I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
But, I have demanding mom and MIL -but your MIL wins the Academy Award. Y'all scheduled getting together with her and taking her out for a celebration and she is in a snit because she wants to go out ON her birthday. SIL needs to woman up and say "no, it is too difficult for us to take you out, stop being ungrateful - we all got together for your birthday on Sunday and STFU" I know her brain is broken - but holy Louey this woman expects you all to turn on a dime for her every whim. If she acts like one of the two year old twins - treat her like one.
As for DD and her husband - if they are living beyond their means - time to grow up. Glad she is getting a job - but her husband is going to have to get over his FOWK fast.
Keep us posted
OS meets us at the restaurant-- just a chain steak house--but since mother eats breakfast and lunch at 10:30...she would NOT consider eating an hour or even 2 later..so off I go, hauling her to a steak 'brunch' at 10:30 am.
It took 2 burly waiters to get her into a booth that she insisted on sitting in, not a floor level chair (attention, attention, attention) and we get settled and she promptly orders a prime rib. The waitress looks at me and my OS and says, "Uh, we haven't started on that yet, it's not ready until 12". Mother is crestfallen, but I just said, "Mother, I told you this, choose something else". She got a strip steak or something, but let everyone in hearing know that she NEVER gets out (not true) and hasn't had a piece of Prime Rib in years (again, not true). Truth is, the meat at this place is always tough and the veggies always cold. I had a cup of soup and called it good.
Thank heaven for OS. She is so flat lined emotionally, she just never lets anything get to her. She kept mother from constant and loud complaining and me from banging my head on the table.
This year for mother's birthday, OS planned a party at her cabin, knowing full well mother wouldn't go. And she wouldn't, so she got the 'credit' for being kind and thoughtful and didn't have to do ANYTHING.
She was spoiled rotten as a child, that continued into adulthood as her parents continued that. She may be 89 but she acts like a spoiled teenager. And I had 4 daughters, so I know of which I speak!
What a shock, to find that the world doesn't revolve around them.
This having no idea as to what it takes to spin on a dime for their every whim is a much the same category. However - my mom just didn’t give a chit, as to what it took, as well.
Back when my mother had her drivers license revoked - I stupidly agreed that if she could pass the DMV tests to get her license back - that I would help her accomplish that. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. But, I never dreamed she would fixate on it to the degree that she did. Hello, Rain - ever hear of DEMENTIA? Stupid.
My mother determined that she was “better” first thing in the morning. So that’s when we had to go to the DMV. This was back in the day when Rainman was still in school...
So, on seven different occasions - in less than as many months, usually every week until the DMV rules kicked in that after a “fail” one had to wait X number of weeks before the next try - I had to get up around 4:30am in order to get myself showered and ready AND Rainman showered and ready - breakfast etc, wait for the school bus and then drive like a maniac to my moms IL to pick her up and get her to the DMV- bright and early while she was in her “better” window of existence.
It was nerve wracking, very difficult to accomplish and I HATED it. To say I am not a morning person is a gigantic understatement. When I suggested to my mother that we move the time back even a couple of hours - you’d have thought I suggested she cut off her arms and travel on her knees hence forth and for the rest of her life. A dramatic meltdown of epic proportions was always the end result. So, I stopped expecting her to be reasonable - or to care - to understand what it took from me AND Rainman - to get her to the DMV first thing in the morning - and I just did it. The ensuing meltdowns just weren’t worth it.
The kicker - what made it all even more difficult- was the fact that I knew she was never, ever gonna pass the DMV test. That, in the end all the effort was wasted. I never imagined that she would latch onto this effort and persist to the degree that she did. But still - I did it. Seven times before she finally gave up.
Broken.
So first thing, DD who drops off her 6 yo .. at a school right around the corner from me, called, .. asked can she drop the twins now, rather than me go to her later, that would give her time to then get to her house and shower and makeup and such for her interview.
Sure, I said, drop them off ...
So here she comes with twinsies .. and gets them in the house. Little did I know until a moment or two later . she'd sat her cell phone on top of her auto to get the kids in and situated here, and I guess she forgot she did that, . backed her car out of my d/w . and the phone fell off . .and got run over by her, backing out of the d/w.
In she flies now into the house, now that her phone is shot. Wants me to open the laptop . let's print out directions to where she's gotta go. Wouldn't ya know that's the time that wi-fi or whatever decides to be wonky. No go . .just wouldn't load, never happens . but of course, when it's urgently needed.
So out comes my cell phone, do it the old fashioned way . pull up the directions, right them down on a piece of paper ,and off she goes, . now having killed what time she'd intended to use to I guess .. have some leisure get ready time ..
And so she's gone now ...twinsies left here. They were in rare form today. I was ready to let em go play in traffic (I'm kidding of course).
I get a phone call from DH who is at Purgatory .. at present .. and wants me to call the phone # there for Purgatory in her room, that he'd been unable to reach her, so went by there . and when he tries to call the number there to reach her, it just rings and rings . but they hear no ringing at all. So in the middle of fielding two 2 yo's trying to keep them from bouncing off of walls, I try calling that # . no answer. Apparently it's out of order.
So then . back to twinsie watching . and soon enough here came DD back from her job interview, knocking on the door . and as I go to answer the door, my cell rings . it's DH who had just been rear ended .. the trailer he uses to haul all his tools and so forth .. smashed/demolished.
DD's husband who works with DH .. complaining of shoulder, neck pain and so will need to be seen.
DD now gone with twinsies and I need to go stab at trying to prepare tomorrow's church dinner, but am completely at my witts end with this day!
And in the middle of all the above, . .SIL texting me that she was going by to get some of MIL's favorite soup and taking it to her, so I guess .. I didn't ask .. that was the result of the whole "But I wanna go somewhere" notion. I'm guessing SIL put the skids to that as any plan . .as it should be.
It got me remembering yesterday with SIL now at MIL's house and fighting a roach population that has outnumbered the whole neighborhood there. That whole thing .. and I remember when MIL made the choice (seeing more bugs in those days) ... didn't want chemicals in her home .. and even tho OD who was an exterminator (at least at that time she was) ... assuring that the company she works for has hundreds of clients . .and many of them w/pets .. and ... insecticides are so highly regulated, there is no danger to human or pet .. but no .. she wouldn't have it.
I remember thinking at the time .. one doesn't leave these things .. and just hope it goes away. It doesn't, not on it's own. I had a roach population myself, at one time that exploded, and the only thing that remedied it, was to begin a contract with a bug service, to spray monthly .. and that I did for a period of a couple of years and that did solve it. But that's not what MIL opted to do. Now all these months later .. the roaches I guess took over, there in that empty HH . and now that SIL is there .. to reside, .. while attending to matters here .. the roaches are all but ready to carry her and her DH outta there.
Btw, only fitting .. SIL in town at that point . .complicit in that same thinking .. SIL who is all about "organic" everything . from the soap you put on your face, the hh cleansers you use, to the detergent you wash your clothing in .. all organic, .. all fragrance free, .. so forth. SIL .. complicit in that same thinking . and so no bug service commencing.
All had me thinking of a time a few years back . I think I mentioned that whole saga somewhere along the way in all this .. about how MIL had decided all those pesticides weren't good for her pet .. and ingesting those as to flea tx's .. couldn't be good for him . and so she decided to cease doing so .. and so .. she opted . that she'd pick the fleas off of him each time he went out .. and that's the choice she was gonna do.
I remember seeing her do that and thinking she has rocks for brains . .as she'd then wipe his bottom when he comes in . (something she always did) . . and then she'd turn him over on his back, to then pick the fleas off of him that might've hopped on for a ride, while he was outside. The fleas were soon winning.
She was driving herself c.r.a.z.y. trying to win the flea war .. and trying to pick off the nasty little buggers that would invariably jump from the grasp of her pinched fingers to some other furry spot for her to then try to locate, and see 3 more on the way to doing so . and those 3 jump to another furry destination .
I remember telling her she's nuts . she's not gonna win, and her home is gonna become flea infested too. Nope . .didn't want her precious poochie ingesting flea meds . .and didn't want anything topical of a chemical nature.
She finally did give in .. and realize that she has to do one or all of the above . that the fleas were winning. It was a weeks and weeks process before she got there though.
And now, . the roaches .. that have set up housekeeping in her choice, and only fitting that SIL is the one that is now there doing battle with them .. w/her of the same notion .. didn't want chemicals introduced there, to have to contend with.
Even though millions of people have bug services, and those chemicals are part of daily living .. for millions of people ..
So be it.
What kind of job did DD interview for? Would there be evening hours? Are jobs with evening hours the only kind she is looking for? That gets you off the hook for childcare, as DD's H would be the one to watch his own kids.
If DD got a daytime job and put the twins in HeadStart, if they got sick you would probably be expected to be the babysitter. And with twins, there is twice the chance that you would frequently be called upon.
Fingers crosses DD gets a job. Do not feel obligated to provide free childcare on account of her husbands FOWK. If they are truly low income then there are options-child care vouchers, headstart, etc. I wouldn’t agree to babysit when her husband is perfectly cabable of parenting their children while she’s at work. I’ve talked at length about my MIL always watching my nephew. In her mind she was doing it for him. Maybe she was. Or maybe that’s just what she told herself. I used to think, she’s not doing it for him, she’s doing it for his parents who would rather be out having child-free fun! If she had said no, one or both of them would have had to stay home and take care of their son. So I never quite saw how she was doing it for anyone but BIL and exSIL. When my husband agreed for me to nephew one morning this past summer so ex SIL wouldn’t have to re-arrange her clients, he said he was doing it for his nephew. SMDH. How so? If he had said no, exSIL would have rearranged her clients. He did it for her, not his nephew! Of course it’s easy for me to sit here and say that. Anyway point is.....you can say you are doing it for the kids all the want you but you are really doing it for the parents. If you want to spent time with the kids, great! But I hope you keep your boundaries and refrain from being an accomplice to your SIL and his FOWK. If you give them an inch, they will take a mile. Trust me. You’ll have those kids all the time.
Now, my eldest brother -and my other brother for that matter - are not what new-age jargon would term “emotionally available” men. Probably a whole lot to do with our own dysfunctional childhood. But one thing I’ll give my mother credit for - she was never one to make her older children tend to her younger ones. Personal pet peeve of mine - when parents make their older children do the parents job.
However - this did attribute to making a man who had never even held a diaper in his hands until his own babies entered the world.
But my brother figured it all out and for several years he flew solo, parenting his baby sons evening into night and on the weekend. And - they all survived.
In fact - I’ll go so far as to say they thrived. By the time the boys were off to school and my sil had a new 9-5 weekday job - my brother and his sons had forged a close and loving bond that remains to this day. The “boys” now in their 30’s with families of their own - and they all remain exceptional close and loving - and with my brother happily solo babysitting his two young grandsons frequently.
Too bad more men can’t figure this out!
But I am only witness to when they are here together. I wouldn't have any window of what goes on . outside my view, .. i.e., when she's asked him to mind their kids and her not present to direct what needs doing.
Been my observation, . .and DD has even said so .. (not a lot, she doesn't talk outside their relationship much about any woes), .. he raises a ruckus if asked to tend them .. alone. When I see them, (together) .. he does as she asks of him. Doesn't really "see/observe" on his own . what needs doing, or maybe he figures if he ignores it long enough, someone else will do it (his wife).
But no, I have no intent to be the built by design daycare for the kids . never have. I want to "enjoy" them on my terms, and not be "responsible" for their daily care, and have said that since they had the first one 6 years ago.
Especially after today. My gosh. A for instance, .. I'd gone into the kitchen to make them a sandwich. I came back out, sandwiches in hand, to get them to the table to eat .. the boy twin had turned over the table lamp in the den. Not a huge deal . other than .. c'mon time for you guys to learn that's a no no. Nothing I own is that expensive/priceless that I would then lose my marbles over it. But c'mon! Earlier, I'd gone to the back to find their blankets ... (they wanna carry around blankets all the time, both of them) .. and so I'd gone to the back to retrieve them . came back . found them standing on the piano bench getting into all the assortment of family pictures that line the top of the piano.
At lunch .. the sippy cup of milk, went flying ... on purpose, not just knocked over accidentally .. he flung it . and it spilled .. (anything will, even a sippy cup if flung hard enough) . and so .. no more drink with lunch, that's how it works here.
His twin sister was cuddled in the floor with a blankie . and he walked over and kicked her. No reason . not acceptable, put in time out. Then scratched me . angry at me. His sister, scratched and hit me, .. didn't want her diaper changed .. and was angry.
They take each other's toys . causing the other one to scream out and/or hit/push/scratch/pinch . .. so that has to be monitored.
No thanks . don't care to have my day .. every day . policing that scene. NO THANK YOU.
No, MIL wasn't carted out for an outing. I have no idea how SIL got that squelched. All I know is that SIL called me at one point . and it was later than lunch . and she was stopping by a favorite soup place, to get her mom some lunch .. (soup) .. and had tried and tried to call but got no answer. A little bit later DH called from there, long story short, of all days .. the phone in MIL's room .. out of order .. no one had been able to reach her. That has been resolved, but it was quite a while before it was realized that was the issue. SIL trying to call he, DH . no answer .. and her .. of course .. "I wondered why no one was bothering to call me".
Have no idea how SIL squelched any "outing" . .I didn't ask her. She did pick up a favorite (soup) and take it to her ..
And later in the day .. DD and her family went there, with cupcakes and takeout pizza . and had a little mini party .. and DH joined them. I did not. I was here preparing what I needed for tomorrow's church dinner.
I am ready to look at the back of my eyelids .. this day has been a doozy . to say the least.
EEEEK!
I'd probably burn down the house if that is what it took to get rid of them.
Roaches are my absolute #1 phobia.
I've had good results with Roach motels and roach powder (sprinkled in attic).
What is FOWK?
I need to mention that to SIL, the discs and the roach motels . I know she bought some roach spray .. and I guess that whole notion of "no chemicals" she's seen the wisdom to that as any approach.
Anyone have any idea where to dispose of LOADS of books? MIL was an avid reader all her life . and so has LOADS AND LOADS of books, from thru the years.
My guess maybe check with the staff at Purgatory maybe they'd take some of them for stocking their library there .. ???....
I thought about dropping them at the public library . just in their o'nite slots .. but don't know if they want them.
Anybody ever encounter that.
And ... magazines .. OMG .. the magazines .. from eons and eons ago ... scads of those .. none of them of historical importance ...
I guess those will need to make their way out in the weekly recycle bin, stacks at the time.
Definitely 'when it rains, it pours' kind of day, to say the least.
I have ZERO tolerance for naughty grands and I would and did do timeouts. It only takes once or twice of a screaming 2 yo to be sitting in timeout (for 2 minutes) and seeing everyone else having fun for them to get that certain behaviors are NOT acceptable. I never over stepped my bounds with what their parents did, discipline wise. But at Nonny's--it was NEVER a free-for all. Those twins can be disciplined and I bet DD has been too exhausted to do anything but keep them fed and safe. Just MO, but they are too old to be acting up like that.
Don't take that personally, please, this is DD's problem and it's going to get worse.
Glad MIL didn't pitch a fit over getting a cup of soup for her b-day :)
As far as the bug situation--MY DD was of the "natural cleaning" method (when she chooses to clean which is about never) but she used these 'gentle' cleaners until she moved to Houston and met the biggest, most horrific roaches I have ever seen in my life. IMMEDIATE call to an exterminator and he came monthly. They still struggled with the bugs and once she found them in her car (I DID say she was a slob) and that was THAT. She actually kept a clean car and kept discs of bug killer in the cars.
Right before I got to VA, she had the fall influx of roaches--(nothing compared to Houston's) and had madly cleaned her kitchen, where they were lounging about) so her kitchen was clean-ish.
I'm sorry for the over-the-top rotten day it sounds like everyone had. That happens sometimes and it's just unbelievable.
Hoping DD gets a little side job and HER Dh gets over his FOWK. My own DH, a dinosaur in the child care dept, is not allowed to watch any grand under the age of 6 unless I am also present. He'll do diapers and bedtime, but he was pretty checked out as far as hands on care. ALL my sons in law are VERY hands on and involved with their kids. My DH doesn't even know the grands' b-days. Ah well.
Hope DH is OK. He probably is going to be sore for a while and hopefully he retains an attorney as he IS the business and can't lose the income!!
For the roaches, boric acid works pretty good too. It takes a few weeks to get rid of them, but if you put it in crevices near the walls, in bottoms of cabinets (but not near food or dishes), behind appliances, in the garage, etc., it does a good job controlling or eliminating the population. We got them in our kitchen when we first moved here years ago, and I am very squeamish about bugs so was freaking out. But I remembered my grandparents used a boric acid compound called Roach Prufe, so we got some and it got rid of them within a few weeks. I've kept some put down periodically ever since to keep them out.
Yes, Mid ... I had to put boy twin in time out yesterday after a slight pop on the bottom for not stopping jumping on the sofa... it's not a trampoline .. and he was going to fall and get hurt. Telling him no, stop jumping, doing no good. Pop on the bottom and a visit to time out.
They are so so so bad these days .. terribly two!
Poor DD ... I don't know how she does it all day every day with them .. I'd be nutz.
They are not a "pleasure" these days. Oh sure, they are full of love and smiles and the boy in particular .. he gets in trouble and (learned behavior) has it figured out .. *hugs fix everything* and so he runs wanting a hug . even though he knows he just got his butt in a crack doing something he had no biz doing. It's cute, but only so much.
Magazines - if you are willing to take the time to investigate, some artists groups or scrap booking groups will take old magazines. Multimedia projects are popular right now. Try listing them on Craigslist or FB Marketplace as free. If there are any newer magazines, perhaps a local AL or NH may want a few for its residents to enjoy.
When I moved, I listed all sorts of things on FB Marketplace and sold things left and right. Seemed to work better than Craigslist. I was only willing to deal with someone who had a legitimate profile.
As for the library, check with them by phone before dropping off books, and don't put them in the drop box, forcing the library staff to sort them. Ask beforehand if someone can help carry them in. Libraries don't necessarily need or want used books, which may duplicate their existing collection, require scarce storage space, etc........
GoodWill is a very good option for books. Again, call and ask where to drop them off. GoodWill usually concentrates books in certain stores or collection centers, where staff review them for possible marketing on E-Bay or through Amazon. Book sales are sometimes a good profit line for GoodWill and other charities if they have volunteers with the knowledge and time to research book values.
In Charlotte, where I used to live, the Habitat for Humanity ReStore had a book store/coffee shop. I understand that book sales --- both in the store and especially on-line --- was one of their most successful products, but this was largely thanks to on-line marketing of quality books and collectible books.
Perhaps your local library system's got a similar hookup?
SIL already cleaned out from under both bathroom sinks and said she'd dumped out enough lotions and potions, between face creams, foot creams, moisturizers, you name it, .. enough to fill a 50 gallon drum she said.
She said garbage day was yesterday there, so she'd tried to make it count. Threw out some expired canned goods.
Sorted through what are a stash of OTC meds ... not all expired, .. but those that are, got pitched. She's been busy busy busy.
I will probably go there today to see what I can do, .. maybe cart some boxes of books out of there to Goodwill.
It's .. all of it, ..making me a little more sad than I figured it would. Not me ... I don't have the emotional entanglements to all this. But surprisingly . these books, ... to name one thing ... they all meant something to her, at one point . .and so to just toss em out .. is just a little of a tug at the heartstrings, just a little. I guess one can try to find a bit of solace in the fact, some soul will happen upon a book, .. and it will maybe mean something to them too.
Her scads and scads of cookbooks collected all through the years. They meant something to her, at one point in time. I don't have the room for cookbooks by the stacks . .nor do I really use them . that's what Google is for. But at one time, Google didn't exist, so people interested in that, collected cookbooks.
Oh well, just another phase in all this .. and just as the saying goes, .. "other people get through this you will too".
Will Goodwill send a truck to pick up the boxes of books? Or the boxes of books combined with other things the family doesn’t want? I am just imagining the back strain lugging boxes of books around.
I did hang on to a few of the Cookbooks Mom had. Some were my Grandmothers and Great Greatmothers. There were still a couple of Old family favorite recipes that were lost.
This Chapter, the task of cleaning out the house does tug on one’s heartstrings.
Is furniture going in storage until MIL passes? That is VERY VERY expensive, so be choosy about what you store. I 'helped' a friend pack her house last year as she was losing it to foreclosure. 2 HUGE pods packed to the brim and one more could have been used. The oversized double garage was also packed to the rafters. I was stupid enough to let her use MY CC, and it came to over $4K to store those 2 pods for 3 months IN HER DRIVEWAY. Then she came into a little money and decided to move back in. She couldn't put it all back in the house, so the garage is still full. Now she has rats and mice and they are slowly destroying all the stuff in the garage.
You have to make TOUGH decisions and not look back. She didn't and she lost me as a friend in the process. She kept EVERYTHING. The only things that were thrown away were done so surreptitiously and she hasn't missed them.
Now she's facing foreclosure again and no one will step up to help her. All her stuff is covered in mouse and rat feces now--shudder--DON'T store stuff for longer than a month or two before deciding who gets what.
Yes, she had 3 yard sales and netted less than $300 total. Crazy.
Sounds like SIL is a "thrower" not a "keeper" and she knows that makeup and candles and such go rancid and are useless and stinky.
I actually wish I were there. A good "purge" makes me very happy!
As to Purgatory and top spinning ..
I guess SIL went to Purgatory the other day and found that MIL's leg was bleeding some ..
This because MIL has dry cracked skin (Sjogren's disease) .. and as a result . dry skin is a byproduct. She summoning staff (did it herself . and has since . daily) that they need to be rubbing lotion onto her mom daily . to moisten her dry cracked skin.
Also . finding there, .. SIL .. that they need to be giving her mom a washcloth daily (she is only showered on Saturdays and Wednesdays) . but they need to be (and haven't been doing so) .. giving her a washcloth daily .. to wash her face.
I told SIL, .. "the cart that stocks all that is right outside her room, I've gotten her washcloths from that cart, numerous times".
SIL: "I guess she forgets . she could ask for it .. she could ask them to rub lotion on her .. I don't know".
That's about the sum of anything ongoing . as to the whole scene ..
I don't know what to make of it .. I don't think MIL needs memory care . yes . she has some memory issues . maybe .. as the dx was .. mild dementia .. and so isn't gonna remember to ask for a washcloth daily to wash her face, or even go out into the hallway to the cart that sits there .. and retrieve one . or maybe remember to ask for lotion to be applied, to prevent dry cracked skin.
Also on the front, .. is a push by SIL to get MIL carted to NH option B .. for a looksee .. and that is to . I guess if SIL has her way . transpire this week . and she will need DH to help make that happen ..
I guess we will see what happens with that as any option.
I have my misgivings about moving her, .. all new staff .. all new people . all new facility . and move her for what .. it's gonna look much the same as where she presently resides . and all that upheaval for what? What if she's not happy there, what's plan C ...
But I stay out of it.
If SIL wants MIL to receive daily moisturizing- ala’ lotioned and potioned - by some poor staff member, SIL is gonna need a doctor to prescribe it. Cuz, I’d bet the farm there isn’t a single person working at Purgatory who’s chomping at the bit to perform that little jewel of a task.
Personally? - Eeewwwwww!
Edit: Can’t a giant sized pump bottle of whatever lotion SIL deems special enough be placed on the bedside table? Wouldn’t MIL see it there and lotion/potion her own cracked skin? Surely- this is one thing MIL can fit into her busy schedule and do for herself..?
Another edit - (I’m kinda cranky this morning). IF SIL thinks any other/different Medicaid facility is gonna be any better when it comes to circling the campground- she’s in for disappointment.