I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
That's not really all that unusual, particularly right after the flurry of SIL having been on the scene here. Will it continue and be anything of a constant ....???.....Remains to be seen. Not my horse to pull though and I won't be nagging on that front.
Too soon on any doc appts., and poochy needs. SIL, .. I'm quite sure .. in fact the dog looked well groomed and clean .. saw to every nook and cranny of possible need before she left.
I had remarked in yesterday's visit with MIL, how handsome the dog looks and she said that SIL had washed him the day before she left, and taken him to the groomer not too long ago.
She remarked also (it's well known about me, .. that my cupboards are STOCKED to the hilt .. always .. can't fit another thing into my cupboards .. a laughing/running joke about me .. everyone knows where to come when the Apocalypse hits, there will be food here enough for a year or more . just from what is stockpiled here). Likely .. a stronghold on me, from my youth of growing up with an alcoholic stepfather and and the bar bill had to be paid before groceries were brought into the home. Remember well in those days ... as a mere teen, knowing that it's not right there is no food in our house, when I grow up that won't be the case in my house. And it hasn't been .. ever.
MIL having remarked when I was there that SIL had gone to the store and she's quite sure there is nothing left there for anyone else to buy, that she's stocked her cabinets so .. it looks like mine at my house. I even got up to take a look, .. and sure enough. Does look like mine. Stocked!
There are no needs to attend to, as of yet .. unless we're going to wring our hands and gnash our teeth over MIL's horrible cough and all the phlegm ongoing. She was coughing her head off ... and lots of blowing her nose and so forth yesterday .. and I handed her a cup of water .. told her the importance of keeping fluids going, to help break that up. But didn't harangue her to drink it .. when I left she hadn't touched it.
SIL had MIL ck'd at doc the day before she flew away and all-clear given as to her well being. So I have no idea if there is teeth gnashing on that front .. and all the better for it, that I'm unaware.
Thus far, .. there really isn't any "need" that SIL didn't see to, from that hamster wheel she runs.
So glad you talked to MIL and followed our comments about the alarm system. It's pretty amazing. I know my own kids cut me off with their "excuses" more often than not, I get it, mom gets boring to talk to after a few minutes!!
You maintained boundaries, didn't fall for any shenanigans and got the heck outta dodge.
AND DH is cking in on Mom, which he should do!
If DD WANTS to call and be involved in MIL's life, that's great. Whatever her reasoning, I'd take it. If you feel she's doing it to spite you or something, well, you can't change that. She will very quickly tire of taking MIL places if it comes to that--and MIL will not sit patiently in the car while DD packs 3 kiddoes into carseats. Just let that go.
I hope you've blocked SIL's texts. On my phone I can block either/both. Kind of forces some people to call me, or text, f they're folks I really don't want to talk to.
MIL is probably glad to have SIL gone. As much as she loves attention, SIL gives the exhausting kind. (IMHO)
I laughed at that "why did she have to leave home"...love of heaven....my son left 16 years ago to go to graduate school and he and his Dr. wife have only graced us with their presences once a year since then. We have to follow them around the country. They've landed in WA state, why, I don't know. Even if she'd been offered a comparable salary in our home state, she wouldn't have come "home". You just have to swallow that pill and make the best of it. But MIL wouldn't see it that way. My kids consider themselves Washingtonians. Their kids have zero ties here. It's hard on us as grandparents, but it's our job to love them. It ISN'T about US. (But then, not being narcissists, we think differently)
Well-you've done what you can, MIL can bend a little and get involved in the women's church group and receive some help there--and actually make some friends. Sounds like she really doesn't have ANY.
Here's to hoping that cough doesn't develop into pneumonia. You all need a little break from the constant drama.
I'm also sorry and slightly offended on BIL's part--being bipolar is hellish--and yes, most of the meds make you so "checked out". A friend of ours is bipolar and he finally has decided he can't put his sweet wife through his manias--he's a prolific writer in the field of psychology, and ALL his books were written when he chose to be manic. It's so unkind to be rude about people when the simply cannot help how they act or feel. I imagine he's much easier to live with when properly medicated, even if he seems slow and incompetent. Did MIL ever like him???
Good luck with the "plan". Maybe you can take a deep breath, move forward and put a lot of this in the "forget about it" drawer. MIL is going to go right back to her normal state of being and now at least you have some support.
He was dx'd probably .. I'd guess .. maybe less than 5 years or thereabouts into their almost 40 year now marriage.
I have asked MIl that question, did she like him before and she says of that notion: "ya know, what was there to like really, I mean .. he was very quiet .. always has been .. he's never been real talkative .. even then. Just a quiet sort .. it was hard to get to know him .. he wasn't really someone that would open up and talk.
In those days he was a VP of some major bank something or other, but he began to slip off the rails mentally and it was about the time (maybe the stresses brought out the bipolar condition .. who knows) .. it was about the time eons ago of all the bank mergers in every direction .. decades ago. And he lost his job in a merger ..
And he never did recover to go back into that working capacity beyond that time ..
I don't know the ins and outs of how they came to the conclusion that he had bipolar disorder other than to say that he was acting outlandish .. and some things didn't make sense .. I do know a story of him having gone and bought .. in one fell swoop .. 9 umbrellas .. that had to have been a big tip off right there, something isn't right.
I do know enough about him at this point, having known him for many years now, one can always tell when he's manic .. by how much he talks when manic. He is not known to be very vocal about much of anything. When manic that switch gets turned on and .. I kinda like him actually .. he's more talkative and a lot more gregarious than would normally be seen in him.
He seems to be of the manic side more than the depressive side. I don't know that he's as prone to fall into depression as he is mania.
He tried going back to work .. a few times, but it seemed it always pushed him into mania. Ultimately he went on disability and has been for years and years.
He is so heavily medicated that he is a mere shell of a person .. but that shell of a person is a very kind one .. doesn't ever, to my knowledge have a mean thought even .. much less speak it ..
I know that MIL lamented for years that her daughter's road to hoe .. is that of the person who carries the entire burden .. raising the children (she did .. he really was kinda an afterthought in all that, sorta a fixture that was present .. but not much weighing in on it, the two kids) .. and the person who carries the whole load as to the timing of getting cars serviced . .. seeing to lining up home repair folks .. when needed, working for a living .. cooking, etc etc etc.
MIL's feeling .. he could DO SOMETHING .............. SOME DAMN SOMETHING .... why does she have to do ALL OF IT .......... he sits there like a bump on a log until she tells him to get up and do thus and so.. he doesn't see a damn thing that needs doing or see to it, unless she tells him.
This much is true. Very true. He would literally walk right past a garbage can in the kitchen over flowing and onto the floor .. walk right past it .. unless instructed to do otherwise, in which case, he will yes .. see to it, at once. It's true of him.
My stance, that I've shared with MIL numerous times (seems to make no difference with her opinion however) .. "that's their life and SIL is happy and that's all you can ask .. she is happy .. they do enjoy one another and have common interests in art museums and plays and travel and so forth, they do manage to eek out a life for themselves and she is not unhappy doing what she does .. for whatever reason it works for them .. for that matter there are folks that watch their two drug addicted/alcohol addicted kids and it works for them .. and they just have to stay out of it .. until the pendulum swings for them to pick up the pieces of the shattered world they've created in all that .. SIL doesn't ask you to pick up any slack in any of it .. she does it and is happy doing so .. and in the end, isn't that what we want for our kids .. all of us .. if they're happy and well adjusted .. that's what matters .. shes's happy .. she isn't miserable .. so we all have to be okay with it too".
Doesn't seem to matter what is said to MIl to counter any of it .. her opinions on it all, are about as I describe them.
I know a perfect example of something that will absolutely send her into orbit over it all. She has an arbor in her b'yard .. and that arbor has jasmine that grows wild all over it. It does get unwieldy at times and has to be cut back. SIL (or at times DH) does that. Go out there with the clippers and a step ladder and chop away at it.
Here's typical of what goes on in that setting. SIL up on the step ladder .. chopping away at all the overgrowth .. and B standing behind her, both his hands in his back pockets .. just standing there .. he's not assisting, he's not holding the ladder .. he's just there, a presence. That sends MIL into orbit.
Eventually you will hear SIL say to B ... "would you go in the garage and get a yard trash bag and bag some of this up while I work at it", and he dutifully does as told and then he is now busy occupying himself with doing as told to do.
But until then, MIL is in orbit at this point .. why does he stand out there like a bump on a damn log .. why even be there .. if he's not gonna help then go sit down and watch tv or read a book, or stick your finger up your nose and play tiddly winks .. whatever .. why just stand there ...
MAKES HER CRAZY ..........
This .. the whole setting .. in part, why I say she will never step foot on an airplane for parts in IL to stay with her daughter. It will never happen.
In her younger years .. when SIL's kids were kids ..she would routinely fly there for holidays and vacations and spend time there. He was the way he is now, even then .. but maybe in those days .. the distractions of little kids .. and she was maybe better able to cope as a younger person, she did go there .. quite a lot.
But it's gotten to where he .. I guess just because he breathes .. is intolerable to her.
It's sad. He, who comes here, and walks her dog for her, goes to get groceries for the household, even cooks (that which he can actually cook, which is about spaghetti or something like that, .. he's not by any stretch gonna prepare big 4 star meals nightly) .. he takes out the trash .. he does help and never says not one word that is hurtful or otherwise about the whole thing.
But just because he is a mere shell of a person .. as she'd put it .. he is to be faulted I suppose.
Plans being questioned is typical for someone who has no intention of allowing anyone to think that they might be weak or needing help. She may agree with SIL in private, but where the rubber meets the road in front of other people, MIL is going to put on her stubborn front.
I'm anticipating the dehydration, fall, and calls to a SNF within a month. Once MIL is forced in, she's going to love this attention and tell folks she should have moved in years ago, but her family insisted she try to stay home for them to help her.
"But," she'll add in a conspiratorial whisper, "the children just were not up to the quality of these professionals. They are just such stubborn children and I could not get them to even take me to visit homes. The told me they would manage just fine."
I have pondered that the only way she will ever leave her home is going to be on a stretcher .. being likely hurt in some way and hospital staff intervening and her diverted to other care, rather than home.
But ....
It seems that this Observation Status that Medicare now puts on almost every stay .. might negate that possibility.
It used to be, from what I know of it .. they'd see the frail elderly person and unless it was evident there were capable hands at home, the person's path would be to Rehab site and then from there .. to home ... or if not .. to SNF.
Not so anymore, so it seems.
I have wondered what would've happened with this fall she took this last time .. she was brought home via ambulance for crying out loud, unable to ambulate. SIL there.
What if SIL gets detained in IL with some health malady with her husband and her swooping in to be the caregiver at home, isn't an option.
I pondered that with SIL, what would they have done. Her answer: "oh I asked them that, she'd of been sent to a nursing home, but C-diff is bad there .. it's not anything you want".
Hmm .. oookay ....
I frankly think SIL hasn't got a clue about how to manage stuff in a hospital. Sometimes,, family has to step back and not be so available if the objective is to get the elder into care.
That is clearly not SIL's objective.
She says no .. says that the last two hospitalizations .. one for UTI .. as well as this latest for the fall .. Both under Medicare guideline (not the hospital or doctor, Medicare rules) .. that they had her classified as Outpatient for Observation . and as such .. one does not qualify for a stint in a rehab site.
I asked her did she fight that classification and she said she did (who knows) and that it was explained to her that hospitals are audited by Medicare for inpatient stays and if it's considered unjustifiable (I do know this to be true) Medicare can reach back and grab the benefits paid, having considered the stay not justified, and they will also fine the hospital as well as the physician .. .
I asked SIl this last time, what would've happened if you weren't here .. (She just happened to be in town, the latest calamity) .. and her unable to be there to attend to her mom.
She said she asked them and they told her the mom would've likely been sent to a nursing home .. and then SIL followed that with "But ya know C-diff .. those places .. they are not good, don't want that".
So that's the bigger picture, as I'm aware of it.
I suppose there are times that hospitals do indeed have to classify as inpatient.
I know a couple of years back, .. MIL had a tear in her diverticulum or something of that sort, that bought an inpatient admit.
But it was explained to me .. this latest admit .. as outpatient for observation .. she had no broken bones .. even if she had, it would've had to have been 3 or more .. (that just sounds horrendously unbelievable).
The UTI hospitalization .. that too, . not considered an Inpatient stay as it's treatable lat home .. reason for that classification.
And no, .. from what I know of it, one can try to get their PCP involved, but PCP has little sway .. as hospitals now use "hospitalists" as to attending physician and that's where the water hits the wheel .. not what the PCP has to say.
There's some class action lawsuit out there, haven't heard the end result .. but some advocacy group having brought suit on that very issue .. that patients aren't getting the adequate care they need as a result of this "Outpatient for Observation" status being tagged on admits.
So there's that, but also .. there is the long standing issue with Medicare fining hospitals for re-admits .. within 30 days. So hospitals have found a nifty way around that, classify the patient as Outpatient for Observation and they were never considered Inpatient to begin with, thus no fine .. if a re-admit.
Since she's indigent, in truth, even without inpatient label, she would be eligible, if found " medically at need" for a Medicaid-pending bed in a SNF.
Everyone is clear that I will not be doing so. I've spoken for my one morning a week .. if they need me to go hold her hand .. and bring her a glass of water as she ambulates at home, then that's what I'll do, but I won't be the one to coordinate at home specialties and so forth .. not gonna be my job.
I suspect too, as Surprise indicated, it won't be too terribly long and there will be another calamity.
SIL has gone home now .. and in fact, she was to be seeing on their end .. her husband has developed an issue in his leg (they tried to address here via PT . and it didn't successfully address it) .. going to the neuro on their end .. for further eval .. and SIL herself with a hurt shoulder of unknown origin that she was going to get PT for.
I think should there be some issue within days .. SIL would be ill equipped to turn and run back in this direction to swoop in for in home care.
Give it some weeks .. before any calamity .. maybe .. but not right now .. she wouldn't be able to swoop in.
** that coupled with she is now in full-on dog sitting mode for the next 10 days as her daughter vacations in Thailand***
I guess if one were to cross their fingers in a hope that if something has to happen to MIL and we know it will .. it's not if .. it's when .. something will happen .. one can cross their fingers that it happens sooner rather than later.
She's not going to wake up tomorrow with restored vitality and youth .. that's not gonna happen. So something will befall her . it's just a matter of whether it happens now or in weeks/months from now.
I had wondered how you thought she looked after being away so long. I’m glad you let us know. It’s amazing how fast elders age when they begin to fail. A photo with the grands with her now will be strikingly different in six months. The children will have shot up and she will have declined even more.
She will have something to look forward to now knowing you are coming on Thursdays. Instead of “Tuesdays with Morrie “ it’s “Thursdays with MIL”.
Hurricane season begins in June. The season for 2018 is predicted to be “more active” this year than 2017. I checked the names and none of them were MIL. 😎
There are 7 Thursdays between now and June 1.
It’s like the 2018 Spring Series on AC.com. We will be looking forward to it.
Hurricanes around here (and I saw that prediction also, slightly more active this year) .. they seem to get more threatening and treacherous in the time-frame August/September and maybe a bit into October.
All .. aware that could change .. but I think that's a penciled in goal of SIL to at least shoot for the above target range to have MIL scooted out of harm's way. But that's SIL assuming MIL hasn't just blown sunshine up her backside in agreement to do so.
I think that's precisely what MIL did, sunshine all around and up SIL's backside.
No intention at all, to leave, not now, not ever.
This btw . when related to DH .. as my conversation with MIL and her hedging on that whole prospect .. infuriated DH.
What has he done to see to it that it will be done ..
Nadda.
My mom knows to hold a bedroom open for me .. about the above time-frame. I'll be heading that way.
Honestly who CARES that she thinks poorly of BIL? He probably isn't her biggest fan either.
You commented that MIL is looking much more frail and sick--and this after nearly 4 months of probably the fussiest care she could ever hope for. Age gets us all. She's not that special! (But you cannot tell her)
Next time she's in the hospital you DO have to step up with a ringing and loud announcement that she CANNOT live alone any longer. DH HAS to back you on this, or he will have 100% of the burden placed on him. I'm sure he's aware.
As kids, with mother, we did have her released from a hospital after a surgery and as much as she wanted to come home, we wouldn't allow it. NOT complying and not helping to facilitate her coming home to what would have required 24/7 care for 3 months was beyond daunting and simply not do-able.
Barb's right. She's indigent. She will qualify for Medicaid and she won't like where that winds her up--but her decision to not make decisions have caught up with her.
A fall, a faint, edema, whatever--guarantee she'll be back in the hospital in a couple weeks. THEN perhaps some motion can be made to getting her into SNF.
I wonder if anyone has explained that to her? Or, given the current state of Florida Medicaid, if it's even an option anymore.
That's the "plan".
Has SIL done anything as to establishing state citizenship as a resident of IL for MIL?
Answer: No
Does SIL have any knowledge as to income requirements, Medicaid waivers, and the like for IL residents?
Answer: Not to my knowledge no
There is no point in trying to stage a mutiny and captain the ship as to securing a setting here, .. the "plan" has been stated.
What will actually occur, more than likely, since I don't ever see MIL leaving here to go reside with her daughter ...
She will become incapacitated in some way here as a resident of FL .. and she will be hospitalized and it will be stated that there is no one to take care of her at home (absent SIL swooping in from IL to do so) and the path will then be cast, as to a setting here locally.
BTW .. I have talked to SIL about all of this, back when we used to discuss such things (I've deferred at this point, and no longer bring it up) .. and have proposed the above to SIL, since she's apparently the captain of this whole thing.
Her answer is always the default of: "oh we're going to begin the stint of six months in IL and six months in FL .. and she'll be with us f/t.
"And SIL .. what of the next calamity that awaits and renders her unable to ambulate to travel ... or the other scenario, she turns on the water works that she can't bear to part with the things in her home that all have a story?".
Answer, an almost aggravated SIL at that point: "I don't know, I can't predict the future .. I don't have a crystal ball, we'll just have to take it as we go here".
At the root of all this is a MIL that shakes her head and nods when SIL states the plan .. all the while, likely, she is saying to herself, "when pigs fly .. I'm not going any damn where, ever" under her breath .. but not out loud.
I'm out of the whole sick dynamic ... SIL can delude herself into thinking MIL is going to cooperate .. and MIL can shake her head and nod til push comes to shove and then turn on the water works and refuse to go and promise that she'll go next time .. and then SIL can go back to IL .. and then return for the next calmity.
Would do absolutely zero good for me to approach MIL .. "Hi MIL .. let's talk, let's get real here ... here's what's going to happen if you don't begin to look at some options .. let's begin to talk about going to look at some facilities and checking on paperwork as to what needs to be done to secure a setting here".
Nope .. SIL has it all planned.
It will take it's path now. Sad to say, because you did all you could, but there has been no team effort and such poor communication. It all fell on you, and that wasn't right.
What a fascinating story ( due to your writing Dorker) and a study really in what awaits us all in one way or another; the family dynamics, and how hard it is to set those limits and boundaries. I have never come back again and again, to a subject on Agingcare like I have on this one! I can't believe I look at this every day. You have a way of captivating a reader!
Thank you for sharing so well, this fascinating journey. Stay strong, power To ya!
Isthisrealyreal: Yes, interesting that it was just dismissed by MIL when she was approached by me, that I'm to understand there were hurt feelings on her part .. at my absence, for her to have denied that ot be the case. I know that she is lying .. simply because one of the three people that imparted her hurt feelings about all this, DH .. said that he defended me to her, in telling her "ma .. you wasted her time .. how many times did Dorker haul you to docs and you not follow through .. she felt like you were wasting her time". DH having imparted this to me, as his response to his mom's whines of how hurt she'd been that I have just disappeared. DH, doesn't listen very attentively apparently. That is part of it, but he chose to hone in on that when there was a bigger picture that he didn't hone in on and mention. But oh well. The fact that he tells me that was his defense of me, when his mom whined of trying to deal with her hurt over my absence .. tells me that someone is lying here .. and I don't think it was DH . not when I was told by DD and by SIL the same thing .. "she jsut struggles to understand where you went, you're no longer around .. shes' hurt", told by all 3 of them. Then she denies she even noticed. I have to just laugh inside.
No plans to stay with us f/t. Nope.
The plan .. so it's said .. is that when SIl returns .. it will be to get MIL to take her with them .. to secure her away from hurricane season here, commencing what will be the start of six months in IL and six months here, .. with SIL f/t.
I can say this ... I haven't said it out loud to anyone else .. Were I to see that to actually take place, .. I would be willing to step more into it .. be that .. when SIL returns with her, here for a six month stint (to give SIL a break). It's not fair that SIL's life becomes completely interrupted .. from here forward .. absent AL placement (which doesn't seem to be in the cards). I would be willing, were I to see the above actually transpire, to offer SIL respite from it .. in some ways .. (I think I would).
I don't think I'd have to make good on that offer. I suspect this will take it's course at some point with MIL and placement here in FL .. kinda out of her's and SIL's hands really. As she will likely find herself so incapacitated that staying in her own home, even with SIL attendant .. not an option.
They all just keep kicking the can down the road and one day that can is going to explode right in front of the whole thing and cause some serious damage.
Yes, it is out of my hands and my involvement in all of it is limited at this point, just as I want it to be.
SIL with her intention to eventually transition to an AL in IL .. but .. the can being continually kicked down the road .. it's going to take the choices out of any of their hands.
Obviously my hope would be that MIL could get her wish .. that the big cloud will come get her in her sleep. I hope that can happen for her, but I don't see it in the cards.
I find it all ... this all can't be true, nobody has this dysfunctional of a family to deal with. But I do. So while it might be compelling to read it, it surely *ain't* compelling to live it.
No worries, I wasn't offended at all.
There is an awful lot of apprehension in the air, Dorker. Nauseating is a very good descriptor, actually - everyone's heart in the mouth, wondering what is to become of MIL and what will happen next.
That's okay, you know. In a way, it really doesn't matter. MIL has made her choices. What results from them is her responsibility. And the really critical point is, she knew that, she knows that, you have to assume she is fine with that. SHE is fine with that. The whole megillah is about what is best for her - why the heck else would anybody be bothering?
She may fall, she may stroke, she may have a heart attack. These events may kill or disable her. Or, God willing, she may pass away in her bed one night. Who knows?
But for you it is definitely time to dust off the serenity prayer.
Hooray! Hope it continues .....
The character that you and your husband are perfecting in this hard trial is quite the testimony. God obviously has something in store for you two. May God continue to be with you all, in strength and wisdom, and Peace that is beyond comprehension.