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🙂 haha

I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
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I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.
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Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.
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🙂 Just for once
I’d like to spiral
into control.
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😉 I feel like there's something missing in my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a taco.
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Why did everyone play the recorder in 4th grade? What were they training us for?
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😉 Hold on. Everything will be fine. It will only take a lifetime.
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So awkward when you meet someone you’ve stalked and don’t know whether to play it cool or ask whether they enjoyed Tahiti in 2011.
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.
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🙂 Ever look at someone and think, “Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?”
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🙂 A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to "get bangs" every other month.
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🙂 Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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bundleofjoy,

Most of the time, we must engage the brain before putting our mouth in gear. However, in one case, I would beg to differ. That was the time I spontaneously said "thank you for loving me" to a very loving person in my life.
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It’s only illegal
if you get caught
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😉 Pay attention to me ignoring you.
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What do you call an angry 😠 carrot.

A steamed vegetable
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CAUTION
Be sure BRAIN is engaged before putting MOUTH in gear.
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🙂 To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.
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🙂 If I insert a quarter into your mouth, will it turn on your brain?
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Ya all know that saying " grow a pair" when people think you are being walked on.

Well I grew 4 pairs, I have 4 boys!!

Women are better than men, we can grow a pair. 😆
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Turns out I am not an afternoon person, either.
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My life is an open book, but it’s very poorly written and I die in the end.
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hahaha 🙂
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Bundle
I did NOT need to know that about the bday cake! I’m going to try to convince my inner wicked sugar addict that you were wrong … very wrong … to share that. SMH
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Turns out, you can just buy a bday cake anytime and eat it yourself. Nobody checks. 😋
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I don't want to brag or anything

but I'm way more inappropriate in real life.
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Exercise gives you energy but you need energy to exercise.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
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🤯🤯🤯
There are THREE possibilities:

1. I’m getting less patient.
2. I’m getting more judgmental.
3. There are actually more idiots in the world.
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This is NOT what adulthood looked like in the brochure.
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🎄🎄🎄
The stages of Christmas shopping:

1. Plenty of time
2. Oh no
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