I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
I suspect it is the chemo that caused the foot drop in your dad. That is what caused it in my dad when he was being treated. The doctors told us it happens with chemo sometimes. After chemo is stopped, they said, it sometimes reverses, sometimes not.
I had some MAJOR melt downs pre-Xmas last year while still in the *have to do it all - have to be the fixxer* mindset.
Was trying to find the solution to the meal, traditions, get everyone together & meet the special needs too. Oh & working the actual day of Xmas til 2pm!
Dorker: I love how you are not caving in under the strain but have your creative problem solving hat on!
A. HER house. Nope.
B. Your House *possible with ramp* like Linzy suggested
C. Resturant. *possible compromise*
I had a very similar dilemma last year (I still start getting angry when I think of it!!!!) But I'll add;
D. Church Hall. Good idea Xena. Usually have ramps. My sister does this for family as her house has 6 or so steps front & back.
E. Park. BYO all food & supplies. Small kids can run around, oldies can sit but very weather dependant. It worked for us last year BUT I will NEVER do again. Just a massive hassle. Partly due to trying to pick up people & bring wheelchairs & push wheelchairs over grass.
I see it now as levels;
1. Family all together at home. Home cooked. All day event.
2. Some family at home - all bring a plate/catered. Half day event. Time left for other relation visits / kids or elders need shorter day.
3. Resturant meal. Home visits after if choose or able.
4. Nursing Home visit.
I think Dorker's Dad & Step Mom are a level 3 on my list. 2 may be too long & noisy for them.
MIL clearly is level 4 - no matter how much guilt DH & DD start to get!
And what was his response?
That means I'm going to have to call him and I haven't done so, .. I simply have been pushed in so many directions this past week .. and had little time at all. And as we all know, .. getting on the phone with an elderly ... generally means . a long protracted conversation. Something I was hoping to avoid.
And on the MIL front, DH asking this morning "can we maybe bring mom here, for xmas day, are we doing anything special?"
My answer to him: "Yea, I guess .. if that's what you wanna do . but .. you're gonna need to get that toilet apparatus set on the toilet, . .and I guess if she has to use the bathroom .. help her to get into and onto the toilet, we don't have grab bars here affixed to walls . and that was a problem for her, even before she broke her hip and hasn't yet come back from that fully . you remember, we used to have to sit a dining room chair in there for her to brace off of, to lower and lift from the toilet . so .. I don't know .. if you think that's what you wanna do".
No answer either way on what he'll do.
And talking to SIL who has made it home now and listening to her, .. she has hit a wall, an absolute brick wall of fatigue that .. maybe it was years in the making. I always wondered when she'd hit the wall of fatigue with it all. I guess she has.
She is absolutely .. even in her voice, the tiredness is evident .. she's so spent.
She was telling me of the saga with the new clothes she'd bought for MIL. She'd bought her a couple of new pairs of slacks and tops .. and hauled it down to the laundry dept before she left, for them to name tag the items . and had been extra cautionary with them . .as they've previously "lost" some of MIL's clothing (happens in NH's . that's why they tell ya don't bring anything of value).
So . she was telling me she'd talked to her mom yesterday. Said her mom reported they'd come and hung up the tops she'd newly purchased . but they didn't bring the pants .. the pants haven't made their way back.
So SIL called the head of the laundry dept .. the very person she'd cautioned .. to not loose these clothing items.
There SIL was told .. "I purposely walked those slacks down there earlier today and hung them in her closet . .and she expressly saw me do it and said to me *now don't worry with that, I can handle that* .. she saw me do it, I will walk back down to her room, right now and show her the pants that she saw me hang up earlier today".
SIL said she told the laundry person "She needs to stop with that, saying *now don't worry with that, I'll take care of it* of course she can't do it, she's in a wheelchair, she can't hang up her stuff".
SIL telling me that, before she left here, and talking with her mom . that her mom had said to her, "well this is my life here, . this is all I have left of any life, just sit here and wait to die".
(Thank goodness SIL has a better handle these days than she used to) . said she answered her mom: "Mom these are the same things you used to say when you were in your own home .. do you remember that?".
Of course her mom doesn't remember that. But . the point there is ...one can't let that weigh on them . and pull at their heartstrings .. this is nothing new . she said those same things when she lived at home alone .. the very place she would go in a heartbeat .. if it was at all possible, her home.
Her mom obviously doesn't remember, that she's said those same things . oh about 10,000x's .. and even when she lived alone at home, a place she'd hands- down rather be, than in the NH. But thank goodness, SIL is no longer in that space, and that doesn't fall on her heart anymore.
Well, maybe MIL coming to your house for Christmas WILL work, *as long as H and DD? YD? realize that THEY will be MIL's personal care attendants, NOT YOU.* Sounds like an awful lot of work, but as long as it's not YOUR work, let them have at it, right?
Regarding your father, what does your stepsister do with/for them at Christmas? Does she come visit? Does she eat Christmas dinner with them? Maybe she'll take care of it all, and you won't have to be involved (maybe go for a visit at his house some other time during the holiday season?). After all, for many years he was more involved with your stepsister and her family, wasn't he? Makes sense for her to get involved, unless of course she is of the "whole lotta gone" mindset, as your father used to complain of when they had simultaneous health issues earlier this year.
But I would get with them at some other point around xmas . and either have them here, or we'd go there.
But .. his past year's worth of health issues have left him more hobbled than is previously been the case . and his wife .. more dementia'd than she used to be . and so .. navigating a path to it all ... who the h377 knows.
They used to would go see Stepmom's daughter (she lived at that time about 3 hours away . still does, but now has two homes . one that is closer . on the beach in fact, . but not all accessible . as one has to climb about 20 stairs to get into that home).
Maybe put Dad on the *nursing home* visit list too - but to his house instead. No big meal, pick a day after xmas, go 3pm for a cuppa, bring a fruit cake or shortbread biscuits (our traditional xmas visiting fare) leave by 5pm. Most elders want visitors gone by 5 right? (I do already hahaha). Best to be out before sun too far down ;)
My lovely Gran just loved babies & small children but as a *super senior* as she called herself when became a Great-Gran she was not enjoying the littlies as much. Just didn't like all the noise, crying, squealing or the unpredictablness of their running about - she said she felt like an elephant with mice running all over & was so scared she'd fall. Family were a bit shocked she didn't want to see the littlies so much but came to understand. Brought photos instead.
My Mum's aunt the same. I'll call it The Teacup Test. Mum visitied alone. We were allowed to visit when old enough to sit in the drawing room with a fine china teacup. I still recall the stress of trying to hold the cup, saucer & biscuit at the same time!
Take DH, DD & your Granddaughter - she's old enough to be a little lady for 2 hours?
He can take them to the park. Let other Mums look out for the kids while he reads the paper... (a Dad at the park explained this concept to me). Or indoor playcentres even better - they have staff!
:-)
That statement probably nipped that idea in the bud!
I posed so many varied scenarios .. just a quick stop by, no meal .. we could run by say hi, bring some home-made treats and leave them for their enjoyment, .. we could bring a casserole or a take out their way .. we could meet at a restaurant ... or nothing at all, if he's not up to it. Also included in the various propositions, . he's welcome to come here, if he feels up to it, and we'll have a little soiree of a luncheon (stepmom doesn't drive at night) but also prefaced that option with the struggle it would be to get into my house, with the 3 steps up.
Much to my shock, he wants to come here. Even with the whole premise of "how will you get up the 3 steps to enter my home dad?". And I quote "Well, as long as DH and son in law are there, if they have to, they can pick my scrawny azz up and carry me up those steps .. all dignity is gone at this point".
He goes on to say how much he always enjoyed my home at Xmas (I do usually go all out with the decorations and the cooking, Christmas music playing, and so forth).
I explained to him that this year, .. I've opted not to put out as much . busy 2 yo's in my proximity a lot, and didn't feel like rushing around to put everything up when they arrive here (which is a lot). So I simply didn't put everything out this year as to all my many years of collectibles for xmas decorations.
Explained to him that the kiddos will be here, but he should know, it's a little bit like having wild raccoons in your midst ... cute to look at, but after a while, a bit of a nuisance.
His response: "Oh they won't be little forever .. you know how fleeting those days are, .. it'll be fine .. I always enjoy watching the wonderment of little ones at Christmas time with all their enthusiasm and excitement".
I'm not at all sure he will be up for it, to be honest. I think he "wants" to be. And he "wants" to think he can travel over this way (Stepmom driving, stepmom who gets nervous and addled, if she has to leave her well worn decades paths she normally travels in her neck of the woods).
I will host, and attempt to accommodate the above. I did it to give an old man who otherwise, likely has no real joy at the holidays at this juncture .. too old to go to parties anymore, most of his cronies either in the shape he's in . or already gone to their great reward. Not able to travel to see family at all. I haven't asked but would just about bet there is no Christmas tree up at their house, unless he's enlisted the c'taker to do so . and that's doubtful.
I know I don't owe the guy a dam thing .. he was so absent a part of my youth . and that of my kids, I know all that. But . two wrongs don't make a right. So he didn't do right, doesn't mean I have to do the same. I can be a small slice of bringing some holiday cheer to his world, if that's what it'll take .. for a little while, and then move on with my life.
What I know about him and his life, Christmas time is generally for him, a sad time (as it can be for a lot of folks). He grew up so poor that Christmas wasn't marked by anything other than what went on at church or school. His parents/siblings .. no marking the occasion at all, no christmas tree, . no festivities . they were just far too poor and hand to mouth existence .. and so .. that was his youth at the holidays.
I know of him also that it did bring him great joy . so he says . when we were little (I suppose before he and my mom divorced) .. and seeing the wonder in our youth of Christmas, mine and my brother's. And .. on some from there, when he briefly had us in his custody.
We then went to live with and make a life with our mom . and so Christmases probably returned to the somewhat melancholy experience he'd always known it to be. Sans his wife's g'kids I suppose, I don't really know what they did with that sect,
if anything.
I know that sect moved about 3 or 4 hours away when the kids were all still small and so how much they traveled the 3 or 4 hours to go spend Xmas with that end of the family .. is not known to me.
What I do know about him though through and through is that all thru the years .. we only saw him pretty much on marking bdays and Father's Day and Xmas, even once I became an adult and had kids of my own. And that he always enjoyed a Christmas visit here to my house.
I guess if he's willing to throw dignity to the wind (surprising to me) and if DH and son in law are willing/able to as he put it "pick my scrawny azz up" .. then so be it. If he's able to do that, then I'll host .. for a little while and allow that the setting bring a slice of joy to what is otherwise, probably not a real happy time of year for him and never has been for the most part.
If I were really really good, I'd invite brother and BB to the soiree also . but I'm not that good. Brother and BB can figure their own way to brighten his holiday however they see fit, or not, immaterial to me.
Now, to work on my own "get happy about this" mentality. I worry/stress over such things, what to fix to eat .. knowing they don't either of them eat enough to feed a flea ... go find appropriate xmas gifts for two people who have everything and more, . and if they want it, they typically can get it . if they don't have it . whatever "it" is, it's because they don't want it. So what to get? And the anal worry (I've been called this more than once, "you're so anal", guilty as charged) .. about the two yo's running amok here . and me busy trying to put the finishing touches on whatever I've prepared as sustenance .. and otherwise occupied. And yes the parents of said 2 yo's will be here . let them chase the 2 yo's around.
SIGH
Generally speaking, . the parents of said 2 yo's .. in this home . it's like a 2nd home to them . and so the kids here (while it's largely child proofed and stays that way as they're here so much) .. the 2 yo's .. for instance . when they're here . my kitchen entry has a child gate up to keep them out. Not fun to straddle that thing a hundred times back and forth as I entertain .. and host a meal. For instance, the last time they were all here, .. I'd gone into the kitchen to get one of them a sippy cup . and mommy to the 2 yo's was visiting outside with YD for YD to show her some pictures .. and son in law, .. I don't know where he was . he disappears ... (likely finding somewhere to hide .. and escape the madness) .. and I climbed the child gate to bring a drink to whichever 2 yo it was . and found that he'd turned the lamp over onto the sofa. Not a big deal, nothing I own is terribly expensive and valuable . but that's the kinda ruckus that can go on . when they're out of your site for the moment or two it takes to go attend to something.
All of it .. just . chaos . and for someone "anal" . .. a bit unsettling to say the least.
Oh well, .. I guess one can stand on their head for a few hours .. if that's what they have to do .. it'll be over and I'll be moving on with the rest of the holiday's festivities, after a few hours.
We will see ....
I do hope DD's husband can rise to the occasion with watching his children. You do so much for him with providing employment and frequently taking care of his offspring. Perhaps it would be worth mentioning it beforehand.
Did you let your little kids go wild at anyone's house? Probably not.
If you could be a fly on the wall to the goings on around here, you would see that daughter arrives here with her brood in tow . and the 6 yo ... she isn't much problem really . but the 2 yo's .. OMG ..........!!!!!...........
As I've said of the dad to these kids . he takes direction from his wife (DD) very well, .. if she's seeing a need/want and otherwise occupied she'll bark out to him and he follows dutifully what he's told to do. So he's not useless.
But ........ that being said, I can't tell you the number of times that . let's say for instance . maybe I have my hands full already with something . maybe DH is outside manning the bque grill . and per se . maybe DD is in the bathroom . .and one of the 2 yo's need/want something and I look for .. *where's the daddy, let me get him * . he's nowhere to be found.
Oh he's here somewhere, their car is still here but he's nowhere to be seen . not in sight. It would take longer to go hunt him down than it would for me, to *ok, let me put down what I was doing and do that* . and so I just do it.
Or maybe DD is already handling something or other .. with the 6 yo or one of the other twins .. and so .. one of the other twins needs something . and so .. I think "well let me get the daddy". Only he's nowhere to be found.
Pretty common really.
For the most part, we're so casual here . it's not a big deal I just do it . and maybe that set the precedent .. and so it's an expectation ..
If he's in sight . and sometimes he is (not all that common though) . then yes, I speak up .. "hey so and so needs _________" and he'll go do it.
And yes, I agree .. they sound pretty out of control .. and yes that is my experience with it all. But .. we're so casual around here, .. and as I said, there's not much that's here that they can get into ... it's child proofed for the most part, . .and not only that .. most of what I have . isn't all that valuable . if it is .. it's not within their reach, and I've made sure of it.
But . I have a graniteware collection on some shelving reachable to them . not destructible . but they drag that out and if you don't pay attention you'll trip over it .. as you walk around . they drag that off the shelves to play with it, leave their toys all around . and those are trip hazards . so someone has to be on it . particularly when you have an old man now with a walker in the mix here . to pick things up .. I won't be able to be as attentive to that, busy preparing whatever we'll eat.
Some of this is borne out of . in her hh . the kids do that . they leave stuff e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e .................... and I think for the most part, she steps over it . day in and day out, and only tidying up at night once they've gone to bed .. and then to get up and do it all again the next day.
Or for instance, more than once, I've stopped them from (a game they seem to like to play) jump from the sofa to the table .... not a safe game IMO . and so I stop it . but if I'm not looking and otherwise occupied that might be a great way to pass the time to two 2 yo's that are at the moment, .. a mommy already somewhere else, and a daddy . nowhere to be found.
It's that kinda stuff that goes on.
And somewhat that's kinda how it goes with them here .. they drag stuff out everywhere (but they're generally only here for a visit for a while and then gone again and I tidy up) .. and we step over it . while they're here.
Yes, there is a part of me (don't wanna be incendiary in tone) but would like to grab son in law by the shirt collar when they arrive and say to him . "this disappearing act you do that works for you . most of the time . that ain't gonna fly in this setting . be present, be accounted for . at all times, I don't have time to chase and follow your two yo's around for the few hours it'll take to
For the few hours it'll take to dispense with this event.
To do so would find him though looking askance and somewhat befuddled at .. "What is she talking about .. your mom has lost her mind".
They aren't quite old enough yet that they can be directed "Go find your dad" that and I have an inground pool I don't want them to go find their way into without supervision in sending them off to go find their dad.
Yes, they are out of control. I agree. For the most part, I tell myself, . they won't be this age forever, . and we're so casual around here, . we just wing it and go with it . and yes, they are here a lot to have to wing it and go with it . and it's like this is a 2nd home to all of them . and there aren't those "boundaries' maybe that's because DD grew up in this home . it's like her home . so . it's not like she arrives here and has some invisible barrier of . *now wait . this is not my home . I must monitor every move they make here*.
Or like last week for instance, .. I was here in the den, putting some batteries in a toy they'd tried to use and wouldn't work . and so the two of them meandered into the living room. Got battery inserted in toy (I was here alone with them) . and went to find them . they'd pulled open a drawer in the living room in a piece of furniture in there and dragged out and had all in the floor in there, . the papers in that drawer (some school papers from when the kids were little). So now, pick all that up and put it away . and by the time I did that .. the boy twin was in the den now, jumping on the sofa .. go stop him .. and I did ..
That's how it goes with them around.
It's hair raising and out of control.
Does your father give you a Christmas gift?
I'm sorry, I am kind of laughing at the twins' antics.
8 years ago my daughters all had babies--4 in 4 months. It was a circus, to put it mildly. we had a gate at the top of the stairs, but those 4 little boogers knew that the 5 'older cuzzies' were all downstairs and that's where the action was! I ran myself ragged helping the moms with those 4 when they were born. I said "Don't y'all dare to do this again and by darn, 2 years later, we had 4 in 5 months. Luckily we'd left up the gate. And these 4 little ones used to band together to 'shake the gate' but Papa had done such a great job installing it, they never broke loose.
Any event involving all 8 of these charmers (and the 5 older ones) was just fraught with fun and games. I returned my house to the way it had been when my kids were younger and anything I truly cared about got stored for a few years. Of course we had kid locks on all the drawers and cabinets, but toddlers can and will get into everything.
I did have to tell their parents to "PARENT YOUR KID" more than once--I know raising kids is hard (I have 5!) but they took it in stride, knowing that this is MY home, not theirs. I don't recall any problems. I did have to sometimes take a deep breath and remind myself that this time is short--and I am SO GLAD that I did.
Our cuzzies are best friends. We have 5 'original recipe', the 4 quads and the 4 tods and now our only lonely, Calvin.
Yes, it was crazy and overwhelming, but I wouldn't trade minute of one of the kids coming up and climbing on me and asking to be tickled or cuddled (and this is a 9 yo BOY last Sunday) for ANYTHING in the world.
Our house is a family house. Always has been, always will be. I can't 'have' the perfect home. I put the decorative pillows in a bedroom and anything I don't want them to get into gets put up--but as I said, the years flew by.
As for your dad--likely this is his last Christmas, and if I were you, I'd put the OCD behind me and just buy as much of the food pre-prepared and use paper plates and sit back and try to enjoy the mess and noise.
I will admit that a couple times I have had to have the dads trade off staying in the playroom with the kids--for safety sake. They take 1/2 hour 'watches' and it's worked pretty well.
Feeling blessed this time of year. Having beat cancer puts a different spin on everything.
{{Hugs}}
For DD being a SAHM, I imagine that when they all go to Dorkers house, it’s like a break for DD because there is an extra set of eyes to look after the kids. That’s how I always felt when we’d go to MILs house after I’d been home with the kids all day. Of course I didn’t park my butt in a chair and play on my phone while she looked after the kids, I kept an eye on them, made sure they were behaving and not getting in to things they shouldn’t be getting in to and played with them too. But I could relax and sit back while she did certain things like fix the kids a snack or make cookies with them or find cartoons to watch on TV. But as far as SIL goes, no excuse for him going MIA. He gets a break from the kids when he goes to work. So he should also be an extra set of eyes at Dorkers house IMHO. My MILs house was very casual like Dorkers and she was glad to help with the kids. Only my BIL & his ex wife would park their butts for hours and ignore their kid, which left MIL do so EVERYTHING for him.
I would definitely discuss Christmas plans with DD but as a parent, I would be more receptive if the conversation wasn’t framed around the kids and keeping them under control. Frame it around your dad and his need for a quite calm holiday. I think DD will get the point and understand that the kids can’t be running around & making a mess.
WorriedinCali, defined it. DD comes here, and it's almost like it's time to let one's hair down . .and relax. And yes, some of the time, that is, sticking one's face into the phone and loosing one's self in the scrolling of Fakebook or whatever it is they do. Yes, that is the case at times. But I don't mind saying .. if I see that ongoing and I find that I'm hopping to the beat of toddler drums .. I'll bark out .. "so and so needs __________", and sit on my rump and wait for mommy or daddy to hop-to.
<Shouldn't have to even say it, . one who is a parent of a small toddler, or two . should be so attuned and not lost in a device . that they have to be "told" their kid needs ___________whatever "it" might be>
But yes, . that defines a lot of it also. DD loosing herself while here in her phone but also ... kicking back . and just the knowing . ."mom's got this".
One time not too long ago, I had taken them outside to play . and go for a walk, . when I got back, DD was asleep on the floor. I guess the silence, no kids running amok . .she curled up and fell asleep . nice little nap . .for the 20 mins I was gone.
But yes, it's the "they won't be at this stage for long" .. when it's over, it's such a distant memory .. and so fleeting ... gone so fast. That's part of what keeps me steppin and fetchin .. for them . and being of help. That and the snuggles and giggles and hugs.
They see me, almost every day of their lives . or pretty close to it .. DD has some cause generally to run by here .. and/or *need* for me to watch them .. and so I see a LOT of them. When they see me, either they are well trained to know what to do to melt nanna's heart .. or they just do it intrinsically . not sure . but they both run ... and smile and are so happy to see me, every time . and want a hug . and generally "hold you nanna, hold you??" . meaning, pick me up.
They are messy boogers . both of them . but worth every minute of it .. *unless I'm OCD'ing over what else is on the radar to be attended to at the moment*.
I do, when they are in my care, make them mind .. try my best anyway. I popped little boy twin on the bum the other day .. (not hard, just enough to make him stop what he'd been told several times to stop doing) . .playing with the blinds. You'd of thought that I ripped his arm from it's socket. Broke his heart more than anything else.
Surprise is right, I'm getting too old for this. I used to be able to multi-task when I had little ones (though I never had twins) .. and cook dinner, and fold laundry talk on the phone, and field toddlers into everything all at the same time. But these days .. .that is a lot harder than I used to find it. Age!
But yes, this will be a test to my OCD .. and my "anal" self. To manage the chaos around me with a "calm" to my own heart somehow. A real test.
She then went on to say the following: "Great . now that I'm gone from there, mom says that she hears there are lots of people leaving there, .. staff and residents, she's wondering if there's a problem and she needs to be looking to go elsewhere".
I didn't even respond.
Not mine to sort through and I've got enough going on.
Everyone will have to agree to some ground rules, though. H and SIL cart the elders up the steps. H and DD (or YD) are responsible for escorting MIL to the bathroom. DD and SIL watch their children, and don't park their butts to play on their phone (DD) or hide (SIL) to escape childminding.
One day a year I want my family to TALK to and PLAY with each other. Only when we're opening gifts do I allow phones to be in use.
Call me mean, but my DH LIVES on his phone and I sit and feel like a decorative ornament. Cell phones have been a real mixed blessing, for sure!
dorker your SIL is exhausting. Honestly just reading about the things she says leaves me feeling exhausted! I just can’t fathom being THAT wrapped up in my mother’s affairs! So what if people are leaving the nursing home? I am sure they are either going to the hospital for one reason or another, or to memory care or you know.....dying! And if this information is coming from MIL, because I don’t see how else SIL would know that people are leaving, how can she even be sure her mother is right? It could be that no one left but in MILs demented mind, they did. It could be that 1 person left but to MIL it’s 10 people! Glad you ignored her text because she is just ridiculous sometimes!