I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
The conversation is "mom, we can't do this anymore. It's killing us, and it's affecting my marriage and my health. I've offered to have you come live with us, but you aren't accepting what is basic here--You can't live alone anymore.
I can't keep flying down here, your son is disinclined to do anything other than fix things. You and I have both foolishly burnt Dorker out.
Mom, I know you love your house, but I'm going to hope you love your children more"
She had actually ...on her own...called and rescheduled tomorrow's doc appointment for a Thursday a couple of weeks forward.
SIL and royal crew arrive tomorrow and her thinking was that if doc goes to whittling away at the suspicious place then she'll have that to contend with while the royal are visiting. Opting instead to put it off til they're gone again. Couldn't do it the next Thursday as I have some things on my radar that Thursday as to DD's bday.
Had enough lucidity apparently she was able to reschedule her appointment but not only that ...take into consideration it needs to be on a Thursday but also a Thursday that doesn't conflict with what I have as other responsibilities.
I was really pretty stunned.
I will still, of course, go over to MIL's tomorrow for whatever it is she might need. Her daughter and crew arrive late afternoon. Her daughter will be staying with her at her house for the visit ....and the royal have a hotel. The thinking on their part's.... that it's too much chaos to bring 3 kids into MIL''s home.
I know that SIL has a couple of doc appts to get MIL to while in town. They all leave .. I think Tuesday.
I'll be interested to see how it goes. I know generally when that crew visits SIL she puts on the resident Nanny, Activity Planner, Daycare Director hat while the parents enjoy a holiday... flitting about to eat out, shopping, visiting local friends, even hopping on a red eye flight to Vegas for an excursion weekend.
So will SIL wear her geriatric care hat while here or her Nanny in residence hat? I guess we'll see.
But color me surprised to have seen that MIL navigated all the changing her appointment and doing so with some awareness around some parameters at work in it all.
And any word on when/If SIL comes this way to retrieve her mom for taking her to her home? None.
Don't even know if that whole notion has been shelved or if it's still being duscusses with much lamenting that she "doesn't want to have to do this". I don't know. Will see if that topic pops up while SIL is here with her royalty son & crew.
MIL called here this morning, and YD is to visit her this afternoon (I was aware of that). MIL when she called here yesterday to let me know she'd rescheduled her appt .. she landed first on the phone with YD .. and I guess, the two chit chatted briefly. MIL expressed to YD that OD had visited her on Sunday, spent a few hours there sounds like. MIL having asked YD on the phone yesterday, "...when do you think you might have some time to come visit me?". YD had answered her g'mother, "I only work 1/2 a day tomorrow, I'll stop over tomorrow afternoon for a bit", which would be today.
So now I get a call from MIL this morning: "Dorker, was it today that YD is to come out and see me, ...??...is that today .. do you know, I know I told you that she is to come visit me, but I can't remember was it today or is that another day?". I responded, "yes, . you told me she said she works 1/2 a day .. and is coming this afternoon". MIL, then with, "do you know what time she'd be coming this way ... the reason I ask .. I really need to call my vet and have my dog seen .. that foot .. remember when I had you take him in to be groomed, and I had asked that they look at that foot .. it's irritated and so forth .. I've been doctoring it here ... nursing it along ... I'd had my housekeeper get in the car a week or so ago and go to the doc office to get me some of the stuff they use to doctor injuries .. and gauze and so forth and I've got that here, and I've been doctoring it along, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I just wanted to know, if it's today that YD is coming, if I could have her get the dog to the vet for me, do you know what time she might be coming so I can maybe call and get an appointment and she would be willing to take my dog to be seen".
My answer; "No, I don't know, have you tried to call her?".
MIL: "well no, .. I never know if it's okay to call her, when she's at work, and what time that would be okay ... could you maybe text her .. I know you guys do all that texting stuff .. maybe if she can just give me a call to let me know what time she thinks she might be out this way .. that way I'll know what time to get an appointment for the dog".
ME: "Okay, I'll put in a text to have her give you a call".
That was that.
I put in a text to YD: "Your grandma needs you to call her, she needs you to get the dog into the vet when you come her way .. has an injury or something with his paw, needs to get looked at, call her to let her know what time you'll be there".
Next thing, phone rings here, it's YD: "What the H3!! mom?!?!?!??!?! I was just going to go out there and spend some time with her, and then move on with my day .... I wasn't going to go out there to now pick up the dog, . go have him seen at the vet, then bring the dog back .. pick up any meds ... and then have to visit with her, not how I wanted to spend the entirity of an afternoon of having 1/2 a day off .. now I gotta go do all that, ..?!??!?".
Me: "I know, I hear ya ... don't do it if you don't want to".
YD: "That damn dog mom!!!!!!!!!!!!, that's the neediest dog on the face of the frickin planet!".
ME: "I hear ya YD ........... yep ............. between her dog that's needy, her house that is needy and always in need of some issue to be looked at or repaired, and her and her neediness .. this is why you hear me preaching a sermon that she needs to go stay with SIL fora while .... SIL retired ... SIL can find a vet up that way and haul the dog all the time for grooming and pet need .. and pick up pet supplies .. SIL can take her to doctors and so forth, .. and she can vacate her home here, and not have DH running back and forth to mind things on that front ... ".
YD: "Grrrrr! This is why I don't go see her as much as I should .. she is so flippin needy!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's always something with her, .. either she needs me to go do something or get something .. or it's her dog ... it's always something . you can't just go and visit her".
ME: "You're preaching to the choir YD .. I hear ya .. I've gotten the memo ... ".
Now YD is pizzed ........... all she'd wanted to do was go out there and just visit for a bit, .. maybe didn't even really wanna do that, but the guilt trip laid on yesterday when she simply answered the phone here .. and MIL summoning her to come visit too .. as OD had done the other day. Now she gets handed a "to do" list.
Oh well.
Since you are willing to do Poochy duty (as long as it's on a Thursday), why hasn't MIL asked you to take the Precious Pooch to the vet tomorrow?
For the most part, YD is so busy living her 25 yo life that ... for her this is all just a periphery thing ... she doesn't really pay much attention in the end, to the goings on, on that front.
None of our daughters pay special mind to going in the direction to visit with MIL on any kind of routine of any sort, .. none at all.
OD - works all the time, and ... for the most part, .. what 1 day week she gets .. she uses to do just as she pleases .. and going to see MIL, or us for that matter, usually doesn't come up on her radar as anything she needs to attend to.
DD - Mother of 3 kids .. kids who are prone for illness, .. and so .. even being in the proximity of a frail MIL .. and the possibility of spreading germs .. an impediment that, at least left up to SIL and her teeth gnashing and worry warting ... should at least be approached with extreme caution, so there's that as a factor, .. coupled with .. really not much DD has time for as to dealing with and visiting with MIL. She can take her 4 yo over there, and the two 1 yo's .. but her time is gonna then be spent chasing down 1 yo's and keeping them tied to the floor, and not getting into things, rather than visiting. Does she ever see fit to leave the kiddos with daddy .. and take off to go hang out with MIL ... absent kids running amok? Nah .. she doesn't, for whatever the reason(s). DD did sign on, in verbiage with her dad as to Team MIL .. back when it was *let's all kick Dorker around for having stepped back* .. she did .. her dad blowing off steam, because Dorker blew a fuse over SIL and MIL having arbitrarily decided MIL would be left, once again . no input sought from any on this end . as to what it takes to support leaving her here, ... Dorker blew a fuse and an argument was had between Dorker and DH over that .. and a bad one ... and DH blowing off steam, that Dorker stepped away .. yet wants to call the shots on the whatfor's with MIL ... and so DD .. I guess, .. in a half-hearted attempt to smooth the waters over what had turned into a big fiasco .. threw her hat in on the Team MIL. What had DD done since SIL left MIL here, in April? Not one thing. Nadda. She hasn't even been there to vistit her, not to my knowledge .. much less, .. tried to haul 3 kids to a doc appt or vet appt, or pick up pet supplies, or whatever. Team MIL and DD .. non-existent as I knew it would be. I don't fault DD .... she has her hands full with her kids ..that's the truth. There is not really much she "CAN" do to help out and I knew that when that got thrown out there in a tit for tat kinda way, "DD will help, between me and DD ... we will just do what we can to help mother". Yea okay you go with that!
YD: As described above, for the most part, so busy living her 25 yo life .. the minutia that goes on with all the above, pretty much a periphery item for her and her world. I think she has picked up dog supplies at one time, in the last few months, or hauled the dog for grooming. But to just go and visit .. nah . hasn't happened.
So now YD is perturbed .. all she'd agreed to do, and maybe she was guilt-ed into even doing that much .. was to just go and visit with her g'mother. Now that "visit" has turned into a "to do" list.
Oh well, such is life leaving MIL here to manage .. it takes a helluva lot of support .. and apparently I'm the only one that has any sanity around that issue. So be it.
Why didn't MIL ask that I do it tomorrow when I'm there anyway? She could have .. but I wasn't going to go directing, "oh don't bother YD with that ... I'll deal with it tomorrow, schedule the dog an appt for tomorrow .. I'll take him".
My thinking is along these lines. The more of us that have to step in .. to manage all that is to deal with her dog's needs, her home's needs, her needs .. all the better. Then .. maybe ... some others can begin to see what it takes. So .. get perturbed about it. Oh well.
I'm glad you are apparently not going to be on Precious Poochy duty tomorrow, because MIL isn't mentally together enough to ask. That is one task I would NOT be doing -- taking care of someone else's pet (not a big animal lover!).
Maybe MIL will talk SIL into doing it. Would SIL refuse to leave the Prince from Abu Dhabi to take care of Queen Narcissa's Precious Pooch?
Yes, a surprise that OD took a few hours out of her one day off per week .. and went and just merely sat with and visited her g'ma.
And you pegged it, not mentally together enough to put the pieces together that Dorker will be there tomorrow .. just ask Dorker to do the vet duty. Unless she has some other errands that she knows she will have Dorker steppin to the beat of .. and this visit by YD .. ahh .. well there we have it .. that to can be spoken to .. Dorker tomorrow, YD today .. all of it taken care of.
And yes .. the visiting that will get done ... by the royal g'son and his wife .. and their 3 kids. I don't envision they'll all be hanging around for very long. Lest the royal children become bored and unsatisfied as to their activity levels and entertainment.
I envision that g'son and his wife will stop by, 3 kids in tow .. hang out briefly and then be on their way to bigger more entertaining things to do with their time. Not sure what kind of production in the way of a show can be displayed in what I suspect will only be brief stints of them coming by.
Yes, YD perturbed, but yes also .. YD knows she has the latitude to refuse to do whatever is put before her, she is an adult .. and can make her own judgement calls as to what she wants to do to help or not. She knows that. But she won't refuse to do so.
She will do as asked, dutifully.
As she put it, "so now .. what I had said I'd come by there for, which was just a mere visit .. that I thought maybe a couple of hours .. just visit .. now I have to go get her dog, go to the vet, wait to be seen .. then have the doc examine or whatever .. and then give instructions .. and then if there are rx's to be picked up .. and now go take doggie back .. and THEN ....................THEN ...............take my time to VISIT ............... I didn't want this to take up all of my afternoon, that wasn't my intention".
If I were her, .. I might would say to MIL upon bringing the dog back to her, "Well g'ma I would've loved to have spent some time with you, that's what I had intended when you asked that I come visit you .. but looks like all the time I had .. it got spent seeing about poochy here, so I'll catch ya the next time, gotta go". And off I'd be ...
She has that as an option .. she knows .. if she chooses not to exercise it, .. then she can beef to the wind as far as I'm concerned.
Me: "Well you know, you don't have to do it, up to you".
She knows . .. it's been said ...
I don't harang OD or DD or YD for that matter, .. "now your g'mother needs needs needs, now what are you doing to make time for her?".
They never get told that by me.
It's all part of her Master (Manipulating) Plan! Of course she doesn't want to appear infirm, having to go to a Dr's appointment on the very day that the Royals arrive, so she Frantically got her ear/derm appointment changed, appearing to Dorker that "look at me, I did it all on my own, and within the confines of Dorkers Thursday's scheduling", aren't I doing Great?
Don't kid yourself, she knows exactly what she's doing, all to appear that everything is OK on the home front, and that she's doing just fine, and will manage on her own with her Efficient Care Team in Place, as they are All stepping up, just like DD put in place, before she left the last time she visited her a couple of months ago. She's One Smart Cookie, if you ask me!
In addition, Stacey's comment popped up when I posted. That is certainly a clear thinking possibility. Get both the girls to come by and prove the plan works. I have family that plays both sides against the middle too. You are exactly right, Stacey!
As I said before, color me surprised that she was lucid enough to navigate rescheduling her appt, and not only that, .. to do so within the appropriate parameters as to how it will be best be met. Just shocked.
Not typical at all.
So either she is "THAT" manipulative (something I've always said I don't see her as being) .. or she has momentary lucid moments. I'm not sure which.
We'll see if she sells her daughter that all is well, and her team is full on operational.
I doubt I'd even counter with anything opposing that view, .. nothing I ever say gets much airplay anyway .. why bother.
The fact that she has already voiced to her daughter, that folks landing in her corner of the world are shocked and dismayed to find her, as frail as she is .. living alone and doing for herself, all on her own, and this concerns folks that land in her world. She's already voiced that.
The church lady that goes to meet with her, also says the same, she really should not be living alone.
But .. no .. don't bother honing in on that, and listen to what the wizard says behind the curtain .. "it's all fine and good here, all the team is up and running and things running smooth as can be".
It never occurred to me for one moment what you’ve so accurately identified. Guess I still have too much PTMSD - Post Tramatic Manipulations Stress Disorder - to see the “forest through the trees” as it’s said.
No need for MIL to leave her house now, during a hurricane or ever. Just look at this fine oiled machine that is MIL “knowing what needs to be done”, and “managing” just fine.
And all in time for SIL to see it with her own eyes - which will be covered with her rose colored glasses - least any glare impair her vision of The Royals.
Perfect!
YD's vet visit yesterday ... the dog has an ear infection, but some other something wrong with that paw (wasn't listening when YD said what it is, some kinda inflammation). The doc rx'd an antibiotic, but also Prednisone .. (steroid). Last time the dog was put on steroid .. he was pee'ing everywhere, all the time! Working MIL into a grave .. letting him in and out, pee'ing in the floor unable to wait to make it outside .... a real nightmare.
It's likely MIL doesn't even remember the finer points of that last time, she will only recognize again that the dog is pee'ing everywhere and all the time! It won't dawn on her, "hey wait, we've been here before on this issue". And pull that steroid from him.
SIL will be staying there with her, for the next few days ... they fly in this afternoon and drop SIL off at G'ma's on the way to their hotel. They return home to IL on Tuesday next week. And then on to their royal home, about a week from that.
SIL can tangle with her mom over it all, much as I did last time .. SIL not here in attendance. Me urging MIL to leave the dog outside, more than would be normal .. or .. cordon the dog off in what is her tiled utility room, with a baby gate up ..
Her looking at me like I'm some kind of monster that would throw a child outside and lock the door .. for hours.
Whatever.
I like dogs .. I like pets .. just as much as the next person. But I'm not an absolute lunatic about pets. They to me, there is a pecking order, .. and being not of the human variety ... they don't get the same accommodations as humans. I'm not cruel and inhumane .. I wouldn't leave a pet outdoors for days and nights on end ... no. But .. I would .. in the case where the dog is having to pee all the time, ... I would, without any compunction whatsoever, leave the dog outside more than inside. Yes the dog has plenty of shade to shelter in ... (under loads of tree canopy in her yard that routinely drops enough leaves on her deck that I have to constantly sweep it all off when I go there) .. there is plenty of shade ... and put a water bowl out for him .. and let him in ... a lot less than would be normal. He'd be able to do his business outside .. that would be my approach.
But I am not a damn lunatic about the dog, like she is. As her son says of it, "her elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor when it comes to that dog". So true.
When I suggested that .. she looked at me like I have 3 heads and how could I even consider such cruel inhumane treatment. As she put it at the time, "that's like asking me to lock a child outside .. that's my baby .. I could never do that". So cordon him off in the utility room then, the floor is tiled in there. Her response, "oh he would never understand why he's now trapped in the utility room .. he would be standing at the gate looking all forlorn at me, and sad".
I wanted to scream .. dog's have about the intelligence of a 2 yo .. they don't "understand" .. they don't have to. You are supposedly a higher life form, though at this moment, I'm kinda not seeing it.
That's when I had the tangle with SIL ..wanting me to take the baby gate over there, and simply lean it up against some dining room chairs ... as it's not wide enough to reach each wall, it's not wide enough .. to stretch that far, to secure it. I thought that too was lunacy . first off MIL is a trip hazard, let's put dining room chairs all in her way that she has to now move to be able to move about herself .. and the dog gate, simply leaned up ..and stretched to it's widest width .. it's still going to have opening on each side of it, that the dog can just go around it, .. and arguing my points to her, ... was only bringing on more arm twisting .. until I finally just said to her, "I'm not taking the damn baby gate over there to do that .. I don't wanna hear another thing about it, just stop".
So now, .. as fate would have it .. she will be in attendance at her mom's .. the dog on steroid.
She, far far more patient and pliable than myself with her mom and all her idiosyncrasies .. (ironing PJ's to name one) ... she will ..... follow whatever crazy path that MIL finds suitable to treat her "baby", .. and work with it, rather than as I tried to do, and insist on some sound logic .....
Fine .. have at it!
And yes, it will be interesting to see it play out, .. as to the whole "look how well oiled the machine is here SIL .. I have my team in place, all jumping when I say to, and however high I command .. it all runs smooth as glass ....".
It does make me pause and ponder, is she indeed as some have said here, "that manipulative" .. not something I've ever really defined in her, ......... or did yesterday just have a moment of clarity and lucidity that is rarely seen.
Or will I find out in the end, that it was SIL ................ ahhhh, okay .. MIL didn't call and move all this around and bearing in mind it needs to be a Thursday and in fact, not the next Thursday as that one is spoken for .... in DD's bday that will be occupying me, but the following Thursday .. ahhh... I see, it wasn't MIL at all that did all that .. it was SIL .. that SIL was on the phone with her .. and MIL pondering, "oh dear me, what shall I do, I go to that doc on the day you guys fly in .. and they go to whittling away at my face, now I'll have that to contend with and doctor along when you guys are all here, and have this unsightly place on my oh so vein face", .. and SIL then take the ball .. "oh mother don't you fret, I'll take care of that right now, .. I'll get off the phone with you and call your doctor .. and I'll get that moved .. now didn't we say that the next Thursday is DD's bday .. and so Dorker will be busy there .. didn't we say that, yes I think we did .. so we better make it for the following Thursday as ya know .. Dorker only comes on Thursdays .. so don't you worry another moment, I will get that handled right away for you".
I'm betting the latter was the path this all took. I would put money on it.
The above and navigating it all, .. generally speaking, would be beyond MIL to manage. She would lament the plight that is having it taken care of on the day they are all to fly in . and then not even really have any clarity as to what to do about it, .. generally speaking with her .. and not only that ... if she did have enough clarity .. she might would call and take the next thing they offer her, which might be the Tuesday of the next week, not even bearing in mind that will then present a problem as to how she'll get there, as her transport, only does Thursdays. She'd have it all fouled up .. left on her own to navigate it all.
That's why I say .. color me shocked that she handled it all. I will be absolutely stunned if I find out that SIL didn't have her finger in this pie.
Will really make me wonder about all the .. oh so frazzled and it's all too much .. and I can't manage all this .. and I am just not able .. and all that goes into daily life that is MIL.
I guess in that culture, .. it's just a given .. this is how it will be, and no one questions it?
I thought that was interesting.
I'm not real sure how much thought they give to any of it, to be honest. They live on the other side of the world, and generally speaking .. they only visit once a year ... and how involved are they in the day-to-day (even from afar) aging of their own parents (SIL and her husband and their various ailments and such). How involved can they even be, living on the other side of the world.
I know it never seems to be of any concern whatsoever to them that they land here .. .for their annual visit and then promptly are gone, leaving the 3 kids to SIL .. as to their entertainment and welfare .. all while they flitter about to visit friends, eat out .. go to movies .. just .. in general enjoy a holiday .. and they even generally (don't know that theyr'e doing so this trip however) ... hop on a red-eye and fly over to a long weekend in Vegas and leave the 3 kids to SIL to tend to.
You'd have to know SIL though .. look no further than her globe trotting daughter who leaves her dogs, routinely, in the care of SIL. A servant .. through and through .. and never would you hear her utter the words, "I just cannot help with that". It wouldn't happen. She so rarely gets to see and enjoy her g'kids that I'm sure if they wanted to drop their kids there for a month while they travel the world .. for a month long vacation .. she'd say that's wonderful yes, bring them ..
So all of that to say, .. if there is any concern on their parts as to the welfare of their parents (SIL and her husband) it isn't evidenced at all, in what they do when they come here .. in maybe seeing that they feel some compulsion to not be dumping 3 kids and their care and entertainment on SIL and her hubby. Not do you see that in the globe trotting daughter who brings her dogs in that direction seemingly every weekend, for some trip to somewhere that the globe trotter is off to.
Obviously they care about MIL or wouldn't have spent the dollars to try to fly in and hotel accommodations and rental vehicle and such .. obviously they do care about her. Bear in mind however, he is given a travel allowance via his employer .. a hefty one.. since he is an expat .. living abroad. It has to stretch .. as his wife is Indonesian and wants to go home and see her family also .. throughout the year .. and flying a family of 5 .. I'm sure isn't cheap. So they are given a travel allowance, but it isn't limitless .. and the fact they chose to spend some of it to come this ways speaks to that fact, they obviously care about her and want to see/visit her.
I don't see that he will be anyone that will weigh in .. (maybe I'll be surprised) on what direction he thinks things should go with MIL. I know that globe trotter daughter has weighed in, at least to her mom, to me. She does NOT want her mom in the role of caring for MIL .. in their home. She feels her mother (SIL) will work herself into an early grave doing so. She has a point. SIL does not know when to say "when". But one also wonders if .. having MIL present there, .. as well as MIL's precious poochy .. is the motivation not so much what it will do to her mom (SIL) or is it more from the standpoint that she may then find in that setting .. that her resident dog sitter for her 3 dogs .. maybe not so at the ready ... (though seeing SIL actually say no, .. to anyone, about anything .. I doubt I'd ever see that day).
I don't worry about all that, and the wherefore's of motivation on the parts of SIL's grown kids .. I can't begin to sort it all out and direct that show .. nor do I care to do so.
I love dogs. Made no secret of it here that I think this poor vegetarian is a bit of a victim- per MIL and a scapegoat- per just about everyone else.
None of if this is the dogs fault. He is at the mercy of the choices and decisions his owner makes on his behalf.
That said - it may surprise you to hear I am in full agreement regarding the “pecking order”. And if this poor animal is having to pee all the time due to a choice humans made on his behalf, I’m thinking he’s less pleased about it than anyone. Dogs do not WANT to foul their living environment. Further - if a dog could reason it this far, I doubt they’d want to put their human at risk by causing an unsanitary living space nor become a fall risk to them by causing a mess that a feeble human could - at best - feebly clean up and sanitize.
A dog would likely say - if he could - “stop all this fuss - put me outside or in the laundry room” and mean it. Unlike humans who tend to say “stop fussing” and mean just the opposite.
The Vegetarian would probably actually enjoy spending a little extra time outside. I’m assuming MIL
has a cushy bed for him that could be placed in a shady spot where he could laze about watching the goings on in the great out-of-doors.
No matter. Not your problem, Dorker. Leave it to SIL to resolve should the dog start peeing everywhere. Fortuitous timing, in my opinion. I just hope the woman doesn’t try subjecting him to doggy diapers again!
Looking forward to Dorker's update on today's Thursday with Narcissa!
Nothing earth shattering from today's visit. I went later than I normally would, as I knew I'd want to stick around .. to meet the crew flying in. I have never met the Indonesian DIL of SIL .. and their kids. So now, I have met them.
MIL didn't need me to do much of anything today, go get an rx .. go get a few groceries, put away some towels the housekeeper had laundered, administer the dog's meds (in his ears) and 2 pills. She can't do it .. I don't know what she'll do when SIL leaves, as the dog does this 2 x's daily .. these meds .. and if SIL isn't here, .. not sure how it'll get done .. no strength in her hands to even detain the dog much less force-feed pills to the dog or hold him still to administer ear drops.
The afternoon on my end, .. filled with dismay .. mostly on the end of my own family. Try to make it short. My brother .. utilizing a friend's son (17 yo) in his yard .. he and this 17 yo .. doing some tree work, rented lift bucket, and so forth ...... the kid .. up on the lift ... hit an electric line. And you can imagine the result. It's not good. The kid had to be medi-vacked out by helicopter to a trauma center ... it looks as though he is more than likely going to loose one of his legs .. and the other leg doesn't look good either at this point .. burns all over his body .. electrocution burns .. no this wasn't a tree company doing this work, this was just my brother and him utilizing a buddy's kid, 17 yo kid .. to do some yard work, tree work. My brother is obviously, beyond devastated .. not to mention what this kid must be enduring .. and his parents ... just beyond devastated.
So .. my afternoon/evening .. has been .. on the phone with my brother and his wife who are for the most part feeling horribly responsible for this nightmare and taking it all very very hard .. and talking to my mom .. to have her call my brother .. talking to the other brother, to have him give them a call .. just support .. tell them we love them and they're in our thoughts/prayers, all of them .. especially this kid whose life has been forever changed by this.
My brother .. he feels horribly responsible .. like he shouldn't of let the kid up on that lift thing . he should've been the one up there. All 20/20 hindsight. Just devastating.
My thoughts are with your family and also with the young man and his family.
This is gonna be tough for your brother, glad you are in his corner.
As far as MIL goes, how long do the pills/drops continue for Poochy? If it's for more than a few days (and I'm guessing it is), then Team MIL will have to get a steppin' and a hoppin' to twice daily medicate Poochy once SIL departs as part of the royal entourage. And clean up the Poochy Pee!