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Whoa - think I mentioned my MIL recently? Shes sort of overtaking Dad at the moment.

Wife and her mother have had a massive falling out. MIL was ill, didnt listen to anyones advice. She eventually went to to the GP. She stopped eating completely for some reason - wife went mental with her as did the other kids. She can a colonoscopy today and has been admitted to hospital with diverticulitis.

Its been a long running argument too about her alcohol consumption. She must put away, 30 bottles of beer a week. A lot for someone whos 80. But she never listens. I dont think thats helped.

Not the best time to be in hospital at the moment due to covid. No visitors allowed etc. Not great.

In a way I feel sorry for her but all her kids tried to get her to eat the last few weeks, and she just felt sorry for herself. I think part of it is shes malnourished now too.

Hey ho - one thing my Dad I can't fault him on is eating. He cooks for himself etc.
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Maybe your Wife could suggest a referral for Social Work for her Mum while an in-patient? Drink is a common self-medication choice for depression / anxiety.
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Paul, it certainly looks as if no matter what you do for your father, he'll find another reason (or simply invent one) to make you come back. I guess if he can't actually see you working, he assumes you aren't. What a frustrating, no-win situation!
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"I told him I am not being his messenger service I've got better things to do."

Stand that ground!!!
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Paul,

I think cwille has an excellent suggestion for a Christmas gift for your dad and you! Buy him the phone! Money well spent.
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Speaking of Xmas presents... what about 6 months prepaid grocery delivery fee?
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Beatty,

Great suggestion! Okay, I just had a wicked thought. How about an engagement ring from Paul’s dad to his wife’s mom? Hahaha 😂. They would each have someone to complain to!
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Love it!! 🤣

Honeymoon at the nearest Retirement Home. All meals provided. Films in the lounge. Happy hour on Fridays. Pedicures included.
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Beatty,

Too funny! 😂. Okay, important question? Will Paul be the best man and his wife be the matron of honor? LOL

Paul can invite us and we can toast with champagne 🥂!

Hey, I think we have a new career as wedding planners!

My friend’s daughter is a wedding planner for the wealthy in our city. Her weddings costs a million dollars and up! She makes a hefty fee and earns a lot of money. Not now, during Covid but pre Covid days she did very well!

Paul’s dad is stingy with money so we won’t make a large commission but maybe we can get a bonus from Paul and his wife for marrying off their parents! LOL
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Paul: Thank you. I made it through cataract surgery on one eye.
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Hey, Llama

Want to help Beatty and I plan a wedding?

We are going to marry off Paul’s dad to his wife’s mom!

Are you in? We will give you part of the commission and we hope Paul and his wife will throw in a tip.

We will toast the happy couple with champagne 🥂!

How is your eye doing?
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I know - what did we do to get two parents like this?

MIL is normally OK. Shes sort of low level annoying but generally good. Shes upped her game this time!

Been googling diverticulitis - it seems pretty common in the elderly. Not mega serious. Pretty sure a lot of the reason to admit is because shes made herself so ill by not eating..... Its going to be a shock to her now stuck in hospital with no visitors.

lllama - hope eye is better.
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Ordered that phone for xmas!

Jeez imagine this pair getting married.....

My wife and I always we'd LOVE to emigrate to get away from family...
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Place your bets now!

"Ordered that phone for xmas!"

*Too much money
*Don't need that
*Return it
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Paul,

Hope that you don’t mind us finding a bit of humor in your situation.

My FIL had diverticulitis. It is an uncomfortable condition and fairly common as you say.

I hope your MIL starts to feel better soon and things will go more smoothly for you and your wife.
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Oh.. I get the whole "grocery home delivery debacle". The lady I care for will not order anything online including groceries. If I handpicked the groceries and said they were delivered, she would say they were wrong. Wrong label, wrong size, wrong anyting. And with this whole covid-19 situation, ordering things online is the safest route. Do you have doordash? Or ubereats? You can always order something for him and have it delivered to his house in case there's an emergency and he has no food😒.
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Paul, diverticulitis is incredibly painful. And if you are eating the wrong stuff and don't know that you have it, you end up in even more pain. It seems to me that that's why she wasn't eating.

It may also be due to cognitive decline that she didn't figure out that she should check with her doctor, not her daughter about her stomach pain.
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Paul: Yes, the right eye cataract surgery was successful. Thanks so much.
Well wishes to you for your dad and what - now your MIL?
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Katieann66 - it's a very good suggestion but the problem is his dad won't accept it.

Note there are 2k comments and counting, no way anyone is going to read through all that! It's also not just about food - that's just an excuse to say he needs Paul to drop everything and hurry over. It can be a letter in the mail, a bill for something, made up "illness", whatever he can think up to make Paul jump and run.

Anyway, the bigger issue is control. He generally has plenty of food (Paul buys extra sometimes to be sure, which dad grumbles about - means he can't call in a few days or a week and say he NEEDS Paul to come right away! He also has another son who lives nearby who can bring supplies too.) He refuses to accept delivery. It would be sad to order stuff and have it delivered for it to sit and spoil on the doorstep. He also doesn't want to spend an extra nickel (what is the low denomination there now, post-Euro, a bob? shilling?) on anything! Sure, a few extra bucks to have food and supplies delivered vs Paul having to drive 40+ minutes each way to buy the items and deliver them! It would make sense, but his dad isn't into making sense (and no, he doesn't have dementia either), he's into making Paul kowtow to his demands.

It's all about control. Hence our comments encouraging push back - we're not trying to be rude, but sometimes it takes making a firm stand for those who are like this.
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Llamalover47 - curiosity, since I will need to have this done sooner or later. I figured they do one eye at a time, but how is it now for you when one eye vision is clear and the other isn't? I would think that would be highly annoying! Do they just wait a few days and do the other, to lessen the impact on vision or is there a time gap to allow healing?
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disgusted: Actually I was fortunate that my opthamologist performed the right eye cataract first and it had the worst "real lens." Because the artificial lens was placed in that eye, my vision was much improved. It ISN'T highly annoying. My doctor waits two weeks to do the left eye, but that doesn't mean only 2 appointments. Total of 7 appointments all told and a TON of eye drops. My DH puts them 4x daily for a month. On top of that I manage my dry Macular Degeneration daily via a Wifi enabled machine.
Good luck with your's
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*Too much money
*Don't need that
*Return it

Disgusted, LOL 😂😂😂

Every item I brought my Mum in hospital I was told all three!!! Every. Single. Time.

The nurses said get nightwear. So I bought the cheapest I could find (under $10 for pities sake).
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Dads having that phone like it or lump it - I'll tell him I cant send it back!

Yeh I dunno how my wife and I end up with two of them now. MIL has been awful the last few months - worse than my Dad,

Official diagnosis appears to be Ulcerative Colitis now which I guess is similar. A friend of mine has it and its not pleasant and you do need to think a bit.

Problem is, MIL comes to our house and eats. Goes home and then can't be bothered to eat hardly at all. When at our house drinks 3-4 bottles of beer a day, probably even more at home. Its not great way to be. Along with taking painkillers on an empty stomach.... Previously she smoked heavily for 40 years. Its a recipe for disaster to be honest.

Yeh was ill to start with but the pretty obviously, decided she wasn't getting enough attention so went on a bit of a "hunger strike". Got weaker and weaker and because of this ended up in hospital.

Thats why wife, quite likely, is so annoyed with her. This could have been trip to doctors, get antibiotics maybe, steroids, take it easy, eat sensibly etc and she'd have been ok.

But she refused to go the doc and most definitely did not eat sensibly or look after herself. Interestingly, shes in hospital, eating and feeling better. EXACTLY like my Dad has been in the past...
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Needhelp- lol. Now any takers I can marry him off to?

I can get him sent to north america if you can sort the green card. Do you have the TV show "90 day fiance"? I'll pack his bags
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Here you are, Paul - idiot's guide to ulcerative colitis. Should tell you everything you need to know.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ulcerative-colitis/

Strangely, it doesn't mention attention-seeking behaviour among the causes but perhaps you can give them a heads-up on that.
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Paul, she's got a diagnosis of a serious condition (unlike your dad). Of COURSE she is feeling better; she's getting meds and a prescribed diet.

Has your wife talked to the docs about how much etoh she is consuming and her inability/refusal to get herself to the docs when she has symptoms (NOT like your dad). She is showing signs of cognitive decline of some sort and that wants investigating.

I know dealing with your dad has turned you into a cynic, but your MIL is a different kettle of fish.
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If things get hard, God is always with me.

Somebody alt to testify,

Glory
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Paul,

Yes, we have that stupid 90 day fiancé show here too! Hahaha

You know what blows my mind is when I hear about women marrying convicts in jail! How desperate are these women to get married? Geeeeeeez!

Well, if they are marrying prisoners, your dad should be able to find a woman?

How would his profile read on his personal ad? LOL 😂

You should write one for us to read and have a good laugh!
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NeedHelpWithMom: I once watched the show, "90 Day Fiance" and caught the episode where the woman, Darcy from Connecticut dated the guy from Amsterdam. Do you know her? Who I am talking about? Darcy chased him away!
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Llama,

That’s funny! I only saw the commercials for it.

My youngest daughter saw a couple of episodes and told me that the saw is crazy!

Hahaha, she may have seen the episode that you are talking about.
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