I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
Maybe that was what SIL was referring to when she said she's been on the list of Elder Source for MONTHS . .they are waiting for funding?
Funding what? An evaluation of need for service? They need funding before they can even do an evaluation? I don't know. Sounds wrong to me.
Funding for Medicaid? Funding for what?
I didn't get that deep dived into her response. She hasn't yet given me the time of day to sit down and hash thru some things. This was only the result of my having hyperlinked, in an email to her, .. last night, the PDF on the Medicare and HHC.
I'd give them a call. You may be more persistent and ask better questions than SIL. You certainly couldn't do worse.
If an agency called MIL to make an appointment to come do an evaluation, would her response be "Oh, sure, let's make an appointment"? Or would it be a frosty "we don't need any of THOSE around here"?
Thats all. Just 😳.
Another interesting link.
When does funding get released, is that at "x" time of year? No, that depends on what the state allocates if they allocate .. and we don't have that information.
Does this service pay for transportation to and from doctor appointments? No, there are local municipality bus services for those that have disabilities, they are free.
Does this service pay for delivery of pharmacy? No, there are local pharmacies that do deliver, for a small fee.
Does this service provide for transport for the disabled individual for pet care? No, you would need to contact your pet care provider.
Does this service provide transport to the grocery store? No, there are area agencies that provide grocery delivery for a small fee.
So, in the end, the funding that SIL spoke of .. awaiting funding, for whatever services she is already qualified for having been evaluated already .. said she wouldn't be on the list if she didn't qualify for services. And she is on the list.
Well who the heck does, then?!!
Has Medicaid been applied for? (OKay, I realize that Dorker stepped away and someone else has been managing all this, but good to know that SOMEONE had been busy getting this accomplished).
So the things that SIL says the paid HHC agency will be doing (transport, taking MIL grocery shopping, dog duty) and NOT was she's eligible for. She needs personal care and medication management and light housekeeping. So someone to set up her pills once a week, someone to supervise a shower and someone to change the sheets and do the laundry.
MIL needs to be signed up for grocery delivery, pet food delivery and the free local transport service.
From where I sit, Dorker, one course of action, once SIL leaves next week, it to make a list Assisted Living Facilities in the immediate area and take a look at them. If you find a couple that are nice and are able to be afforded, take MIL for tours. Don't ask, simply say "we're going for lunch to a place I know".
What do you wanna bet, that link will get ignored. Anybody?
Would MIL balk at someone calling to do an assessment (sounds like it's already been done). But when last I was on the scene .. absolutely yes. She would balk. Remember, her mantra .. "now I know what I need to do here and I will do it, I will manage", would've been her dug-in, firmly entrenched response, and not budging.
I did ask, "if you guys don't know when or if it will be funded, who does". Answer, "that's up to the state legislature". Hmm. Call my representative at the capital ...??....
Yes, she needs sign up for grocery delivery service .. easy enough. Needs a means by which to get poochy's specialty foods/treats delivered (neither of the places, .. been there myself, numerous times, they don't have delivery . these are two separate vet offices. So .. courier ...???....local courier service...???....not an impossibility .. when no one is available to meet said need. Free local transport service and sign up .. I was in touch with SIL when she was working that angle, and I knew it wouldn't fly (too cumbersome). And likely that's where it went, .. too cumbersome. So .. UBER ..
The local bus service for folks with disabilities .. they have some pretty stringent rules about things (have to I suppose, it's not just MIL that needs that service). They will come to your front door and ring the door bell, and wait no longer than 5 mins (that's gonna be a problem for her, .. it is when I used to get there to get her .. she is slow slow slow and knowing she has a 9 AM appointment, one would think she'd be ready, sitting/waiting, purse in hand. NOPE. Still a myriad of things to do and gather, and sort and so forth. Bus driver .. is not gonna wait while that goes on. Not gonna happen. The bus driver will wait 5 mins, no longer and will then ring the doorbell again .. and wait 1 minute .. and then leave. Reasonable parameters IMO.
3 infractions of above and you are suspended from said service.
Further .. when you are ready to leave to go back home, call their # .. and they will send the bus back around, routed proportionately to their other need .. and the wait can be up to 2 hours .. and then same as above . .. if you aren't ready .. (which why wouldn't you be, you've been sitting there waiting) .. but that I suppose is done, to keep clients from, walking in the door to their appointment and calling, before they've even been seen by the doctor or whatever and now bus driver arrives to pick up client and client is now in the back being seen by physician and not at all available and ready for pick up. I get why they do it that way. But royalty would never ever put up with confines, now would they?
So, IMO, UBER it is then ..
They are trying to get MIL on a community Medicaid waiver program. Such programs have loooooong waiting lists for much need and less money. Texas same way. Many folks have to wait for someone to die or go to nursing home to move up list. The legislature has to increase funding and tax cuts are not favorable to Medicaid expansion.....And no one in community gets 24/7 from Medicaid.
Dorker, is she still going to try and take the dog for a walk and risk falling into the bushes again? Once SIL leaves for IL, she might enjoy her freedom again so much that she does just that!
CTTN: Nobody can "force" her to take her meds .. that's for sure. But yes, it does take a whole lot of reminder .. and persuasion. It's so different than .. like for instance myself, I forgot to take my meds yesterday .. and .. of course, .. I'm okay no worse for the wear . but this morning, you can bet I had them laid out in my way, so I wouldn't forget. It reminds me, of dealing with a kid .. a kid old enough to take a pill. Kid wants to tell you about this and that and the other thing, .. all while you may be busy doing other things .. while they eat their b'fast and repeated reminders, "take you pill" . .. you come back .. and still .. pill sits there. You remind again, .. as kid tells you yet another story .. and or/looking at their book/magazine .. and pill still not taken. On and on it goes. That's kinda how it is with her.
In the case of the Lasix .. (used to be, I don't know, I haven't been on site and assisting) .. that one in particular, she'd just not take it, and tell you she wasn't going to . that she doesn't like the result.
The dog walking .. I can imagine that would be the case .. she's just laying in wait .. SIL boards plane for home, the canes resurface .. and out she goes with precious pooch to give him the walk he so deserves .. 2 x's daily. And yes, if she does that she will most certainly be in the shrubs by the side of the road, or worse .. she will fall. Definitely. To her own peril, nobody can make her keep herself safe, that's for sure. It's up to her to do the things she needs to do.
Reminds me of a time within the past year...... back before I exited the scene. SIL in my ear, DH's ear. MIL had it in her mind (this is at a time when she's been advised repeatedly to use walker, but refuses to do so). MIL got it in her mind she wanted to do something with the b'yard that has been overtaken in parts with weeds ... rather than lush green sod. So .. she wanted to go to your local big box yard and garden store, and buy trays and trays and trays of sod .. and make her way out there, dig up weeds . (by hand .. not a big shovel, a hand held shovel, seated on her yard bench) .. and then plant the twigs of sod.
Not safe. Her hard is too rooted with tree (trip hazards) too many dips and so forth. she needs to really stay out of that lay of the land .. it's not safe.
SIL in DH's ear, in my ear .. "would DH go out there and take care of that area of the yard so she won't do it ..".
DH blew a gasket, "THEN LET HER SISTER ........... I don't have the time or energy to re-sod my own yard, she knows she has no business doing that and I'm not gonna argue with her, .. no .. I'm not going out there to assess the weeds and re-sod .. she wants to do it, let her!".
That died down .. nothing has been re-sodded. Don't know where it went after that.
Typical. She would send up all these flares .. in the decisions she'd make .. and send .. specifically .. and at one time, me in turn .. in a scurrying spinning top fashion .. bumping into walls in every direction to try and stop said dangerous endeavor (dog walking, sod planting) . .. and all this hullabaloo and admonishment .. to MIL.
DH in the b'ground, .. so let her then .. I'm not gonna be out there to re-sod her yard ..
You need to make it clear that you will not be doing full time MIL duty. You will visit for a couple of hours once a week ( if that's what you decide). You will help set up delivery of what she needs. You will make it clear that MIL's s life needs to be simplified because she cannot impose her needs on others. You will not respond to texts. Requests need to come from MIL. You will feel free to say no to ridiculous requests.
And in an emergency, SIL calls DH, not you.
Sounds to me, like there has been some recognition at this point, that add'l help is needed. What an epiphany? Who knew?
I don't mind at all, being the one responsible for ordering her groceries, and having them delivered to her. I think that's a splendid thing I can assist with.
What have some of you done, .. with your elderly loved one, to get a comprehensive list that is (for the most part) all encompassing as to their need .. so that you can order for them accordingly and not have to piece meal, all week .. "oh I know you had those people deliver yesterday and that was such a nice young lady that came out with my food, . but you know I forgot to tell you that I also needed .. do you think she would come back and bring me __________".
No, MIL .. put that on your list and next week when we do your order, .. we'll get that included.
Maybe SIL can help come up with a checklist and print it out .... and make multiple pages of it. She's been the one there, .. to do the grocery shopping, she surely knows the staples/brands she uses .. and what she runs out of ..
I know, I remember, she uses a specific kind of lactaid free milk .. she uses a specific brand of bread .. I remember .. her preferences, to a degree, cage free brown eggs, .. so on.
I don't intend to go out to her house and do an inventory by looking in fridge and cabinets .. and formulating my own list accordingly. She's going to have to tell me, .. what she needs and I will place the order and pay for delivery and she can just merely let them in.
Simplified. Timely. AND. COMPLIANT.
BINGO!
to ensure all window shades are pulled to the desired position.
As always, just saying...
I do think your husband needs to be aware of everything that is required - all the little tasks, etc. I doubt that he has learned that from SIL. If you do this, I would not feel one bit bad about neglecting him. I wouldn't expect anything much from him either.
I took care of my elderly father (died at 90) 24/7 for about 3 years but that was my own father and I had the time and health to do it. (No kids, no grandkids, no husband.) One sister helped a month at a time when she could. She has fibromyalgia. It took a toll on both of us and that was only 3 years.
You have been doing it for 15 and it is not your mother even though you do care. My sister, my father and I were all a team. We all co-operated and worked together. You have given a lot, pretty much all by yourself. You can't do everything. Your daughter and grandkids deserve your attention too. And your own mental and physical health is at risk. You deserve a life too.
You have a totally different situation than we had, which I believe is the point of this thread. SIL, MIL and DH don't communicate well, if at all. There isn't co-operation. They are not a team with you, and in fact you can hardly even talk with them. And they are all in denial. That is your problem and causes such distress because you do care and you do see things clearly. You are a tremendous person to have done all you have already and to still want to help. I wish you well, whatever happens.
I suspect at some point a social worker or some other professional will push for a change in the situation especially if they know there is no longer anyone to be caretaker at home.
One of the areas where I expect there will be pushback (and I don't care, it's still not going to be mine to own). There will also be "excuse" presented, .. in the frame of, "but this is only for a few months, I will be coming back and taking her to IL with me" (I don't have a lot of confidence that will EVER HAPPEN in the end .. and as we've discussed ad nauseum here, that's not my call to make. I truly don't think there will ever be any move to IL .. there will be excuse after excuse and de-railing after de-railing and it will never happen). If it does .. and I see that MIL is actually willing to work with all of us .. and get on the plane or in that car, and go to SIL's for an extended period .. and then they come back, .. as has been the presentation of what's intended (supposedly, but it never happens,, and likely never will). If I see, .. that actually occurs .. some of this can be revisited at some point.
But with that in mind, I work thru some of the cliff notes I wanna cover in discussion with SIL. And I expect pushback/excuse, yadda yadda on the following (as I ponder there will never be a move anywhere).
I was counting up .. the docs/places/etc that MIL has to be carted to, and/or stuff brought to her (as we've kinda determined at this point that HHC .. even if they are on site .. 8 hours a week .. 1) it won't meet the need listed here, .. B) they don't provide transport.
UBER - for said service, there will be pushback
Neighbor for said service - there will be pushback
Some of our church folks who have been kind enough to offer - expect pushback
I lay in bed, awakened pondering it all, and the following is a list of it all as to all the comings and goings that go on
GROCERY - that will be delivered .. I don't care .. not budging .. that is not a judicious use of funds for HHC dollars .. even if they would amble around for 3 hours.
RX's - sure I can pick those up on whatever morning I decide works for me .. as to going to visit her. However, If it's something that has been now called in or taken by ... as a result of illness or injury and now is not in the normal rotation of rx's to be dealt with .. I don't know .. don't have the answers .. someone would have to make a special trip. To my knowledge - her rx's are processed at Walgreens and they don't deliver. Mail order that which can be done so, there's a suggestion. One of her rx's .. is via Patient Assistance Program thru the drug manufacturer .. free of charge, but has to be picked up from the physician so there's another need/trip out there that has to be answered to. So ???? - thoughts ????
EYE DOC - sees this doc 2 x's a year .. for histioplasmosis, and for allergy eye issues (more often if there is a problem with her, allergies). Potential there for at least 2 visits a year but typically it occurs more than 2 x's a year
EYE DOC - vision ... that occurs once a year, unless she is having problems with vision . which then amps up another visit or more.
OPTOMETRY - that occurs once a year .. unless there is a problem with her glasses - in which case more trips
DENTIST - twice a year, more if there is issue (and there always is)
BUNION/FOOT DOC - has to have her bunion whittled on .. seems like every few months .. maybe 3 or 4 visits a year
LAB WORK - certainly at each primary care visit, there will be another lab work ordered, which then necessitates a separate trip to the Lab site for blood draw, if she is ill or otherwise having issue, then more lab work and she seems to see her PCP every few months, so even if she was well, that'd be 3 or so visits a year to the LAB for blood/urine .. but it's never .. just the few well checks a year. It's more .... because of illness/injury, etc.
ORTHO DOC - gets steroid and gel injections in her knees every few months - that's at least 3 or 4 visits a year
PRIMARY CARE DOC - sees him, if she's well every few months .. but she's never well, numerous visits to PRIMARY CARE within a year's time
CARDIO DOC - if she's well, she is seen 2 x's a year by cardio .. but that isn't the case also, and so numerous visits there
NUERO - 2 x's a year if all is going well
XRAYS AND SCANS ORDERED - routine and/or because of issue .. can occur once a year, but usually more
VET - normal routine seeing the dog for check up .. would be 2 x's a year, but that too, never the case, .. the dog is old and ailing, so numerous visits there
GROOMER - that occurs every couple of weeks at the very least .. (mobile groomer, don't like that option find another source to deal with it)
SPECIALTY DOG FOODS - monthly has been the case .. for pickup of said items (my suggestion is a courier be enlisted and/or a neighbor for pick up of said foods)
SPECIALTY DOG TREATS - another location .. and that too, monthly .. (again, my suggestion a courier .. don't like that suggestion, find another resource to meet that need).
I would even be willing to pick up from said vets .. specialty treats and/or dog foods .. on my normal visit as I also see to picking up rx's as needed .. but not special trips to satisfy that need.
But my point in putting all this here .. is .. first off, .. IS IT ANY WONDER I WAS REELING FROM BEING IN THE ROADS ALL THE TIME TO MEET ALL THE ABOVE NEED!!!!!
NEED - I don't intend to be pressed into service to answer to going forward.
UBER - you bet .. there ya have it. There will be pushback and MIL with her .. "Now I will manage and SIL falling in sync with that".
NEIGHBORS and/or CHURCH FOLKS - there will be pushback and resistance ..
So .. what would you guys recommend .. just .. put it out there that I will not be hauling her to what amount to at best .. at the very best about 13 or 14 different needs .. if they only occured once a year .. and that is in NO SHAPE OR FORM OR FASHION THE CASE .. no, if you count it all up it's probably in the 50's of the number of times and totals that you are running hither and yon to meet all the above that needs answering to. I won't be doing it. So just leave it at that .. tell SIL .. won't be doing it .. figure out someone else that will be in the roads to meet all this need .. 50 or whatever number of times a year all the above has to be spoken to and dealt with, not me.
Leave it at that .. and she can fight with her mom .. on UBER/NEIGHBORS/CHURCH FOLKS, public transport - as options?
As Barb says .. she's gonna have to simplify her life .. and her needs and be more flexible with how that gets met.
Go and visit with her once a week. And that's it.
BTW, if you arrange for deliveries for this thing and that thing, who will be paying for all of it? You're already going to be paying ~$320/month, if you pay for 1/2 of the HHC visits.
And just how would the Uber work when someone has trouble using her cellphone? And who's going to pay for it? I looked up "GoGo Grandparent" and it seems that it would still be beyond the capability of MIL to make it work.
The treatment for histoplasmosis is laser surgery. Has she had that? Is this still an ongonig issue? How in heck did she get histoplasmosis?
EYE DOC - vision ... that occurs once a year, unless she is having problems with vision . which then amps up another visit or more.
Different eye doc? Why? Once a year should be sufficient.
OPTOMETRY - that occurs once a year .. unless there is a problem with her glasses - in which case more trips
Does her vision really change every year? What kinds of problems with her glasses? Get her a couple of duplicates through the mail.
DENTIST - twice a year, more if there is issue (and there always is)
Well....
BUNION/FOOT DOC - has to have her bunion whittled on .. seems like every few months .. maybe 3 or 4 visits a year
Can she just have surgery and have done with it?
LAB WORK - certainly at each primary care visit, there will be another lab work ordered, which then necessitates a separate trip to the Lab site for blood draw, if she is ill or otherwise having issue, then more lab work and she seems to see her PCP every few months, so even if she was well, that'd be 3 or so visits a year to the LAB for blood/urine .. but it's never .. just the few well checks a year. It's more .... because of illness/injury, etc.
Talk to her Primary about ordering labs BEFORE the visit. Find out if there is a mobile unit that can come to her home a couple of times a year.
ORTHO DOC - gets steroid and gel injections in her knees every few months - that's at least 3 or 4 visits a year
Okay
PRIMARY CARE DOC - sees him, if she's well every few months .. but she's never well, numerous visits to PRIMARY CARE within a year's time
Find a doc who does home visits. Or have primary order Visiting nurse services and doc sees her once a year.
CARDIO DOC - if she's well, she is seen 2 x's a year by cardio .. but that isn't the case also, and so numerous visits there
Find out about remote monitoring.
NUERO - 2 x's a year if all is going well
Why ever is she seeing a neuro doc? I thought there was nothing wrong with her.
XRAYS AND SCANS ORDERED - routine and/or because of issue .. can occur once a year, but usually more
Mobile X ray
VET - normal routine seeing the dog for check up .. would be 2 x's a year, but that too, never the case, .. the dog is old and ailing, so numerous visits there
GROOMER - that occurs every couple of weeks at the very least .. (mobile groomer, don't like that option find another source to deal with it)
SPECIALTY DOG FOODS - monthly has been the case .. for pickup of said items (my suggestion is a courier be enlisted and/or a neighbor for pick up of said foods)
SPECIALTY DOG TREATS - another location .. and that too, monthly .. (again, my suggestion a courier .. don't like that suggestion, find another resource to meet that need).
Pet care is going to have to be simplified.
Start by calling her PCP; she is, in essence, home bound, very difficulty and taxing for one person to take her out, at risk for falling.
Doc, if she's home bound, how do we simplify, address her medical issues? What can be cut out, simplified, streamlined. We all have to work; we can't do these every week doctor,lab,scan visits.
Dorker, when my mom was insisting on seeing the eye doctor 4 times a year, I sat her down and said "mom, what's the matter with this? What are you worried about?" She burst into tears and said that she was sure she was going blind and the doc wasn't telling her. My mom had the "good" kind of macular degeneration, but also had dry eyes and she got the wet and dry stuff mixed up. I called the doctor right then and there and put my mom on the phone with her. We went back to once a year visits.
When my mom entered independent living, there was a geriatric PCP on the premises; he had an office across the parking lot. My mother was able to see him or call him when ever she needed to . He totally simplified her medication regimen and took her off the complicated cardio meds that actually seemed to be CAUSING problems.
He also hooked her up with a wonderful geriatric psychiatrist who properly medicated my mom's anxiety (which were, in truth, at the root of most of mom's "medical" issues.
Dorker, good luck. Don't expect pushback. Just treat this conversation as though it's the ONLY was in the world to manage this lady's ailments.
No mention of the lymphedema; THAT'S what is actually going to be the problem. She's going to neglect it and refuse the treatments. She'll end up in septic shock because of that. Sigh........
One of the reasons she sees eye doc more than once a year .. eye/tear duct's closed (?) .. that procedure .. so her runny/allergy eyes .. alleviate that issue, along with following the histioplasmosis .. (I haven't heard of laser for fixing that) . She got histiopolasmosis .. from having played in the chicken yard as a small girl (they suppose). So that has to be monitored .. so as to follow whether scar tissue will at some point impede her vision.
I just am astounded ... I don't think I had ever sat and actually listed .. (and I'm probably forgetting some of the destinations/needs that have to be seen to) .. and counted up ... how many times/or potential times, in a year that one is in the road seeing to the above .. and more. ASTOUNDED!
It's no wonder, I have a .. probably one of the worst cases known to man, of burn out.
SIL comes here, and yes indeed .. she does .. she runs like crazy .. and she does .. indeed .. try to schedule "routine" visits . where/when possible, for her visits here .. time them out appropriately. BUT ...........MIL's stamina is not such that she can stay in the road all day every day, going to 3 and 4 different destinations each day .. and so some are left hanging and unanswered to (has been the past pattern) .. and then you throw in there the myriad of things that go wrong, and an appt has to be sought to for add'l care .. not to mention the routine visits that are ongoing, and then the dog care on top of it all. IT'S NO WONDER I WAS LOOSING MY MIND.
Anyone who has used UBER or LYFT .. do you have an idea (I've never utilized their services) .. can one specify that a compact car isn't gonna do. The reason I say that ... MIL .. when I used to haul her around, .. I have a Toyota Highlander, . and she would always occupy the front seat, beside me. If I'd of told her to get in the back seat .. of ANY VEHICLE .. even mine .. it's not possible. She simply can't bend her legs to the degree it would take to be able to squeeze herself into that tight confinement.
Can one suggest LYFT/UBER or whatever, but that you will need to make sure it's not a compact car that arrives here. She'd never be able to get down low .. into a squatty car .. that's lower to the ground, nor would she be able to bend her legs enough to even get them into the car.
I don't intend to enter this arena as to, going forward, being in the road probably upwards of 50/75 times a year meeting all this need. But I'd like to be able to offer some viable solutions .. take em or leave em.
Barb has great suggestions.
Is MIL seeing these appointments as critical or are these SIL's method of convincing herself she's a good daughter?
In the small town where i attended college - alot of seniors are UBER drivers - for other seniors. I use UBER and I can request a particular driver. Maybe MIL can find someone she likes. UBER is also super easy to use.
There are so many online pet stores I'm surprised Dog's supplies can't be delivered direct. MIL's home isn't in a remote area or anything, is it?