her absolutely understandable fed-up-with-life state of mind, and change back to being nice. I will tell you, in my mom’s earlier years this didn’t happen. She struggled with the self check that we all should do in life to realign ourselves (we all fail to do it many times too, I know).

So, in the midst of these very trying times, she is getting the blessing of overcoming anger to let the light and calmness of God fill her heart and help her deal with life. I feel she did much better than me this time around, because I was so fed up too that I was and still am kind of struggling with prayer, I guess I was too mad to pray! How silly and ironic that is when prayer is the only thing that can help me, and I know it.

You my friend Smeshque have a very special gift, which is that you don’t even complain. As you said “my human flesh wants so bad to complain and murmur about these struggles”; so you make a conscious Christian effort not to even say anything, you want to hide your cross not to inspire pity from others or to show your merits.

I truly admire you for that because believe me I struggle just to endure the test and not show tiredness or feel discontent, yet you not only endure it, but hide your cross. I am not that strong yet, but try to be. The place where I vent is really here, because my friends back home don’t know the daily challenges, when I talk to them sometimes I want so bad to start telling them the details of my life, but try to stop myself. What would I get out of it other than the “pleasure” of momentary venting? Also, they don’t understand as people here do, because there’s nothing like walking on the same shoes to understand the struggle.

Please feel good and proud as a Christian because you are successful at overcoming the temptation of complaining. That really has big merit! And about lack of patience, oh my friend, we alll struggle with that. We, at the end of the day, are human beings, trying to act godly from our human perspective and with our limitations, which is tremendously difficult yet our daily goal. Forgive yourself and let’s do what I’m struggling to do lately, PRAY!! We know it will heal us!

Rosses: What a wonderful discourse! That is beyond goodness that your mother received from the Lord above once she prayed upon it. The power of prayer is so great and one we should all be inspired to do. However, it is a heavy burden (sometimes) when one gets to be up there in age as I am; I actually am old enough to be your mother.

Smeshque: I am sorry that your patients are hurting. Are these the patients you are learning how to help in your Nursing School? Sending love your way.

LL- I did mean to write patience. Thank you for correcting me on that. I hope that you are doing well and things are improving for you.

Rosses- Thank you so very much for your words. What a great encouragement they were to me, to continue growing. I am praying that you are having a good turning point in your life, and in your life with Mom. I know your strength by many things that you have written, and you are truly a strong woman. Even strong women have weak moments. But what makes you strong is the fact that you recognize it, reject it as ok, and improve it. You are an amazing woman and daughter and you are doing GREAT!
Press On my fellow sister soldier.

Thank you so much Smeshque and Llama, I believe in candidly sharing on this forum what happens in our caregiving lives so we can let others see our weaknesses and our failures as well as our every day successes, our source of strength and HOPE!

I have also learned to take what I get to experience each day as my today’s gift and learning, without further expectation. In other words, if today was good I’m thankful and appreciative but I don’t set my expectations so high to believe that every day going forward will be like that. And that is ok because we all know that in this task of caregiving every day can be different, yet our faith should remain strong and make us stronger.

That truly is our goal in life besides our caregiving journey, that our faith always remains strong and grows, as we grow in our spiritual life.

Have a blessed Sunday friends!

Do you know what vitamin is good for Christians?
B1 ☺️

Smeshque; You're welcome. Sent you 3 private messages~1 in mid October and 2 today, November 4.

Rosses: God bless you in your caregiving. I am not doing well and have been undergoing painful needle sticks in my legs since August as one leg/foot has edema. I will have to have a 4 hr surgery in my illiac vein and have to go on blood thinners. Please pray for me.

Smeshque: Good one!☺☺

LL- I have received no messages from you since October 3rd. No others have posted?

Smeshque: Different format, I meant.

The first couple of weeks are usually rough in November. As we lost my Dad on the 11th. My Mom always starts acting kinda off, and I know that it is difficult for her. I always plan things for that day in particular, so i am taking her to see some friends she hasn't seen in a couple of years. Then we will do a couple of day trips. And I am planning a dinner with some acquaintances. She is looking forward to it all. But, this is so hard watching her go through these days. I miss my Dad terribly, but I as she knows and is comforted by the fact we will see him again. It truly is still a difficult time of year, and I am always glad to get through it. It seems that the day after the date the Lord took him, that she is always better. But, we always get through it thanks to the Lord.

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” 
Matthew 21:22

Dear Llama,
Have no doubt I will pray for you, not only so that all goes well prior, during and after surgery, and so you remain calmed and trusting that all things in God’s hands are blessed. It will all be done sooner than you think! With the blood thinners keep an eye on your reaction and keep the doctor updated so he can adjust anything that needs adjustment timely.
God willing soon this will be just a memory and you’ll be feeling better!!

Smesque, same thing with my dad’s departure date on January 19th (2006 was the year). My mom actually gets deeper in her depression on every 19th of each month. I’m glad you’ve things planned to keep your mom and your mind entertained! At the end of the day we owe it to those that love us and went ahead of us to try to keep living life with joy! My dad was always smiling, I feel I owe him smiles too :)