I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
It all depends on the cut too. Of course, now my hair is getting shaggy because I can’t see a stylist.
The problem with my hair is, it’s dark brown and it’s brassy. I have it highlighted heavily-warm toned blonde, not platinum though- with the roots melted so it all blends together. The problem with that is.....if I don’t get the roots blended and fresh toner every 6 weeks, it starts to look bad and the blonde starts getting really brassy. So picture dark roots and brassy blonde and yeah...not a pretty picture LOL! But again it is what it is. I’m not upset out it at all. But now that I can’t get a haircut....I would really like one!!!
Sounds like my oldest daughter. She did all of that different stuff to her hair too. Guess what her friend told her once? She laughed. I laughed. It was funny. She had brown hair, with the blonde highlights, and pink on the bottom.
When hers was growing out, he told her that her hair looked like a box of Neapolitan ice cream, chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. LOL Leave it to a guy to think of that, huh? It is kind of a funny thought.
My younger daughter does the blonde highlights too.
Dorker, are your stepmother and father still continuing to go out? Are they making fewer trips? Do they have masks?
Only looking at this site occasionally now to see the ending(s) to your story.
I do think of the posters here who are still doing the 24/7/365 caregiving for their LOs. I worry about all of you with the inevitable stress it is placing on you in the midst of the pandemic!
One workmate said she arrived home & her Mum was in heeled boots, blowwaved hair & full makeup & she said "Mum, have you been out!!!?" Yes, to the supermarket was the reply. Her only outing that week so she thought she'd make an effort. LOL
I would love a few blue streaks. When this quarantine is over I may do it! 😊
And be very happy you're on the other side of town hugging and loving on your grandbabies.
Seems his wife is adamant ... she is completely capable of doing so on her own, in spite of my cautions that she shouldn't be out and into and out of stores, and risks bringing home this virus to him or herself. Doesn't matter what I say .. and I'm not going to involve myself to the degree I am there and present daily to know whatever the need may or may not be.
I don't "see/visit" them as our daughter lives with us . .and works in a hospital with Covid patients .. wouldn't be good for me to risk giving it to them.
I took some covered leftovers yesterday from our Easter dinner, and handed them off to stepmom at the door, declined an invite to come in. Yes, I realize, the containers that I put the food in . .were I infected and don't know it .. could very well have the virus on them ... I realize that, .. but I'm not going absolutely bonkers here . trying to figure every navigable way to avoid it. Gotta live life.
So, yes, I handed off some containers with some extra Easter dinner. I don't think I have Covid .. and so hopefully all is okay.
Could she be possibly risking she might get it, going in and out of stores .. who knows. She could be . but there's no stopping her.
As was said last week when a phone call from my dad .. and our conversation revealed he was out of Miralax . and I offered to get him some and drop it off, that too .. much friction in the b'ground and static ongoing .. and ... I did so .. just ran out to the drug store, got some .. dropped it on their front door step, drove away .. called, asked them to check the front porch . .at which time stepmom chided that I shouldn't of done that . she can do it, . knows right where it's housed at drug store and could've run in and back out in a flash . and to my chiding she shouldn't be doing that, and her arguing back that she doesn't stay long . she goes to get what they need . and is in and out, and to my response .. you simply should be staying in, period . and her more of the same .. "oh I'm in and out in a flash .. I don't stay long" .. back and forth it goes .. nobody wins.
She's gonna do what she's gonna do.
Is she putting my dad in the car, for an outing (to my knowledge he doesn't go in . anywhere) .. opting to sit in the car. Is she hauling him around to do these things .. I really don't know.
I can't change much of it, thus I don't ask ..
On the MIL front, ... NH is finally allowing window visits, . and that, we've done a few times .. or rather I've accompanied DH a couple of times and he has been several times. As frustrating as the whole MIL situation has been thru the years, on this one, stuck in confinement in a NH ... (Covid restrictions) .. I do feel so bad for her. This has to be somewhat what it must be like to be imprisoned. Glad they finally did make arrangements, one can have a Skype visit .. or one can physically go there, and sit at the window, .. and we talk via phone.
Sounds like Poochie may be winding his way to the rainbow bridge, up in IL (15 yo). SIL spending scads of $ for tests and so forth, in the end, some end stage kidney disease .. and rx's and so forth that it's unclear whether it'll help and extend any quality of life, not clear yet, all new. MIL ... she's been informed of the illness etc .. but .. not yet bringing her onto the page .. euthanizing .. may be coming soon .. as SIL and DH both ... sure as the day is long . that will send her reeling. Other than that, she really is doing a whole lot better in that setting .. than I would've figured. She knows enough about the outside world and the fight against Covid .. that she expresses herself, "I think I'm safer here than I would be anywhere else".
The NH .. in an effort to empty a specific corridor there (one that house MIL and other residents) .. should Covid be an issue .. on site (it isn't thus far, one staff member dx'd positive 10 days ago, but thus far, no other positives there) ... they emptied out that one corridor should they need that area for quarantine of positive residents. This then necessitated MIL (and other residents of that corridor) be placed elsewhere. MIL now rooming (at least temporarily until things can resume more normalcy . whenever that might be/if ever), .. now rooming with a new roomie, .. one she likes thankfully, but deaf as the day is long .. and the woman likes to talk, A LOT .. and because she's deaf .. she can't hear MIL try to interject and .. be able to achieve any normal level of give and take as to conversation. Sounds like she's in tighter quarters than was previously the case, as DH has had to cart home for storage here, .. some of her belongings, no room for them in new setting (a small piece of furniture) .. and so forth .. loads of books, .. etc.
As to my dad .. OY VEY ... he is presently hospitalized, directed by me and a phone call for transport to ER via ambulance last night.
I was by there, day before yesterday . his request .. went over there. Long and short of all that, . seemed he may have a UTI brewing ... painful urinating . and the typical symptoms .. a phone call to PCP .. and rx phoned in for antibiotic (had to push back, they wanted to see him . he's far too weak to be carted to a doc appt, or lab for urinalysis) ..
Also . he has atrophied so badly ... was unclear accdg to him and her, where did home PT go? They just don't come anymore, maybe because of COVID .. a call to that entity revealed, no . he was discharged .. back end of March. I'm pretty sure that discharge came with some orders to now transition to outpatient PT .. but was never seen to .. and I didn't get lost in the weeds on that one, . as to why. Just .. another phone call, on my behalf .. to get that home PT reinstated, and that was in the works. Also some confusion on his part, .. he knows he is to go for infusion this next week and was .. kinda addled and upset that he's to also have a CT in advance, but no one has called to schedule same, nor do they return his phone calls. A call on that issue (by me) . no . he does need a CT now now . not before this next week's infusion .. but sometime later in May yes . and they will schedule and contact him. Got that cleared up .. to his understanding on that issue.
So .. a few phone calls on his behalf . to try right the course of some things on his end . and I was off, on my way.
Til last night .. I got a phone call from frantic, frustrated, addled stepmom who it turned out had been struggling with him since 10 AM yesterday AM. She'd gone out to pick up the antibiotic at the drug store. Came back . and he had a chitapalooza mess .. in and among himself.
Ya'll she's out of her ever loving mind.
She called here at 10 last night .. frustrated addled .. I think her goal was to put my dad on the phone with me, thinking I'd read him the riot act to, . as she put it .. "he's not working with me, he cant' get up on his own .. and I'm trying to help him but he's being stubborn and won't help me to help him ... Dorker he's been sitting in chit all day ... and needs to be cleaned up .. if I could get him up and onto his walker ... and have him stand there and hold onto the walker I could get him cleaned up . but he won't help me to help him get up ... he's being so stubborn and ornery .. and it's just nasty ... he's got chit on his hands .. where he tries to clean himself up sitting right there . but then he puts his hands in his mouth and I fuss at him .. "B we have to clean you up .. you can't put your fingers in your mouth .. we need to get you up and clean you up ... and he says . ok .. and then just sits there like a bump on a log . and I try .. I try to pull him up but I'm not strong enough and he won't help ... "
This is the phone call I get at 10 last night (no she hadn't bothered to call at any point prior even though now obvious this had been ongoing for 12 hours . the struggle to get him up . so he could be cleaned up) . in case it got missed, the dismissed the c'giver .. several months ago .. to much chiding by me and stepsister .. oh well, who cares what we think or say.
Anywho .. stepmom all in a tizzy .. and completely flustered and at the end of her rope with him . and seemed her goal there was to get me on the phone with him to "fuss" at him . to get up . work with her, so she can help you get up ... and no convincing her, . (I tried, her in her dementia she has) .. "he's not being stubborn he's too weak to get up .. I'm callling rescue .. to come get him for transport to the hospital and that sent her to a whole other level of frantic ..
"No . now . .no . he doesn't need to go to the hospital now they'll keep him and he'll be weak as a kitten by the time they're through with him .. he just needs to help me to help and stop being so stubborn ... ".
Me: "If he can't get up . he's too weak to do it, he can't help you . he's already too weak to help himself .. and no worsened by possible UTI ... and maybe even dehydrated some .. needs transport .. I'm going to call rescue .. have them come get him".
To more argument from her corner, that's not needed. Fortunately she's so addled and absent brained . that she soon got back on that track of wanting me to fuss at him ... and so I asked to speak to him on the phone, she gave the phone to him.
I guess she thought in her addled state that I'd now take the bull by the horns and strong arm some cooperation out of him ..
What I did do was ask him had he been able to take any of the antibiotic she'd gone to get for him and no was his answer, hadn't felt like it .. that brought forth a whole lot of friction and static from her corner (the two of them now arguing with one another) .. "No B . .what you didn't take was your pain pills .. " .. (whole other saga there .. he may be .. I guess if I listen to her .. addicted to oxy ... at this point, I don't care the man is really at the end of his life .. is not going to recover from all that ails him .. and so if he's addicted to oxy .. oh well ... he's not going to get better and be out playing tennis . the man is too old and far to compromised to ever regain any sense of QOL ... it's not gonna happen ... so .. whatever) .. not gonna fight on that front.
Them now lost in the weeds and arguing about pain pills ..
Me now redirecting or trying to over the den of her friction and static in the b'ground ..
Me: Dad you can't get up?
Dad: No ..
Me: And you've had an accident of diahrea?
Dad: "Yes"
Me: Ok, I'm calling rescue to have you transported to the hospital I think they need to get you admitted .. for fluids for IV antibiotic .. will she open the door and let rescue personnel in?
Dad: "Yes"
Me: "ok, I'm going to hang up now and call to have rescue come"
With that, she took the phone and argued with me that's not necessary . that he just needs to stop being so stubborn and I tried to reason with her some more, and finally just placated her .. "maybe the rescue personnel will see that . and also feel the same, but we'll let the pros sort it out" and w/that I hung up.
Ya'll she's bat chit nutz .. thru and thru.
So he was transported ...
I can't go to the hospital .. Covid negates that as a possibility .. only the next of kin . which is his bat chit nutz wife ...
And yes this is why I tried to get him on the page .. that he needs to designate a health surrogate .. to make decisions on his behalf .. but nope . didn't get seen to. So now he's at the mercy of her addled brain . and .. no she won't leave his side . she'll be right there, at his elbow .. to spread misinformation and confusion.
I called the nurse this morning .. he has been admitted o'nite (was surprised they told me anything at all) ... UTI . and so antibiotics on board .. and also .. a racing heart rate .. and so meds to slow that .. and also on a Heparin drip .. for blood thinner (supposed to take Eliquis but won't take it .. why ..??... because he falls all the time and bleeds terribly so his decision . not a sound one .. but I don't argue . the man is on a banana peel and a grave .. these days one foot out the door of this life) ..
I told the nurse some of the things I'm knowledgeable about . as to his case . hadn't been shared with her she said . has Afib . supposed to be on Eliquis . won't take it ... that I want to speak to a case manager . it's not safe for him to return home ... she has Dementia and is his sole c'giver .. (nurse responding: "yes that's been noted .. I've seen some of that) ... her asking if he also has dementia . and my responding no .. you may be seeing some disorientation but that would be more attributable to the UTI .. he doesn't have dementia but is unable to ambulate to care for himself ..
She said she'd make the appropriate referrals and have the Hospitalist call me, so that's how it's been left.
Accdg to a 1 AM phone call from her, .. them still in ER at that point, awaiting admit .. "well I'm sure we'll be going home tomorrow .. he has a UTI but that we could've treated at home .. and so they'll send him home tomorrow (referring to today) .. he has some elevation to his heart rate but they say that's nothing to worry about, . so I'm sure we'll be going home tomorrow".
To my response: "Ok, . well if you can get his nurse to call me ... I'd like to talk to them".
Her: "Why Dorker, we've got this under control .. you know you said yourself it was a UTI .. next time we don't need to come here, we'll just call you . since you knew what was wrong" (yes, she was being a smart azz .. ).
Me; "ok, . I'll call and see if I can speak to his staff there .. and see what we do from here".
Her: "Well he just needs to quit being so ornery .. I mean the man had a bee in his bonnet like nothing I've ever seen"
Me; "yea . hard to be nice when you don't feel good .. but . go ahead and try to get some rest, I'm sure it'll be a long night .. I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow"
And I haven't talked to them since, . did talk to the nurse this morning . and that's where I asked to speak to a case manager and the hospitalist and she said she'd note accordingly and have them call me.
So that's how it stand at present.
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job of ignoring your step mom's idiocy and glad that the hospital is seeing what an untenable situation this is for your dad.
(((((Hugs))))))
It's almost pointless .. to talk to any CM . and try to direct this .. he can't be safe at home . his wife has Dementia ...
Yea, and who are you and why aren't you health surrogate in this?
Well .. because my dad wants to sit on his thumb and twirl as to the whole thing rather than "deal" with it all. No she has no formal dx of Dementia . she refuses . and keeps right at her comfort zone .. at his elbow .. and .. so no there is no formal dx.
Yea okay so .. and you're who in all this .. I don't see your name as someone that makes decisions on their behalf.
Nope I'm not.
Oh well, .. will talk to CM and it'll go nowhere .. maybe if he's lucky he'll get a small stint in a rehab site .. for a few days then back home to more of the same.
So be it. I can't fix what I didn't break.
Ultimately, the hospital and/or rehab are responsible for making sure that discharge is safe. Sounds like the nursing staff has already seen demonstrated dementia in step mother and will act accordingly.
They may be more persuasive about getting dad to appoint you as health care proxy.
And just remember, Dorker, that while you may not have "standing" to receive information or to direct placement, you are certainly entitled to point out the untenable living situation that they are in now. I suspect any smart and compassionate case manager will see your point of view as valid.
Glad MIL is doing OK.
But I suppose the combo of set-in-ways Dad & reasoning-problems of Step-Mom was always going to go in this direction. All those years of MIL's care will have given you the skills you now need. To advocate without getting bogged in to the eyeballs without any authority to dig yourself out.
Calling for rescue - well done. There may be more calling to do.
I can just imagine how it's going in their proximity. The nurse mentioned a cardio consult has been called for. Dad .. maybe, maybe not lucid enough thru the haze of his Oxy . .(if they're giving it to him and if they aren't .. GOD HELP EM ALL .. mean as a rattlesnake on steroids) ... Maybe if he's lucid enough .. thru the haze of the above as well as UTI confusion . maybe they mention that to him and he finds that yet another annoyance of the healthcare conveyor belt one feels as though they're stuck on.
There .. they'll want to do tests, procedures, .. where it'll be determined he has Afib . yea no chit . been there done that .. throw Eliquis at it . that he won't take.
All the while stepmom there at his elbow and not understanding/comprehending, retaining all that's said along the way .. and his annoyance with her incessant repeated questions that have been answered ad nauseum.
Nope .. not itching to call there .. and get caught in that maelstrom. No thanks.
BTW .. stepsister and myself both . in agreement .. I ain't cleaning chitapalooza left behind there .. are you?". Nope. She's to call out a pro cleaning svc .. and meet them there. Works for me.
I must admit I was teeny bit curious as to that... having been that person on the spot myself. No choice that time (were out & about & just couldn't leave a public place like that, or travel in my car). Unfortunate yes. Life threating no, so delt with it. But callouts for home situations? Nope. I'm with you. Call in the cleaning pros.
I also learnt the art of meeting at the hospital - not home. Also been the "& who are you? Do you hold Med-POA etc?" No. Just a concerned relative.
You are doing great! At the sidelines of this latest bus crash, not in it. Once Dad stabalises, maybe rehab/respite may be safer? Step-Mom has a daughter? Who could come & stay or come collect her if unsafe alone at home?
It will be your Dad's decision if he is deemed ok to make it. Otherwise I'm guessing the hospitalist will initiate taking control or allowing NOK to decide.
Keep us updated.
Perhaps this will be "the event" that will get your dad into care.
(((((Hugs))))))
I KNOW - seeing it first hand on more occasions than I’d like to remember - just how completely bizarre an elderly persons behavior can become when suffering from a UTI. But I can not get the fingers in his mouth part out of my head, poop covered or not. Did your step-mom elaborate any on why he was doing that?
And, I know that this is a dying horse that I keep whacking on - and even putting the finger thing aside - I can’t help but feel - still - that your father’s cognitive state may be more impaired than you think. I’d be careful about saying “no dementia” to the medical folks involved in his care.
As well, I suspect whether it’s dementia related or another health related condition - I’d prepare for a new issue to be rearing it’s head. Typically, men in general - even elderly ones - are not prone to UTI’s unless something else is going on.
Just sayin’
How is Dad's kidney function? That can cause weakness & not thinking so clearly? Or just plain old dehydration.
If BOTH of you are stating to the hospital, hey this couple are barely coping together & certainly cannot cope alone - pls get a social worker to help them.
Are you close enough for a Social Worker arranged family meeting if need be?
To be honest, I didn't really dial in on why would he be putting his fingers/hands in his mouth with poop on them. The problem being presented . .he can't get up .. I can't help him ... (she was terming it he was being ornery and stubborn) . but .. that I could sorta discern not the case .. that and I know the guy .. he's not one to sit in filth . never has been. So .. I just determined .. he needs EMS .. and transport. I didn't ask many questions about hands in the mouth ..
Stepsister and I differ a bit on the approach.
My dad and his wife, did have a c'giver on site for months. They dismissed her ... I dunno . maybe 6 weeks ago .. something like that. I think the basis for that is the fact stepmom puts up MUCH resistance to having someone there .. after all "she can do it, why are we paying someone to do what I can do". Yea right. She can't . but the broken brain doesn't put the pieces of that together.
Dad, I guess cuz he wants to twirl on his thumb rather than fight with her on that topic .. caved .. finally and c'giver dismissed. Big mistake, and I said so . .but who cares what I think/say .. stepsister said so . .who cares what she thinks/says.
Stepsister's approach .. she thinks they need to re-insert a c'giver on site.
I differ from that approach and have said so. "Your mom will balk and raise enough ruckus that will go the way of the last c'giver on site. They both need to be in AL or NH . .both of them".
Her response to that: "Mom has Dementia .. that will send her over the edge, people who have Dementia depend greatly on the familiarity of their surroundings . if we remove her from that .. she'll fall off the cliff mentally".
((I kinda think she's already hanging onto that cliff by the tips of her fingernails))).
What stepsister and I both agree on is this. IF .. I.F. .. we could ever get dad willing to go in the direction of a facility .. I.F. ..... she would follow ... much argument, much consternation . .much delay . but she'd follow. She "has to be" at his elbow .. she'd follow.
Today's news on his front. Sepsis. Not surprised.
That, along with a BP last night that dropped out, at 60/20 .. and a rapid heart rate, .. as the nurse put it, "he was on his way to a cardiac event". Ya think?
They are doing the appropriate measures and the BP is improving . the WBC is coming down in count .. w/antibiotics .. the heart rate . meds on IV drip and that is in sinus rhythm now . as they put it.
Talked to him on phone today (I can't go there, COVID negates any ability to go visit). TERRIBLY TERRIBLY disoriented .. horrible.
Telling me I need to come there (even though I tell him repeatedly I'm not allowed to do so, . will be escorted out) ... repeatedly .. I get from him . and a frustrated feeble voice, "I need you to come here, . so I can talk to you, you aren't understanding the things I'm trying to say to you"
What is he trying to say to me?
"I want to go home, I came here for a UTI .. and they're treating that, I need to go home now".
"I am caught up in some network here .. I don't know, I didn't sign up for any new healthcare network, but that seems to be what they've done"
"I can't talk to K ... (his wife) .. the last time I saw her .. she said this hospital is set to kill me, and her too . and she's not sticking around for it, she left".
SIGH
Yesterday I had a call from the nurse there, . .asking me .. about her, .. can I shed any light on why it is that he seems to spend a lot of time/frustration re-orienting her, re-directing her.
My answer: "She has dementia".
The nurse's angle: "We are trying to make her understand she can't be here, the Covid Virus .. no family can visit . at this time . and she has to leave .. and she is arguing .. and I was hoping you could shed some light on that .. and maybe if she'll listen to you".
Me: She won't listen to anyone .. do whatever you do with folks
Do whatever you do to folks that don't comply when told they can't be there, call security or law enforcement if you have to.
After that, I put in a call to her daughter (no she doesn't listen to her daughter either, but I thought I'd put it out there for her daughter if she cares to navigate those waters to get her mom to exit the hospital . or try to .. and/or .. call one of her mom's sisters .. that maybe that might persuade her mom . .to exit".
Couldn't reach the stepsister to impart this info.
Last I'd heard she was heading to the house to go call a pro cleaning svc .. to clean up chitapalooza, but I was unable to reach her.
When she did call me .. she explained she'd arrived there at the house to do the cleaning svc . .and found her mom at home ..
So .. obviously they were able to somehow successfully get her mom to depart my dad's bedside. Did that require forceful removal? Stepsister didn't know, my words on that topic were the 1st she'd heard of it ... in fact, . her mom confused . and telling her that my dad is in the hospital in some completely different state .. not local. Bat chit nutz!
Stepsister had no knowledge on whether her mom had been escorted out or what prompted that her mom would be at home and not bedside .. where dad is hospitalized . that was all news to her, hadn't heard that. Said she wouldn't be surprised if her mom doesn't shower, change clothes and head right back there .. to the hospital . and if they have to have her removed . so be it. As stepsister put it, "she won't listen to anyone".
I have no idea if the stepmom did take off later in the day set about to go see dad again . and maybe ran afoul of the rules there, didn't hear anymore on that topic nor did I seek it out .. don't care. Out of my hands.
I do hear .. last night she was found (by a neighbor) wandering around ... (on foot/car, I don't know). Neighbor that found her wandering .. took her to what is her sister's home .. K's sister .. lives about 10 blocks away .. and deposited her with her sister . who informed her, ... there will be a c'giver on site . or you are going to a home.
I don't know the resolution to all that. Long story short on that one . she'd .. obviously left the hospital yesterday (of her own will or not) .. and gone on home .. and .. I guess as nightfall came . she wandered off . since no one is there to babysit her. Found by a neighbor .. and deposited with her sister.
Have no idea what the situation is this evening . for all I know someone is minding her, babysitting her .. or she's off wandering again, I don't really know.
The conversation with my dad earlier in the day (via phone), very frustrating . for me and for him. I DO understand what he's saying . but it makes no sense .. and I'm trying to talk reason/logic to someone so disoriented that I might as well try to explain and reason with his wife. It's pointless.
Explaining to him he can't go home . no I won't come get him and take him home . yes they are treating the UTI but you also now have Sepsis . and you have a host of cardio issues that are being addressed . not to mention you yourself tell me you're so weak you can't get comfortable .. too weak to move around and adjust . how do you think you're gonna go home .. you can't even get around to care for yourself, you can't go home
To his answering that: "that's what they're telling you .. I'm telling you . they have me in some other network here .. for my healthcare and I didn't sign up for that .. and I need to get out of it .. I need you to come here and talk to me, .. I'm not able to . over the phone make you understand what I'm saying".
Me; "I can't come there, .. they won't let me .. the Covid Virus .. no one is allowed to visit family".
Him: "I tell ya, I'm in pain here . and they won't let me have anything for pain . and I'm uncomfortable . all I can do is lay here in the same position I'm so weak I can't even
I'm so weak I can't even readjust myself . I just lay here in the same position and I hurt . my back hurts . they won't give me anything for pain . and I haven't had anything to drink . they won't give me anything to drink . and I'm thirsty ..
Me: Where's your nurse button dad .. have you buzzed them to ask they come and maybe help you to a more suitable position that you might be more comfortable . buzz the nurse, where's your nurse button . have you asked them to get you something to drink
Him: "Oh h377 ... there's nobody here ... nobody comes in here .. I don't even know where I am or how to get out of here ..
Me: "You're in SV ... the same hospital you always go to. Let me hang up and I'll call the nurse for you .. and see if they can help you to be more comfortable and maybe get you something to drink".
More from him as to the supposed "network" they have him in .. more from him that he can't reach K .. that she left there saying they were going to kill him .. her too if she stays there, so she left. More from him on .. the network, more from him on the network, more more more . more of the same.
Finally got off the phone with him . took forever.
Called the nurse, . asked if a CT has been done on his brain . to check for stroke . yes last night, . no indication of stroke .. yes he is disoriented/confused .. likely the UTI and Sepsis .. and that is being treated with antibiotics . WBC coming down .. yes he has been brought ice water and juices and is drinking them . no he can't have any pain pills, BP too low .. will cause it to plummet further .. yes . have been in 5 x's .. and readjusted him and propped him one way and then the other with pillows.
Me: "Okay thank you"
And I haven't called him since. It's pointless. . It frustrates him .. as he thinks he isn't able to adequately impart what he's trying to say . and he does . it's just that it makes no sense. Frustrates me as I'm trying to counter with logic/reasoning . to someone who can't reason right now.
I called the nurse again this evening to ask as to his disorientation and agitation . by then they had given him pain meds .. (he is probably addicted to OXY) .. and he was resting peacefully it was said. BP had returned more level but they are watching it and weighing . the low BP . no pain meds . BP stabilizes . they administer pain pills but watch the BP closely.
So that's how this crazy train looks at this point.
Have requested 3 x's the case manager call . FWIW .... me not a healthcare proxy .. but whatever. I'm told the CM will call me tomorrow.
Going to try to put in my two cents worth . absent any legs to stand on to say much at all ... but .. not a safe discharge for home .. and .. needs placement.
Quite sure they'll send him from this setting to rehab . and well they should . but I don't think he needs to go home after rehab . but .. whatever, all I can do is voice my opinion . an opinion that has zero legal standing.