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Smeshque,

Your meals always sound so yummy!
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"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you."
(Hosea 10:12 NIV)
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You can only give so much of yourself because if you have nothing left of yourself, you have nothing to offer the ONE who has already approved of your sacrifices. All your good deeds have been noted way more than you could even imagine yourself. The simple fact that you are asking this indicates a strong sense of caring and respect for principles. I think you can give yourself some time to enjoy a hobby or maybe go to a spa even just a whole day just for you. Sometimes it can be hard to delegate assignments to others but try it. Then set aside maybe one day a month or every two months or whatever doesn’t make you feel you are isolating or pampering yourself too much, not that you don’t deserve it. Gradually you May notice what May feel like guilt now may begin to turn into gratitude for considering just how precious you are and have been this whole time. I hope this has been helpful.
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I’ve been in counseling for this for a year. Jesus took time to be with His father. He didn’t stop in every single town and heal everyone. It’s ok to recharge your battery and it’s not selfish to do so. In fact you will feel more like doing and giving after a period of refreshment.
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I am with you on this. I see my family members off and running living their own lives, traveling, partying, etc. while I am here taking care of our mom. All the time. 24/7 and then some. My mom is still independent at home, but the disease is getting worse. I have one person in the family who is helping, but she flakes out too. My dear friend, all I can say is, search YOUR heart. Ask the Lord in heaven for guidance as that is what I do. I've turned it over. I pray a lot myself and find scripture as well. I hear to honor thy father and they mother, yet to rest. When I get too worn out and the anxiety gets high or the tightness in my chest, I know it's time to rest. I try to do things that relax me; cooking new recipes, going for a bible study class just for me and turn my phone off, head to the movies, turn my phone off and take a nap. Ask the Lord to fill you with patience, love, grace, his mercy and to help with your mom. Then just do your best. I do this daily and sometimes minute by minute. I ask the Lord to hold my hand and my mom's hand as we journey through this. I do not know if this helps you. I'm at the point, I wonder who I will be or what will I do when she's not here. Yet, I trust God has that plan. I know that in the end, I will have no regrets caring for my mom and they probably will, eventually and if they don't, there's nothing I can do. I'm trying to tell myself to take a break as well. I don't have the finances to up and go. To me a few days off would be nice to just get a few things done at home! Snuggle with my kitties, watch a good movie or two. Knit. I pray everything I said helps you somehow. May God bless you and may you feel his loving arms around you.
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Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."
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GardenArtist- I am sorry my post was not clear. I did not make my own flour, only flour tortillas. However I have been studying up on the subject with the hopes to do it. It seems reasonably easy and when I get my new food processor I may attempt it with some wheat berries. DH's Grandmother use to make her own flour all by hand the good old fashioned way. I may do that one day, just do not have the time as of yet. But if I do make some I will definately fill you in on what I did.

LLama- DH does harvest our venison as well as some of our friends. The tribe here harvests venison for feasts and when they do they always bring us some as well. So we always have in on hand. Best meat for my family to eat. I grew up on it. Can't eat it now, but loved it then.

NHWM- Thank you for the kind words. Sometimes I get lazy and they may just get some tuna salad sandwiches. :)

It has been trying times here. I have not gotten much sleep in days. But I missed you all and had to stop by.
Long story short.
Cousins wife took kids and left him. Cousin turned to drinking and drugs. DH and I told him we have done all we can do for him. He cried out for help. DH told him get some mental health help. He is now in a hospital for evaluation, i am hoping they keep him a while, but I know for 3 days for sure.
DH told him when he gets out of there if he wants any more of our help he must prove he wants to change, no more lies and he must go to an extensive drug and rehabilitation clinic hopefully a 6 month one. We have been researching them. Mostly faith based ones.
If cousin does not do this there is nothing else we can do but wash our hands of him. We have tried helping him before and we are exhausted financially and emotionally.
So we shall see if he does this or not. The sad thing is, we are the only family left speaking to him, so he does not have any place to go, burned all the bridges and this bridge is on fire. He is not a bad person, just has had a bad life and makes bad choices. It is time for him to grow up and get help.
I do not know cousins future, or our part in his journey here on out. But we will do as the Lord guides us.
I sure am fighting these human emotions of being angry. But angry at who? I knew how they were, we were just hoping this time would stick.
We have had to clean out the house we rented them and I cannot tell you how upset I am about what they did to the house and what we found. And that they had the children living that way. And they were only there a short time?
But I had a potential renter and she has 2 children and is in nursing school and works part time. So we are hoping to pass on some blessings to her. Maybe all of this was just for her.
Much love to all my agingcare family. You all are always in my prayers.

“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:”
1 Peter 5:6
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This is hard for me to do. To follow the principle while still acknowledging my humanity. I don't need to prove how faithful I am to myself if I'm doing my best to apply the principles of mercy and love.

If I don't take care of myself long enough, then I am helpless in helping someone else, and am usually too low energy or cognitively jumbled to assist even if it is necessary.

Finding time to myself, in a peaceful environment(usually early hours of the morning) to write, read or exercise is something I've needed to do to function later on. If I lose that time, I feel like part of me disappears too quickly, and affects my entire day.

And the few people I talk to are my lifeline when times get tough, or I'm doing too much, and they help me out if I ask them to. They take my mind off the hard parts of my day, and they remind me of what I care about, instead of the worries that cycle in my head throughout a day. Talking about some of my worries has helped me acknowledge them to let them go.
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I hope you have a good day.
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Smeshque: Thanks for the answer on venison.
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Expect you’ve had many answers which say the same as mine - but it is the one I try to follow
The "Golden Rule" of Leviticus 19:18 was quoted by Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 7:12 , see also Luke 6:31) and described by him as the second great commandment. The common English phrasing is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

So though I was tired and weary, yet my father through no fault of his own, re prostate cancer and dementia had wet the bed at 01.30. This despite pull ups and mattress protectors. I smiled and assured him it’s fine cleaned him up, put fresh pull ups and Pyjama’s on him, removed the sheets wiped the bed down and remake it. Then started washing at 2am - most nights .

I’d like someone to understand the embarrassment or frustration and confusion re lack of sleep of multiple needs to go per night and treat me with compassion - so that’s how I’ll treat others. I don’t expect the same treatment should I ever reach that point - but - at least will have dealt with others, as I’d like to be, if I were living their poor quality of life.

Makes it a a lot easier to deal with situations with a smile however tired if just think what would I like if our roles were reversed.
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“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22
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Psalm 107:20 "He sent out his word and healed them; .................."
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I hope everyone has been doing ok.

It has been rather crazy here. I am super worn.
DH and I went and visited cousin last evening. He is not doing well of course. But he acknowledges he needs help and he wants it.
We are working it out where he goes straight from detox, to teen challenge(also for adults), they have a 13 month program. It will be out of pocket. :(
And we have told him if he leaves there before the time or if he gets kicked out, we can no longer help him. We just cannot have him here around Mom and AB until he is healed of this addiction. We are praying for his healing and we are praying we will do God's will in this matter.
I talked with his case worker at the hospital she will be speaking to the intake coordinator on Monday and she will have done all the necessary things that he has to do before he can be accepted. We also talked about him not being released until he can go straight from detox to there. We are on the same page and she is going to make that happen.
Hallelujah!!!
When we went to visit him. It was just DH and I, AB stayed with Mom. It was the first time in a while DH and I had been . So we stopped and had dinner. I couldn't help feel a little guilty, but it was nice even though we are both worn from all this stuff.
And the lady that was supposed to rent the house(we rented for cousin), informed me today she would not be able to afford it after all. Sigh! But we have another person interested and he will let us know Sunday. If he doesn't want it, it doesnt matter. DH and I have done all we could and more to try and right cousin and his wife's wrong with the owner. So if he decides to sue them then so be it, we can do no more in this part of things. We really did our best to make things right. So no matter what happens we are taking the house off our plate.
DH and I are going to be having a couple of days next week away. We are taking some classes at the college for our business and so Monday we get to go to school and have lunch together. I look forward to it, with guilt. And then again on Friday. But I know Mom will be fine. It is just well you all know that guilt thing.

You all are in my prayers, my agingcare family. :)

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
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Smeshque,

A 13 month program is phenomenal. Seriously, the people who do these six week programs are the ones who slip up. The people who are devoted to the programs that are a year have a much higher success rate. I wanted my brother to do a program like that. He wouldn’t. Now he’s dead.

A person that I know did a program that a minister started. This ministry is incredible. It isn’t a year long program, it’s six months, pretty good but not long enough for some. Well, this guy that I know, knew that he wasn’t ready to leave after six months. He begged the minister to let him stay another six months. They agreed to let him stay and asked him to mentor the new people entering rehab. He said he would help in mentoring the newcomers.

Well, he has been sober for over 10 years now. He got clean when his son was in preschool. His kid is a teenager now. He still volunteers with this ministry. It was hard on his wife when he was using. They ended up divorcing. He got clean and has visitation with his son.

I think your cousin will have a very good chance because he is committing to a long term program. I’m going to pray for him. I promise.
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NHWM- Thank you for the prayers.
I am terribly sorry about your Brother.
It is a sad thing addictions. I know personally what a struggle it is.
That is great about the guy you know. Wise of him to know he wasn't ready. I am glad they let him stay, had they not, he might not have recovered.
I know cousin definitely needs at minimum a year long. the 13 month was our only choice we were not going to pay for anything shorter. He would not make it i do not believe. the teen challenge is a faith based program as well. I think his Spirit needs healing as well as his mind and body. So I am praying too that he will be healed.
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Smeshque,

Thanks. My brother died in 2013. So many addicts have died or ended up in jail. My brother spent 7 years in jail. It’s sad.

Let me tell you about this guy. It really made me realize the power of God. He didn’t go to church. He made fun of Christians. He wasn’t a believer. He was desperate to stop drugs. It was the only program that had an opening at the time. Well, the minister that runs the program is phenomenal. He is caring but does not take any crap from the addicts. If they want to stay there they have to cooperate.

This guy respected the minister so much that he started to open his heart up to God. He accepted Jesus in his life and is a completely different person. That is the power of God! Trust me when I say nothing else could have changed this guy. His addiction was severe.
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Smeshque at least you can say you did everything in your power to help your cousin. Sometimes we just have to let the chips fall where they may and hope for the best. I know it is extremely hard to watch people we love go down a path that we know will do them no good, but we just can't keep trying to save them if they don't want to save themselves. And your right cousin needs healing in every area of his/her life.

But at least you have your boundaries in place and know what you can do and what you can't do. Sometimes it is in God's hands.

You all will be in my prayers. And I am hoping and praying that your cousin makes it through this storm.

I have lost more people to addiction than any other disease.

May God be with you and your family.🙏🙌
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NHWM- The power of God works amazing things in people. I like that story. I have seen that power work on me and DH. So I know and can testify to God's power. True and Real.So I am praying that God does a work in cousin too.

Shell- Thank you. Addiction is a horrible disease. Many people do not overcome it, sadly. Thank you for your prayers. We are hoping that He will be healed. Because we know if he is not we can do no more for him. We are trying to help him as we are all that he has left. And if he burns this bridge, I don't know what will become of him. So we pray.




I talked with the intake coordinator and he worked with me on lowering our monthly payments for this program. i am so grateful for that. We could have done what they were asking but it would have been a big struggle on us. But with this new arrangement it will be less struggle and more manageable. Thank the Lord.


“...I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.”
Psalms 9:1
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And thank you Shell- my Dad always would say that. We do this or that and "Let the chips fall"
Your comment gave me a fond memory of him.
:) I remember the very last time I heard him say that.
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I knew of a six-month program, but the 13-month program could be more successful. It all depends on the "student," how much he or she is willing to put in. Smeshque: pls do not feel guilty about dinner, lunch and college. Need: sorry about your brother.
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Smeshque: I am glad that you got that set up for cousin. God bless you and DH! Please do not feel guilty about a dinner out. You're deserving of so much more .💞
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Thanks, Llama.
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Smeshque,

You are very welcome. My dad use to say, "This too shall pass." I am glad I could give you a fond memory.👏😊
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NHWM: You're welcome and again, I am so sorry. Your brother's life could have been spared if only he'd accepted help.

It is a wonderful story about that man, who needed help with his stronghold - because that is what an addiction is, a stronghold. What that man went through is truly the Power of God - how he overcame that stronghold.
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LLama- Thank you Dear Lady.
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Smeshque: You're very welcome, dear friend.
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Good Grace Hillsong UNITED -

People
Come together
Strange as neighbors
Our blood is one
Children
Of generations
Of every nation
Of kingdom come

Don't let your heart be troubled
Hold your head up high
Don't fear no evil
Fix your eyes on this one truth
God is madly in love with you

Take courage
Hold on
Be strong
Remember where our help comes from

Jesus
Our redemption
Our salvation
Is in His blood

Jesus
Light of heaven
Friend forever
His kingdom come

Swing wide
All you heavens
Let the praise go up
As the walls come down

All creation
Everything with breath
Repeat the sound
All His children
Clean hands
Pure hearts
Good grace
Good God
His Name is Jesus
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Smeshque: That is truly beautiful.💞💞
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So cousin is still in detox. I was worried about him because they were giving him meds to help with withdraws and making him so not there and not himself. He couldn't even speak normal, slurring like he was drunk and tremendous cotton mouth.
Well after talking with his case worker, I learned he was kind of giving them trouble acting out so they were using it as means to keep him calm. I understand that.
So we told the case worker that we think they are giving him too much, she agreed.
So last night cousin calls. He was more himself and sounded better. Of course he is struggling, but DH had a good talk with him about controlling his emotions and not causing trouble because if he does act like that the rehab is not going to take him. Cousin agreed he would try better.
Then cousin calls later and says he was thinking about leaving detox because they do not want to give him any ibuprofen for a hurt leg. And DH told him if he left there, there would be no rehab and he would have no place to go. That if he left he would be saying he doesnt love us, and doesnt care what we have been going through to help him. So don't come here and do not call us.
Cousin says I am going to go pray about it and I will call you back.
He called back. He said the real problem is that the people at detox had told him he was free to leave at anytime. And cousin said he wished they wouldnt have told him that because all he has been thinking about is that he could leave and go to the liquor store.
But he said he weighed the pros and cons and he is in it for the duration and he wants help and to be better.
So a positive choice, yay!
Today cousin calls and tells DH that he chose to decline the meds they were giving him for withdraw, he did not like how they made him feel and he wants to feel sober. Positive choice, Yay!
Then he said he has been reading his bible(we took him his bible last visit) and on top of that he has gotten his roommate to read it with him. Yay!!
We are praying so hard for the healing of cousin from this stronghold. I have been so sick about it. But last night and tonight I got to see positive signs that if the Lord helps him he will get through this and beat it.
We will go visit him tomorrow, DH and I.
They are supposed to do the final bloodwork needed tomorrow. I pray they do, so we can get him to rehab.
That is all we are waiting on now is a TB test. so I am praying that Monday we will be taking him to rehab.

Lord willing I will be going back to work for a while to finance all these extra expenses. I have an interview tomorrow and I am hoping for this job it would be perfect hours and days for my responsibilities here. We shall see what the Lord has in store.

Mom and Ab are doing well. Better than me I think sometimes.

I hope all of you are hanging in there.
You are always in my prayers.

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:”
2 Timothy 4:7
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