I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
So you have MIL now .. almost a year .. or close to it, . in institutional setting of a NH .. and not really acclimating. Some might term it that she is "vulnerable", emotionally speaking. She who is miserable there, .. doesn't really integrate into any settings of activities ongoing . and feels . mostly alone/sad there, etc.
The one thing MIL does do on occasion, she will wheel herself out to the commons area, and attempt to strike up conversation with those parked in the commons area (other residents). Some of whom, are in various stages of *out of it completely*. I don't know how fruitful any of this proves in the end. Maybe it serves to give MIL a sense of purpose, .. and nothing more. Not like she's met some "friends" in that setting. But it is the one thing she does do .. occasionally.
The commons area is where you might find a conglomeration of maybe 10/12 or so residents parked, .. wheelchairs, .. and/or a regular chair, if they're ambulatory enough (that's rare). Some of them really not altogether with it, mentally.
It's also the area one would see K in, daily. K, the former roomie of MIL's .. the same roomie that cursed MIL up one side and down the other months back .. for the infraction of MIL having asked staff .. as K had advised .. "put your laundry in w/mine". MIL asking staff .. "is it okay to do that". For this infraction K went off on MIL . and cursed her up a blue streak .. to the point the staff member witnessing this, corrected K "you can't talk to her that way".
The end result of above was that MIL was moved, (her request) to another room, new roomie, .. MIL so vulnerable, so emotionally raw .. so sad . and not acclimating at all, ... and this monster that went off on her.
K does seem to have that propensity, almost anyone there would note that K, .. if the notion strikes her, will "go off" on folks. It's who she is. Most times, K, keeps to herself .. and does her own thing . .but if she somehow feels the notion to do so, she doesn't hesitate to unleash. She did so on MIL, ... and picture if you will, . the vulnerable, emotionally raw MIL ... and this didn't sit well.
MIL not one to fight back and/or perhaps ... question K on her right to blast her, .. she just .. I dunno .. I picture about like a school yard bullying in grade school. You have your little kid trying to make friends, etc .. and some school yard bully that wants to be mean .. and so forth. That's about how I picture all this.
K spends every day of her life, . unless there is an activity ongoing, in which case, she'd be found there, at the activity, participating. She spends every day, all day, coloring. A station set aside for K in the commons area, .. complete with coloring books, crayons . color pencils, etc .. and she colors away her day .. all day.
K also the person who, .. at one time, MIL ventured into the Bingo game, .. saw there a woman whose hands are so shaky she was struggling to participate and helped the woman with the shaky hands. Shaky hand woman ended up winning the Bingo game, and tried to gift MIL with a quarter she'd won in the Bingo game. This .. brought K's wrath upon MIL .. accused MIL of helping the woman to cheat, etc.
So this K, .. I suppose, for whatever her ailments/makeup is .. she is .. what I liken to about a school yard bully.
You had the Bingo fiasco, .. and K having preached MIL's funeral in that setting (so they say) .. and then you had the setting wherein MIL questioned staff, .. as she'd been advised by K, "put your laundry in with mine" .. and MIL verifying with staff, in K's presence, .. "is it okay to do that" . .and this then brought K's wrath upon MIL.
Subsequent to that MIL requested a move to a different roomie, . and that was done.
MIL now . and has for several months now, rooms with a woman, we'll call her initial H.
H runs hot and cold, ..
H has her own .. oh I don't know, degree of dementia . and one might find her one day to be talkative/conversational .. another day .. shut down and shut off, and not wanting to converse. It doesn't sound like H .. is all that self aware herself, . .you wouldn't see H saying to MIL, "ya know, if you could just give me some space today .. I don't really feel like talking, not a good day".
That would be expecting more self awareness from H than H is probably capable of.
H, at least initially, finding in MIL, .. somewhat like chalk squeaking on a chalkboard . annoyed. MIL ... knowledgeable that H .. obvious struggle with finding her way around the place, and gets lost at times .. she'd go on the hunt for H . if H was gone too long. This annoyed H .. very much so. H, I don't suppose wanted to be found. MIL, I suppose .. maybe feeling as though she's the saviour to the world's problems .. thought she'd take it upon herself to go hunt for H . and bring her to the safety of her room. This was rubbing H raw .. and it was supremely annoying to H.
FINALLY .. staff was able to get it through MIL's head .. "its not your job to go find her, if she gets lost . (and she does) .. we'll assist her to find her way around, there are staff here to help H . it annoys her for you to go hunt for her, .. so . let us worry with her whereabouts, it's not your job to do that".
Finally got that thru MIL's head, .. and so she has stopped doing that, thankfully.
MIL (vulnerable, emotionally raw) . now rooms with H.
H runs hot and cold, .. one day she's conversational/talkative . another day, not so much. What you'd see in H .. maybe MIL try to strike up conversation of some sort, . and H . not so communicative .. just no answer.
I guess in someone emotionally raw, like MIL ... maybe that feels as though you are shunned, . .maybe you question if you've done something wrong, . to make the other person (H) mad with you . that sorta thing.
I guess those of us who have our witts about us would be better able to compartmentalize, "oh she's in one of *those moods* .. guess I'll just leave her be".
Maybe that as any notion as to MIL, and her own mental issues .. maybe too great a concept for her to be able to grasp. She seems to take it personal.
It's not like H herself is all that adept at communicating to MIL, "ya know don't take it personal .. I just have good days and bad days . don't take it so personal".
That doesn't happen. These are folks .. .all of them, in varying degrees that don't fire on all cylinders mentally, MIL included.
So you have MIL, .. who doesn't really integrate into other settings of activities . and "mix and mingle" with the population there. With her, you'd hear her say things like, "the crazies" .. referring to the population there, .. "the slumpers" .. etc. Not at all recognizing in herself, that maybe some might label her that way!
So . she wakes up . and maybe tries to strike conversation of some sort with H . .and finds in H .. that she isn't all that responsive ... and rather than look at it, like those of us who fire on all cylinders .. through a means of .. "oh she's in *one of those moods again* I'll just leave her be" .. no .. MIL takes it personal .. questions if she's done something wrong to anger H .. so forth.
MIL will, . as she does from time to time, . wheel herself out into the commons area, . and try to strike up conversation in that setting . with one or more of the residents parked in the vicinity.
I know one time recently . she'd related to me and DH a story whereby she'd attempted to do so . and encountered a man who said to her, "ya know why do you bother us . we don't want to talk to you, go away".
MIL telling me and DH this saga. And as she put it, "no one there stood up for me .. no one countered what he said, I just wheeled
I seem to recall that Purgatory was chosen simply because they would accept the "Medicaid Pending" status. Perhaps there are other NHs in the area that might suit better? Or maybe MIL has gotten a bad rep because of the dust up with K?
When is SIL due back? Maybe she can do some research from afar and then do some visits on her next trip.
MIL clearly needs to feel useful. It's a shame that they can't find her something to do--folding towels, helping to sort the laundry?
My mom was very unhappy in the first AL we chose for her. It was extremely clique-ish but because it was filled with folks of my mom's ancestral ethnicity, we thought she'd fit it. She didnt. Moving her made ALL the difference.
I know MIL has a history of being demanding and perfectionistic. But maybe she really does need some tweaking of her living situation.
I just wheeled on away from there, .. not like anybody said anything . nobody weighed in".
I might've argued the point (but it's pointless) "but MIL .. most of the folks there, ... in various stages of out of it . maybe didn't even register what was being said .. so .. probably didn't even pay any attention to what was being said by that mean ole cuss . don't worry about what he says".
I didn't bother, it's pointless. She, who is so vulnerable in her misery there in that setting . and so sad/forlorn at what her life has become, so emotionally raw, . she's not even really able to grasp any concept of .. "oh let it be . who cares what he says"... she does care .. and she takes it personal.
As she put it telling that story recently. "So I guess I can't even do that anymore, go out and try to talk to those folks .. that guy told me nobody even wants me there, . nobody wants to talk to me .. and nobody bothered to speak up . so I guess I can't even do that anymore".
What I did say to her in response was: "Oh don't worry with what he says . just a crotchety old man". But I knew when I said it, .. she won't take that as any approach ..
So .. fast forward to the next incident in the commons area, and MIL . .. the one thing she does do with her time, ... on occasion . trying to strike up conversation with the folks parked in the commons area.
There in that setting .. K .. turned to her, just the other day .. and said to her, "Why do you come in here and bother all of us, nobody wants to talk to you . just go on . leave us alone".
(if it bears mention, .. K .. isn't who she's talking to, .. K is generally . back turned to all the other residents, sitting in a corner, .. facing the wall, at her coloring station).
This has once again, left the emotionally raw, vulnerable MIL .. reeling.
It just so happened that the psych doc . who sees her 2 x's weekly for talk therapy . came right at that moment . and so I suppose some of it she was able to hash thru with the psych doc. Good.
This occurred I think on Friday. DH stopped in to visit his mom yesterday . found her in the bed, awake . staring at the ceiling, mid afternoon, no tv on . and the sad tale of woe that always plays .. with regard to her .. now in motion .. and her now telling DH . along with the whole "I pray every day for God to come get me" .. now is the tale . of K having verbally whip-lashed MIL for her attempt at conversation there in that setting.
DH asked of MIL, "what did the psych doc advise you to do". She said Psych doc advised her to ignore K .. that K isn't the boss .. and she can do as she pleases. DH advising his mom .. "he's right, that's what you need to do, don't pay her any attention".
Same advice that SIL gave her mom on this topic.
So what's the rub here?
I mean .. I liken this a lot to about what you might see on a playground in grade school. In that setting, one might hope that a teacher or assistant might intervene and perhaps counsel the school yard bully not to treat people that way, so forth.
But this isn't a school yard . .and these aren't grade school kids.
Is this a matter that staff should be being more attentive and perhaps correct K .. that she can't do that, . and assure MIL that she is free to talk to whomever she pleases . as long as that person is receptive to same?
Is it expecting too much that staff (who yes, granted, are busy with other tasks) .. be attentive to the matter .. and address it, .. just .. I mean .. people are gonna get their feelings hurt .. they'll live.
Those of us who fire on all cylinders (ostensibly) would be better able to cope .. and might turn to K with a "who died and left you boss of the place, leave me alone". Not gonna happen with MIL ..
And for those that would advise, .. "MIL needs to be on stronger AD's .. she shouldn't have to feel so emotionally raw every day of her life, . and her failure to acclimate there".
It's been
It's been suggested, by me.
I told DH . who doesn't sort thru nuts and bolts, . he goes to visit his mom . nuts and bolts of the inner workings of meds, and care and plans and so forth, out of his realm . same as it ever was.
SIL .. who does sort thru nuts and bolts and invent whirligigs a plenty .. does do that.
To that suggestion, from SIL you get: "Oh I know they have to be so cautious with that . so many of those AD's can cause GI upset and she's so prone for that anyway . and so .. I don't know that they wanna do that ... the psych doc has agreed to see her for talk therapy 2 x's weekly now . and hopes that'll help her to come to better terms with her situation".
Me: "But have you asked, . have you talked to them about posing that as a possibility".
SIL: "no .. I know that M (is a pharm rep and so knows some about meds) .. she says that AD's are so bad for causing GI upset . and I know that they have to be so careful with what they rx .. she's so prone for that anyway".
Me: But SIL there is absolutely no reason . if meds are available to help .. that she shouldn't be helped .. there are so many AD's out there, if the one she takes, and takes increased dosage of it . causes upset . they can try one of any number of different ones . she shouldn't have to feel so emotionally vulnerable .. not if it can be helped via meds".
It doesn't happen.
To any who suggest .. perhaps they need to be giving MIL something for her anxiety .. and take the edge off . some kind of sedative ...
That to her has been suggested . and that meets a: "Oh I don't think they wanna resort to that .. she's such a fall risk .. they don't wanna give her something that'll drug her and risk her falling".
Me: "SIL I'm not talking about stoning her into a drunkeness state .. I'm talking something that will take the edge off the anguish and anxiety she feels there".
SIL: "Oh I think the doc feels like he wants to first take the approach of increasing the talk therapy and he sees her now 2 x's weekly for talk therapy and I guess he hopes that'll begin to show some improvement".
So that too, doesn't happen.
So what's the rub here? I mean .. do staff need to be more attentive and correct K's bad behaviors . maybe isolate K to her room, since she seems to think she's the boss of the place, . go color in your room now out here where you seem to think you can run the show . you don't run the show here.
Do we chalk it up to .. people are gonna get their feelings hurt .. they'll live.
And suggestions of .. "Well maybe MIL isn't all that well liked there, .. she does kinda segregate herself away from the common population . maybe she's seen by others there as someone not to be liked . that she somehow seems to think she's better than the rest of em .. and as a result .. she isn't well liked there".
Preaching to the choir on that notion. I can see that may very well be a factor, .. but .. getting her to acclimate there, integrate with others and participate in group activity .. it's N.O.T. gonna happen.
As a result, sounds like the one thing you do see her do on occasion .. go out and try to strike up conversation with the folks parked in the commons area . .that too now squelched .. at the hands of the guy who told her to go away .. a week or so ago and then .. ultimately also by K .. saying the same to her.
So now .. she has even more reason to be sad and so raw . she has a roomie in H that runs hot and cold, .. she takes that personal .. and now she can't even do what she was doing . going out to talk to the other residents ... as she's been banished (or so she'd tell it) by K ...
K doesn't own the place, .. and she's not the boss, she is a mere resident there, as are the others. But getting MIL to own that . .and work within that confine . not possible.
There are times that Iike to take charge .. and bull doze my way right thru . what I see as a more workable approach and viable options.
And I could do it ..
But then I'd have SIL in my ear questioning every step of every move made, . to the point I'd have to tell her and it would become contentious . "Look you want your mom there, .. where you can work it all, feel free, move her there .. we're here . me and DH .. we will do as WE see fit here on this end. bug the eff off".
So I don't .. for that and other reasons .. she's not my mom .. and long long ago it became real apparent my whims/opinions . are about as useless as the garbage I just took out this morning.
Yes maybe it is time that SIL look into another setting .. and maybe I'll say that, as this song and dance plays . this most recent saga.
Have no idea when she next intends to return here, . hasn't been mentioned.
You're right that the meds might help to reduce her anxiety and depression though. Since SIL won't listen to reason, any chance you could discuss it with your DH and see if he would be willing himself to call and talk to his mom's therapist and psych doctor about what he has seen and heard from his mom and ask them about the meds? I'd tell him to call them first before even mentioning anything about it to SIL.
An uptick in MIL's AD might make a huge difference! And if she isn't having GI issues on the med she's on NOW, increasing the dosage may be the best solution. For SIL to play doctor from 1000 miles away is maddening.
AND--a mild benzodiazepine might really, really help MIL. I know I have an anxiety disorder, always have had, always will. The difference between a "good day" and bad one are usually due to the anxiety that is my constant companion.
They start with a small dose. I doubt it will affect her walking, unless she is hyper sensitive to it. In fact, she's such a bundle of nerves all the time, I'm surprised she hasn't fallen MORE from just trying to get somewhere w/o stopping to think about properly holding the walker or something. When I am having a panicky day, one of my pills will calm me within 1/2 hr and I can think more clearly and don't get so wrought up over stuff. The drs will monitor her closely, as she is elderly and can react differently---but I am a real proponent of better life through the judicious use of 'chemicals'. If a mild antianxiety drug will take the edge off--what's the harm??
I think SIL means well---but in honesty? who is boots on the ground? Who is taking the teary phone calls and making the visits? Dorker and DH. Sometimes we medicate for OTHERS as much as we do for ourselves. My Dh is on Ad's--and he doesn't want to be and keeps trying to go off of them...but he'll start getting cranky and snippy and I will call him out "you're not taking your AD are you?" The answer is always "No and I don't need them." BUT, he goes back to taking a mild one and he is much nicer to live with.
I agree with not bringing SIL into a discussion about this. MIL is not capable of making decisions about her own health and DH must do it.
Even IF the AD's and antianxiety meds bring about a sort of 'flatline' effect in MIL, which they can do---wouldn't THAT be preferable to her doom and gloom misery?
MIL has been increasingly narcissistic since how long ago? Twenty, thirty years? She's not going to suddenly embrace other people who don't fall down to worship her properly. This sounds like the usual nursing home rapport and she won't find better anywhere else. Meds are the answer; obviously DH won't push for them so the medical professionals will have to come up with the change in meds on their own. Sometimes miracles like that happen on their own. Other times, it takes a friend visiting when the doctor is there and making a recommendation to open the eyes of the doc.
Sluring words, confusion.
Elocated BP (her's is normally on the low end)
Checking for UTI but they suspect TIA.
Possibility of TIA and at the same time UTI.
I guess more will be known today.
DH there last night til midnight when they got her situated in a room.
She was on phone with MIL. Staff had come in, while they were on phone, to administer evening meds. All was well.
Not long after, apparent MIL's words garbled and confusion obvious.
SIL reported it to nurse desk. A ck revealed elevated BP and above symptoms and an ambulance summoned.
SIL has pondered how long would her mom have been in that state were she not on the phone to have discovered it when it happened.
I'm sure SIL will be in touch with the hospital constantly throughout the day.
Hope things go well.
She is constantly asking why she can't just go to the clouds in the sky? Well--not to be a pill, but she is going to get that wish one day.
So sad, that it is often a looooong drawn out process, which leaves everyone involved in a state of 'worry' every time the phone rings, esp those middle of the night calls, your heart just starts racing.
I hope she isn't suffering, that would be my only concern. But she has proved to be one tough woman, and will get through this. Maybe they will do a psych eval while she's an inpatient and up her meds. Who knows?
I do hope the TIA doesn't just drag her further down into the dementia abyss.
Thinking of you, today, Dorker. And your DH.
I went to the hospital to see MIL. On my own, a visit.
She was able to communicate, .. initially, talking like she always does, but within mins . just garbled words coming out, blurbs of nothingness. She, aware, .. and frustrated/bewildered, frightened, you could tell. Seems transient, ... speech capability returned in a few mins, but then in a few more mins, more slurring of words (not as bad as it was previously, but still slurring her words) again.
I had already talked to the hospitalist, sitting outside her room awaiting being allowed to enter. Some test/procedure/something ongoing when I got there, so I waited out in the hallway.
The hospitalist came by, she informed there is nothing glaring as to any bloodwork coming back .. and the urine, while cloudy .. there isn't any glaring indication of a raging infection ongoing, but they are rx'ing an antibiotic as precaution . since she's prone for UTI's and this is one of her symptoms .. the confusion/disorientation, garbled speech.
Said nothing on MRI or CT shows any glaring evidence of any stroke. They are awaiting EEG results .. but a preliminary review doesn't show any evidence, of any seizure issue, and awaiting results of electrocardiogram (or maybe she said echocardiagram, not sure) .. as they're looking to see if any clot issues ongoing.
Said it could be TIA related, ... but that doesn't show up on scans and the only thing one can do in the event of TIA is to treat with blood thinners, . she's already on Eliquis .. and to add an add'l baby aspirin as part of her daily meds .. and that they recommend doing.
I reported it to the doc when she began garbling her words again, . and I guess she reached out to the neuro doc who has been in consulting on the case, .. and again . nothing glaring on the EEG or the MRI or CT .. and she ultimately made her way down to talk to MIL, .. and .. once there, MIL's speech pattern was back to normal for her, mostly.
And yes, MIL is aware, if asked, . after the fact, .. "are you aware, when you can't form words, are you aware of it?". Yes she is.
The nuerologist brought in, threw out there, unsure .. and said the only way to know would be thru some extensive testing done outpatient .. a term ... Primary Progressive Aphasia .. that it may be she has that, not known.
Looking that up on Dr. Google .. looks to be that it's a form of dementia or neurological disorder and the end result .. long into it, one looses their ability to speak or understand spoken word .. and written word .. and swallow and all that horrible stuff. Who knows. Hope not.
Maybe it won't even be known what's going on. I know last year when she was in IL with SIL .. she had what they hung a label on as TIA's .. and that was her symptoms . garbled speech, disoriented, confused, etc. She did return to baseline for her though, so maybe that'll happen here.
I did feel horrible for her, as it's obvious she's aware . .and it's frightening to her, bewildering, frustrating .. .
Her trying to talk to me, and she did, at first .. but then the words wouldn't form for her to continue to do so, they were garbled, muddled, .. just .. grunts sort of . and failure to form a word. Obvious she knows what she wants to say, but engaging the brain and the mouth .. and all cylinders firing . not working.
Thoughts with you.
Question -- how long is MIL's bed in Purgatory held? I presume Medicaid is now paying for the empty bed? How long does that go on for?
She knew I was going to visit MIL yesterday.
Shot a text to me.
SIL: "I forgot to ask them, they're talking of adding a baby aspirin or aspirin daily to her Eliquis. I wish I'd of asked them, she's a fall risk, I worry about bleeding and falls. Maybe you can ask if you get there"
Me: I'll tell you my dad had that same conversation with his MD on that topic, him too a fall risk. Doc said essentially, lacerations and bleed risk, a whole lot easier to deal with than are blood clots and the risk of same"
SIL: Yea I guess that makes sense.
I actually prompted SIL to reach out to NH yesterday with that question. Are they going to give MIL's bed away.
Answer she got, they can if full require private pay to hold the bed. But they aren't full and won't require that, unless the vacancy becomes an extended one.
Don't think that will be the case. I'm betting she'll be discharged today.
DH saw her for a visit last night. No more slurring of speech. A nurse told DH it's quite the puzzle. Her urine, indicative of a UTI, bloodwork not so. But antibiotic rx'd.
As has been seen before with her and UTI's, confusion/disorientation, slurred speech. Rx antibiotic and in a couple of days her back to baseline.
Why the BP was so elevated not known. Not normal for her. In fact she takes meds to raise what is normally too low of BP. Some conversation ongoing as to that specific med and possibility of tweaking/removing it.
But I would bet she returns to NH today.
This is just going to happen. She's old, in terrible health and WANTS to die. So sad that modern medicine is geared toward making people live far past their 'happy' days.
SIL KNOWS that her mom won't live forever? I think if she were in the NH when MMIL had one of these downturns, SIL would be performing CPR herself and hollering for help.
My grandma was so worried she's wind up being like that--needy and helpless. Bless her, my aunt and uncle were adding a MIL apartment on to their home and she did NOT want to move. So she laid down one morning and died. She did NOT live past her 'time'. Neither did my other grandma. She'd had a fall which landed her in a NH and from there she was instructing us to empty her house and split things up between the 3 sibs. My poor mom--she was terrified she'd do all that and then grandma would recover and come home. Nope, grandma was preparing to die. And she did, alone and quietly and on her terms. I think the mindset must have something to do with folks finally saying 'it's OK, I'm done" and then passing quietly.
BTW. TIA's don't always show up on scans. Most 90 yo's have had several, whether they realize it or not.
Your SIL playing doctor from 1000 miles away is intolerable. I bet when she blows into town a LOT of people want to run for the hills.
Oh well--one more episode in the MIL drama. I don't envy you at all!!
I agree. They get old and so tired. I think some people become afraid too. My grandma was so fortunate to die simply from old age. She didn’t suffer. I wish we could all be so lucky.
Grandma lived in her own home but spent a lot of time at my parents house. Her heart just stopped. My mom NEVER went out when grandma was there. Her school friend asked her to attend a luncheon with their school friends.
Grandma told mom to go have fun. Grandma was not one to make others feel guilty. She was a sweetheart.
Grandma was in the bathroom when it was time for mom to leave so she didn’t get to kiss her goodbye but did tell her that she loved her outside the bathroom door.
Grandma died at home with Daddy. Mom felt so guilty but I told her that grandma absolutely knew that she loved her and I personally think she did not want to die in front of my mom. She knew it would hurt her. I hated that mom felt guilty about going to see her friends.
My aunt died in my my mom’s arms while mom was propping up her pillow in the hospital. She was only 46. So sad. Kidney failure My uncle died of cancer two years earlier. We took in my cousins to raise.
Hang in there, Dorker.