I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
As far as your father, if he spent his life in the insurance industry, he is well-versed in getting around things. And didn't he do just that, in refusing to pay the right amount of child support for you and your brother? No sympathy for him from me!
I hope it is not like my family - I warn them. They ignore me. The warned about event happens - they are mad at me for being right (I do not rub in).
Keep us posted. Big drama - MIL move, MIL outing, etc.
How does this place do on health inspections? If they are cheap about the bathroom situation, how many other corners do they cut? We have health inspections online, and I'm sure other states do, too. Have you ever looked at the Shack's online inspections?
Kimber is right -- I'm checking in often to get the updates on the "MIL gets moved!" and "Chitapalooza in the Shack!" chapters of MIL's ongoing saga.
Jeeeze, Dorker - your world seems
to have more than your fair share - of The Special. The Exception. The Not-Those-Others...
Dorkers family will be “crabby”!!!
Get it? Crabby. Seafood Shack!!!
Hahahhahahhaha!
Btw, .. we are not of the ilk that our wee ones run amok in public places. They are seated in booster seats (high chairs when they were more in the baby stage) . .and if they get fussy/restless .. then some adult will take them outside, to walk, . fuss . not disturb other patrons. Can't stand that,.. to have a kid running loose in a restaurant . .never ascribed to that, even when mine were small.
I will be happy to attend, if they'd like, as long as it's not at the "shack" and have said so, . .count me out if that's the plan. And I mean it. I know the disaster that could quickly become. Cautioning all involved, .. and .. fine .. don't heed what I have to say . but go it without me, won't be there.
And yes, . the family and blowback will be swift and harsh .. don't care. Yall's idea .. ya'll all think you know better, have at it.
Have no idea if that's what they think should occur inspite of cautionary words coming from my peanut gallery. If so, have at it . won't be there.
Indeed a few years ago, SIL and myself on the front lines to clean up of chitapalooza at a movie theater. Btw, I can't recall that MIL ever went to another public movie theater again, beyond that mishap.
Can't help but reflect back on when PT was assigned to MIL and she did the same as my dad, . declined. Maybe she'd go the program as long as SIL was there, and had it all in working order, visiting PT. Then as soon as SIL's plane took flight, she'd call and cancel the whole set up.
I remember SIL then imploring would I go take her "to" PT. And of course, I obliged .. for far too long, and found it also included .. "could we stop at ______ I need to pick up ________", .. "can we go to lunch, I would love to go that favorite burger joint", . "could we (meaning me) run by the grocery and pick up a few things . .and would you mind if we stop at the pharmacy and pick up my rx's oh and I need to go by the bank if it's not too much trouble", . and several hours later, and harried .. we'd be back from the PT . .she was SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN RECEIVING AT HOME, but wouldn't comply.
Til I finally got to the point I'm at today .. the rules apply to you and you and you and you, .. everyone of us, you're not special .. and . so my dad and his approach . that he isn't interested in any PT . if it's the only means to get that much coveted HHA ... oh well, ... your boat .. you row it.
Don't see me over there, wading thru the chore of bathing him .. because he is "special" and the "rules don't apply in his case".
Not happy about it, . that he would now have to be at the whim of bat chit nutz as far as bathing ... and I do feel very sorry that's his plight. But he has options .. obviously none he wants .. and as my mom (so kind of her) reminded me the other day . when told of this tale .. of my dad ..her words, .. "be careful dear, with the indignation .. you too will be there sooner than you think".
Kiss my azz .............
I know that, come walk a dam mile in my shoes mom! Never having had to walk this road with either of her parents.
Kiss my azz!
Don't know if that was inference that perhaps I should be more "giving/caring" and run jump to the "poor dad can't bathe now" train .. but nope. Not gonna happen.
I'm confused as to WHY the ONLY place MIL will consider eating at is this Seafood Shack? Certainly you have one or two other seafood places where you live?
Once again I am appalled at the amount of energy that is expended for the happiness of one person--a not so nice person at that (doesn't really make a difference whether she's nice or not---just that it's a lot of work to try to bring one ray of 'sunshine' into her life.)
Not one single solitary person on God's green earth is this invested in MY happiness. Not complaining, just stating a fact. I have to ASK Dh to do anything I want/need him to do. Even then, it's about a 80/20 chance he won't do it.
I don't ask ANYTHING of my kids. My son and his family were in town for wedding and we got together with them for 5 hours on Sunday. Son was shocked I "still" have no hair. I reminded him that I am not done with chemo yet. One week. He had not given me a single thought over the last 2 months when he called me (to talk to his dad)...and no concern nor care about how I feel even crosses his mind, nor his wife's.
My daughter in VA--I told her yesterday not to build up our visit to them too much with the kids, as I really didn't know if I would be able to travel to see them only 10 days past my last chemo appt. She got ANGRY and said "You promised you'd be here. You're going to break the kids' hearts". Well, as nice as that is, to be loved, I know my daughter is planning on my help as I always help her deep clean her house. Won't be doing that this time!
Point be--I am always so taken back by the amount of handwringing and fuss that goes with ALL THINGS MIL.
I don't know why she didn't accept a room away from CC if she is so upset by her ( though I think CC belongs in a single!!)
As far as finding her a new place altogether--until SIL returns (if she even does) nothing is going to happen.
I'm sorry for your dad--sounds like chemo kicked his butt good. I see the sicker patients at my chemo dates--they are usually in a different area. I actually go looking pretty dang good, since I go full makeup and dressed well. I don't look that sick, even if I feel awful. I find if I can lift ONE person's spirits by acting/looking not near death, it's good for both of us. He's tough, I'll give you that. I only have one infusion to go and I know I couldn't do one more than that.
I so understand what your life is like right now--I'm super sick myself, my mother is not doing well (I hear) and my MIL is being a runner up in the PIA category of aging parents. Not my monkey or circus, but I live with one of the (supposed) CG's and his anger at his mother for still being alive makes me sad. You just wonder what more you can handle--and the life hands you more crap. It's amazing how much you can handle and come out the other end with any degree of sanity.
IF DD decides to take MIL out, make sure she has a box of chucks to line the seat of her car and the seat she has at the restaurant. I learned that lesson too late.
Cost me a new carpet cleaner that I just never felt the same about after cleaning up too much chitapalooza myself.
And, through it all, well-meaning folks are constantly suggesting that we “get them out” because “it will do them good”. They have NO idea.
As for your mom’s “helpful” remarks... people who have never done the caregiving thing seem to have a hard time seeing that one of the reasons you do (or did) caregiving is because you CAN imagine what it would be like and that you want to do everything you can to alleviate the weight of aging for your loved one. Caregivers are usually painfully aware of what their person is going through, in far greater detail than the people who think they need to give you that perspective.
I myself am now PETRIFIED of getting old. I HATE the idea of group living. I HATE condescending talk in others now, can’t imagine it coming at you day after day from many people you meet. I pray often that as time goes by and the further I get from the caregiving hell our life had become, that those fears ebb a bit. Because there is no choice in aging;) People like AlvaDeer and some others and their perspectives both negative and positive help a lot in that regard.
So, I hate the thought of giving up my independence etc. and I hated it for my loved ones, which is why we tried so hard for so long (as did you Dorker).
But, in my right mind, I hate more the idea of being a complete pill to those around me. I hate the idea of my children suffering so I can maintain my illusion of independence and be ugly to them. I hate the thought of my closest peeps actually hoping I will pass because they can’t take what is involved in caring for me any longer.
As far as bday dinner, you may want to consider on-site party. Less stress for MIL and you guys ahead of time and during, bring in food from Shack. The added benefit that we noticed while my in-laws were in the facility is that it makes them “popular” in the way a kid who had a birthday in grade school was for the day. And with all of you celebrating her in front of her peers, it can raise them in the estimation of residents. The family can sometimes elevate the person, if that makes sense.
At a certain point, outings are highly, highly overrated by those who don’t understand how exhausting it is to just be old and how scary it can be to leave the comfort zone (even if they do want to get out.)
Jeez, lady, you just have a bunch of fun folks around you. I want to completely smack your kids. WTH???
How self-centered do you have to be to be that selfish when you own young mom is battling CANCER?!? I doubt they would treat a friend like that, or a neighbor.
I can’t even think of your DH.
I am sorry you are going through this and thankful you seem to keep your spirits up in the face of a whole pile of junk.
You are going to get through this. I pray that you have an (appropriately, lol) long life to sit in the sun and walk in the forest and laugh with good friends, and that God blesses the work of your hands and the love in your heart.
Hope
I can't imagine though .. weathering what goes on in my world (and in yours as to the moms) . .and being sick trying to deal with chemo. I can't even imagine how you manage to keep your spirits up. Strong person!
Hope, I thought the same things as to any outing. Just as MIL has done with DH countless times, and he has offered "repeatedly" to come get her, for church . come get her for at least just a drive, just to get out . at all the complaining . he has OFFERED. It's always declined, "no I'm just not up to it".
So .. DD goes there to visit yesterday, me watching the twins for her . .and finds the complaint .. "I haven't been anywhere since I got here .. I just want to go out". DD offers to make it happen.
We'll see if it does in the end. If it does, . and she actually gets in the car and goes .. that'll be a good trial run of how things might look as to going out for any bday celebration in November.
And yes, it remains that we very much could go get whatever take out pleases her, or home cooked if she so desires .. and bring it there, and celebration there, .. but the complaint has been "I want to go out somewhere". So .. that's why it gets entertained to get her out . as to any bday deal.
And whether she will INSIST that she be allowed to go to the Shack . remains to be seen .. I don't know. I know that would be her 1st choice, I know her well. But when advised that's not a good plan . as to their bathrooms .. will she be agreeable to consider an alternate site. Maybe, we'll see. Will that even be presented to her, or will the nimrods that orbit this whole thing . just willy nilly go along with her request, for the Shack. We'll see.
As for my mom's (not so helpful) remarks .. I'm a strong proponent (look no further than all the millions of times I should've blown sky high) in the ole saying "if you've got nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all". Strong believer in that approach .. wish my mom would take a note from that book.
If there's one thing I can't stand . it's someone from afar . who doesn't get their hands dirty in c'giving for anyone .. and them telling you what you should do.
So I tell the plight that my dad is being obstinate in refusal to allow PT . and ergo . no HHA as a result . and that gets met with "careful dear, old age will creep up on you too, sooner than you think".
Yea .. it will, and if I've learned one dam thing thru it all, it is to try to be more compliant than any of the folks I've seen . and not make myself and everyone in my hemisphere miserable and wish that I'd just go on and die.
I did just think of one thing, though. If they take her out Saturday, they need to be prepared for “running by the house just to look at it” or “pick something up”.
If the outing happens, and DD is somehow driving her, she needs to be ready for that. I would be leery of even driving past... if she wants to after dinner, DD could be not feeling well or need to get home to kiddos.
Driving past may result in wanting to go in... is DD strong enough to say “not today” and divert? Because once she is in, you may not get her out again. Once she is in her driveway and out of the car even, they may not get her back in.
That may be what is driving this desire to get out. It may be completely unrelated. Just thought I would throw it out there as I imagined DD driving her and granny giving the sad story and DD thinking it will result in a short and beautiful walk down memory lane at granny’s house. My nieces and nephews are all in their 30s, and this is what we have experienced to be their line of thinking. It is definitely nice and kind-hearted, but doesn’t always reflect a good understanding of the consequences.
I don't know that I've mentioned it to DD before, .. perhaps .. can't remember. But will try to remember to say that in passing to her also.
Have to laugh a bit ... if nothing else, DD won't want to take her to her home for the one single lone reason .. DD now has MIL's bed. A beautiful king size, brass headboard .. and fairly new mattress.
DD's bed was bad bad bad . inherited from some situation . and .. a bad bad mattress, and they lived with it for a long while. MIL no longer returning to her home . and so she asked, months ago . would it be okay . does anyone else want the bed MIL slept in . answer given . no . but don't tell her, it'll just upset her . that things are being taken from the home, so just don't mention it to her, no no one else wants it, go get it if you want it.
The sight of her very own bed, missing from her bedroom is enough to fill anyone with dread at what that prospect might bring in emotion.
MIL is kind .. she truly is .. obviously why so many dote on her, and try to make her happy .. and if she stopped to think about it, . she'd be happy that DD has it, or any one of us that can use it and be happy to have it. She would, absolutely she would.
BUT .............
The initial view, if taken by there, if someone were dumb enough to make that mistake and it wont' be DD . .she doesn't wanna cause that strife .. it would be upending to MIL .. that her room now is absent it's beautiful big comfy bed.
As SIL put it the other day, when MIL was lamenting: "I just want to go home and get in my own bed", .. MIL saying that to SIL on the phone.
SIL talking to me: "I didn't dare tell her, .. well ma .. your bed .. it ain't there!".
Quite sure it wouldn't be DD dumb enough to make that mistake.
But I don't think it's even a good idea, for any pour soul that feels it'll be so quaint . let's just drive her by .. she doesn't have to get out, but let's just at least drive by her house.
Even that will bring about more sadness and perhaps drama than anyone is prepared to deal with, just don't do it. Just don't.
Even SIL thinks that a bad bad idea . and interestingly enough as relates to a trip to the Shack. Bad enough the Shack's bathrooms aren't outfitted appropriately but any trip to the Shack . .MIL's home is just up the road from it, one little measly turn on the way to the Shack and you're on the road where MIL lived. Not a good idea, at all.
It was my moms second to last Christmas and at the time she was still in her IL apartment- getting by with a part time paid caregiver and my indentured servitude.
I was continually trying to get my brother to see and accept the poor state our mom was in - both physically and mentally- but he just wasn’t having it. What did I know, after all ? He - who visited once a month for about an hour at that point in time - knew better than I. I who saw mom multiple times a week and handled all the details of our moms life - along with the ever increasing dramas and crises... Yeah, what did I know?
Anyhoo... So, much to my brothers bewilderment- I declined to go along with and accompany them to the fancy - and very popular restaurant for Christmas dinner...
A few days after Christmas my brother and I are talking on the phone and I ask - “so how did Christmas dinner go?” My brother - “(big sigh) Well, lets just say I don’t think I’m welcome back there any time soon”.
But what did I know?
So this is going to be tomorrow. Is DH going to help? (Didn't he say he'd go along if it was after a certain time?) Your SIL offered to watch the (napping) twins, so he'd better follow through and not come up with some excuse. Or there will be a sick kid, and then DD won't be able to make it. And then what? Well, I guess H takes MIL out solo, right?
How did the move go yesterday? And I wonder what MIL's new roommate is like?
I do know the new SW (I guess one gets a different room, they are now part of a different SW's case load) called SIL yesterday to confirm the family is aware, and okay with moving her, . and imparted to SIL they are trying to find someone (the room is vacant at present) willing to move and be roomie with MIL .. and the SW has someone in mind, she will talk with, someone social and conversational it's said. I don't know if that was the hold up that it didn't occur, or what specifically was the cause. Maybe the big move occurs today .. I don't know.
Church lady texted me yesterday (she seems to communicate with me, not so much with DH . as to her visits/findings upon going to see MIL, maybe that's because DH is working and .. at that hour, it's not likely he'd respond .. if he even would at all, anyway). She'd gone to visit MIL yesterday and took her outside, . .something MIL seems to enjoy (sitting outside). Said MIL talked of the move, . at that point, I guess at that point in the day, .. it was earlier yesterday AM .. she'd not yet made the final call, as to "yes I will move" .. MIL talking with church lady . that she is being urged to move to another room, and may do so . but that she worries what will CC think/say ..
MIL expressing to church lady that it's a difficult decision for her, in that, she does enjoy the fact that CC is gone daily .. all day/every day . .and so she essentially has the room to herself, .. not likely to have that scenario in a different room, that a worry to her.
GRRRRR! I know, I know, her brain doesn't work right. You want to scream . who cares what CC thinks/says . not up to her where you reside!. But whatever.
I guess ultimately MIL did agree to a move, and so at some point it will take place. One can only hope the new roomie, is somehow suitable and there won't be ... further problems. Hate to be such a pessimist (but I guess I am) .. I foresee .. .more problems, different problems, but more problems.
As to the big outing tomorrow .. SIL had mentioned in passing (don't know if she's done so, not inquiring) that she'll need to check on MIL and an outing and how that is to go down .. that she doesn't know .. does one require special written notice, .. well in advance, . is one allowed to leave with the wheelchair they utilize there, or does one have to provide their own wheelchair .. she just didn't know and said she'd need to find out. I don't know if she's done so, haven't asked.
And just to clarify .. this all came about, .. as I asked of DD who was here to pick up the twins I'd spent the day with .. "how did the visit with granny go". That's when she announced .. that MIL has cabin fever, hasn't been anywhere . and that she promised her she'd come get her for lunch .. she said, her words, "I don't know .. I mean . some extra Depends, wipes .. and a change of clothes .. I'll make it happen".
DH as well as her husband also present when all this was stated. DH chiming in that he wants to go. Asked if she could make it .. not lunch . but maybe an early dinner, .. (he is leaving this afternoon for a nearby campground with some guys, men's retreat for church .. and will be back . a bit after lunch tomorrow). Asked if she could make it a little later, so he can go.
At that her husband also said the following: "what we need to do is .. you go on and help your g'ma get ready to go, get dressed and stuff .. and I'll stay with the twins while they nap .. and then when they wake up we can all go".
At that point, the twins were such a distraction . whining/cranky and it was impossible to hold any kinda conversation at all. Time for her to leave and get them home . fed and bathed and such, time for me and DH to leave for church supper, .. so nothing further was hammered out as to how this will all go.
But .. it's clear by what
Clear by what her husband interjected .. he wishes to go also . and the twins . will be part of that too.
Not clear on the "why" .. seems to me, it'd make better sense that maybe she honor what she told MIL she'd do . and sans the kids with her .. and him stay home and watch them. I don't think she'd thought out .. "gee, let me get e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y. on board here and We'll all go". I don't think she'd gone there in her own thinking process of it, she was merely concerned with getting her poor granny an outing.
Her dad threw his hat in the ring, among the chaos ongoing with two 2 yo's .. running amok here and whining and being cranky .. and then her husband also .. put his own spin on it all, 'you need to go on and help your granny get dressed and ready . and I'll stay home with the twins napping while you do that, .. and then you can have her ready and when the twins wake up .. we'll all go".
I don't know that she's opposed .. or cares either way really ..
I haven't heard another thing about any of it.
They left soon after that, .. like within moments .. and so no further conversation on it. It was after they'd left, that I interjected .. "where do you think your mom will wanna go?" DH then with his, "I know where she'd wanna go, to the Shack". I then said, "count me out if that's the plan . .that will be a disaster in the making .. you haven't ever been in the women's restroom there, but I'd guess the men's is about the same . it's really small . like nowhere in there for a wheelchair . really bad idea, . if that's what you guys decide, .. count me out, want no part of it".
Nothing further said on that either.
I did ask him this morning if he's talked to DD anymore on "plans" as to the outing for tomorrow . and he hadn't.
I guess we wait and see. And .. bearing in mind, .. that MIL has requested, lamented a lot that she wants an outing and DH has offered, countless times .. and she in the end, declines . and so that too could be the final conclusion, we'll see.
Just got off the phone with DD who called me, .. and she of the .. "what time should we plan to do this .. like 4 or 5 . what?".
Me: "yea I guess either or or, up to you".
DD: "And where . what's a suitable place, I mean I mentioned Brick as a place to go and dad vetoed that .. not wanting to go there, but I remember they have a lot of space and their bathrooms have handicap stalls and are large".
Me: "Do you remember that of their bathrooms at Brick .. I don't .. I don't recall .. ".
DD: "yea, their bathrooms are good . it'd be a good place to go . I mean the restaurant itself is spacious and .. as long as we go early enough we shouldn't have a crowd or anything .. and I know she likes it there .. I say we just plan on going to Brick .. and dad can go or not .. I don't know why he vetoed that .. I guess he has his little comfortable box of places he wants to go . and if it's outside that little box . he wants to balk .. but I say we go there .. Brick ... and he can go or not .. don't care".
Me: "Sounds good to me .. I don't have a problem with it".
DD: "Okay well, what I'm gonna do is plan on about 4 . and I'll call granny this morning and let her know .. and .. let her know that I'll be there maybe about 1 or 2, to help her get ready .. and hubby can stay home with napping twins . and then when they get up and I have her ready .. he can come get me, and I'll load her in the car and we'll go".
Me: "Sounds good to me .. just be aware now . bring a bag with you, you'll need to pack some extra Depends, wipes and a change of clothes . and ya might wanna see if you can swipe some Chucks .. maybe 1 or two . one for the car seat and one for the wheelchair .. and bring those along .. ".
DD: "Chucks? What's that?"
Me, explaining the purpose of chucks, . DD then thanking me, yes she will do that.
So . we will see what tomorrow brings ..
Are you going?
Will be hard for DD to manage kiddos . .and MIL too .. and so I'll help out on that front.
Generally speaking, taking the twins to a restaurant can be pretty challenging (we do it). And .. when they're bored .. they kinda can get restless and whiney . and so .. if an adult needs to take them out for a walk, .. that's usually me or DH .. that oblige and I will do so .. in this setting if needed.
Have done just that, numerous times when we've gone out to eat.
Probably would be a whole lot more relaxing if .. for instance, I'd just stay home and keep the kiddos for DD. Let her go . .take her granny out . and come get kiddos afterwards.
But I do know that MIL (who doesn't have to do any of the *work* as to having them along) .. she does enjoy being in their presence. Says of them, "its like watching kittens play". Uh .. yea .. kittens that throw food on the floor (that Dorker or DH will then pick up .. and so as to not leave a disaster hazmat site for waitstaff) .. or kittens (kids) who will toss their sippy cup .. onto the table and/or floor and it gets retrieved .. so on .. you know the drill when taking 2 yo's out to a restaurant .. it's not really "relaxing". But ... I have other times I can go to a restaurant if I choose and "relax". So I generally don't decline going in a public restaurant inclusive of the grands. I go. I just help.
What is wrong with DD’s husband? He can’t stay home with his own children while his wife takes her granny out for a quick bite?
Is it his fear of having to fly solo
in taking care of his own children
for a few hours or is it that he’s so insecure in his marriage that he can’t let his wife go out without him present?
Seems to me, that the whole event would be simpler and easier if it
could be just the two of them - DD and her granny. At least, for this
first time so DD can get a feel in what all taking granny out entails.
As it sits now - does it seem even remotely possible that DD will not get roped into twin wrangling- that DD’s husband will pull the entire twin wagon? I highly doubt it. After all, woman take care of their children - fathers “babysit”.
I bet you will end up with MIL bathroom duty, Dorker.
What happens if there is sickness on Saturday? DD often has that happen. Will H and you still take MIL out? You will be sure to have bathroom duty, then, just like in the old days. Ugh.
In taking my mother anywhere, what car to transport her in was always a consideration. My SUV was too high. My husbands sedan was too low. It was like taking Goldilocks out for a frickin’ meal!
But, one way or another - if in fact this little excursion actually happens - and I’ll not be holding my breath - it will be a good test drive as to what might happen and how difficult it might be - to take MIL out to the beloved Shack.