I have outed myself on SP's posting about her Sister's current problems, so may as well give you all the facts as they stand. Had intended to wait till I knew more, but alas...
As most of you know I am 81 and a "uni" since cancer took my left breast away 35 years ago. At that time no one, including the mammo machine could find the tumor, but adenocarcinoma of the breast was found in an "olive pit" (without the martini) in the underarm (Docs at the time had told me it was nothing but lymph nodes draining something and I had said "I don't care; I want it out."
On biopsy it was two infected lymph nodes fused together. After mastectomy all other nodes were clear. So that was my 1988 (when Cher did Moonstruck, the movie that got me through it all).
I did chemo at that time, and refused radiation. Have walked the world an Amazon since. The ORIGINAL kind.
Well, looks like "it's baaacccckkkk". Found a lump in the L breast a few weeks before Christmas. Scheduled the testing to start just after the new year. To bring you up to date a "very suspicious" lump shows clearly on Mammograms and on ultrasound. I would stake a lot of money on it's being a clone of the Alien. It's irregular to palpation.
So here's the plan.
Kaiser wants a hollow core needle biopsy. I won't do it. I admit to a bit of PTSD re former torture chamber activities, but real reason is that new studies on "seeding" via punching holes in tumors and allowing the contents to leak into your tissue and spread are concerning for me (the only studies are on prostate needle biopsies; go figure).
It is to me counter-intuitive to take an encapsulated malignancy and stick hollow core vacuum needles into it and allow its contents to hemorrhage into your breast. Thence through your system via nodes. While you wait patiently for the lab to tell you what you pretty much already know.
Those of you who have had the procedure and the concomitant "bruising and swelling" may know what I mean.
I have requested a mastectomy on the left, instead, no matter WHAT this mass tests out to be. I don't trust a bit of needlework to say it's OK, and leave it there. I want it off, just as I wanted those nodes OUT.
Medicare doesn't cover mastectomy without biopsy for cancer dx. first; won't cover the removal of breast prophylactically I am told. Though there are some laws about insurance covering a woman with a history of mastectomy on one side --regarding a right to symmetry--they don't pertain to medicare. I may be looking at self-pay, which is OK.
So this is currently the beginning of a bit of a skermish with Kaiser. Hopefully not a war. Because overall I find them quite kind.
I don't intend, positve or negative, to do any chemo or radiation. I am 81 and I am WELL READY, and I have worked hard for the passage of right to die Compassion and Choice laws for my state. I would make good use of them, and all the other GOOD DRUGS and do so until "the end of the saga". Though with the GOOD DRUGS heaven knows what my AC posts would be?
I am not scared (other than of needles that are hollow core punches, hee hee). I am OK. I am thrilled with 35 years cancer free after my first fight. My daughter was only just raised my first bout, and I was only 1 year in my relationship with my current partner.
My family is fully informed and fully on board with my choices. I am having heavy metal armor forged to do battle with the medical system, and a part of me loves to fight (as you are aware).
I want none to worry. We ALL have our "stuff". We all know what it is to walk the walk.
I will update you WHEN I know WHAT I know, and what steps I will take.
Always remember what I always tell folks on AC. No one writes the obituary for an 81 year old and hears "Oh dear, died soooo young!!!"
Tombstone epitaphs gladly accepted. But my latest choice is "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishops Wife next Christmas". Only kidding. Not having a tombstone, much as I love them.
There are so many strong women(and men) on this forum. I admire you all.
I am only just seeing this. I am so very sorry. I will be praying that all went well for you today, and that your recovery will be full of good drugs and even better news. I hope you truly feel the love we ac folks have for you. Sue grafton books are great, but go back and read these comments from people you have helped with your intelligence and wit. You are such an amazing person! Many hugs and much prayer heading your way.
Hee!
No as to the vicodin, I got FIVE- 5 mg oxycodones from the doctor.
The normal dosage is 5-15 mg Q4 hours. So my question is this. How long are five gonna last?
I am mostly kidding, because I hope to take none. I am good with pain. I consider it my friend to tell me what is going on. And I expect it. And the ONE pain pill I had with mastectomy turned my bowel to cement, so even with stool softener, I don't want the stuff (made the mastectomy itself feel like no problem at all, that bowel.
But I am just sayin..............Wow, are the loathe to give pain meds these days.
I will need that Moscow Mule if it gets too bad. Or some other kick to the head.
Will have to wait about a week to see what the margins read. Then I will feel pretty good if I don't have to return for more.
I know I CAN do it. I have done.
I just am getting my mileage out of being a huge big baby about it.
Speaking, kids, of pain being a friend. I have had plantar's fasciitis and I know what it is and how long it lasts (about a year for me). My partner had it and same for him. My daughter had it and same for her. Now my SIL has it and the doc is on second round of shooting in steroids. What disturbs me about this is that my SIL at 70 is soooo active. And today was snowshoeing and going to play volleyball tonight. To me, he has lost his good friend, pain. How can he not hurt his healing with this? He is masking the pain with steroids but the condition remains???? I as a nurse told him, but he says no one limited his exercise! I love this man like mad, but he doesn't listen. To old nurses or much of anyone else.
Truly, in a lot of instances, (surely not cancer pain and some others) I do think we mask our pain too much. Our body tries to tell us what's going on and we block it. Sometimes, anyway. But, alas, no one listens to me! Hee.
XOXOXO
Know how much you are loved on this board! 🩷
Happy Birthday to you, Ali.
And that drink thing? Best offer I have had all day!
I will choose a Margarita with a TON of salt around the rim or a Moscow Mule, which my SIL always makes for me when I visit them for a month in July. Whichever is your favorite. But whatever you toast me with is much appreciated!
What's your favorite drink? I'll order one and toast our milestones. Just don't say cosmopolitan. That's about the only drink I find too pink and weird. :)
(((((((((((You got this, Alva.))))))))))))) Big virtual squeeze.
Many hugs, best wishes, and prayers for you tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and looking forward to updates when you feel up to it again.
Love to you,
Laura
I told the doc to take wide margins on this thing (I've visions of The Alien skittering across the surgery floor) as I am quite loathe to return if margins aren't clear for the full mastectomy. It's not about the surgeries, it's about the anxiety! The surgeries, in the past, were a piece of cake compared to my mind's machinations. Always the same for me: the coward dying the 1,000 deaths.
I thank you ALL for your good wishes, your sense of humor, and all the "thoughts and prayers" things sent my way; it has been truly a comfort.
A "trusted friend" here has N.s phone number, with instructions not to bother him until the weekend. If I go South in any way hopefully it is ALL THE WAY SOUTH, and a good climate! (remember--the tombstone is to read "Does this mean I don't get to watch The Bishop's Wife next Christmas?")
I am certain I will be back in typing order quite quickly, because otherwise what are you to do without a "mean girl".?
Alva,
Thinking of you as you wait to have your surgery. Wishing you all the best.
Grandma1954 thanks for covering ALL the bases; glad you are on my team.
You should know that the old saw about "one hour of anesthesia=1 week recovery" seems to hold in our house. My DH was under for 3 hours almost exactly 3 weeks ago (absent the 6 days in I CC U and the 7 units of blood). Today, 24 days later he got up and said "I feel like myself again". Hallelujah"
I do wish you the best.
I will say a prayer....that the doctor has a steady hand and a keen eye. But for you I will cross my fingers and hope for a great outcome. (this way with fingers crossed and a prayer all bases are covered for you)