I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
DH makes a bunch of noise, "I don't want you driving mother, it's not safe" .. but does he do anything concrete to make sure that doesn't happen, like take the keys, disable the auto. Nope.
He said himself, . "I was just there on Sunday when she described having fallen the day before .. and that her feet/legs .. they're a mess, she can't feel them from the knee down ... and here she is out driving".
I've told both of them MO ... "you guys are gonna be real sorry when there is an accident one day .. her or worse yet, injures or kills someone else ... you need to get this addressed .. at the very least have her tested by the DMV .. or have the Nuerology doc .. provide some input on it ... ".
Nobody does a damn thing.
She was in need of picking up her specialty dog food from the vet's office, so off she went, to go achieve that. Got there and found them to be closed. Oh well, no go there.
What about the MOW drivers that were agreeable to small errands?
Nah .. let's don't look for alternatives . let's just get in the car and drive, with feet/legs you yourself said .. 3 days ago .. you don't feel ..
I'm convinced they've all got rocks for brains, because they sure don't have brains.
Listening to my sister tell it, I am impressed with the license place. They noticed Mom's walker, and asked about it wanting details about whether it means she would have problems with reflexes. And we expect they noticed there was confusion going on. So they said because of the concern about reflexes Mom would have to take a test to make sure she could still drive safely. Yay, that is EXACTLY what they should do. So Mom decided she didn't want to take a driving test at this time, and opted for an ID card instead.
Is your MIL's license coming up for renewal anytime soon??
Mind you, I'd been harping in the b'ground over here, that she needs to be tested as to ability to continue driving. As with almost all of it, my thoughts .. opinions .. disregarded.
Took her to the DMV .. and all she had to submit to there, to renew her license, was a vision test, .. as deemed by the great state of FL. No driving test ... not even a written test. Just a vision test, that was it. And boom, new license, good for 6 years!
The latest plot twist here ....
Got a text from SIL late last night. Some list that MIL has been on forever, something SIL did .. wherein she would qualify for in home services .. such as help with bathing, shampooing her hair, light housework, .. etc .. she's been on that list as approved forever, but there was a wait list. Her name has now come up. She now qualifies and can begin with these services .. to the tune of 10/15 hours per week. No they don't run errands .. but some will, it's said, the nice ones (whatever that means) .. and no they don't transport to doc appts., .. no .. that is forbidden, not even the nice ones.
But here's the twist. Said that if the services are suspended for any 3 month or longer period of time, because the person is absent in their home ... their name then goes onto the wait list again ..
MIL is slated to go to IL (if she'll go, and who knows) ... I think the target for this is about August .. the beginning of August. Hadn't been said in all of it, for how long .. but I presume they'd hoped for a little longer than 3 months.
I don't know maybe this will be the perfect "out" as to having to go anywhere, .. as if there was an "out" needed anyway.
I only responded to SIL on that topic: "Hmm, seems like they'd have to understand and make exception during hurricane season, which is the sole reason she is vacating the area .. surely they'd want elderly that are needy to do just that if they have somewhere safe to go .. ".
Yes hurricane season officially is marked at it's end by November 1, so she could literally .. (if she'll even go and that remains unanswered) ... if she'll go .. that would be right at 3 months .. August/September/October, then back here.
Whatever ...
As Guestshop said of her dilemma ... she can only control her .. same with me. I can only control me.
I did talk with SIl in that same text conversation about her mom having driven .. and that I think they are both going to be very sorry when she gets in an accident .. and injures herself . or worse kills somebody ... that at the very least this needs to be looked at by professionals, the DMV and a driving test, . or Neurology ..
She said that when they go to the neurology appts., it never comes up .. they know she has neuropathy in her legs/feet ... but they never ask her if she's still driving.
SIGH
I said what I've said to her 100 x's .. "that's probably because your'e with her, and they assume that you're always with her, .. and you do the driving".
She said that's probably so, but that she needs to ask, she needs to be with her mom, and ask that question, or her son does.
Will it happen? Nah.
Told SIL .. ya know, when she was supposed to have gone to IL in the spring time, I mean this had been put off all winter, not wanting to do this transfer in the dead of winter, it was said in spring time, we'd do this. Spring time came and went, her not wanting to leave .. and so she was left to be here .. but it's been said that it takes too much to prop it all up ..one single person can't do it all .. but ... she it was said that she now realizes that .. and will reach out to others for help. Well, supposedly, according to what I was told, her neighbor will help (Flighty C) ... her MOW drivers will help, .. her housekeeper, .. so on .. but she doesn't reach out to them.
Here she was needing her specialty dog foods picked up .. and instead of reaching out to one of these folks, ... these folks that she agreed, in order to be left in her home, she'd need to utilize as a resource .. instead of doing just that .. she gets in her car and drives, .. this just mere days after having described to H .. after a fall .. that she can't feel her feet/legs below the knee .. what a mess they are.
SIL's response went about like this. She just hates to impose on people, she just so wants to be independent and take care of what she needs and not bother people with it .. and I asked her about driving and how she did .. and she said she was nervous because she hasn't driven since November, but that she did okay .. she could feel her feet .. and the brakes and the gas .. and she did okay".
I responded to that, "but yet 3 days ago, she couldn't feel her feet/legs .. all the time, they are a mess .. and now suddenly she can feel them .. and does fine .. which is it ...??... she needs a professional evaluation before she gets behind the wheel to drive .. and ends up killing herself in an accident .. or worse yet .. someone else".
SIL: "I know I don't think she should be driving either, at the very least, she can't get back there to open her trunk to get her walker out .. she can get to her car, because I have a walker set up in the garage .. so that she can get around out there, .. but once she's in the car, .. her walker .. it sits in her trunk .. she has no way to get to her trunk, other than holding onto the side of the car to get around there, it's just not safe".
So, .. all agree, her son and her daughter both, that it's not safe ..
Will anything be done to change it? Not a thing .. not one single thing.
Will anything be done to investigate whether we're all out to lunch and she's just fine to drive. Nope.
And then this latest .. with the approval of that wait list thing and her qualifying for in home help now .. but .. can't be gone for any longer than 3 months or the name goes back onto the wait list.
SIGH
Look. Moving ahead, MIL could be...
shipped out to IL
lying on her bathroom floor
in a strait jacket in an asylum
in a nursing home
hobbling about precariously in her own home, only now with people there 10-15 hours a week
or, for all the difference it makes, she could run away to sea and be a sailor.
It doesn't matter! You will pop in to visit once a week, as long as she's around. That's your bit. Do that.
PS It also doesn't matter how much talking gets done about the driving. It won't happen. If MIL *seriously* thought she could drive and wanted to, she'd have tried it out by now and she hasn't. It's all talk talk talk - a bit like the Grand Migration to IL.
Do not underestimate the manipulative ability of the elderly. It is very possible she did not get into her car and drive to the vets. It is possible she only said she did this to upset everyone enough so that they'd find a way to go get that damned dog food for her.
They will lie about driving and they will lie about not driving. I have an aunt who has done this to me. She was loving having me run out daily and do her grocery shopping and everything else. One day I dropped by unannounced and she was GONE in her car, doing what she wanted to do. Lied about it later.
The one time that Dorker takes a sick day (hello - her ailment was foul AND communicable!), MIL embarks on the Mr. Magoo journey that the whole family has been railing against.
Then MIL is brag-plaining about it to DH — within hours!
And like clockwork, SIL starts a repeating jag that will last for 6 months.
Screw them all.
MIL has had other let-downs and re-schedules throughout her Journey Of Need. But the one time super-reliable Dorker is unavailable, MIL over-reacts. By endangering herself and the entire county.
For an optional errand, I might add. I’ll eat my hat if that dog was anywhere near running out of food. And tough sh*tt if he was. Fry him an egg until the cavalry returns to serve you, Big Momma.
But noooooo. Where’s the drama in that? Can’t stir the pot by being sensible and doing the right thing.
MIL’s “poor me; don’t mind me” horsepuckey is so tired. And SIL is her perfect validation.
The party-line that MIL hates to impose on people is a bold-faced lie. Imposing on people’s psyches is still imposing. Creating problems and refusing real solutions is a huge form of imposing.
Tone-deaf. Myopic. Narcissistic. Call it what you will. MIL and SIL never want the game to end.
Such a disservice to the people they supposedly love.
Well, there she was to tell the tale... that's something... :/
Stay off the road, Dorker. That's the only responsibility you personally have, here. Leave this squarely at DH's door. If you witness dangerous driving - after all, have you watched her, recently? - report it. Otherwise, not your problem.
As far as playing this game of Dorker calling in sick thus MIL finds herself able to tell a story (true or not) in retaliation for not being the center of attention: this just goes to prove that you were right Dorker, she is a narc. Renew your commitment to yourself to spend only x hours with her on Thurs, and nothing else. Perhaps even scaling back the grocery pick up since that enables her not to use delivery services that Sis can certainly enlist. If there is another way of doing something, it should be employed, and you should not be the one employing it or accomplishing it. Oh My Word, this old gal is a "player."
Maybe he too, has a thread of "woe with me" in him, and his wife being sick and under the weather wasn't at the ready with a rub of the forehead and a "there there dear" .. so maybe he wanted some of that from mommy .. thus the call to mommy (who yes was aware there is illness on this end, as I'd begged off being in her presence today to attend to her, .. feeling I'd spread germs).
Whatever.
He called her just to check in and say hi .. and I guess she quizzed on how he was feeling and he said he'd been through h#&& .......... feeling bad but was on the mend, asked her how she's doing, and that's when she reported having gotten in the car and drove herself to retrieve special dog food, .. found the vet's office closed. I didn't ask what time that must've been .. for them to have been closed. Doesn't matter. Said she went somewhere else (not sure what for) and then thought better of it .. and drove on home.
Loss of Executive Function. She knows, .. it's been a topic .. she knows, she knows, she knows .. that at least DH is vehement that he doesn't want her driving .. she knows this. I don't know what thoughts her daughter has shared on that topic, probably none, as her daughter seems far more concerned with whatever makes her mom happy than she does with what makes her mom safe.
But she knows .. how her son feels about it. In fact, when she'd asked me ... if I'd go with her, and let her drive and I told her no .. didn't think that's a good idea, her neuropathy .. and that I think she needs an OK from the Neurologist .. and that maybe she needs a driving test with the DMV .. not sure she should be doing that . and for that matter her son does NOT want her driving. This was as recent as a couple of weeks ago.
Her response to that was as follows: (being defiant) .."Well I don't care what my son says about it, .. unless he's got some other means by which I can get to the things I need to get to .. then he doesn't get a say so".
In other words, I guess .. unless her son wants to quit his job and be her taxi ... and delivery service .. she's gonna do as she damn well pleases.
I wanted to say to her (but I'm not in the biz of arguing with what is a wall .. in her and her offspring .. a wall of denial and obstinence, on about every point one can make. I wanted to say to her, "now let's see here MIL .. weren't you supposed to have gone to IL in April ... with your daughter ... that was the plan .. because you need so much and there just isn't any one soul here that can do it all ... but you begged off, not wanting to go .. but also some realization on your part that you'd have to reach out to others for some of that need, wasn't that the story . .. that's what I was told ... I guess that was untrue ..???.... here's a perfect example, you're now wanting to go drive your car to get to things .. when you've been told it's not safe for you to do so .. and then when I say to you that your son doesn't want you driving .. you act defiant and say it doesn't matter what he wants .. unless he's got some means of getting you to and fro .. you have other means, you just choose not to exercise those means ...
I didn't say any of that .. it's pointless to do so. Pointless to even say any of that, to her or her offspring.
Therein lies the rub on it all, the rub that's always been there. Stay out of the emotional baggage that is the whole situation ... go over and do your due .. on your designated time slot and all the other bull squeeze that goes on .. stay out of it ... and don't let it charge you up.
I just think it's very very telling ..
I mean I have hopped up and down on this issue before .. knowing her DL would be up for renewal in 2017 .and I'd said it and said it, that she needs to be evaluated ... but SIL goes to the DMV, MIL in tow .. and there, the state of FL doesn't even deem it necessary .. no test at all, other than vision. I mean, did SIL haul her in there, with a cane .. and not her walker .. that alone .. I would think, would be cause for concern by the DMV personnel .. but I guess not. I don't know wasn't there. .
So now, fast forward to her having taken a nasty fall back at xmas and months and months of recoop behind it, and no driving on her part, her too scared to drive ... and now .. I guess she feels she might be more up to the task. But you have DH over here "I don't want you driving mother, it's not safe" .. but does nothing to ensure that won't happen. Don't know what SIL has done to address it, probably nothing ... and me over here, "at least get an opinion from Neurology ... and/or .. get her tested by a DMV personnel". And no one does anything at all.
This my friends, is why you see on the news, some tragic story of some old person who shouldn't of been driving in the first place and causes some horrific accident .. right here, case in point. Somewhere there was probably someone in that old person's life raising hell but not being listened to while those closest to the situation refused to do a damn thing.
Oh well ............
The other backstory that seems to get a lot of airplay ... a great big huge SIGH.
MIL's ... brother in law. Same age as she is. But not as bad off as she is. He was married to her sister (sister now deceased) .. they all used to double date as teens and they all married around the same time, had kids around the same time .. close. Sister now deceased, but her close to, like a brother, this brother in law.
Brother in law also lived here in FL, about 2 or so hours from here. Brother in law found himself .. essentially alone .. where he was residing. Brother in law only has two kids .. (grown). One a daughter .. lives in TN .. the other a son, .. lives in FL ..but not right there in that city .. but also not involved at all in his dad's life and well being .. not one iota.
The daughter that lives in TN .. (good for her) ... made it known to all involved, .. if and when her dad gets to the point that he needs more help he can either seek out AL in the town where he lives and she will help him if he'd like ..or he can come live with her in TN .. until he can no longer manage in that setting and at such time, AL will be sought in TN ... her words she made known to all involved, .. as she watches what SIL does to prop up MIL (who is in far worse shape than her dad) .. "I'm not like SIL, I'm not gonna keep a suitcase packed and at my front door and hop on a plane to be in FL at the drop of a hat, can't afford it, and not gonna disrupt my life that way .. if he needs more help . and wants to come here, .. he's welcome .. or if he wants AL .. that's fine too, but I'm not doing things the way SIl does it for her mom".
THOSE WERE HER WORDS, her mantra ...
So .. it was probably a year or so ago, the decision made .. by him, .. he'd sell his home (might as well, there was nothing left there for him in that town .. has no relatives there, at all .. not involved in any way with a senior center, or church or any other thing) .. the only thing left for him in that vicinity were his aging and dying friends .. who were also in the same boat as he .. getting more and more frail.
Decision made, he'd sell his home .. and go live with his daughter in TN.
We all kinda questioned that, .. from the outside looking in, only from the respect, he really wasn't all that needy .. he isn't as frail as some his age .. and .. other than just being a couch potato .. has been all his life .. he really just .. does relatively okay. Why up and move to another state .. and into your daughter's home .. you "can" if you just will .. get out and engage some ..
But off he went. Sold his home,.. his daughter came here several times to help empty the contents of the home, take what's important, dispose of the rest .. and so forth .. and set up a moving van and such. And off they went, to go live in TN, in her home.
Well now .. fast forward to a year or so later .. and MIL wears this like a mantra .. the fact that he is so unhappy there, and thinks he made the wrong decision .. that he wishes he'd of never sold his home in FL .. and had just stayed here, and if he had the wherewithal .. at this point, to up and make his way back here, and buy his house back, .. and set it all up (the contents of his home all gone now .. except his bed and so forth) .. he'd have to set up a complete household again . but that if he had the wherewithall at this point, he'd come back to FL and buy back his house ...he isn't happy there in TN.
The above gets a lot of air time .. with MIL. An undercurrent with it all, almost as if she would like to say . .. "see .. even he is wishing he'd of not left his home .. he's not happy ..", .. in a bid to say that she too .. would wish the same.
As I tell her each and every time this comes up .. "but .. it's always easier to look .. pie in the sky .. at what you don't have .. if *ifs and buts were candy and nuts ...* ... he's forgetting .. easy to forget that now .. he was living there in that city .. with no one to help him .. the only thing he had there as to outsiders was friends .. the few friends that haven't died .. and they are ailing and frail and can't help him . he knew that he better get to where family can help him .. at one time he knew that, thats why he made the decision he made .. now of course, he's where his daughter is and she can help him .. but now he doesn't want that ... what does he think would've happened him living here in FL and no one to help him .. if he's that unhappy then he needs to talk to his daughter about an AL facility in TN .. so she can be nearby .. but .. him not subject to living with she and her husband if it's that displeasing to him".
I just .. every time I hear this from MIL (and SIl reminds me too, that poor poor brother in law is so miserable and wishes he'd of not made this move) ..it just makes my blood boil really.
Kind of in the respect, we sure have a lot of "wishin" goin on ..
MIL wishes she could throw the walker and the cane away and be off to the races .. MIL wishes she could remain in her home where her "memories" and her "things" are .. "wishes" she could drive again, to get herself where she wants to go, "wishes" she didn't have to impose on others for her needs.
Her brother in law "wishes" he didn't make this move ...
How about some reality all you folks that wanna live in "wishland".
Reality is that he made this move because his daughter, the only one in his life that can help him if he needs it, had made it known .. she isn't gonna jump and run to FL at every hiccup .. so he better do what works for her, .. if he wants her help. There ya have it. Reality.
How about, MIL the cane is not in your future, nor should be driving .. nor should be this "I hate to impose" .. you wanna stay in your home and out of one side of your mouth agree that your needs are too great and that you have to rely on resources to help .. and then you go and do stupid chit by driving .. and cause a big uproar .. how about the REALITY is that you shouldn't be driving, and wishing it so . isn't gonna change it.
Wishland, these people all live in wishland. I wish I had a million dollars, but that aint gonna make it so.
On Tuesday, the day before this .... the church lady was heading over to visit her on Tuesday afternoon. I know this because I'd been to a church luncheon .. on Tuesday .. and this L .. the church lady mentioned she was heading there after our luncheon to go see/visit MIL. I made a plate of food for her to take to MIL from our luncheon.
Now wouldn't ya think .. this dog food .. if it's so pressing ... was it only made aware to MIL on that very day, Wednesday .. that it was in and ready for pick up .. but yet so pressing she get to it, by GOLLY that day .. it's that pressing. No, more the case, she's probably been aware it's there and ready for pick up. Would've been the perfect time to asked of L the church lady .. "would you be so kind to stop by the vet's office and pick up some dog food for me on your way". L, has done it before .. I'm sure she wouldn't mind doing so again.
Whatever .. ya just throw up your hands ... and capitulate to all the madness. It's all you can do.
On Tuesday when L had gone to see/visit .. she probably was thinking she'd put that on Dorker's Thursday list .. Dorker to take the dog for grooming, Dorker can go get it while she's out. But by Wednesday morning she's then made aware Dorker will not be there for the routine Thursday visit .. and so .. now .. stop the presses, .. how will I get said dog food, I know, I'll hop in the car and go get it myself.
As I said to SIL, "what about Flighty C that was supposed to be of help .. could she not have asked her .. what about K across the street, what about the MOW drivers that had been agreeable to run small errands, or so the story went .. back when she was left here .. and agreeable that she'd need to reach out for more resources to help her".
Said the above to SIL. Her response: "Seems Flighty C isn't around very much .. I don't know, working not sure .. and K across the street, his wife has hurt her ankle and gonna have surgery and so I know he's busy with helping her .. and the MOW drivers .. she just hates to ask .. hates to impose".
I then followed that with, "well you guys won't do anything to address it that she shouldn't be driving and you're gonna be so sorry one day when a horrible accident results and her hurt or killed, or worse .. someone else".
Her response to that: "at the very least .. it's just not safe .. she can't get to her trunk to get her walker out ... unless she just holds onto the car to get there .. she has a walker in her garage so she can get to her car, but then once she gets where she's going .. she has no way to get to the trunk to get her walker out .. it's just not safe ..".
Whatever. Throw up your hands.
Well, you can only just keep on doing Thursdays. {Sigh}
The 10-15 hr per week help is BEYOND needed and most welcome, but do you think she'd even consider deigning to let just anyone into her home? I do hope she DOES avail herself of at least that bit of help--but doubt she will find them to be worthy of her.
As far as the driving: this isn't just an issue of PRIDE!!! This is scar, serious business. I KNOW you are "out" but if I were in this situation I would privately do something to the car to disable it. I see a terrible possibility for an accident that would end lives--and probably not MIL's. We were on a rural road many years ago, in out brand new van--a just for fun ride--and at a crossroads nesr some teeny little town sat an old man,, so bent over and hunkered down in his car you could barely see him and 4 little white haired "cotton topped" ladies. Hubby saw them and yelled at the kids to hang on--in a blur of seconds, this old man had just decided he was done being stopped at the stopsign and he took off. We broadsided him at 60 mph--hubs didn't even have time to hot the brakes., we were fine, just really shook up--old man and entourage were in a ditch, having spun out and nearly rolled the vehicle. HE HAD NO CLUE WHAT HAD HAPPENED. Much like your MIL this guys had zero business driving anybody, anywhere.
I know someone whose elderly father REFUSED to stop driving and nobody would disable his vehicle or take the keys. This man had multiple health issues, diabetes, HBP, CHF, etc. He was in constant danger or passing out behind the wheel and had been ordered by his doctor NOT to be driving. Well, he drove and passed out behind the wheel. Hit someone head on and KILLED them. The family is taking him to court for all he has.
20 years ago, another friend of mine was headed home from picking up her kids. Had a 4 yr. old and a newborn in the backseat of an SUV. An elderly woman ran a stop sign going about 60 mph and broadsided the SUV, causing it to flip multiple times. The infant was in a carseat, but the seatbelts broke and the carseat and baby flew out the window. Baby lived and is now 20, severely disabled. 4 yr. old broke an arm. Mother had multiple broken bones.
This is what's been said, as it's tossed about as to when/if this will ever come to pass.
I reminded SIL .. as to her upcoming procedures she wishes to attend to (as she so carefully advised me, that she'd get it done now, .. in advance of her son & crew and their arrival but the doc is on a 3 week vacation). So, anywho .... I reminded her, that her mom does live alone here .. so leaving her .. so that you can go attend to medical issues of your own .. is not something foreign to her, she'll be fine ...
SIL's response was: "yea, was just wanting to get the colonoscopy out of the way if I can .. since she was so traumatized by the fact dad's went all wrong .. don't want to worry her .. and have her get upset".
A botched colonoscopy is what took MIL's husband outta this world. He was already pretty compromised in health .. and I debate whether he should've even been having a colonoscopy but nevertheless. Perforated his intestine .. or something to that tune .. and the surgery that ensued to repair it .. and it was his demise in the end.
Thus SIL's assertion, "was hoping to get the Colonoscopy done before she gets here, so she wouldn't be worried, since dad's went so wrong and it traumatized her so".
As to the driving issue and disabling her auto. She has membership in one of those travel clubs or whatever it is, if your car becomes disabled, they will come to service your car. That would last all of about as long as it takes to have a technician show up and re-enable the car.
The way to hit this is dead on .. at it's point of problem .. and as is the case with so much of it ... it's not gonna happen.
Yes, I agree with you, . this isn't just a matter of pride and their mom being "unhappy" this is willfully disregarding the safety of others out there driving the roads.
Our DD tells a story ... that happened just mere weeks ago, .. her on an interstate of all things .. her and her kids in the mini van .. .when out in front of her without regard for what other drivers are doing, all going 70 MPH or whatever .. pulls this little old lady out onto the interstate and then .. confused ..???.... who the hell knows ... comes to a stop .. and of course, this is when DD comes upon the scene and slams on the brakes and what is barreling up behind her but a semi tractor trailer also trying to stop ... all because some little old lady found herself on the interstate and for whatever reason became disoriented or confused and decided to come to a stop with traffic barreling forward at 70 MPH or better. DD was almost rear ended by a semi tractor trailer, with her kids in the car with her, it would've been absolutely devastating ..
DD tells this story .. to all .. to MIL, to SIL .. to her dad .. and prefaces it all with the fact that she doesn't give a damn what older people think as to whether they should or shouldn't loose their license just because of their age .. that driving is a privilege that one earns .. and that should be the case for older folks, that they should be required to test, so as to not endanger the lives of those who haven't even had a chance to live their lives.
All are aware of this almost deadly event that happened just weeks ago.
No, what needs to happen is that the car keys need to be confiscated .. and possibly even the auto itself so as to ensure no keys are made to drive it.
But that would require that MIL be "unhappy". So it's not going to happen.
As DH put it .. in I guess a manner of trying to justify any lack of action, .. "I know how it must feel, it must be hard to get old and loose your independence .. ya know .. your dog's food is there, you wanna just hop in the car like youv'e always done .. and go get it .. and not have to bother anyone else with it ... it must be hard".
As I said to him, (but I don't harp much anymore, because I know it won't do any good) .. "her want to remain independent doesn't usurp any one else's ability to be on the road and drive and assume others are doing so with all their faculties in place .. you know damn well your mother and her faculties are NOT ... and endangering others all so she can be "happy" is just stupid".
Here is this woman who can't even get from point A to B .. without stopping to take a break, and God forbid she let go of that walker that is her lifeline to being able to remain upright .. and she complains that her feet/legs are useless ... she can't feel them below the knee ... and the neurologist even said as much in one of the visits I was there, .. how that plays out . that one can't feel .. the space occupied . their brain doesn't measure it .. register it .. where the feet/legs are ..
But BY GOLLY she's happy ... she's in her own home .. where she wants to be, with her "things" and her "memories" and her "treasures" and she can go get in her car if she wants to .. and go up the road to go retrieve dog foods .. and she doesn't "impose" or bother anyone with her needs.
All I can say is thank goodness for this space, to rant about it. Ranting to the offspring .. does no good at all. In fact, causes some fights .. so I just don't.
And I will go there and do my Thursdays (w/the exception of today .. since I'm okay now, from being sick, but may possibly be carrying germs still .. ) ... I will go there on my Thursdays and do what I can in that allotted time and continue to try to leave the bull squeeze on the sidelines .. and not let it get me too much emotionally charged.
That's all I can do.
Remove the battery itself, from under the hood .. or disable it some other way. That's nothing more than a quick fix by the travel club membership. Tech arrives, finds that so and so wire has been disconnected, reconnects it. Wahlaa, problem solved. Tech arrives, discovers battery has been removed .. and sells her a new battery (all while she then figures out the sly handy work of her son or whoever did that) ... and new battery .. she's on her way.
Glad to report however, .. todays' chores .. had I gone there .. was to have taken the dog to the groomer. Was full on ready to do so, but then got sick ... I'm better but still feel a little under the weather .. and not up to snuff .. and didn't want to possibly spread germs .. so begged off going.
Got a text from SIL today that MIL did call and reschedule groomer for next Thursday and thought better of driving herself to get there. There's a bright ray of sunshine .. that she thought better of getting out on her own to attempt that endeavor.
I'll take it, a little glimmer of light in a pretty dim situation mostly.
Just as a point of interest, not that it matters either way. I probably in the end, could've gone over there today. I still don't feel 100% .. have no appetite at all ... and stomach feels a little off. But I probably could've pushed through and gone.
I didn't however, because I didn't want to spread germs .. and in this case, who knows if I still am contagious.
There have been other occasions in the past .. in specific .. when SIL has been in town .. and her so concerned, .. if she gets wind the babies have the sniffles for instance .. it could very well be from teething .. and not a cold at all .. but just let her get word that a baby had a bout of diahrea .. and/or the sniffles .. my GOD ..we must all .. even us ... who are exposed via the dad of the twins .. in that he works with DH ... we must all stay away from MIL .. fear she will be given a germ .. by one of us, who have been in proximity to someone related to the twins .. who now have the sniffles or a loose stool.
It was almost comical . about this time last year .... SIL's bday. Her in town. I decided I'd fix up a spread for her bday .. and have them over. Bque chicken on the grill, and whatever else to go with it.
Turned out the 4 yo got sick about the same time, some kinda stomach bug ...
The 4 yo doesn't live with us .. ahh .. but her daddy .. he works with DH .. and so they are in the same proximity to each other routinely.
Here I had all this food I'd bought .. and them to come over to celebrate SIL's bday .. and she'd gotten word the 4 yo was throwing up .. in the days prior .. and so they begged off coming.
We hadn't even on this end, been nursing a 4 yo that's throwing up .. that's at another household entirely ..
But nope .. they thought .. probably best they stay away .. lest any germ bugs jump on any of them.
So be it.
Well, .. we fixed all this food, and now no one to eat it all ... but we thought .. hey .. we'll just cover over some plates and send em that way.
But the daddy of the 4 yo ... DD's husband .. really he was just being a smart azz .. and flippant ... he said the following: "uhm .. who is gonna fix these plates, do we have Hazmat suits to put on .. so that we make sure that whoever handles this food to send over there, isn't somehow contagious and puts the germs on the foods sent that way".
He didn't mean that .. he was just being flippant. We all thought it was so funny, the irony of that statement.
I'd offered to SIL prior that we'd send plates that way and she'd accepted. But then .. I did tell her, "oh ya know, .. do you think there's any chance that we'd spread germs your way just in handling the foods sent there .. is that of concern to you guys".
She begged off any covered plates .. sent their way .. fear we'd send germs along with the covered foods.
What had been said in jest by son in law here .. turned out to be of serious concern on that end, and covered plates sent that way, declined.
I remember saying to SIL at the time .. "ya know ... germs are everywhere .. unless we're all gonna go climb into a bubble somehow .. we're all exposed to germs .. all of us .. for that matter she could catch something sitting in one of the hundreds of doc appts you guys go to ..or at the grocery or at a restaurant you guys stop at on the way back .. ".
SIL had responded, "that's true yea .. but for the most part, we're going to specialty docs, cardio ... nuerology .. that kinda thing .. not just a general practitioner so the chances of somebody being sick in that setting are less ... maybe .. and ya know exposing yourself to what you know is some sickness, is different .. we go to a restaurant we don't know of anyone that's been sick, .. or to the grocery but we know .. at least in your world .. someone has been sick, so best to avoid it".
I remember saying (just to counter .. because it's all so overly cautious IMO) .. "for that matter, you don't know if the person sitting next to you in the cardio office, just left someone at home with a horrible stomach bug .. and has wiped up vomit off the floor before they came for their appointment".
So true.
Whatever. Part of the reason I didn't go, when I probably could've pushed and done so, even though I don't feel 100% ... is for the above reason. The absolute shear terror that a germ bug will somehow dance it's way off of me, and onto already compromised and frail MIL .. and the overly cautious nature this all gets treated routinely.
You feel like saying you can't go there at all, ever .. for God's sake .. if I go over there on Thursday to help her, but have been with the babies the day before, and whoa .. they come down with something .. I have just been with them .. I might be carrying some germ to MIL .. just in having been around them .. even though they weren't sick when I was with them .. I still could have some germ on me, that I then carry to her.
It's all kinda beyond ridiculous.
My MIL Is such a doctor Diva....my DH goes to a clinic that is a part of the medical school chain of offices--so definitely quality docs and they have been superior in treating my hubby, who had a Liver Transplant---anyway, he goes to a clinic which is convenient for HIM so he won't waste an extra 2 hours to go clear up to the Medical School, which is where most of his docs are, when he just needs to see his GP. This is a humble little clinic, not glamorous or "wowee"--it's in a low income area and you feel it when you go in there, lots of sad stories, I'm sure.
My MIL loses her MIND when DH says he's been to the dr. She KNOWS he can afford a BETTER doctor!! Everybody knows if you go to the U hospital, you're poor.
Love of heaven, you get the best care at teaching hospitals. She actually said "I think they don't clean your clinic very often, it looks dirty". (From the road, Mother? You can see germs from the road??)
He told her it was at least as clean as the WalMart she loves so much.
Latest is MIL has the bug that's gone thru DH and myself. I'm guessing at this point, (just a guess) .. the guy that showed up to do the alarm system on Saturday, DH in attendance, .. maybe it was he that was the culprit as germ host. Haha. I dunno.
It's the only common denominator .. and MIL surely doesn't go anywhere to be exposed.
She was hit this afternoon with it. From what it sounds like, .. she had quite the "mess" not having made it to the bathroom .. (yuk) .. and I suppose she somehow got this managed and taken care of herself .. without assistance.
SIL has sent up flares in every direction and located the CDC and so forth (Just kidding, but almost).
DH has been in touch with his mom 2 x's this evening and offered to go over there if she needs, no she doesn't she says. SIL in the meantime, bursting an aorta with worry, wishing she could be here to attend to her mom.
I will say this much .. I had a milder version of what DH got .. if she gets what he had .. as severe as he had it .. she will be in the hospital .. she will dehydrate .. fast.
And MIL is afraid to shower without supervision, if I remember correctly?
No, Dorker — a million times NO — do not swoop in like you would have a year+ ago. Just keep it in the back of your mind. Maybe gently suggest that DH drop by with bland food and bananas tomorrow?.....and survey the scene.
If MIL is dehydrated or extremely weakened or not making sense, she goes straight to the ER. In an ambulance. Do not risk her making a mess in DH’s car. Or reinfecting him.
MIL’s house might need some extra TLC from the cleaning woman, too??
This all came about, as the news flash it was ... via text, group text to me and to DH, during DH's working hours. I noted there'd been no response from him.
SIL with a text to both of us, "Oh no, now mom has this stomach bug that you guys had"
I gave it a good 30 minutes, waiting/hoping DH would chime in, he didn't. I finally answered it with a simple "oh no".
That then followed, and I'm reading and quoting it: "I hate it!!!!! She's apparently made a mess ... couldn't get to the bathroom in time, ruined her underwear and pj's ... and now plans to put on her Depends underwear .... she's trying to clean up the mess ... said she is going to find her Pedialyte and her jello, doesn't have any diet ginger ale .. not hungry, but I told her, she must must must ... drink and not get dehydrated".
The above was the response, when I simply chimed in with an "oh no".
I then chimed in with: "yea you and I talked about this before you left town and how she gets so sick so fast .. and that it'd probably be best if you get for her, .. all the things she'd need to have on hand in the event of illness, like rice, jello ...ginger ale, etc., you did that right?".
She said, "yes I did".
I left it alone after that, .... because you see, my assumption (and maybe a wrong assumption on my part) is that SIL now expects ME ... Dorker better get to steppin here and get out there, she needs diet ginger ale, she needs crackers, she needs .. she needs .. she needs. But as we all know here, Dorker is no longer on that page.
So I left it alone after that.
Soon after, DH came in from work, and he met me at the door with "sounds like mom has caught this bug now". I said, "that's what I hear".
He then sits down and is telling me, .. I guess he'd heard it from his mom .. not sure ... that there'd been this episode .... I learned later .... the routine .. of all the phone calls that go back and forth daily between SIL and MIL ... the last nightly phone call, .. is to be made by MIL to SIL, to check in and let SIL know she's going to bed, and she's okay.
MIL never made that phone call the night before ... so SIL now frantic not having heard from her mother, called her mom .. at what would be 11 our time.
When she did, the phone rang and rang and rang .. and voice mail picked up ... and to hear DH relate this story that was told to him by his mom .. (this was all at 11 PM at night .. the night before yesterday when she came down with whatever this bug is) ... to hear DH tell this story .. MIL .. she could hear the phone ringing .... she was asleep in her chair in her bedroom .. had fallen asleep in her chair, watching tv .. she could hear the phone ringing ... she had some recognition that it's a phone .. in this stupor of being asleep .. she could even hear her daughter talking on the machine ... in this deep stupor .. or whatever .. but there wasn't a thing she could do about it ... not any real recognition for what to do ... I guess .. a sleep stupor so deep (????) that one can hear the phone, knows in some way it's a phone .. and can hear the person talking on voice mail .. but beyond that, no real recognition of what to do about it .. that deep a stupor ...
This ... the fact, she'd call her mom at that hour and not get an answer on the phone is enough to send out the National Guard ... and so SIL worried .. now hung up and called again ... this went on 3 x's ... SIL trying to reach her mom .. and her mom .. in whatever state that was she was in, some kind of deep sleep stupor .. hearing the phone ring .. even hearing her daughter talking .. and yes, even seemed to know it was her daughter ... but not a thing she could do about it.
Finally after the 3rd time, I guess she was now aroused enough out of whatever state of being that was, that she did make her way to answer the phone. It was at that point that SIl informed, she was just before calling one of the neighbors ... to have them come over and check on her.
Whatever that was about ... who knows.
But anyway, DH relating that whole scene to me, as to what had happened the night before .. as told to him, I presume, by his mom.
So then anyway, fast forward then to yesterday ... quite honestly I'm surprised that SIl somehow managed all that .. and it's fallout .. without sending flares shooting through our bedroom window waking us .. I truly am. I would've thought the phone would've burned up on this end. . her so worried sick .. and something must be wrong with mother .. and quite frankly, I'm surprised that it wasn't shot up in flares the next morning with worriation from afar, that we must get her seen, .. something is wrong that she'd of been that disoriented ..
Hadn't heard any of this .... not til DH was telling me.
But then we were back on the topic of his mom now reporting being sick .. and had now .. some kinda mess she was trying to clean up .. and she seems to have caught this bug.
He picked up the phone and called his mom (still never chiming in on any group text sent via SIL). Talked to his mom, urging that she must stay hydrated .. asking if she's drinking enough and her saying no, she probably isn't .. but him urging she must ... and asking if he needs to come out there, to help her, and no .. she didn't think so .. and him telling her he'd be checking with her some more through the evening.
He still didn't chime in on any text from SIL, I noted.
She then was texting again, .. that her mom didn't seem to be able to put her hands on any jello .. her saying the following: "I hope she didn't throw it out .. I bought some of that ready made jello before I left there, but I know she prefers the home made, sugar free kind .. she probably threw it away .. she doesn't like that ready made kind .. has too much sugar in it, too sweet .. she said she's gonna try to make some jello ... doesn't have any diet ginger ale ... ".
At this point, DH was somewhere around here, not present.
I chimed in (because you see, I am thinking SIL is now expecting that I hop to .. and get some home made jello put together and chilling to haul out there .. of the sugar free variety .. which I don't have on hand .. would have to go to the store to get and prepare .. and I think that's ridiculous .. and I'm thinking there is expectation that someone pick up some diet ginger ale, ... and DH isn't chiming in).
I answered, "she doesn't need jello, she can do with rice, and dry toast .. and last week when I was there, she had me get her a pack of diet coke .. she can heat that up and it will flatten it and she can sip on that .. and I thought you said you'd gotten her all the stuff she'd need if she gets sick. Might wanna put in a call to Flighty C next door, .. see if she can pick up a few things for her, .. ".
Got an answer from SIL on that one: "I have already texted Flighty C and she hasn't answered me yet .. yes mom says she has one of those diet cokes left and she'll do that, .. sip on it .. and yes she has those Pedialyte pops .. she can work on some of those, and you're right, dry toast .. and some rice".
Followed by: "I just hate this, that I'm not there to take care of her".
I didn't chime in any further.
After a little while, another text from her, into this group text that SIL has sent to both DH and myself, but DH nowhere in sight .. he's here somewhere .. but not in my sight, .. mind you .. he has talked to his mom .. but SIL isn't aware of that, I don't guess .. because DH doesn't chime in on the text to let his sister know this .. another text that reads: "I finally heard back from Flighty C ... said she won't be home til after 9 tonight and she and her husband are heading out of town early tomorrow morning".
At that I chimed in on the text, "H has talked to your mom for quite a while, a bit ago .. he's in touch with her".
((((This folks is the hullabaloo that goes on around MIL when things go awry .. this is the circus that ensues .. this .. a person left to manage on their own .. but this much of a circus ensues when things go off the rails))).
Eventually DH was back inside, .. and he .. annoyed by the constant dings of pings of texts .. said, "My sister is damn coming unglued over all this".
I said to him, "might wanna let her know that you're in touch with your mom".
He picked up his phone and notified his sister, "I'm talking with mom and checking in on her, keeping tabs on it all".
That got a response of, "Oh good, I feel so worried about her, you know how fast she goes downhill".
No further response, from me or from DH.
She texted again sometime later (by now I'm not chiming in any further) .. "Just checked in with mom .. she hasn't had any more bouts of bathroom runs .. so that's good and she hasn't thrown up .. let's hope she doesn't .. will be talking with her .. til she goes to bed".
I didn't chime in, nor did DH.
Nor did I prompt him to do so.
I heard him call his mom before he went to bed, and she sounded to be .. actually .. more with it .. and not as frazzled as I'd imagine .. that she was doing okay .. that she'd managed to clean up her bathroom (so she says) .. him questioning .. how do you get hit with it so fast that you can't get to the bathroom mom .. I don't get that". Him talking with her, that he will come if she needs him . no she thought she'd be okay .. him urging she has to continue to drink ... and to let him know if she needs him thru the night, to call.
He never ck'd in further with his sister to report any of this.
Never heard anymore from the sister.
Then this morning he called his mom .. sounds like the night went okay .. he didn't ask her point blank if she had any more bouts .. I asked him later, why didn't he ask that pointed question and he said, "because that would take us down a road for dialogue I don't have time for, I've gotta go .. if she was having more problems she'd of told me".
It was quite interesting, she sounded a little more frazzled and out of it this morning than she did last night .. wanting to derail the conversation onto some paperwork she'd drug out from her insurance company and was going thru .. and him redirecting the conversation right back to the topic at hand, "mom are you drinking, are you working on drinking .. do you have your Pedialyte .. now you know not to eat some bacon or anything right, just some dry toast maybe". Her then wanting to de rail the whole thing again .. by talking about how she'd written down his phone number and taken it to bed with her .. (not on the topic being talked about) and how she'd taken that slip of paper with his phone number now from the bedroom, to the kitchen ..
Him now redirecting it again .. "that's good mom .. but just be sure you drink plenty of fluids and call me if you need me, I gotta get to work".
And with that, the conversation ended.
I asked him, "why didn't you tell her, . ya know .. you don't have to drag around a slip of paper with a phone number on it, .. you can actually put a slip of paper with the phone number .. in each room .. ".
He again .. (he's much better at all this .. I end up derailed .. by all the superfluous nonsense than he does) .. again he said, "I don't have time for all that, if I'd of said that to her, she'd of gone into some conversation about how bad her hands are .. and trying to write down phone numbers .. I don't have time, I gotta go".
Don't know if we've heard the last of it all or not .. truthfully.
But .. this .. this is the hoopla that gets thrown up in flares in every direction behind the things that occur .. in the life of someone "left to manage" with her supposed "team".
"hope you guys are all back up and at it. Sounds like mom is doing better, that's good, hope it holds out. She was up paying bills when I talked to her, .. but she reached a stopping point, because she ran out of stamps ... I think she paid some things over the phone but still needs some stamps for some things ... I think those are available at the grocery store, you just have to ask at the customer service desk .. I think they sell them there ... she needs a few things from the grocery ... and that dog food is still waiting to be picked up ... when someone is able to make a grocery run for her, put stamps on the list too, and that dog food needs to be picked up. Wonder if YD is dog sitting for flighty C this weekend with her going out of town, would YD be able to do it".
(((YD sometimes does dog sit for MIL's flighty C next door neighbor, when they go out of town, which they do a lot)))). But .. last night when I'd gotten that text among the hundreds of others, that she'd heard back from Flighty C and she wouldn't be in until after 9 and was leaving town this morning ... I asked YD .. who was sitting right there, "are you dog sitting this weekend for MIL's neighbor, she's going out of town, according to SIL ... wondered if you're heading that way to dog sit". YD responded .. "no I haven't heard from her, sometimes they take their dogs with them when they go out of town, maybe the dogs are going with them". YD asked, why would SIL know that .. I told her that MIL is under the weather .. and that she'd contacted Flighty C about a grocery run and that Flighty C said she was going out of town, not available. Asked YD ... "you don't feel like running a few things out to MIL do you?". She said, "Ma .. I just worked a 12 hour shift .. no .... I don't".
I dropped it.
So now this morning's text with it's directives of need .... a grocery run, some stamps .. someone to pick up the dog food that sits on standby for pickup.
There's a part of me that wants to blast her into the next hemisphere, "Where's this supposed EF&ING team that you talked so highly of, call them".
But this is a group text, to me and to DH .. and of course, DH has not chimed in .. this is his mom. I have not answered and won't be doing so. He can chime in or not.
I actually .............. am behind on some things that need my attention . on my end, having been under the weather myself. So I'd planned to spend the day doing some things that I need to take care of, not running to get dog food .. and to get stamps and incidentals from the grocery store.
Not my choice that she is left to "manage" with a "supposed team".
Manage then!
Want to just .. of my own fruition .. sign up for the delivery service, which comes at a fee (that I shouldn't have to pay, isn't there a team) and just order whatever the hades is that's needed out there, .. go online to the postal service, and order that they send stamps via the postman .. which can be done ..and at my damned expense .. to get this off my radar .. and send a courier service, at my expense ..to get the confounded friggin dog food brought to her.
But that opens the door to not only my opening my wallet, for what was supposedly a team that was put in place, to reach out to ... that were supposed to be at the ready for these needs .. but then .. once it's seen dorker will step to and make it happen ... if not by physically doing it herself, .. by any other means .. then there's dorker climbing up that slope again.
Not doing it.
I mean c'mon .................. can she be this friggin clueless?
Your rules: 1)No group text that include directives. 2) You are only available on Thursdays. Both rules broken.
And you should not go anywhere near MIL! You might still be contagious and reinfect her! Or her reinfect you...those pesky germs!
Let DH deal with his sister. I bet he’s fixing to blow his stack over the text.
A few things that make me cringe. I guess the first one is that MIL who’s ill is attempting to pay her bills this morning. Definitely not your problem! But SIL has no problem with that?
You mentioned recently that MIL had shopped for and possibly changed Homeowners Insurance. I know the Old Gal is a life long FLorida resident and had done this for decades. But, I don’t know about your state but there are some pretty specific things that need to be included within the policy as far as hurricane damage goes, at least in my state anyway. Scary that SIL let MIL handle that! Definitely Not Your Problem!
I know MIL just became eligible for in home help but that was waved off by SIL because in her mind MIL will be leaving in August. I don’t think that’s gonna happen personally but refresh my memory, why can’t that happen for the next 3 months? Again, Not Your Problem!
NONE of this is your problem! I am just trying to figure out just how clueless SIL really is...
Stomach viruses are notorious for their rapid onset, rapid decline and ALSO, shedding the virus for weeks. Doesn't mean you'll re-infect yourself, but not properly cleaning, can set you up for second round of some other bug. I don't think you can pay the housekeeper enough to bleach the whole house. And yes, anything touched by the sickness should just be thrown away--in your MIL's case, with the wonky washer, no way she can get anything really clean).
The constant texting would drive me right up the freaking wall. We are trying to get a couple of days with my son's family organized next week and after 2 days of cross-purposed texting, I told DH, I'm out, just tell me when to be where. I DON"T CARE and I CAN'T DO THIS TEXTING CRAP. I couldn't handle SIL--just...couldn't.
And, (snark again) GREAT WORK by the team SIL put in place. It's working fabulously well, isn't it?!!