I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
I'm sitting here awaiting my own evacuation orders. The Columbia River Gorge is going up in flames and I live 20 miles from where it's raging. I have no idea what to take beyond family and pets. Important papers in a safety deposit box at a bank...
I've never had to even consider this type of emergency situation before. This type of think isn't suspose to happen in Oregon.
Dorker, stay safe!
Dorker,
Good job on the plane ticket! SIL is already worrying about getting MIL home?!? Maybe she's just thinking out loud...not your problem.
The thought of trying to evac MIL by car makes my stomach turn. We both know that's just not possible.
SIL actually imposed upon the neighbor to ask for shelter for HER disabled mother for God only knows how long?!? That blows my mind...just blows my mind.
I have not seen news or weather since this last night but the spaghetti models are all together and tight.
I might add...the projected landfall for Harvey was on the dime. CAT 3, okay we can do CAT 2 by the time it gets 20 miles inland. Well the stupid thing ramped up to CAT 4 then it was too late for us to join the gridlock. We were caught with our pants down so to speak.
$450 well spent. You've done your part! Get your bag packed. Car gassed up and decide to get out before it's too late.
OMG all these catastrophes!
Stressing me the heck out here. The d*mned dog! I don't have a dog .. I'm not opposed to them, I just choose not to have one at this point in my life. But somehow MIL's dog is the problem here in all this. I'm so pizzed!
Flying the dog .. first and foremost .. the dog does not fit .. no way/no how .. in one of those little carriers where you put them under the seat in front of you .. he simply wouldn't fit. So that means the dog has to go in the cargo hold.
Well the info that is coming to light is that it can cost upwards of $150 to do so. Not all airlines allow it, .. due to restrictions in size of cargo area .. and the dog would have to have a special crate (one that MIL doesn't own .. hasn't flown with the dog) .. and the dog would have to have specific papers completed by vet as to shot records.
All this legwork wouldn't be possible for MIL to do.
First and foremost MIL doesn't even now any of this .. not yet. And she .. who is so unreasonable with regard to her pet .. is going to be all about, "Well I'd just stay here then, I won't subject him to a cargo hold". This is SIL Imparting all this to me, and my response was, "Well I do not wish to stay behind and risk death and destruction in favor of a dog, then perhaps she needs to locate the nearest special needs shelter that will suit her needs as well as one that accomodates pets". No answer to that. I can cancel the flight, she can stay here .. or for all I care (depending on how bad this is going to get) DH can stay here .. with her .. so that the precious dog doesn't have to go in the (oh no dread of all dreads) cargo hold. Heaven forbid!
We don't even know if this specific flight allows for pets .. and it's also apparently first come first served .. meaning one can show up with a pet ...??.. and be denied the ability to include their pet with them on their flight.
So I suggested, "well maybe a neighbor will keep the dog for her, until we return from wherever we go .. and then I can get her pet here .. or we can board the dog at the vet .. until I get back".
The answer to that from SIL: "Well .. are we sure the vet is boarding pets .. they may be evacuating if it gets bad enough .. and her neighbors both have their own .. the one neighbor has a dog that doesn't get along well with others .. and the other neighbor just had back surgery so she's probably unable to deal with getting the dog in and out".
My response to that was: "I am having to make plans here and a dog .. is the least of my concern .. I am trying to reach my dad, trying to determine what my kids are doing, trying to see if I can reserve a room, rather than here in FL .. where they predict can be, almost anywhere, unsafe, due to tornados that spawn off of these type situations .. so a room in GA somewhere and finding most things booked, having to go really far north at this point".
I've had it .. I swear! I could care less. So MIL go to a shelter then for special needs .. I don't care and one that suits your unrealistic views of how a dog should be treated. I am not opposed to pets .. I had one a beautiful yellow lab for 15 years that I adored. But I'm at a point in my life that I don't want the responsibility .. yet here we are .. a massive storm of historical proportion bearing down with no clear path yet .. and I'm having to worry with an old woman with mobility issues and her DOG!
D*mnit!!!!!!!!
I "can" if I so choose, follow DD to TN .. to her husband's family .. and I may opt to do that. Just depends.
The dog issue .. the dog that I don't even own .. that hangs unanswered. I'm about to throw up my hands at this point and bother DH at work, who could care less about all this .. he just figures .. "we don't know where it's going, no need to panic" and he's right about that. But .. a plan .. is also imperative. So I'm about to call him and tell him .. the problems with the dog, and it's his choice he can stay here to make sure his mother doesn't have to board a plane and her poor poor dog .. be left behind here with a neighbor and/or boarded at the vet (a thought she just couldn't bear) .. or that the dog be put in the cargo hold of the plane (if that's even an option .. and that is unanswered).
So find DH I'm done worrying about your mother, I bought a plane ticket to get her to safety .. I'm done.
I will now work on my own plans. And screw the rest of it, I don't care. Get your mom on the plane bright and early Thursday morning (7:10 AM flight .. which means she'd have to be there about 5:30 AM or thereabout .. which means we'd have to leave her home with her and her things about 5 AM). This is a woman who can't get ready anymore these days for a 10 AM appointment with any punctuality at all.
I am just so pizzed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyhoo - a means to an end, perhaps?
Yes, traveling with animals is a first come, first served situation. And yes, the dog has to show proper immunizations--AND a lot of dogs just freak out in the cargo hold.
We're talking about the world of like 12 people all turning on the "whims" of a dog--well, what MIL would WANT for her dog.
Very doubtful the plane isn't going to be completely full--IF it even gets to fly....and putting that dog under the seat?? All the flights I have ever been on, the dog buys a seat too. Period. I saw a woman get escorted off a flight b/c she refused to put her dog in cargo--he had to have his own seat and she hadn't paid for one. Your MIL isn't going to make any friends on that flight. You also have to have papers stating the dog is a therapy animal...this is just too much. And with her limited mobility, WHO is going to fetch that dog and haul it out for her? I just cannot fathom the dog even being in the equation of going with MIL....unless you want to shell out $450 more.
$450 is not too much to pay to have MIL out of the picture for a while. Even if the hurricane hits land and does minor damage, MIL cannot come back home immediately. Y'all have experienced this before, the aftermath of these storms.
My dd and her babies and hubby moved from Houston to Richmond VA 3 months ago. I can say with absolute gratitude they had moved. DD could never have handled the mess--and her hubby's a Dr. so he would have been at the hospital 24/7. As it turned out, the little house they owned there was completely undamaged by the storm.
Everybody thought "the big one" for your MIL was going to be a fall. It's going to be this storm.
You clearly want the best and a safe situation for MIL. DH is like " it'll all be fine". Sil equally not all that interested.
You need to decide tonight what YOU want to do in this storm and set that in motion.
Cancel the ticket if DH thinks it's not necessary.
His mother; his problem. Learned this long ago in my marriage. Let go, let God.
Animals should always have up to date vaccination cerificates. But hey, I'm the kind of person who keeps a file labelled "important papers " at the front of the file cabinet near the front door and the cat carriers right there as well.
Funny, the other day, the hospice nurse asked "who has the DNR papers?" and I whipped a certified copy out of my handbag. POA brother was rather impressed.
I always got a inner giggle at the look on people's faces when they thought they could push me off for a while by saying "well, we could do that but first we would have to have a copy of..." and before they could finish I was whipping out said document and asking "would you like an extra copy just in case?"
Girl scout?
Sig other is an "I will figure it out at the time" kind of guy too. He tends to not worry about the gas nearing empty in the tank as "he will figure it out" and he does. He is learning to get the the airport before the plane starts to taxi down the runway (a slight exaggeration but not much), He is in Safety and great in a crisis. One day we were having dinner and heard blood curdling screams from down the street. He was up and at the scene in a flash. Some guy was walking his pit bull off leash and it attacked a woman walking her dog on leash, then latched into her dog's face. The neighbours were all standing on their porches looking horrified, but doing nothing. Sig other ran home, grabbed a rake, shoved it in the pit bulls mouth and managed to pry him off the other dog. Then he told the owner of the pit bull that he better get himself and his dog out of here and never come back or he would not answer for his actions. He figured it out. Maybe DH is a figurer outer.
I have my funeral outfits (winter and summer) chosen but not in the car. I did carry a bag full of papers for quite a while after I acted on the POA.
Everyone arrived in good shape, they do heat the part of the hold where the animals go.
I don't think the horses were crated but i do know there was a man or should i say a person down there there with a gun in case a horse went berserk.
They forgot to load my animals so they arrived the next day and the dog was a little upset because no one had thought to let the poor guy out to pee. The minute he was let out of the cage he raised his leg. He had to go so badly he had to change legs half way through.
We did have to provide cages of certain dimensions for the dog. We had to have one built because it had to be a certain height. We later used it as a cage for the rabbits set on it's side.
Sounds as though leaving the dog behind is the best plan. Even if MIL has to pay for boad it will probably be cheaper than trying to fly him.
My hubby's sister did drive around with the dress her mother was to be buried in for several months - result of several close calls. I had this cartoon image in my head of the Grim Reaper- hood up and sickle sticking out the window - hunched over driving a compact - flowered dress swinging on a hanger in the backseat window! Still cracks me up!
Thanks for the diversion in thinking of these stories - takes my mind off of my neighborhood going up in flames!
Dorker - hope you're hanging in there and managing not to worry too much. Easier said than done, right?!!
One more side note regarding the funeral outfit reference - pantyhoses! Miserable things! Always made my legs itch to a point of near insanity. Haven't had a pair in in about twenty years! If I ever get invited to have dinner with Queen Elizabeth I may consider wearing a pair. Or maybe I just do a long dress with the knee sock version.
How your SIL could ever consider that any neighbors, both young or old to look after your MIL and or her dog in a Catastrophic Emergency such as this possible/probable one actually proves just how checked out in regards to her own Mother's needs, she really is! Has she even looked at the National News Coverage in the last 24 hours? OMG, Hurricane Erma, has the potential for being a Huge Disaster even if it doesn't hit your area specifically, there is Still going to be high winds, the rain and possible flooding that is sure to hit, stores being stripped of supplies, and the usual services to the elderly and others being diverted to areas that are the hardest hit! Even our President has declared Florida (and all the Islands) a state of Emergency!
Not having an early evacuation strategy would be outright negligence, and it's shocking how unfazed her daughter is about this potentially catastrophic disaster! It just seems so unlike her, as she normally hovers from afar, even roping in the cleaning lady and her neighbors! I can't believe she is not Blowing Up your Phone, as I would think she would be Frantic about getting her Out of Any Danger, and about You Too, being able to relieve you of the burden of concern for MIL, so that you can focus your energies and concerns over that of your own Parents and Children! I'm just Flabbergasted on how she prioritizes (Or Doesn't) the real issues at hand, and yet freaks out over the little things like Loneliness or a the Leaves Piling Up on the Deck Outside!
I just want you to know that my Prayers are with You in the Safe Evacuation of your MIL, You and Your Family finding Safe Landing with Family or Friends, in areas Clear of Any Danger, your hubby NOT Being Too Stubborn for his own good, about the house and "things", that he doesn't keep his Own Safety First and Foremost in his mind, and Yes, even that your MIL's beloved Pooch be Safe and Well Cared For, and that When or If (😣) she does return, that your SIL and your hubby will have figured on that their Mom Does Indeed NEED a Higher level of Care than She can Manage (😩) on her own, (and National disaster, case in point!), finally relieving you of the ball and chain, and I mean that in the same spirit in which you yourself mean that.
It's So Clear, You Love Her, or You wouldn't be So Very Worried and Concerned about her days in advance of this storm, which May or God willing Does Not Hit nor severely affect and devastate your homes or your area! God Love You Sweetie, We really all Pulling and Praying for You and your Safety!
Go Back to The Sea IRMA!!!
Take Care, Love Stacey B
Sure wish they could tell us with more accuracy, sooner than they are able to, . where it will go and the impact.
That's the problem with these things. I know there are folks who live where there are earthquakes for instance (no warning), tornadoes (little to no warning), .. folks always say "at least with hurricanes you guys do get a warning, you know it's coming". Yes, we do. But not with any real accuracy .. not until, they can tell you, within about 48 hours of landfall .. but .. by that point you and all the other millions are out on the roads getting out of the way.
So what do you do? Head out sooner than you need to, . .and find out that you left and went to all that trouble/expense, for nothing?
As it stands presently .. MIL has been made aware that she may be put on a plane (I can cancel her plane ticket as late as noon tomorrow, and be done with that as an option .. but the info that will help to make that decision .. it still won't really be fully available by noon tomorrow so there ya go, having to pull the trigger on expense .. when .. it may not be necessary).
I'm inclined to pull the trigger and say "let's go for it", and send her packing to SIL's house.
BUT ....
The confounded mutt. I know it sounds like I'm not a pet fan .. I truly am .. I don't have a problem normally with pets .. and I used to adore my yellow lab. But I've turned the page .. I have far too many responsibilities and stresses in my life to be in a space where I care much about looking after any pet, mine or otherwise.
The story on that front, .. the dog won't be able to go on this flight. I guess one could take their chances, show up with dog in appropriate crate at the airport, along with MIl and her walker .. and her things .. and then of course the dog's shot records .. which I'd have to be the one to run around and get (along with an appropriate crate from the pet store) .. all to be denied the ability to do so... due to limited space
Thus, the dog will have to stay behind with DH and myself.
This (though yes I do find this maddening and ridiculous) .. will serve to make MIL absolutely miserable. That's her kid .. her baby .. and she will .. if sent to where SIL lives .. she'll be absolutely miserable without her precious baby. To her, it's about like having to leave a kid behind. Meaning .. she will be wanting to get back here .. sooner rather than later, to her dog.
Yes, it all frustrates me beyond measure.
I'm so over it with MIL and her whims dictating what others can and can't do with their own lives.
I haven't decided yet whether there will be any need for any of us to leave the area.
Unfortunately . about the time I'll know that info would be maybe about Friday or Saturday .. and that's far too late .. to get out there among the masses and begin a big exodus.
I'm exhausted just from the stress of it all.
If I pull the trigger on this plane flight .. I will have to go pack MIL up . .and get her things ready to go .. DH on a project and unable to assist. Him not the "planner" I am. He, .. of the mindset throughout all of this madness, "We don't even know whether our area will even be a problem .. I'm not gonna get panicked here". Me responding: "No, I'm trying not to panic, but it's wise to at least have a plan and know how you're gonna execute that plan". Him responding: "Well I'm not going to worry about it, I don't even think this area will be really a problem . .and so .. I'd be just fine to ride it out".
He knows that if he does decide to do so, then he can do so with her mother here .. and her dog, .. and I may (depending on whether the storm looks threatening to this area) may high-tail it outta this area .. and he'd be on his own to care for his mom .. an the dog .. and likely no power here.
So I'm trying to decide at this point .. and be aware of the data available as to what's coming .. and make decisions accordingly.
I wish the thing would just go away!
If Irma is headed anywhere in Florida I hope your family leaves. It does sound like you will.
The horror...DH, MIL, and pampered pooch refusing to evac in a evac zone. Like RainMom said about an act of God...
Here we are in Tx day 11 with no power...can you imagine DH, MIL and dog on a camping trip from He77? For 11 days?
Hope your family stays safe.
Hoping for the best outcome for everyone.
MIL is not in your locus of control. Never has been. She is DH and SIL's responsibility. Leave her be.
Decide for yourself if you and going to accompany DD and the babies to wherever they are going, whenever they are going. In my book, that's where your priorities lie. Keeping the 4 year old calm and entertained on the trip, sharing the driving, etc.
MIL, SIL and DH are in their own little boat and will either ride out the storm or not, without your help.
If DH wants to stay and ride it out, fine. MIL wants to stay, fine. They will have each other.
Dorker, you're stressed because you are still thinking with your cape on.
NOT.YOUR.PROBLEM
I vote you go be with your daughter and grandchildren, she needs your help and support. Plus, you need a break lady!!
Who knows? DH might "get it" after 3-4 days with no power, etc & his 88 y/o mom. Nothing else has worked.
Does DH know you have a plane ticket for his mom to his sister's?
I am seeing every county in Florida being evacuated and it's all everyone is talking about. My brother lives in NJ & I told him if it looks anything like Sandy, get on Amtrak & come on down!
Be safe Dorker!
What that means for me, where I live ... is a good thing, if it stays on the course they think. We will definitely get some wind/rain .. tropical storm force winds .. But this is FL ... we are used to that kinda thing .. and that kinda thing doesn't warrant evacuation and boarding up and so forth. We weather those kinds of storms frequently, without much of a problem. Might loose power, that's likely .. but .. no life threatening danger in the above.
All of that of course based on prognostication as to what they "predict", "think" will happen. But what you do is weigh all of that against, whether to get in the car now, today .. and go. Because to wait much longer than today .. you and millions of others, who are doing the same, .. the interstates will be parking lots.
So, having said all that. I am cancelling MIL's flight (sorrowfully). Why?
Why spend that $ to send her out of harm's way when the prediction is, there won't be much harm really. We could spend that $, .. only to be here, with no power loss .. but yea some rain .. but this is FL, it rains daily. Some wind .. yea .. but we get those routinely with thunderstorms that roll through.
So, best case scenario .. it does as predicted, stays offshore by 150 miles .. and us inland here high and dry .. and we are no worse for the wear, any of us.
Worst case scenario, it turns .. as was the case for Texans a week or so back and we are so majorly screwed here. Too late to get out .. and we're stuck.
But what call do you make?!??!?!? Me and hundreds of thousands of other FL residents at this point trying to make that call at this point, with only the information available at this point. That's all any of us have.
We are 15 miles inland from the Atlantic Ocean. The prediction with it being 150 miles offshore (if it does what they say it will do) .. it's big enough, we will definitely get some wind .. and some rain ... but shouldn't be anything catastrophic, at all.
So ... I'm hoping that we can just weather it, with no power loss. And more importantly that MIL too doesn't loose power in her home. If she does .. if she looses power, we will have to go get her and bring her here. Her and her dog. If we loose power, well .. too bad .. we'll all be without power .. nothing we can do to change that. She'd be here with us .. no power.
NOT A CHOICE I WANT TO HAVE. I want the thing to just go away!
The last time I bad weather event rolled through here, October of last year, we had to bring MIL here. It got gnarly .. pretty bad. Wind .. high winds .. there was a direct hit of a Category 2 hurricane about 2 hours south of here at that point. It was windy .. bad .. and a lot of rain .. blowing sideways .. heavy rain. And we lost power for 4 days here. MIL here, her home also with no power. It was no picnic dealing with her, and her dog. And that may be what occurs this time .. could be worse if things turn and don't look good, and us all stuck here at this point. Or it could be .. it won't be that bad ... with it being offshore .. by 150 miles. One just doesn't know. Not until it's too late to leave.
This storm is predicted to downgrade from a Category 5, .. at present .. to a 3 .. and so that also is in our favor .. in that it won't be as powerful as it might've otherwise been.
I don't deal well with being hot. I don't know why that is. Some people work outdoors and it's just an "oh well, it is what it is", attitude. I don't deal well, .. don't cope well .. when the AC is set too high for my comfort. So dealing with no power, and an elderly frail woman .. who gets here .. and is all but helpless ... can't fix her own food to eat .. can't get up and let her dog in and out .. can't see to get around the house, so had to be escorted around ... all of it, .. and me aggravated and stressed out because I'm hot as hell, it's not good.
But it could just as easily be .. a complete flip flop of the above and no power loss at all, for any of us. So one just doesn't know.
We had been debating whether to proceed with putting her on the plane in light of the newer models of what is the prediction for what's to come. DH and I debating that .. whether to pull the trigger on that xpense .. and whether to proceed or back off that. Neither of us really had it made up in our minds firmly (this morning earlier).
We were taking a wait and see approach .. watching the Weather Channel (this is all earlier this morning). And of course, vowing we'd watch as the day progresses forward a few hours .. and make that fateful decision long about noon, which is the cut off to the time I have to say yay or nay on that plane fare.
So, .. that decision still looming out there unanswered between myself and DH .. just .. a wait and see kinda thing hanging.
That's when DH gets a phone call from his mother and she says the following:
"You know I've watched this thing and I don't think it's going to be that bad, so I'm not going to try to get myself ready here and get on a plane and have to leave my dog .. it's all just too much, I'll just plan on coming over your way to stay with you guys".
That's what she says to him.
THAT is my problem with her. What she SHOULD be saying is:
"Whatever you guys need me to do here .. I know that I have to be taken into consideration but I'm NOT the only one you guys have to consider, so whatever it is I can do to ease the burden you guys are having to deal with, I'm more than willing to do it".
That's not at all what she says. No, she just makes some command decision she thinks .. she can make, without regard for what else may be on the periphery as to others and considerations thereof. Selfish!
He did push back, .. "Mother it's not just about you and what's going to work for you .. we are watching here . and trying to make a decision that WE will make, .. we will help you to get ready if that's the decision WE MAKE ... and WE WILL Take care of your dog if it turns out we need you to go .. but it's not SOLELY up to you ... there are others to consider here and .. we can't just consider you and your wants".
GOOD FOR HIM.
That's why I have such a hard time with her these days. She calls up and just announces she isn't going to do that .....without any regard for the fact that she is all but helpless .... when she comes here.
This is a woman who can't get up and fix her own food .. she has to be served.... she has to have her food fixed for her , she doesn't get up and let her own dog in and out .. (has to navigate a step outside to do that .. and there are no grab bars here installed, and so it's too hard for her to do it), that has to be done for her. If there is power loss, she can't see to get around, so has to be escorted around. She can't get up and down in a chair without assistance, so has to be assisted with that.
The audacity to just "assume" .. "I'm not going to do that".
WELL IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU AND ONLY YOU!
I did tell DH that's the thing that so infuriates me with her. It's not just about her!
Obviously he got that, he set his mom on notice .. before I even said a word.