Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
I knew it wasn’t your post, as far as it being you personally. I was thanking you for sharing it. It speaks volumes! Your posts are so helpful whether it concerns you or examples from others. I appreciate your input so much.
No problem with old furnture but it is falling to bits. Door hanging off etc.
Had meatballs in Ikea this weekend!
BTW - Wales lost the rugby on Saturday. Sad day!
The difference between old furniture and IKEA disposables is that you can repair old furniture. Mend it, dear Henry.
Funny you should mention Dads parents. His mother died in her 90s - lived at home the whole time. I was out of it - at college at the time but I always remember she was a bit of a handful. I remember the words "had a fall" loads of time. This was her attention seeking. I remember Dad ranting at the time "If I ever get that when I'm old, just shoot me!" Ironic eh?
Got more important stuff on this week. Teenage son. 16 now. Remember hes got Aspergers. Hes been better last year but its increasingly difficult to work out whats bad behaviour (teenager!) and whats Aspergers.
He broke a glass a week or so ago. BUT yesterday we found glass literally 6-7 foot away and a mark on the wall. The glass shards had ended up in his little sisters (shes 6) toy box. Not cool.
Hes got previous with this. Gets annoyed with games on his PC. In the past, hes thrown office chairs at the wall, smashed glass doors etc.
We spoke to him calmly and he appears to do what he did a year or so ago. Goes from 0 to 1000 in 1 second and gets VERY aggressive. Its his way of winning - he ups the stake to the max and then thinks everyone will drop it (A year so ago he put his mother in hospital).
Swears blind he didn't throw the glass at all - obvious he did. Very disappointed and unhappy with him at the moment - hes made it 100 times worse by, initially, not admitting there was glass everywhere and now lying about it. Not speaking to us now because "we don;t believe him".
Dad will have to wait with his fake illnesses this week.
You need to get this change in behavior sorted right away. Forget dad for the moment. The health and safety of both of your kids hangs in the balance.
All of your posts seem to open with "no change in dad" or something like that.
Dad will NEVER change.
Its been a hard few years to be fair. At year or so ago at one point we really did think we'd have to involve Social Services because he was getting so violent.
I thought we were past that so its a bit upsetting to say the least that hes forgotten all that happened it seems.
One dilema. He asked "are we going away for the weekend this year?". We've done this every year for years - watch a cricket match.
However, hes got increasingly worse. The way he treats me its like being child again for the weekend and I've got to have permission. Also, hes not been the best in restuarants and hotels either recently.
I'd like to go in a way (after all he won't be around forever) but then I'm not sure how badly he will behave. 10 years or more ago we had some really nice weekends - OK he was never perfect and I'd come exhausted by his stupid behaviour. Now, I'm not sure if I can cope with him.
At some point, with our parents, we do what we find valuable to create memories with them, despite their behavior. It doesn't matter how dad behaves; it you want to give him a treat and if you feel good about this being the way to do it, then take him. Let his behavior roll off your back.
Please explain to me how your complaining that you have to pay something to get good meds management for your son differs from dad's ranting about his doctors who ought to do what he wants.
I would pay a great deal of get the right level of medical/psychiatric/behavioral support for your boy; there are going to be extra challenges as he heads into adolescence, simply because his body and brain are changing.
You are more sensitive to your dad’s behavior than others are. Yes, others may see it as strange but it doesn’t effect them personally like it does you. I wouldn’t be as concerned about what others think.
I also think your dad likes the power he receives if he can get a negative reaction from you. Try to distract yourself, detach in a way. I used to bring a book with me when I took my mom places and I would read when I needed a break and did not want to have a conversation. We learn survival skills because if we don’t it totally consumes us. Buy a great novel that you have been interested in reading.
His behavior may be embarrassing to you but most likely people are aware of how some elderly people behave and won’t hold it against you.
Yeah, that was a lot of money then. I wonder what their paycheck was back then.
I find groceries are so high now, compared to what we used to spend. I am not a spendthrift. I don’t like wasting food so I don’t overbuy but I have noticed a big increase in price. I guess because I buy only organic now. That varies though.
I have actually seen organic on sale at a cheaper price than non organic. Seafood cost a lot and I love it! Good cheese is expensive too. Cereal has gone up in price! I guess everything has.
But... neglected to say anything about no medication AND being chewed out for basically abusing the system...
Bad news, I saw that they are reporting 2 cases of the coronavirus in Wales... That'll be what he gets next (at least in his head!) Not sure if it's all the rage in the news there, but here, OI! Media-Hype and scare-mongering... If it is in the news a lot there, I am surprised he hasn't insisted that's what he has!
As someone else said, lay out the "rules" for the cricket match weekend. I doubt he will comply with wearing incontinence briefs, so can you compromise there and cover the seat (seat cover OVER some pads that will absorb any leakage)? He questions, it's just extra padding to make it more comfy for him! I know he hasn't brought enough to wear (in case of accidents) in the past, so could you also insist on extra clothing or sneak some out when he isn't looking, just in case?
Do the "rules" in writing and make sure you have copies:
1) no complaints about the cost, it's my dime and I can spend it how I like
2) no complaints about the accommodations, it's my dime and this is where I want to stay
3) no complaints about the cost of ANYTHING, food, match, gas, nothing
Add whatever else you feel is necessary.
Finish it off with this is how it works. If you want to join me and have some fun, great. If you don't like it, then this will be the last trip.
Well, even though the team lost, with the current situation it might be the last game you can watch live for a while... Hasn't reached that point yet where you are, but Italy has pretty much shut down the country, rumblings here in the US about games to be played with no fans in attendance, etc.
Considering the situation in China, Italy, Iran, S. Korea (some other Euro countries are ramping up cases now too), it isn't bad here. About 22 of the 26 deaths were in WA state, at least 16 of those all associated with a nursing facility (old people with co-morbid medical issues.) Lots of new cases popping up, but one would expect that with any cold (also coronaviruses), and this is just a new cold that people don't have immunity too. There are likely a lot of cases unreported because the symptoms are mild, but this one, if it gets into the lungs, it can become really bad! It's is really bad in general for older people and anyone with serious medical issues, typically leads to pneumonia.
Wow! I don't know what my daddy made. Mom did not work outside of the home. She volunteered at church and my school.
Hes already hard work but his attitude that he knows it all and I should do as he says makes it impossible,
I've tried the rules thing before. Tried to be nice, tried to be nasty. In one ear and out the other. I've even sat him down and said "look Dad its not on the way you try and tell me what to do - I'm 51 years old".
His attitude is always "Im just trying to help" and "you know me if I've got something to say I've got to say it".
The pads thing is a joke. I told him before "no pad no car ride". And no you can't use the cheap thin ones you get for free (they're like no good at all). All he says is "I'll be OK". NO DAD LISTEN TO ME!!!!
Again all because he doesnt want to spend any money....
Yeah, he stresses you out because he will be miserable if he doesn’t get his way. That his way of manipulating others. In that case I would be reluctant to go off with him too.
Don’t go if you don’t feel like dealing with it. If you decide to go, I would just make plans the way you decide and don’t give him any other options.
If he complains ignore his behavior, you could even go have a beer at a nearby pub and let him sulk alone in the hotel room. He won’t change but you don’t have to put up with his foolishness.
He wants to be boss but he isn’t. You are. You are doing him the favor and he should be grateful to you for taking him away for a weekend.
Yes, proper money management is so important.
Always tell him no for that one! Never happening.
Not sure yet. I'll see how he is next few months....
She used to have problems with focusing, paying attention and sitting still. when she was in elementary, she used to just walk up the the teacher's desk and started looking at the things on the desk because she was bore with the lessons. That didn't sit well with the teacher. Haha.
We had her in a non-drug neurofeedback treatment program which cost us over $12K because it wasn't covered by insurance. But that program helped significantly. Before the treatment, she would not respond when we called her name because her brain was paying attention somewhere else. We had to repeatedly call her name at least 3-4 times before her brain heard our voices and engaged. After treatment, she responded the first time right away. I was so thankful for the improvement. She still has some focusing/attention problem but not as bad as before.
Next month, she'll be in a teen social program where she will be in a small group of teens practicing social skills. This isn't covered by insurance so we'll be shelling out cash to pay for it, but in the scheme of things, the cost we pay now is so worth it for her future.
For a small number of kids, drugs will either make them into zombies or make them too hyper, or suicidal. So, we decided to look into the non-drug treatment.
The non-drug neurofeedback treatment program we used is in Southern California. They have an accelerated summer program for ADD, ADHD & Autism and Asperger. Many out-of-state families come during summer and stay for a couple of months so their children can be in the program. I wonder if there is such treatment in Wales. Your son might benefit from such treatment. If you want more info, send me a private message.
One good thing is he is fine in school. Apparently this is common - they basically hold it all together in school then wait till they get home! He did have a bad spell but hes doing well now.
Hes OK now. Actually has now apologised - which he'd never have done before. I'm hopeful because hes a good kid.
Wow. Expensive for you. I know we've mentioned the NHS here in the UK BUT its free. He sees youth mental health and they're pretty useless but its free. His meds are all free - we just had to pay for a few appointments with a private psych (£250 a time) who, basically, OKed it all. GP is now happy (can blame someone else I guess now).
I'm not aware of programs like that. Socially hes not great. He is off on a school trip to NY, DC and area in October. (He lucky because he'll be in FL with us in August too!). Its going to be a big test for him. Although, he did do Iceland for 5 days a year ago with the school and he was fine.
I guess with my Dad its why I get so annoyed with him. 95% of the time Dad needs nothing from me. My son does - yet Dad totally invalidates it. Its difficult to forget comments like "Never had it in my day, its just bad behaviour" and "Alkl needs is a slap around the head". You'll know what I mean of course.
Its my birthday Saturday. And its the last game of the Six Nations Rugby. So day out planned with a few friends. Some of my friends I've not seen for 3 months, one not a year - I never go out with them.
Sunday then, since I'm out Saturday, my family want to take me out for a meal etc.
Dads got jealous. Decided to have a right go because "I've got time for my friends and not him". A bit much. I visited him last weekend. I'd invite him out on Sunday but know full well that he can't be trusted to be polite so hes had that one. Brother, apparently, has had a week off from work and has "made the effort to come and see me when hes able to".
As usual, all free time belongs to Dad. I ignored him and just said "No I'm busy I'll call you the weekend as normal".
I totally understand that you would not want to share a room with him if you go on the trip!