That is the last thing I want to hear. also people at work ask how my husband is i tell them very weak and depressed. they say very hateful. well he isnt going to get well overnight. that is like telling someone who is walking through the desert and is thirsty and tired and worn out that you are not going to get out of the desert overnight it will take a long time. they offer no help. no water no nothing. i would rather they just keep their mouth shut. i am so tired of the comments. i dont know if my husband will ever get back to normal and be well. i do know i love him with all my heart. i know there is nothing i would not do for him. he is my heart and i love him so much. i am just tired.
You are understandably overwhelmed, but that does not mean you are being punished.
Like, what is that???!! I'm agnostic, but that phrase makes me want to hit someone upside the head. Argh.
It doesn't sound like you have much of a support system. Maybe you have already tried what I have to suggest, but here goes.
Ask your doctor or hospital to put you in touch with a social worker. If any of your charges has disability, pester their social worker for help. Even if your wife is not a senior yet, contact your local senior center and "area agency on aging" and request an evaluation of her needs. I see you live in South Bend, and I would hope that a college town would have some good resources. Have you talked to anyone at the Alzheimer's association? They have a lot of help and advice to offer.
I hate it when I ask for help, and instead, am given more work to do! But any energy you can invest in getting more help will pay off. This is a stereotype, but as a man, do you believe you're supposed to handle it all without help? Fight that attitude. You need to take care of yourself (by getting help) before you can care for others.
To get better responses, ask your own question. Tell us more specifics about your family. Tell us which parts drive you the craziest. Best wishes to you.
In addition to the truth - our agreement is that she can vent to me safely & i'll just listen. (in other words I won't offer ideas unless that is what she wants). Sometimes she just needs to vent, me listen, understand, we usually end up making bad jokes, and laughing. She says that helps.
Also - finally - I tell her what time I have and she tells me where she needs the most help. the one weekend a month is a God-send to her. But I also stop at Walmart on my way up to pick up things they need, that she can no longer get out regularly to pick up. (she has a caregiver two afternoons a month and we agree that she needs to do fun things - like lunch with friends, bowling, etc). I also do online/free shipping shopping for her. I help with websites for Medicare, their insurance plans, etc - since she doesn't feel comfortable on line.
The point I'm trying to make - is that if we ask a caregiver how it is going - we should encourage them to be honest, and just SHUT UP AND LISTEN and empathize. Sometimes a release helps. Then pay attention over time - how are they doing - if they look exhausted, buy them a coffee and listen. If they are struggling at work - help occasionally with workload.
I think LISTENING with empathy is a key.