I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
But let's remember, when it was time to discharge back to Rehab .. I was the one over here raising my hand .. "uh .. I don't think POSH is all that POSH . let's remember here folks, she arrived at the hospital with a broken hip .. and .. uh .. that was because she'd been ADVISED/ADMONISHED/CAUTIONED .. not to get out of bed without assistance . but did so routinely and no over sight to stop it . not enough staff .. but not only that she arrived at the ER with broken hip .. D.E.H.Y.D.R.A.T.E.D. And this is supposed to be "the best" .. as to Rehab sites .. really?!?!?!? We can't do better than this?
The rebuttal to that went about like this: "Well it's supposed to be one of the best .. and .. God how horrible must the other places be if it's like that there .. I think . .in that wing she was in .. it was just general rehab . she was there to gain strength .. from having had a UTI and Diverticulitis flare up .. but now she'll be on an orthopedic wing .. and more staff .. and .. besides that . she knows the setting there, she knows the staff .. it's gonna be better to put her where she has some familiarity with her surrounds in the end .. it's so off putting to elderly to have to get used to a new site, new staff, etc.".
Ooookay. I guess, what do I know.
Fast forward one day into Rehab stay #2 . .in POSH . and we have ding ding ding .. a hemoglobin issue .. hospital sent her sailing on outta there w/what they consider a workable hemoglobin # .. at 7.? something or other . .they don't, that's not their protocol for transfusion . not at 7.? Not unless symptomatic. Well I would debate she was symptomatic . she hadn't thus far been about to be upright without getting dizzy/lightheaded/nauseous .. but bam . outta the hospital she goes and into POSH .. and . 1 day in . .all bells and alarms ringing . her hemoglobin is too low . we don't take them if it's below 8 . it has to be above 8 or they can't rehab ...
Then that fiasco began .. the whole day with SIL pushing a wheelchair all around the corridors of a hospital that they didn't seem to know what in the h377 to do with a non ambulatory patient .. there for a possible transfusion . does she go to ER . does she go to outpatient . does she go to infusion . where does she go ... SIL pushing her around all the long corridors . her in now soiled diaper
I told SIL at the time (let's remember how much SIL's patience .. she is a saint that walks the earth .. as far as patience .. but sometimes patience are not a virtue) .. I told her I would have gone postal on some folks had they put me in that predicament. Here I am in a major medical center . hospital . and nobody seems to know their way around a wet paper bag as to what the h377 to do .. I'd of been raising h377.
It would've gotten ugly had I been at the helm. I would've sat my arse down somewhere and refused to push another inch and gotten the POSH folks on the phone and the lawyer .. conference call and told them I'm not pushing her another inch . you folks get somebody that knows what the h377 to do here, I am not a trained medical person and you've got me pushing her in her soiled diaper all over h377's creation . get somebody on this NOW!
But she did . pushed her all over the place in that hospital. Finally landing in the infusion center where . unable to ambulate (and I don't geuss any of the geniuses know to go get a hoyer to lift here, what ever) .. but they decide to transfuse her in her wheelchair . because she can't ambulate to their recliner and they don't have the staff to "lift her".
There she stays o'nite for observation ..
And then jacked outta there the next day back to POSH . I'd of been raising h377 with them too, why did you accept a patient if your standard is 8 plus for hemoglobin count .. you read her damn records you wouldn't let her come until she'd had a BM . .we know that because they were in there with
They were in there with every means possible, short of a jackhammer, to get her BM's in action. And they got that going .. they told us themselves at the hospital . POSH won't accept her .. until she has a BM. They sure got that resolved didn't they?
Why did POSH accept her with a hemoglobin under 8 if that's their standard.
So now time to go back to a rehab site . and POSH was mentioned again . I weighed in that I wasn't happy with the care there, and thought it not a suitable option . I voted for Purgatory .. with it's slumpers everywhere in sight .. go ahead and go to Purgatory site . it's a NH .. and the staffing is better there .. at least we know that much .. it's better staffed ..
But there were no available beds at Purgatory. I voiced my displeasure with POSH as a return site ..
But previous paragraph explains the rebuttal on that as any suggestion.
So now back at POSH she's been ..
And now this . this "imapction" thing . and now completely confused . or whatever the h377 is going on .. and so SIL suggests a UTI .. and can they test for that, and the response given . "yes we'll look into that tomorrow".
I don't get it .. I don't know my way around such things .. but this isn't asking for a copy of a memo that was sent out at a bull dozer factory . 'yea we'll get that tomorrow" .. this is a possible UTI for crying out loud .. let's wait til tomorrow and let it take hold further ..
Who knows . maybe it isn't a UTI so to get all up in arms .. and for nothing . who knows.
Thus I back down .
I asked SIL .. "Why tomorrow, why not do it now". She didn't know either .. we both surmised maybe it has to have doc orders and the doc comes in tomorrow at 7 AM .. does his rounds.
But do they not call the doctor if there is an urgent matter ongoing .. ?? She didn't know, neither do I. Why not do a test to see if UTI is cropping up .. makes sense to me that it may very well be the case . figuring that her hands were exhibiting dried poop all on em .. and she had been digging in nether regions with those poop'd up hands.
I am not impressed one iota with POSH . not a bit.
And .. just as a side note .. I did ask .. how can it be that she can get dehydrated .
The answer given: "We make sure there is hydration she can have anything she wants and we will bring it to her, but we can't make her drink it".
True .. yea .. I guess ... what do I know.
I know that I fought that same battle . how many times did I have her an outpatient ER .. for IV fluids .. from dehydrating when she lived at home alone .. and "I will manage here".
WoW. Did I have some catching up to do after not reading here for 24-36 hrs!
This really does drive home the fact that posh looking facilities does not necessarily mean one will receive posh care.
The digging around, tanking BP, possible UTI are all troubling.
I don’t know much about AL but imo if that was an option before AL now is not an option. MILs care needs are far beyond the Assisted type. MIL presently is not getting adequate care. I honestly think the meeting whether it was to be a care plan meeting, action meeting, whatever, needs to be shoved to tomorrow. At the very least SIL and probably DH need to meet with the Director of Nursing tomorrow.
SIL if she catches the Dr fine. But that is not going to be enough. Meeting with Director of Nursing is absolutely necessary.
Does MIL need to be moved to the wing where more comprehensive care is provided? It certainly sounds like it.
I think the PT guy said he thought MIL would be rehabbed for maybe 3 weeks after broken hip. Not at the rate this is going. She is just not well enough to benefit from rehab. Actually she’s not well enough to participate.
I would be surprised if SILs phone does not ring ALL NIGHT LONG.
Yep. Hissey Fit. Tomorrow. Director of Nursing.
If SIL catches the Dr in the morning all the better but we all know who runs the show. The person that runs the show regarding MILs day to day care is Director of Nursing. More care, better care, faster care, retention of dignity, the person to address these issues, in my experience is Director of Nursing.
I’m not suggesting heroic measures to prolong MILs life. But this all seems like sub par care to me.
If she says she doesn’t have to go to the bathroom, they will take her at her word. If she says she isn’t thirsty or she had a drink with her daughter earlier or a fairy flew in an gave her a glass of water (just kidding on the fairy;) they will take her at her word. They don’t usually measure input and output unless there is a medical reason to do so.
There have probably been been a few things they could do better, especially on the admission/transfusion stuff, but it is really hard to distinguish where the problems are coming from.
Just reading most of this, it is like deja vu. It looks like you guys are in the crazy-making time of the dementia sweep. The time when you know they are off, but it is hard for anyone to process how much because it CHANGES from day to day. When people ask them questions and half the time they can answer accurately and the other half not and no.one.knows which is which. It makes the people around the patient all feel like they are the ones losing some marbles.
Frankly, it sucks:(
I would raise the issues with the staff in a “how can the team make this better regardless of whose fault it isn’t?” perspective. Teamwork with nudging. Focus on the goal. The goal is to see if she can be rehabbed and then getting her placed without any more hospital excursions. If that is possible, I would say you guys have had success:)
BTW, the fingernail thing was my life for the last few years. Ick, ick and double ick.
had the nurse told me “Um yeah, we’ll check into that tomorrow” - I would have absolutely lost my mind and gone ballistic. Totally ballistic.
If the nurse could not have given me an adequate reason as to why my mother - whom is already injured and barely able to maintain a minimal blood pressure - why a UTI test can not be done tonight - I don’t know, maybe the required test strips don’t work after sundown... had the nurse not provided an acceptable and reasonable explanation- I would have asked to speak with the supervisor on duty. Can’t find the supervisor? Supervisor is in a meeting? I would have driven my tired, worn out, end-of-my-rope azz down there and raised holy hell until the supervisor came.
And - as bad as this sounds - if they still wouldn’t or couldn’t help my mother, I would have told them to transport her by ambulance to the ER.
Maybe this explains why I nearly had a mental breakdown in that year up until the nursing home placement. I don’t know. But I do know that this is someone’s mother, someone’s grandmother, sister, wife... and she deserves better. I don’t care if she is a pain-in-the-azz narc the other 99% of the time.
But - that’s just me. What I would do. And - I didn’t even like my mom much by this juncture.
Ugh - those dreaded night terror phone calls. I had them too - they made me cringe every night, starting from the hospital, and then from the NH/rehab. It all sounds so similar yet again. My mom's night terrors did resolve, though, for a few months anyway. (until the end) She was treated for a UTI, but also, I really think some of her added drugs, particularly the ones given before bed to calm her, had the opposite effect, and things resolved quickly when they were discontinued. Be sure to go over each NEW drug with the head nurse - it could be a drug reaction causing the confusion.
Also, my mom called my phone number for years, so it was an old ingrained habit, so that is why there was no problem picking up a telephone and dialing my number. It is the new stuff (nurse call button) that they simply can't learn. That darn nurse call button never stopped being an issue for my mom.
Once I had just arrived back after spending the afternoon with Mom when she called and frantically insisted I return immediately. I explained it would mean my having to navigate rush hour traffic in a large city, then return to the motel after dark, but my normally kind and considerate Mom said she didn't care! (I did drive back, only to find her calmed down and ready for bed.)
These behaviors were so completely out of character for my mother, who up to that point had had some MCI that didn't affect her life too much. But in hindsight, we can see that the hip surgery marked the beginning of a major acceleration in her mental decline. The physical therapy she received was successful in allowing her to use her walker for short distances again, but within weeks of her discharge to Assisted Living, it became necessary to transfer her to their Memory Care section.
My siblings and I had no idea such a rapid mental decline was even possible, or that our mother would ever be considered a candidate for Memory Care. I hope MIL doesn't follow this path, but I do think it happens fairly often to the elderly following surgery. (In Mom's case, she did adjust well to MC and to having a roommate.)
For your MIL, I think the coming weeks will make clear the level of care she will need.
Usually, I agree with and love everything that you have to say. Not this time. But I still think you’re fabulously awesome.
Im all about the “catching more flies with honey” thing. All over Teamwork. Use to teach Teamwork and Team Building classes.
But...
While most people respond well to the positive approach- POSH just doesn’t seem to be that type of place. More, they seem to see someone being nice and/or accepting - someone on the meek side - as a green light to roll right over the top of them.
But yeah - it does suck.
For one thing, 7 is borderline. She'd just had hip surgery, it wasn't unreasonable to expect it to sort itself out, and the numbers are guidelines not criteria.
More to the point, it's now solved. Probably. But even if it *isn't*, pondering earlier decisions is pointless - they're done.
MIL may well be constipated. People tend to leap to "impacted" because the discomfort can look so dramatic and they don't know or have forgotten how very solid and painful constipation can be; but from observation I can tell you that when your hip or pelvis is sore and your gut is snoozing peacefully because you have been stuffed with opiates, plain old common or garden variety constipation is No Bloody Joke.
Set SIL your best example by not barking. That's what all those dogs at rehab are paid for.
She has gone downhill mentally over the past months. I think part of it might be that she is taking seroquel twice a day. They said she would get used to it, though, and not be so out of it. They also occasionally add another med.
But part of it is also that the 17-day hospitalization and physical decline from that, then the rehab facilities, caused her to be tipped into dementia. She was only holding it together because she could control everything in her narrowed world of her condo, and rarely went out. Now she is constantly exposed to multiple people every day, and she just can't control every little thing.
This past week I've been there three times because my cousin and his wife visited from another part of the state, and one of my brothers visited and we went together twice to the NH. My mother appeared to be more delusional than usual -- crying about who is paying the NH one time, and then perseverating on tickets for the plane(one day), train/bus another day. I didn't go yesterday, but one of my sons visited her, and she was "out of control," as he phrased it.
The LPN wanted her tested for a UTI last week, but the medical team didn't do it. She will be assessed probably today, and the LPN will push for the test for the UTI. The NP told me one time that they weren't going to test for a UTI every time my mother got irrational.
And this is probably the best NH in the area. The local medical school (which has a geriatrics center) is there during the week.
I am one of four children, and I keep my brothers apprised. Any of them could demand action from the DON. They don't. I am not willing to fight this facility. I don't want them to tell me that they can't handle my mother anymore. (I suspect that what they would do is just medicate her even more.) I did express displeasure at all of the "soft" falls, and now her bed is lowered (I don't know why it took my suggestion to do this).
The good news is that my mother's tracphone has less than a week left of service on it. I am not putting another $20 worth of minutes on it to keep it active. My mother no longer knows how to use the phone, really. Very rarely can she figure it out. She certainly bothered me with a lot of phone calls when she was in the first rehab!
There continued to be a LOT of phone calls from her before she lost the ability to use the phone, though. As long as MIL can still use the phone, SIL will probably have to stay in Florida.
I'm sure others don't agree with me and my care of my mother, but I've long suspected that I don't meet many others' Standard of Care in elder caregiving. And I insist on payment for my time. Once Dorker's thread is done (when MIL passes), I will probably not stay here. The martyr thread is what made me realize that I am not with the majority of posters here.
Dorker, I think SIL (and H) will probably have to accept that MIL is in a downward decline. I don't see the confusion as anything that unusual, except for the fact that she's been "digging" around in her nether regions. In this case, it seems like a UTI is a real possibility! But I think the expectation that she will continue to decline mentally is probably right.
Keep us updated.
Old people on pain meds get very impacted, very quickly.
WHY oh WHY were they not getting ahead of this before it ever happened?
I had a relative in the hospital on heavy pain meds after heart surgery and they were not even giving her stool softener or metamucil! Needless to say, she got impacted as well.
Dorker, I highly recommend a glass prune juice for MIL. Warm it up a little. It works when nothing else will.
I do mean put off, not give up - these are rough days but it's not unreasonable to hope she'll settle down again.
As long as she doesn't stroke.
Skip that last sentence if you'd rather, D.
I think it's imperative to get this new POA signed as soon as possible because things seem to be going south very quickly.
I guess last night's delusion was maybe chalked up to a bad dream. In fact, .. SIL called the nurse station this morning at 6 when she awakened, to ask how her mom's night went and about the confusion delirium .. none reported, restful night.
She called her mom when it got to be a reasonable hour and found her lucid (well for her anyway) .. and yes, she remembers that from last night . and she guesses she'd awakened from a dream . and had trouble orienting to . "wait that was a dream, that wasn't real". Said she'd fallen asleep at some point . and woke up at around 8:30 or so (night) and somehow thought it was 8:30 (day) and she guesses that in her dream state .. she'd been in IL . .and she'd had trouble orienting to "this is night, not day" .. and "that was a dream, not real".
So, in the end, my having gotten upset .. in fact, I kinda went to bed aggravated at any notion that they'd "see about tomorrow" a UTI. Why tomorrow? Went to bed aggravated with that .. and also .. aggravated that it was obvious she'd been digging in her behind .. they caught her at one point, .. face cream .. trying to apply that to her behind .. somehow .. and yet no one saw fit to check her hands and clean them ?!?!?!? Went to bed aggravated by that.
But by this morning, her mom is more oriented. In fact, .. SIL had left a message with the nurse station . knowing the doc breezes thru there early .. like 7 AM .. and so . she'd left a message at the nurse desk asking him to call her. She hadn't heard anything . .so she asked her mom .. "I left a message I want to talk to the doctor . has he been in yet". The doc had already been in to see her, and MIL able to report to SIL .. "yes he knows to call you, and said he'll do so .. but he has to see other patients and then get to his office and he'll call you".
SIL said she didn't even bother asking her mom . will wait to talk to the doc .. why does he suppose that her BP fell out yesterday and her unable to do PT . and what/if anything are we doing about it, hemoglobin #'s . what are they, are we checking them. Said her mom did tell her they drew blood this morning.
SIL and I both agree though, be on the lookout for a UTI for sure, considering her digging in the nether regions.
Hard at this point to come to terms with .. and wear it/live it/breathe it/be it ..
There will be daily (it seems) upheavals .. and falls off the cliff .. it just seems that's the new normal. So . .living with that . and not letting it get you all pent up with anxiety .. as SIL and talked about it ..
Her, being point person on all that. Doesn't seem MIL reaches out to DH . and in confusion or whatever state she's in . with poop caked on her hands .. whatever the h377 the issue dujour is .. it seems that MIL if she reaches out, it's to SIL not DH .. and SIL .. I don't think (nor am I) .. on that page of .. "gee, this is the new normal here .. it's just one thing after another after another daily .. and so .. start liking it, cuz that's how it's gonna be".
BTW .. I do still think she is in the wrong setting as to what she needs for care. I do. But .. not my call to make .. I've said as much to both DH and to SIL and they both agree, . but neither has yet seen fit to take the ball and run with it, to try to discuss getting her moved. Their call to make.
And who the h377 knows what will happen to upend things between now and then, .. it will surely be something, always is.
I guess there's no big rush ..??..... there is an existing (old) POA . and so .. I guess that suffices, til this one is done .. and so maybe that's why there's no big push to get that done, like yesterday!
And on another note, seems B is doing just fine in St. Louis with all his family there. They are a big and "fun" family (those of them that I've met thru the years anyway). And .. though this is a funeral .. it's not all that somber, sounds like .. sounds like they are all having a pretty good time, gathering and enjoying one another. I'm glad for him. So glad. I asked SIL .. "so is he heading home to IL .. and not coming back here to FL . and escaping the madness here". She said no, that he will fly back here tomorrow afternoon.
Back in the day, we used to say a broken hip was a female's one way trip "home." The fracture often would heal without complications, but the cumulative effects on all the other body systems would lead to a downward spiral that can be slowed but not stopped: pneumonia, blood clots, stroke, arrhythmias, any & every change just piles on until it becomes too much to recover from.
I hope & pray that MIL's condition will reach a level of stability acceptable for everyone involved. This is really such a hard time for all of you! I am so sorry you are going through this!
Longears, so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine... I am certain your daughter felt your love and devotion and could walk home with peace knowing you would watch over her little ones with that same love and devotion.
CTTN, I understand where you are coming from... after so much of this, I tend to approach the same way. The main priority was to get our peeps into a facility that could handle the big stuff and was decent at the little stuff. Dealing with them being beyond the capabilities of a facility and another move would have put all of us, including my ILs over the edge. The situation was just beyond.
I have gotten very good at setting aside my inner type-A and realizing that this comes down to choosing from a list of not-so-terrific choices. I have had to make peace with that. But, DH and I always figured that as long as we are choosing with love and in their best interests and with the knowledge that their reality was very distorted, that we would still be doing better than many. We didn’t want the perfect to become the enemy of the good. Facility interaction - how much to honey and how much to push - is a difficult dance:)
And the UTI thing has been a blessing and a curse. We have seen UTI where behavior was affected and treatment helped. Most of the time it was the decline. But, once family members heard it mentioned by someone, somewhere that UTI causes confusion, they were constantly saying, “well, it is probably just a UTI? Did you get them checked for a UTI?” I was ready to scream toward the end of them living with us. So much was the dementia being it’s weird, non-linear progressive self. And I spent so.much.time running them to urgentcare and holding pee cups. DH and I second-guessed ourselves so much and so much time was wasted on UTI thinking that we should have been using to see reality and work on placement. Literally, months. That phrase “not testing for UTI every time someone gets irrational” is a path I can absolutely see staff using, especially with evening confusion.
However, the digging situation makes a UTI far more likely, so it is ABSOLUTELY reasonable to check. It may be a combination and eliminating one at least helps. Hopefully you will get an answer.
I hope today is peaceful and productive in Dorkerland:)
SIL . at one time sold on that setting . .and I was the lone voice over here, .. "uhh .. I see problems there . she hasn't gotten up and gotten dressed daily for a couple of years now or more .. I don't see her doing that, .. SIL if you think she's gonna be able to hang with that requirement, let's get her doing that right here and now, let's see if she can do it, if she can, do it now".
Of course, that wasn't progressing/succeeding.
In the meantime I reached out to M, to see if she could l yank her mom's floating balloon as it floated off into unrealistic hopes. She did that . brought her mom more back to reality on that as a setting.
Since that time . .SIL has really more come to the realization that Fancy Pants . might've been a great setting 10 years ago . when MIL was .. as is seen there of the rest of the population .. up and about . on their walkers, dressed, makeup on, etc. Not what you see out of MIL present day.
And now she fell and broke her hip .. and the side sagas that continue in that light .. it has all but nixed any consideration at all, as to Fancy Pants for a setting for MIL. Unfortunate, but it has really kinda made the picture more clear.
I suspect as the weeks progress here, it will be even more evident as to what it is that her needs are .. be that MC, SNF .. whatever .. It will become more evident.
And someone asked earlier, .. should we consider a move to "We are Family" right now .. since it seems they are more suited/staffed for those who need more care. You're right, they are, suited and staffed better.
But I question I still have .. as that a future setting for her. They do not have on site . a PT room. I did ask as I toured there, . what of the folks that are ordered to receive PT. The answer given .. "We have PT staff that come in to visit those who need those services, . .and if they need to go to the site for it . they can be transported".
I dunno .. that leaves me with kind of more questions than answers. I just think, if MIL were in that setting presently .. she can't even .. thus far, not consistently .. get upright daily to participate in any PT. How are they gonna get her upright and into a wheelchair, and into a transport van . and then cart her off to some PT site for services. That leaves me with a lot of questions.
Purgatory does have said PT room. And she will end up there at some point in all this and yes, get PT there (if she cares to avail herself of same). But then there will need to be determination as to where she goes beyond Purgatory . and at one point . it had been Fancy Pants . if you asked SIL .. and I differed with that, see above on how that has gone since . and . so "We are Family" gets more mention now .. as to a final destination .. but that too hasn't been settled for certain, not yet.
We are hoping that SW Jessica has some suggestions of places she knows of that we might go check out.
We did ask that (I guess SIL forgot) in the consultation with the atty office, and they suggested two places we might go look at .. one was a Hope Crossings or something like that .. but it was said .. you will see a lot of dementia there .. and another that was mentioned .. it was said of it, .. "if your mom is someone who doesn't exhibit a lot of patience when she calls for help and no help comes, you're not gonna want her there, they aren't real responsive".
Dorker, I think you can put Fancy Pants out of the running for MIL. It isn't going to happen. MIL (and SIL?) will just have to get over their disdain of being amongst those whom they perceive (and it may just be just that -- a perception) to be more affected than MIL. MIL's rapidly catching up to the more affected ones!