Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

When things got harder to remember, or schedules more difficult to find that special celebration possible on the day, I tried to change my perspective a bit.

It is now "My birthday month", or "Our anniversary year" etc.

Gives us the opportunity to celebrate at our convenience, not the calendar's date.

If someone does not remember the actual date, just celebrate on the day you want.
Or even an earlier day to surprise them.

Smeshque: You're very welcome. Hope you get to celebrate it whenever you can.

You all are a great support.
I love you all.
Goodnight


“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” 
Revelation 21:4

Goodnight, dear Smeshque. Love you.

I know this might sound crazy considering how full my plate is already. But I am going back to work. I had a great offer that I have prayed so much about and it seems the Lord is leading me to do this.
I have prayed much and I have discussed long and hard with my family. I think that it will be a good thing for all of us. For how long, I do not know, but for now it seems right.
Winter is coming and the work we do slows down so this is great timing, God's timing, I believe.
Anyway, Any concerns and reservations have been removed.

I ask for all of your prayers. That I will do the right thing, and for strength and endurance.

I believe this might also be a sort of respite for me.
We shall see how it goes.

I am trying to get all of Moms birthday doings settled, and I am close to finishing with that.

I hope you all are doing well.

He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.
Proverbs 19:8

Smeshque that is wonderful news. Of course, I will pray for you! 🎉🙏🌠

God is so right on time.

May He show you His will and His way for this opportunity.

I feel your pain. It is really hard especially when others like doctors or nurses continually tell you that you have to take care of yourself first so you are there for your loved one. That said I am disabled and probably shouldn't be doing the things I do to take care of my mother but after praying for discernment God reminded me that the battle belongs to him. I have to struggle every day to make sure I give it to Him. I will say in doing that my health has been sustained against the odds of the secular world. I hope this helps.

What does everyone think of people who say that forgiveness of others is for ourselves? This is confusing to me. It doesn’t say that in the Lord’s Prayer, ‘Our Father’. It’s one of the first prayers that we learn about forgiving others. It is a beautiful prayer. We all screw up and need forgiveness at times.

Of course we are not supposed to be doormats but I don’t want to carry hatred in my heart for anyone, even if they hurt me deeply. We don’t have to carry on a relationship with people who have hurt us. Sometimes it’s best if we don’t. Certainly if it’s an abusive situation. Our church tells people to leave in an abusive situation.

Before my older brother died I forgave him. I didn’t do it only for myself. I did it for him too. Yes, I felt relief for myself but I had peace of healing that I had done what Jesus instructs us to do in the Lord’s Prayer to forgive others. It was difficult at first. I had to pray for God’s grace in order to do it.

My brother never apologized to me but three hospice nurses told me that he told me that he was sorry about hurting me. That’s good enough. Had I not gone to see him I wouldn’t have known that he was sorry.

Some people just have a hard time apologizing. They may be embarrassed or whatever. At times they don’t see what they do is wrong, any number of things. Plus my brother was hurting. Unfortunately, sometimes hurting people hurt others and it’s not always intentional. They are in a dark place in their lives. They may not even be emotionally healthy enough to make smart decisions.

Once I started speaking to my brother in the end of care hospice facility where he died it became easier for me to do. That was God’s grace working in my life, otherwise I couldn’t have done it on my own. Our flesh always works against our spirit.

I personally feel that it our human nature from the beginning of time and let’s not forget the evil that lurks around us. Those who believe in God the way scripture teaches us also know that there is satan and his fallen angels that linger among us and interfere in our lives until they are destroyed at the end of time.

I realize some people believe in God but not the devil which is not what the Bible teaches us. I do understand that the Bible is not the absolute truth for them. Not even biblical scholars know everything. There are mysteries that none of us will know. They won’t be revealed to us on this earth.

I do get confused as to what to believe at times and I detest telling others how to believe because I feel that is a personal choice as to how we believe.

It doesn’t even bother me if someone is an atheist. It used to bother me until I realized I had no power or right to influence them. Besides, God knows all of our hearts better than we know someone. Things happen in His time, not ours.

There are atheists who are good moral people, more so than hypocritical Christians and I think if we are to preach the gospel that the best way is by example rather than hounding others or beating them over the head with the Bible. We should teach God’s word with love, not anger. That just chases people away. We are all on our own journey and God looks at our hearts and is very patient with us.

At our historical cathedral, St. Louis Cathedral, in New Orleans there is a special ‘healing mass’ said periodically for victims of crimes. Victims and families are encouraged to attend.

We have high crime and murders. Whew! That’s really tough to forgive. Many people attend that service and the archbishop tells family members in the sermon that God is patient and knows the grief that we feel when a loved one is murdered. God doesn’t expect us to have instant forgiveness for others. It’s a tough service to attend but it’s beautiful at the same time. Our archbishop says a special prayer to God to erase the violence in our city. We pray that prayer at the healing service and at every Sunday mass.

I can very much understand what your going through. There are verses through the bible that I believe that we need to care for our aging parents. Sometimes it’s seems I can’t do this anymore but you can’t quit. I pray for Gods strength and wisdom. We need to give ourselves a break or we are not going to be able to carry on. I’m still trying to find some sort of balance. I have to admit there have been a couple of times I’ve left my phone at home so I can be unreachable for an hour. We can’t carry out what I believe for me is Gods will and purpose by caring for my parents who are 90 and 93. At the same time we have to take breaks or we will be completely burnt out and we will be no good to anyone. Jesus spent time away from the crowds and went off to be alone and recharge. I think we need to do the same. If possible asking others to help out once in a while. I feel for you. Everyday for the last couple months all I say is I’m so tired. I put my happy face on and keep plugging away. God bless and I hope you can find your balance. Colleen.

Do what your heart says. That's why God put it there.

NHWM,
"Forgiveness of others is for ourselves" is a physiologically term. It means "to forgive someone for what they have done to cause you pain; doesn't mean that you forget what they have done, it just means you are letting go of the hurt they caused you so that, you are not tied to them in emotional state. It is to free oneself from the pain and hurt and anger." Does not mean that you should or should not have a relationship with that person! "It just simply, you have no feelings towards them oneway or the other."
--APA cited

Shell,

I do get that part but what I don’t get is isn’t it for the other person too? I’ve heard people say that it isn’t about them at all.

If I ask someone to forgive me. I would want that person to forgive me, for me as well as them. See what I mean? I don’t mean horrible things but small ordinary things that we all do. I truly do forgive others for them as much as I do for myself.

Congrats Smeshque, on your new job... 🌈 Believing with you for good success!

NHWM,

I get what you are saying, but from a physiological point-of-veiw, no it is not about the other person (its about you healing--that's it); however, this is used for real pain and hurt. What you are talking about, you can forgive someone and it can be about them as well, but it might be so small that the other person may not even realize that they did anything to bother you. So, does it matter? Only you can decide! Figure out what is important to you.

For me, when it comes to real pain I forgive people and it is about me not being locked in pain with that person and letting go of the anger. When it is something small...well that depends on who it is and what it is about!

Just over the weekend my sig other was spray painting one of my gargoyle statutes and the wing broke sending it to the ground breaking the other wing and my sig other felt so bad! He told me that he was sorry, but I could tell that he felt terrible. I didn't tell him that I forgave him because there was nothing to forgive for. I just told him that it wasn't his fault because the statue had a weak spot...it happens...and that it was ok...I'll get another one. Don't know if that really made my point! Small things don't need forgiveness...because it won't matter in a thousand yrs...it won't change the course of one's life...You decide!

Shell,

Okay, I see now. Thanks for being patient with me and explaining it so clearly.

NHWH

No problem & you are very welcome. I am glad that I could help!😊

Forgiveness- That is a tough one. Very doable and I know from personal experience. I was hurt pretty bad as a child. I was messed up for such a long time, but I had someone to blame for my bad decisions in life,for the hate I had in my heart and held on to tightly. For the resentment and anger that someone I loved would do something so horrible to me.
I carried this way into my early 30's.
But after beginning to read my bible and gaining understanding there were some things I had to do in my journey to be like Jesus. Still far from that and will always be, yet I will continue to try.
But forgiveness was a hard one. But after I truly understood what our Saviour did for us, while we were yet sinners, while we will always fall short and fail in our journey to be like Christ, I knew I had to forgive. I prayed for a long time about it. I felt that if I forgave they won. But what haunted me was if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven. Because all sin is equal in God's eyes, so what people did to harm me, and what I do daily in my shortcomings are equal. Both are a slap in HIS face for what Jesus did for us. So I knew that in loving our enemies and in forgiving so that we will be forgiven, that I must do it and do it willingly. Took a very long time. But I was able with God's help to do it. When I finally truly forgave, I would speak of it no more, I would not allow my choices to be a reflection of my hurt self. I wanted to walk the straight and narrow and in doing so I had no room to carry useless baggage. It freed me from the bondage of hate, and allowed me to be transformed into something better and who only wants to be better.
I have forgiven those that hurt me, and now I also pray that the Lord forgives them and does not hold it against them.
So forgiveness I believe is for us, the ones doing the forgiving, and in some ways for those we forgive to see the love of Jesus.
There is nothing in this life, no bad treatment, abuse, pain and hurt, that is worth our energy of holding on to it.
Forgiveness frees us and allows us to become a better person. It removes all power from those that cause the hurt.
there is nothing we can do to another that God cannot do more terribly. But truly we do not want the wrath of God to fall upon anyone. We may feel that way sometimes, but we must remove those thoughts from our hearts.
Maybe I am not making any sense, but whoever has hurt us in any way, it is so much easier to forgive than to carry it through life, trust me.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Romans 12:20
Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Smeshque,

I found your answer very touching. Thanks for explaining it so well. I appreciate it.

Let me ask you another tough question please. Love, it is possible to lose a feeling of love for others who hurt us. What scriptures about love have spoken to you and why?

Smeshque you are so right! It is much harder to carry the anger, pain and all that comes with it!

My Bishop taught on forgiveness and says, "God wants us to pray for our enemies is not just about the person were praying for, but it is for us because not only does it free us, but it also helps us to forgive the person who did us wrong."

For me, I pray for my mother and brother and slowly I am healing...letting go all that negative feelings. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I remember what Jesus did for me; therefore, I need to learn to forgive them...for their sake...for my sake...and for our Lord! I want to be a better person and become all that God created me to be.

Was discussing this with a friend so I was already "locked and loaded", or another favorite phrase: "Armed and Dangerous" (I have that booklet), with these verses:

Matthew 18:21-22 21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "LORD, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Luke 17:4 4Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent,' you must forgive them."

Please pray for NeedHelpWithMom. She is having a bad time of it today. In Jesus' Name - please lift this lady up in prayer this very hour. Thank you, God. Amen.

Absolutely Llama, consider it done.
NHWM you are in my prayers

.........for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

We're commanded to "love your neighbor as yourself." that implies we love ourselves. That means we take care of ourselves so we can take care of others. It's not being selfish to put your needs before someone else's wants.

Smeshque: Thank you.

On another thread I posted about having an open house for Moms birthday, as it is holiday weekend and people have plans, so I was going to do an open house.
Then DH and I decided to have it at a restaurant.
Now we are back to an open house.
I sent invitations early this week.
It was such short notice because we couldn't decide what to do. But the way things have been going we decided the open house was best for many reasons.
So, Saturday we will be having an open house birthday for her. I made her a 36 foot banner, to go around the dining room. I have gotten all her gifts, that I am going to get. I have been putting together a "love book" of letters from those near and far who she has known throughout the years. And at first I got no response. But then they have been coming in daily. YAY! I asked my brother to send one, he sent a card, no letter :( quite a disapointment but it is what it is. She will be quite surprised by the letters and the people that I know are coming by Saturday.
So far for Saturday we have 7 that will be here, tomorrow I expect to hear from the others whether they will or not.
So, maybe this is not quite birthdayish, ( I know not a real word) But I am gonna have a soup and salad bar and deserts. 3 different soups.
I am exhausted and the idea of cooking a bunch and then not that many people come, is not good. It isn't about the food anyway it is about the joy of the company that will be here to see her.
Then on Monday just the 4 of us will have chinese take out, play some dominoes and whatever she chooses after that, a more leisure day.
I do not want to rush it for her sake, but Saturday night I will be feeling much relief.
Let you all know how it goes.
Is the soup and salad bar a goofy idea?


“Thy faithfulness is unto all generations: thou hast established the earth, and it abideth.” 
Psalms 119:90

smeshque....I think the soup and salad bar is a fine idea and I think the guests will like it too.3 kinds of soup is a nice selection for them to pick from and it's filling too.
I'm glad the party is coming together so well and I'll be glad for you when it's all over too.Youv'e worked so hard to make your Mother's big day so special.Good job friend & God Love you~

Smeshque, I think having an open house and serving soup and salad bar is a good idea. I am happy you found something that works for you and your mom:)

At the hair place getting Mom's hair did.😊

We are in flood weather, hope it doesn't throw off tomorrow too much, we shall see.
Only the Lord knows.