I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
That whole scene has been so far off my radar the last few weeks .. I've rarely even thought much of it. Hoping their return here has little to no impact.
Xmas was absolutely wonderful with the grands around.
Except for myself and my own malady. I'm still not sure I was dx'd correctly. Ended up in the ER on xmas night, myself. Only because there wasn't anything else open or I'd of done otherwise. Started with what felt like an abrasion on the top of my scalp. I don't know, ... I'd been so busy .. did I hit my head and not remember doing it .. ??... I don't know. But it began to hurt worse and worse and worse .. and worse. Inflamed and before you know it on xmas eve .. my forehead was now swelling a bit. Asked DD to take a look at my scalp, red/angry/inflamed spot. By Xmas evening ... of course there was xmas dinner to fix and enjoy the family and so couldn't stop then. But pain .. OMGoodness .. yes! Had to have the daughters finish the meal prep and I couldn't even eat, .. and when everyone left I had DH run me to the ER for them to check out what's going on .. forehead now swelling and spreading down now into the skin around my right eye.
The dx there, cellulitis ..
I'm still not sure it wasn't Shingles .. as it then .. advanced from that, to some pretty xtreme swelling .. almost closing my right eye with swelling and sores on my forehead and into my scalp leading from that abrasion area. ER doc rx'd an antibiotic, after infusing with an IV of same there on site. 2 days into that, the swelling and redness was worse. Now attempt to get in to see my regular PCP .. he was off on vacation and the practice there, completely booked, couldn't see me. To the Urgent Care doc in the box I went. That doc .. didn't comment one way or the other as to the sores and so forth .. she only commented on the marked swelling .. and changed me to a different antibiotic .. thinking the original antibiotic disagreeable to me .. and rx'd a steroid.
I still am not convinced it wasn't Shingles. I've never seen cellulitis that spread the way this did and cause the sores.
A week later the swelling is gone. All that remains at this point are the scabs and sores .. and I look like a meth addict .. just by the scabs and sores on the one side of my face. Painful as h377. I would've cried, it hurt so bad .. but it hurt too much to do anything at all. Rubbing it, itching it .. anything .. it hurt.
Rang in the New Year on a camping trip with my family .. a few hours away from here (this is FL remember, .. might be cold in other places this time of year, not here). Had a wonderful time being with my family. Back in town yesterday from that trip and unpacked and everything put away and took all the Xmas down and put it all away .. and life now resumes in 2019.
I think it was on the ride back from our camping trip that it occurred to me, .. "oh yea .. wow .. days away here .. MIL returns .. ", and that was about the sum of my thought on it. It's been nice having that huge issue somewhat of a set aside as to anything on my radar.
Hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday season.
Yes, 5 days now until the Grand Return of MIL, Poochy and Mil's Daughter and Son-In-Law In Waiting.
No I've never had Shingles before. My mom has . on her trunk .. not on her head. I don't think I ever even really knew it could be elsewhere on your body ..
And I don't know that's what it was . is.
I just think . from the pain I was experiencing . shooting .. pain .. almost electrical at times (nerve) .. and aching and hot/inflamed .. it was just horribly painful ..
Now I just have sores/scabs .. and the swelling is all gone, thankfully.
What a damn mess!
And it would have to happen at a time when doc offices are working reduced hours and schedules due to the holidays .. that would be my luck.
Guestshop .. try to get some rest now that the holiday season is behind us .. rest seems to make the biggest difference, more than anything else.
I had Shingles in high school in the 70’s around one side of my chest wear my bra was, I remember it being painful.
My son came home home from his second semester of college with Shingles on one side of his head..very painful.
Easy for me to say with my boundary jumpers safely ensconced 1k miles away (for now).
I know how hard it is. Remember I was, at one time, baited about wrinkled PJ's.
From a distance it's more Crystal clear .... they want what they want, reasonable or not, trick is to stay your side of that boundary.
And Yes, I had chicken pox as a child.
I just wish I knew definitively .... was it Shingles or was it as the ER doc dx'd, at least early-on, Cellulitis.
Maybe it doesn't matter in the end. Who knows.
With the stress you'd been under, and having had chicken pox, you are a classic candidate for it. And it's no surprise that an ER doctor missed it: I've known a young GP send a shingles case home with an anti-fungal prescription before now. It's one of those things that isn't uppermost in doctors' minds until they've seen it a few times - or had it themselves, of course. Then it is!
There are lots of good, clear, explanatory images online if you want to check, but from your description it sounds pretty sure to me.
Today Kathy Bates was on Dr Phil. She is a spokesperson for Lymphedema. A doctor was with her and they were discussing how many doctors know nothing about it etc.
Anyway this Dr Stanley Rockson said that if you have one case of cellulitis that’s one thing but if you have two cases of cellulitis you have Lymphedema.
Looking on line just now I found this from the show.
“Some warning signs of Lymphedema include infection in the skin (cellulitis) not related to an injury; removal of lymph nodes during surgery, or radiation therapy on or near lymph glands, and swelling in the extremities (arms and legs).”
The part about “cellulitis not related to an injury” caught my attention.
I know you didn’t have swelling of the arms or legs but it got me thinking about cellulitis.
So maybe you do need to know what you had/have.
I agree with CM, shingles.
The blisters would be one clue. Another issue is shingles can be contagious when leaking. Good you weren’t around MIL.
I’m glad you are better.
1.) Near the eye can be a nightmare - shingles or not. Do not leave your diagnosis and care to an amateur.
2.) If it is shingles, ask your doc how long you should have no contact w/89-y.o. MIL who has CHF, severely limited mobility and a faulty immune system (diarrhea for 3 months - hello). Then have doc write you an Rx that says “no contact w/elderly and those w/weakened immune systems for XXXX days/weeks.”
I’m not being an azz. Shingles would be MIL’s undoing. Literally.
Take no risks.
Good thing SIL likes to text so much. It might be her only contact w/you for a while - even tho she’s right across town @ MIL’s house.
We are now 9 days into this and the only remnants at this point are the scabs on my face, eyebrow . and forehead. On the right side only, interestingly enough. The rash/blisters .. the inflamed areas .. the swelling .. all gone.
I may see if my doc can see me tomorrow AM. Feels almost superfluous at this point . the crux of all this, is almost over with ..
This all began really on xmas eve . beginning to feel what felt like .. it felt like on my scalp that someone had pulled my hair really hard . or something had hit my head .. but there wasn't anything there . no knot .. nothing. Not at that point .. but by that evening, I began to notice a bit of swelling in my forehead .. and the ever present pain .. in my scalp.
I have remembered back in the days prior I had been so bone tired .. so much so that I even laid down to nap in the day hours .. .at one point when I had g'daughter here (highly unusual for me).
But I had also been incredibly busy and on the go, constantly in those few days before xmas.
By xmas night .. that afternoon in fact, my scalp was so inflamed that it was hurting pretty intensely and I had to have daughters put the finishing touches on the xmas dinner here .. and I didn't eat . just couldn't .. didn't feel good. All encouraging me to go to the hospital .. (I never had any fever with it).
All I wanted to do is get through xmas day and dinner, and then .. assuring all, if I don't feel better, I'll go .. just .. let's get thru xmas day here. Did that. After everyone left .. DH had even gone to bed .. and I went to the back to tell him I was just gonna drive myself there . .. it's an outpatient ER facility. He got up and got dressed and drove me there. Xmas night .. spent in the ER.
There, the doc said . she even mentioned Shingles, but dismissed it .. said it was Cellulitis .. and then started an IV of antibiotic .. and then sent me on my way with a written rx for an antibiotic which I filled the next AM.
Started on that the day after xmas ... Thursday. By Friday I was worse .. eye almost swollen shut .. swelling, blisters .. pain .. awful pain .. and frozen ice water bottles my best friend .. being held to the inflamed areas constantly ..
I called my PCP office, . found out my PCP was off on vaca . and they had no one in the practice that could see me. I drove myself to the doc in the box not far from here. There, the doc in that site only said she thought the antibiotic needed to be changed .. it wasn't agreeable to me. And she rx'd a different antibiotic along with a steroid .. and told me to take OTC Benadryl for the itching (the itching was the least of the problems, it HURT), Motrin and/or Tylenol for pain.
That, began to turn things in the right direction finally, slowly but surely.
Had plans at that point, .. have been on the agenda for months .. that we were all to meet up and camp in the New Year at a campground (rented cabins, all of my family) a few hours drive from here. Were to leave on Sunday .. and it was touch and go as to whether I'd be going.
But by Sunday .. I was able to go .. the swelling had subsided a in large measure and now it was just mostly sores that were scabbing ..
Of course I looked like, and still do .. a meth addict . with sores on my face, .. but it's only on one side of my face (right side) and only the upper quadrant of my face, not my cheek.
Went to the campground on Sunday and still on the antibiotic and finishing up the steroid that had been rx'd. Finished up the last of the antibiotic today and the steroid . that was finished while we were gone ..
Got back into town yesterday afternoon and unpacked and put everything away and laundered everything then put xmas away .. and I guess I could've called the doc today to try to be seen .. but .. it seemed kinda .. mute .. after-the-fact, at this point.
I would say .. gee, I hope I don't expose them to chicken pox if this is Shingles .. but .. that ship has sailed. I've been all around them .. for days and days .. if that's gonna happen, it's already a foregone conclusion.
Oh well, .. I guess I'll never know ..
It's all but over with anyway ..
So now we await the arrival of the MIL contingent next week ....
And the saga will ensue ..
Hopefully absent much presence from me.
And no .. SIL and I no longer text .. she is blocked from texting me ..
I may put in a word to her, that this may be Shingles I've dealt with .. and she can then decide she needs to keep them away from me. Wouldn't hurt.
Found concern on their end as to being able to fly next Tuesday.
Them on the way out to doc visit. Possible UTI for MIL and pondering also some bothersome but not particularly otherwise troublesome rash on MIL's buttock ... one which has traveled to her genital area along with some bad leg cramps resulting from Neuro doc orders to take her Gabapentin for addressing the neuropathy.
They have their own set of maladies that may impede travel this way.
Sounds like MIL has a host of issues ongoing at present.
Still, it would be a good idea to know for sure, for (if Shingles) you are now more susesptible to have repeat occurences. It would be appropriate to have an Antiviral Rx in hand to use at the first sign of reoccurence, IMO.
Also, you should inquire about getting the Shingles Vaccine, if you haven't already had one, I hear there is a new 2-part shot that is out there, but have not had it myself, knly the oldee type Vaccine.
As reccomended by a previous poster, getting Drs advice on whether or not (and for how long) you are contagious, and whether or not you should come in contact with your MIL or other older people (who may or may not have had the Vaccine protection) would be in good order. Get a Drs note to their reccomendations on the subject, as well! I believe your Grandies are safe, as they have had the Chicken Pox vaccine in their Childhood Immunizations.
Also, is MIL's rash on only one buttock?
Any rash that confines itself to one side of the body should be suspected of being shingles. That's exactly where my husband's shingles originated.
She has been catheterized .
...... for a UTI or bladder infection, unable to pass urine on her own. Is at home at SIL's.... and on an antibiotic.
Also dx'd with Shingles on a buttock that has traveled to her genital region.
In no shape to board a flight for home in a mere few days.
I guess it's yet to be determined when that capability will be more suitable.
As for myself ... I was unable to schedule an appt for me today. Caring for grandkids.
Perhaps Monday will be better and I can call my doc.
Praying that you both get to feeling better, and glad SIL isn't trying to get poor MIL on a plane, hopefully she won't. Her body and mind really aren't in the shape to handle being shuffled around back and forth, especially now.
I had the chickenpox when I was five yrs old and I remember it well - even have a few scars that are still visable all these years later.
Eveything I've heard, read and seen makes this a huge nawing, back-of-the-mind anxiety. I’ve even read of people losing some eye sight when shingles are present in that area - so yes, Dorker - you were lucky this time but a reoccurrence possibility should definitely get you into see your doctor now for future preventative measures.
As for me - I have a doctors appointment in two weeks. I’m on a “opioid plan” which requires seeing my doctor a couple of times a year to discuss any need I might feel to sell my body on the street in order to purchase heroine.
I might as well make this exercise worth my time and ask for the shingles vaccine.
Poor MIL - shingles in her “lady garden”! The mere thought makes me shudder.
DD put out with SIL. Remember SIL can't text me anymore. I have her blocked. Sounds like SIL reached out in text to DD ... lamenting the plight on their end up in IL.
Per DD, her perception... not said outright .. but inferred for certain .. seems DD picking up on some bitterness, resentment ... that DD's mom and dad drove the bus initiating a departure outta here as to MIL and into SIL's care. Care that appears unending at this point with one malady after four others.. it just never ends. Lamenting how exhausting it all is ... that she and B never get any time alone .. how discouraged MIL is ...
As DD put it .."what gives her the right to think she can come here every few months and go hard at it all ... then return to her peaceful life and direct you as to all the need ... this is HER mom ... not yours. She is retired ... she has choices ... she doesn't HAVE TO DO THINGS THIS WAY ... she could've been using this time to find placement .. but no ... you suggest that to her and she dismisses any suggestions"
DD disgusted with her aunt.
My response to DD "that's why I have her blocked from texting me ... her choice to do things this way ... I know it's hard .. incredibly taxing ... been there/done it .. not doing it anymore ... you wanna take it on ... do it then".
I do feel for SIL. Now finding that any trip back this way has been sidelined and for who knows how long and now caring for Shingles and her mom catheterized ... if it weren't that malady it would be 9 others, always is. I do feel for her and I know it's incredibly grueling. But she has options.
As she told DD "our retirement years ... not how I envisioned it"
She has little sympathy from DD and probably less from me.
As DD put it "They deserve each other ... I'm convinced SIL is just plain stupid ... she's a dumbazz....she's just not real bright ... They deserve one another ... g'ma a vain stubborn azz.... and SIL just plain too stupid to do things differently and set aside emotion and do what's best for ALL .. They have charted their own course here... They deserve it ... both of them"
Preaching to the choir. Couldn't agree more.
I do think however, .. at this point, having taken several steps back from all this scene .. she truly did .. through and through .. I don't think it ever occurred to her, at all, not even an inkling . that life .. could include at some point, that Dorker would step back from all this and not be a major player in managing it, so that she could resume her life as she knows it. I truly don't think that notion ever even occurred to her, at all.
There was a time, when Dorker was not only driving the bus in SIL's absence here on the scene .. Dorker was also trying to navigate the trip forward. Not anymore.
Dorker doesn't participate at all, ...
In fact, the only reason I found myself on the receiving end of their news of the latest maladies .. was that I was to go to the airport to pick them up this coming Tuesday upon their grand return here. I wanted to report to them, the possible Shingles that I've had on this end .. in case, they'd prefer to opt for a taxi service, .. than to be exposed to my trials.
Ran headlong into what they're dealing with on their end .. in MIL's latest saga.
Not surprised at all, .. it's always something .. always will be with an elderly frail person.
What is surprising to me is that had I not taken the initiative to get her steered outta these parts for what was originally a request to have her out of harm's way during hurricane season . had I not driven that initiative, I have zero doubt she'd be right here, .. all along would've been .. and this latest malady . would be mine to try to navigate and/or ride herd on DH to go and do so .. usually without success. MIL living out her fondest desire, .. to be left alone, in her own home, to manage .. "now I will manage, don't you guys worry with me" .. as she calls with yet one more malady and need of the list of never ending need. And SIL living her life in IL .. and directing traffic on this end.
Nope .. Dorker not driving the bus ..
At this point, .... I did what you will see going forward as to my participation in it all. Having talked to MIL the other night . and hearing her tale of woe .. one of her dilemmas .. she is a PJ wearer (in fact, her lamenting that she doesn't get out of PJ's .. ever .. unless it's for a doc appt .. I thought *what's new .. that was life as you knew it here, but not going there .. whatever*). Her talking of that Shingles rash on her buttock .. that the seam of her PJ bottoms was irritating it . .and so SIL had run out to try to find nightgowns .. not something MIL wears ..
I guess SIL returned from the store with a semblance of a nightgown of some sort, .. not anything MIL was happy with .. I don't guess it's appearance .. pleasing to her, . .who knows.
I did order for MIL ... and set it for shipment there, .. a flannel nightgown .. I know that she freezes 98% of the time, even with the thermostat set at 80 .. and so flannel .. and ... so that's the kinda thing you'll see my participation in. I don't know whether MIL will be pleased or not .. doesn't matter. It's functional .. a flannel nightgown .. that's the crux of it at this point. Does it serve a purpose .. ??... yes .. is it unsightly .. perhaps .. but it meets a need .. so be it.
I do find it surprising that SIL . I guess .. did it never dawn on her, that her mom's care .. could end up looking different than just her arriving in town every few months .. and yes .. .while here .. going hard .. and fast at it all, .. and then waltzing back to her life. Did it never dawn on her it could look a lot different?
That is surprising to me. I think I'd of had enough insight to realize .. this is my mom . maybe better make a different plan. Don't think she did.
And just as a side note, as pointed out to DD ...
"Remember she has a daughter that lives right there in the vicinity .. a daughter that is single, has no kids .. a job with loads of flexibility .. if she needs a break . maybe an afternoon to go enjoy lunch out with her husband .. maybe take in a movie or an art show at the museum .. whatever .. she COULD .. call upon her daughter and SHOULD .. she sure hasn't minded calling upon OUR daughters here, as to her mom's need".
DD's response (so true): "She would never, ever .. not in a million years .. put her prima dona daughter out .. and ask her to lift a finger to help .. ever .. not gonna happen".
So true.
Her daughter, M ... lives right there, the same daughter that routinely dropped off her 3 dogs for care, as she flitted about the planet on yet another trip .. and/or had her mom cart her to and fro the airport for said trips ..
But far be it from SIL (the enabler, .. the charter and founding member of the Enabler's Club) ... to ask her daughter to set aside her own life for an afternoon and come sit with and care for her g'ma ..
She'll do so with our kids on this end .. not a moment's hesitation .. but would NEVER ask that of her own daughter. NEVER.
DD is right, .. they deserve each other ... SIL too stupid to do what she needs to do .. and MIL too stubborn and vain to do otherwise.
They have charted their own course here, both of them.
Something that was always .. thru all the years .. rather telling to me ... I grew up in a huge extended family myself. When we would all get together, .. it just seemed that the women of my mom's generation prepared the big spreads of meals .. and it was my generation .. me and my cousins .. siblings .. on clean up duty .. that's just how I grew up .. it was ingrained in me. That's how it was done. That's what I did .. with my kids ... As they grew up .. if we had a big get together with extended family .. all of us .. we'd prepare the meal ... but you can bet on it .... that generation would be left with clean up duty.
Not SIL's prima dona daughter .. nope. All the years our kids were pre-teen and teen and so forth .. if we'd all gather for a big spread ... and the meal prepared and so forth .. nope ... M no where to be found, .. and no .. her mom not putting a boot up the backside to get said action.
I used to wonder .. ponder .. wth ..?!??!?..... as my kids would be in there on clean up and putting things away . and her on her walkman or whatever .. reading a book .. whatever it is that prima donas do ..
That continues to this day .. far be it from SIL to ask her daughter to put herself out .. so that she can now be convenienced to go do something she might like to do with her own time .. if just for an afternoon .. nope ..
Surely someone with a degree in SW has access to colleagues and professional materials on the ins and outs of caregiving, starting with the absolute necessity of respite.
MIL has assets (RM) and should be paying for at least one day a week of respite for SIL. Perhaps DH should tell her that. And perhaps DH should get himself to IL to see his very physically ill mom?
For dd. From one of the best movie of all-time:
”...I'll call upon you to do a service for me.” ~ The Godfather; Vito Corleone
Seems to me that SIL is prepping dd. But as you’ve said, Dorker - dd will or she won’t. Dd is a grown adult and capable of deciding for herself as to what she is or isn’t willing to do.
However, I suspect that now - with all of your immediate family members, i.e. your daughters, having had a break from being “called upon” and knowing what that tastes like - they might just be less willing to become handmaidens to and for sil and mil.
And now - a bonus movie quote. A cautionary quote for Dorker. This is perhaps the best known quote from the much maligned Godfather 3. Which - in my humble opinion was not as bad as the critics reviewed it to be. It just wasn’t as good as the first two in The Godfather Trilogy:
”Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”
~The Godfather 3; Michael Corleone
It lives dormant in nerves which branch off the spine. When you are at a low ebb, through illness or injury or over tiredness for example, it breaks out in a band of tender-feeling pain (first) then rash that travels along one particular nerve route - around the chest or abdomen, along the groin, also along cranial nerve pathways.
I'm glad you're making a prompt recovery. Do not delay your doctor's appointment any longer, please.
That's between the two of them. I used to suggest things such as that .. suggested things such as counseling for her, for her mom . .support groups .. etc .. along with many other suggestions as to what it is I think might be more beneficial .. but all for naught.
I don't do so any longer.
As for me, .. I find that I'm trying to get up to speed here. I don't know . .if this was Shingles .. will call the doc tomorrow .. don't know if that's what it was . but I'm telling ya the crushing fatigue behind all this has been palpable.
I've been going to bed a LOT earlier than is normal for me .. and just absolutely spent . by the end of each day that hasn't included doing a whole lot (sans the day I kept the babies for DD .. as well as onite and into the next day).
Your SIL's complaints to your Dd definately sounds like she is prepping her for aditional help once they return to Florida. Your Dd needs to stand up for herself, and it wouldn't hurt to remind her Auntie that she should enlist some help from her own Dd for an afternoon here and there. It might just make her think about how she puts the pressure on others back home, at least. Boy she sure has the Nerve to complain to your Dd, when she won't even ask for help on some simple tasks from her own kid! I'll bet she doesn't look forward to getting old and infirm herself, she will be up stream without a paddle with Prima Donna likely turning her back on her! You reap what you so when You are The Enabler!
Hold firm on your Boundries Dorker! So Proud of You!
We just Sold our house, so Loads of packing up and then moving to do. Our 4 kids are lining up to help! So Proud of our Troops!