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As the caregiver of my husband for 43 years -- he was quadriplegic and confined to a wheelchair (he passed away two years ago, and I'm still mourning his loss)-- and now caregiver of my mother for the past 10 years (she is soon to be 95) -- I have struggled with what the Bible says and what the secular world says. I have come to the conclusion that I must stay with what the Lord says, because the secular world is selfish and always puts "me first". I have to rely on Scripture verses that remind me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", that God is always with me, etc. I rely on the support of like-minded people, who know and believe that all of life involves sacrifice, for that is what loving someone is all about. That is not to say that I shouldn't take time for myself, like having lunch with a friend, going to a movie, quiet time reading a book, and definitely quiet time in prayer and talking to the God for grace and strength. Hope this is of some help to you.
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NHWM: Isn't that Greyhound Rescue Organization wonderful?
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Smeshque: Another marvelous ode! Ty!
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Llama,

Indeed they are. I will always miss my greyhound. I was truly blessed to have him as a part of my family. He was a sweetheart!

I’m forever grateful to Greyhound Pets of America. They are amazing to volunteer with. We have an incredible group of volunteers at our Louisiana chapter.
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NHWM: What a real blessing that you've been involved in the Greyhound Pets of America! I have had the chance to see this group of beautiful dogs at least 8 to 10 times at various craft shows in Maryland. You must ask, of course, if you can pet these lovely dogs and I've had the chance to do so. What a great thing that you owned one! I believe it's cruel to think of greyhounds having to work in Florida!
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Llama,

Yeah, well we all know what is behind the horse and dog races. The almighty dollar! Sickening, isn’t it? It’s all about the money they make. It’s gambling. They are in it for the big bucks! They don’t care about the animals.

Llama, you have spent time with the greys so you see how special they are. They are amazing dogs. Smart too! Isn’t it funny how dogs have an internal clock? My dog knew when my daughter would be coming home from school and he would stand in the foyer and wait for her to walk through the door. Isn’t that the sweetest thing? I never knew that I could love an animal as much as I loved him.

Oh, and here in New Orleans. We have a very old horse track. I think it may be the second oldest in the country. It’s been around a long time. Anyway, horses race. Some have been caught drugging the horses. Horrible. Now we have the exotic animals racing too! Just gets crazier and crazier, doesn’t it?

I often think of that old song, ‘God bless the beast and the children.’
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gmacon: God bless you for those years of caregiving. God says "Well done, my faithful child."
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NHWM: Oh, my - exotic animals?! The circus used to make elephants and tigers work TO EXHAUSTION! The circus is no more as of recently. Here in Baltimore (no, I don't live in Baltimore city), we are part of the "triple crown" with The Preakness, which is very much regulated. I have never owned a dog, but I have a granddog, Daisy who just turned 13. I used to have another, but Buddy got bone cancer, sadly. I have never gone to The Preakness as I don't believe in gambling. It is an addictive behavior that one should never start . Your dog was very smart! We had 2 Purebred Ocicats. Our boy, Ozzie and our girl, Cleocatra were very smart and dog-like. They could fetch! Ozzie had a stroke June 4, 2019. He was 20 years, 5 months and 5 days of age! Our vet had a tree planted in his name! Drugging horses or having an elderly horse race is very wrong!! Cleocatra got lung cancer and didn't make it to her 13th birthday. Ozzie and Cleo had the same sire and were born on the same day.
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Send: So lovely. Ty.☆☆☆
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Patience for whom you’re caring, empathy, forgiveness and patience with yourself. Always let love overrule any other emotion.
—Betsy

They told me to start slow and not burn out soon into our journey. I was overwhelmed and determined, so I didn’t take that advice. Now I see clearly. Take time and enjoy the present. Recovery will come at its own pace.
—Yvette

Live for the day, don’t give too much thought to tomorrow, next week, next month or next year (you will only drive yourself crazy). You may have a “different” kind of life than what you are used to, but by understanding how to care for yourself and your loved one, it can be a wonderful life.
—Cory

It helps when you repeat yourself for the 10th time that you act like it’s the 1st. And when you can laugh about stuff, together especially, it will make your day better. 
—Ami

It’s okay to cry when you’re by yourself. It helps your soul.
—Jeannette

Remember that you have suffered a loss too, but the person for whom you care has truly suffered the most — and will continue to do so. I don’t diminish the caregiver effort, but I do ask that it is done with focus on the person who has the TBI — the one who struggles each day to maintain and make sense, who knows that he is not the same but yet he is the same. 
—Jody

Try not to take things that might be said out of frustration and fear personally.
—Shelly

Be patient with your loved one and with yourself.
Take time for yourself.
Ask for help and accept it when it is offered.
Take one day at a time.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”
John 3:17
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Yes, ASK for help when it is offered. All too often, one might turn away the help because of humankind, we think that we can do it all. We cannot. Ask the Lord for help and you shall receive.
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Llama.

You are so right. Caregivers certainly can’t do it all by themselves. Sometimes people burn out trying to do everything. I know that I did!

There were times I just couldn’t ask for help. I would have given anything for someone to offer help. It gets exhausting and depressing to continue asking for help only to hear excuses of why they can’t help.
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NHWM: I DID ask for help because I was living out of state. So on two different occasions, I asked my mother's friend to drive her to her dental appointment. You have to understand that it was a split second decision making me live with my mother. I needed medical care myself for a toe that crossed over another one, but no time for that.
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Llama,

I totally get the split second decision. I had the same deal with my mom when she became homeless from her home being destroyed in Hurricane Katrina. It’s terrible when we are in shock and no time to seriously think about things logically.

In retrospect it was the worst decision of my life. Well. since I burned out. now my brother and SIL have to deal with it. Unfortunately, it destroyed my relationship with all of them and I have no further contact with any of them. So sad.

People really shouldn’t place the burden on making a caregiver to ask for help. They should offer to help sometimes. It’s a shame.

So hard in your case, living in another state. So often families are spread out all over the map. Makes it more complicated.

My daughter is going to graduate college this year and God knows where she will live. New Orleans isn’t known for paying the best salaries so she is going to interview all over. I don’t blame her.

Who wants to get paid less after studying so hard at school? She’s thinking about Colorado. She sent in a job application to a company in Boulder. My baby will go from flat Louisiana to the mountains if they want to schedule an interview.
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NHWM: Wow. So sorry for your situation. The tipping point for my mother (the reason why I had to move there) was very low bp. Couldn't have her living solo. Good luck to your daughter graduating college and her hope to get employment - wherever that may be. My own daughter has long since graduated college decades ago.
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Thanks, Llama. I appreciate your kindness.

My daughter is excited to finish school this year. Lots of studying. I can’t wait to see her graduate.
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Please, prayers for victims and families of an active shooter incident at a High School this morning. 6 victims injured.
On National News, still conflicting reports, but shooter is either dead or in custody.

Hubs was sick with a sinus infection, went to work anyway, with police and ambulance flying past us in traffic. So sad. I was so scared, still in tears. Feels like a war zone.

Drove near there, against my better judgment, because of his needs. Got home, an alert was on my phone to stay away from the area.

A caregiver needs to follow their own rules, own heart, own common sense before the needs of others. Imo.
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We're praying for the families and victims and You here Send.
How very scary to have such an awful thing happen again and so close to home.
These school shootings keep happening all over the country and other public shootings too.
Our world is so scary &We never know what awful thing will happen next.
God be with everyone,everywhere~
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Sendhelp,

It is mind boggling when these incidents occur. I’m so sorry this has happened so close to home for you. I am very grateful that you were not harmed.

I will pray for you, your husband and all in your area.

Hugs! Take care 💗
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Thank you for your prayers, and support.
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Send: I had heard about the shooting in passing today as I was going about a rather busy day. I will be praying for you.
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Public apology needed from me - I was talking on this particular thread to another person when it should have been private messages and for my part in that, I am truly sorry. It never should have been discussed and clogging up this thread in particular. Please forgive my poor manners. Thank you in advance.
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Praying for all those affected by this tragedy. And praying for you Send.

Llama- no apology needed, for anything. You can talk about whatever you want here, with whomever you want.
So, as you were. :)

Praying for all my fellow caregivers.
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Smeshque.

Thanks for being our prayer warrior on this site. We surely do need one.
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Smeshque: Thank you so much!
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NeedHelpWithMom: She certainly is! God bless you, Smeshque and you, too, NeedHelpWithMom.💞💞💞💞💞💞
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NHWM,
Your daughter is graduating college.

Lamalover.
Your daughter graduated college decades ago.

My own granddaughter graduated college only a couple years ago.

I agree with Smeshque,
There is no clogging here.

No apologies needed Llama.
I felt free to come here to announce the tradgedy needing prayer by the people I know are Christians. Thank you for your prayers!

God is very near to the broken hearted.
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Send,

It must be so sweet to have a granddaughter. I don’t have grandchildren. It’s such a special relationship, a grandparent and grandchild. I have a grand puppy though! A cute little french poodle who doesn’t know he’s a dog! Hahaha
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Send: Oh, thank you very much! Bless you!
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Hi all! I hope you all are well as can be. I hope you all have thanked the Lord for something this day.

Well, Today was the third year anniversary of losing Dad.
As I said before we have been doing sort of a tribute dinner every year, and I had planned one this year as well.
However, Mom decided she did not want to have a dinner this year. So I cancelled it. Whatever she wants to do I will do it.
She said she would rather just get away for the day. So we did that.
I had great concern that her not wanting the dinner was due to great sadness. My other thought was that maybe she is not over it, but yet healed. You know?
So I didn't know how to react, I just took cues from her.
So we went on a road trip today and went to some museums and had lunch. She had a good day, which means I had a good day and the Lord brought us through this day, with no tears.
She spoke of things she and Dad experiences like when we saw certain things on the journey. But no tears and no sadness. I thank the Lord so much, because I think we are all healed from the grief. And can carry on in fond memories and with the hope of seeing Him again.
How Great our GOD is.


“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Psalms 30:5
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