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Doggie Mum, if you are the tenant and M doesn’t like living there on your terms, ask her to find somewhere else to go. Your brother’s house is not the only option! Nor is the house of your brother’s friend! Stop looking at Facebook, and be the boss of your tenancy on your own terms. If M complains to brother, and brother complains to his friend, and brother’s friend terminates the tenancy…..M too will have nowhere to live, so she had better start looking now.
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You deserve a life too. Terrible she can't just stop her nonsense and attitude about you and the dogs.
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My mom doesn't have a home right now as she lives with my bro and his wife..My mother said she won't go back because they deserve to have their own life as a couple. I am at a loss at this point. I have a lot going on and thought I was getting support but I feel like I'm in more stress.
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I apologize for my complaints. I am going through a lot as Mark"s family is attacking me (except for the legal papers we are divorced) saying I'm not acting like his wife, how dare I abandon him. They attacked me on Facebook. Plus my mom is griping about my dogs again saying my clothes are going to stink like dogs. I got fed up and said, "This isn't going to work." I then got the lecture of being ungrateful as this house is a friend of my brother's and how selfish I am.
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I saw an Instagram post with Willie Nelson, yesterday.

I've heard the same thing he said before, but for some reason it resgnated with me so incredibly much more than before.

It was about worry, why do we worry? Worrying has never changed a dam thing in life. It's never solved a problem, all it does is create problems for are health.

It went something like that. It was just a very powerful uplifting message.
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doggiemom - (((((hugs)))) your mom came to help you "settle" and she is greatly "unsettling" you. it's past time for her to go. Don't listen to any of her complaints. The more you respond to her the more she will complain and there is no sense in it.

You can tell her this is your house and it is clean enough for you. That this is your life and those are your dogs and they are staying and she is going back to her home as soon as it can be arranged. You will help her pack and get whatever transportation is needed. She will be upset but what's new. She's upset anyway.

Firm boundaries are needed here, doggiemom. Never allow anyone who is that manipulative and mentally unhealthy into your home again. Prayers with all this. Just send her back to her home as soon as possible no matter what she says. It is clearly nonsense. Look after you and don't let these sick people interfere with your life.
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DoggieMom, I can't believe you let Mom come into your home. You just don't need this added stress and burden. You are complicating your life. You need an honest talk and she needs to go home to her own digs. This is going to end with you being in more trouble than you just got out of. This is YOUR HOME. Your having your mom in is going to enable her deterioration and anxiety and worsen your own. Get her OUT OF THERE SOON.
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Doggiemom, the anxiety your mom has seems to not be uncommon at all. My mom gives me dirty looks when I fold a towel, because I'm not folding it the way she thinks it should be folded.

She has a degenerative spine, was told not to reach. She if course did, now there is more stuff she can't do. But she will anyways and it will just happen again. But for the most part her cognition is pretty good. But you can't reason with her at all. That's just the way it is. It could be just the fact that her brain is slowly dieing.

Your not going to be able to reason with her or make deals with her . Like I'll do this if you do that. The aging brain and the horrible anxiety just doesn't work that way.

On top of your worries about the dogs and everything else you have been though. You also need to understand that living with someone so high anxiety is going to increase your anxiety times 10. I can only be with my mom so long before I feel my old pain in my neck creeping back in.

Sorry your going through this
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I tried talking with her to help cleaning the “right way” or her way and she got angry at me saying I do it wrong and she would do it. It’s anxiety city because of the leak here. She’s going nuts cleaning everything saying it smells, even though the place has been bleached and lysoled to death.
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Yes, I have a job as a teacher making 70K. I will not give up my dogs, as this home is leased in my name. My mother came to live here until I settled in. We just don’t see eye to eye on things and she refuses meds for anxiety stating it’s the way I live. She is helping with food, although I could manage on my own. My mom is co-dependant on either me brother or I. My brother is married I have my own plans in a couple years of moving again. I have my own relationship. Her sister in Arkansas is married, but talking to her about senior apartments near her home. I think this would be best for my mother in the long-run. I laid some ground rules that she can clean, but do not criticize my life or my choices. I told her she needs help and it’s not right to make me and my dogs full of anxiety when I escaped a 15 year verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. I told her I am 38 not a child.

if it’s mental, I don’t see major decline as she is still able to do all physical things by herself and most mental. She just has horrible anxiety. She was literally crying saying “The smell of your dogs is making me ill” and saying I’m filthy. I am not a neat freak but hardly dirty. I don’t believe in constant cleaning. She had a mental break down because a bug touched her in bed. I had to get an exterminator here before she’d sleep in her bedroom. Right now I am working on getting a car. My dogs are my ESA.
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DoggieMom you didn't divorce your husband to become an indentured servant to your mother.

Your brother chose to take care of your mother for 10 years that doesn't mean you have to serve a 10 year jail sentence with your mother now.

That's not how life works and you can tell your brother that.

I thought you were moving back home to a supportive environment but it seems you escaped one bad environment for another.

The good news is you are or will be working so you hopefully can afford a place if your own.

I am sorry your mother is being like this about you and your dogs. It sounds like she has or is getting cognitive issues.
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Because I feel my dog are stressed out. I have no clue where else my mom can go. My brother cared for her for 10 years.
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Doggiemom, why are you getting rid of your dogs from your home to make your mom...what? Happy, less anxious, less cruel?
Tell her you don't need help settling and to move home or out or whatever you have to do.
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I thought I escaped from the stress but I am out of one hell and into another. Had I known it would have caused so many issues I would have given up my dogs before I moved to a rescue. Now, I am trying to re-home them. We had a huge leak in my rental and my mother lost it again. She is crying and saying how she hates my dogs and how filthy I am. I guess maybe my dogs deserve a better life.
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Gurshen I think that makes you a good sensitive person with a lot of empathy.

I've never prayed for them but I have felt bad for them. Actually I never look at them I turn a blind eye to them, forget they are even there.
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Send, of course I knew you were joking. All good here.

I wasn't though. I actually do pray for the lobsters. I feel so sorry for them all pushed together in a small tank until someone buys one and sticks it in boiling water alive. Sigh.................Best not to think of such things. Life is cruel. And no, I don't eat lobster. Never been a real fan of crustaceans. I do eat other fish so I guess that makes me a hypocrite.
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I hardly ever have glass of wine so no novinophobia for me. But on rare occasion robust glass of red and good chocolates with that taste wonderful.
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Evamar,
Joking, yes.
I did not even make it up, but found it somewhere.
As far as fear of running out of chocolate-I have no fear-because I would never let that happen! (lol.)

Gershun,
I know you are concerned about all living things-it is a lovely attribute, and shows your sensitivity, which is a real thing.

So, you knew I was joking about the lobsters?

Jokes are never a good thing if one has to explain it's a joke.
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Sendhelp,
Thought your were joking but no vino phobia exists.
Cenosillicaphobia -fear of running out of beer.
NOCHOCOPHOBIA - fear of running out of chocolate. That would not be acceptable, although there is concern about shortages of cacao.
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Lol Gershun.
Were you praying that the lobsters were going to taste good?

🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️🦞️
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A known associate was just diagnosed with novinophobia.

It is the fear of running out of wine.
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Gershun,
So funny especially about your cat or your cat’s behind being introduced to strangers. I am sure he/she is cute kitty.
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Anabana,
Yeah, it was that kind of stress, and I forgot to say I passed the destination when driving dH to a tech meeting. But they served him pizza there, and I went home, did not have to cook. (No pizza for me, lol.)

Gershun,
If your cat wasn't the most famous before this, he is now!
This did make me laugh, picturing his butt-first presentation.

Golden,
Same here, dH will be able to do amazing intelligent things, even remember. However, cannot follow a simple instruction coming from me. I cancelled the editing/printing project we were doing for the last two days. It became so frustrating and discouraging to me when he deleted the new draft and kept the old draft instead. I cannot complete the project without him, so I cancelled it to save my own life, (and his).

Thinking, I was trying too hard. Now, I am not. No one will miss the Newsletter!
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Send, I found myself forgetting, making questionable decisions, and second guessing myself during a period of intense stress. I made wrong turns on a familiar route. And scared myself, certain I was developing the dementia that broke my mother’s brain.

I get what I call “overwhelmedness paralysis” and shut down. My brain goes off on its own for a break.

I am happy and relieved to report that I am myself again.

You, Send, are under a great deal of stress. Much responsibility with little to no control. You can only react. Have confidence that you will be yourself again.
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Send, glad today is better. You are right about laughter. Hey, I'll tell you all a story that might make you giggle.

So, hubs and I are at the grocery store the other day. I was at the seafood section. I'm a big animal/any living being lover so I go over to the lobster tank and pray for the lobsters. (Yes, I know) Anyways, I see the girl working there looking at me and smiling. So I walk over to her and say "Oh, you must have seen me praying for the lobsters" She just looked at me with her hand by her ear indicating she couldn't hear me. So I said it louder. She still couldn't hear. But others could. I walked away with my face so red. Then I looked down and saw that my fly was undone too. Yep, yep, yep..............

Same day I'm in the elevator of my bldg. A realtor was in there with a potential tenant. I had my cat in his carrier with me. I held the carrier up and said "Here's the most famous tenant in the bldg" They both kind of just looked at me. When I got out of the elevator I realized my cat's butt was facing the opening so that's all they probably got a glance of.

Yeah, just another day in the life of someone who always puts her foot in their mouth.
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send - glad you are better today. I do what I can when I can.

beatty - ((((hugs))) to you. Sorry about the covid and the haggard look, but the weight loss would be more than OK in my book.

R is doing very well, but he does have some specific memory loss - the password (which he used daily) to his bashed up phone. Yet he is going through the papers he recovered from his vehicle and knows exactly what is missing. Perhaps it will come back yet. I think he has some other memory loss too which is to be expected. Now that the headaches are less he notices it more. It shook him when he saw his vehicle at the pound. His injuries could have been so much worse. His leg with the knee replacement was not injured at all. Praise God!!!
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Researchers have determined that just 15 minutes of laughter a day can help you burn between 10 and 40 calories, depending on your weight and how intense your laughter is. While it doesn’t seem like much because you don’t burn loads of extra calories, remember it’s little changes to your daily routine that will make big differences. That extra 10-40 calories burned each day from laughing is enough to lose up to 4lbs in one year!

Thanks for your support everyone!

Making very small changes can help.
Today, I am able to pay bills.
The sweet potato plant can be revived and trimmed.
I found a neighbor who knows how to do this, and she can plant them next to her russet potatoes.
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Thinking of you sends 🙏😔
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Send (((hugs))) You have a lot to manage & deal with. Plus heat... urggggh.

Btw "How about "Move more, eat less?"

I told my Doctor a while back I had put on weight, added I had moved less, eaten more. He paused, looked at me, laughed.

Have a laugh too. It's all we can do, right?

Since then, Covid visited (again). I lost my taste & smell. Lost weight, got more grey hair. I have stayed slimmer, although probably more "what's wrong with her" rather than "What's she doing?"

Haggard is my new look. I am embracing it.
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Send, I sent you a private.

Stay strong!
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