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yawnsneedcoffee - Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you will find some helpful hints and guidance and be able to weed out those comments that are less than helpful (we do get some sadly, but don't take any to heart!)

To get the best responses for your needs, it would be best to start with a post of your own, describing what you do, what you have difficulty with, etc. Our experiences are varied, but as you can see here, you are not alone! Sometimes what works for one or even many doesn't work for others, but you'll get support and suggestions. Paul's "saga" has been going on for a while now, but it seems that we are making some progress!
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Welcome yawnneedcoffee, ☕️

I am always up for a good cup of coffee if you need a pal to share a cup with.

I am no longer mom’s caregiver, but will never forget the exhaustion! Coffee kept me going many times.

Best wishes to you.
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welcome yawnsneedcoffee....
Yeh as others have said I am the moaniest person on the forum lol.

Good people on this forum - who put up with me.

If I could offer one piece of advice. Look after yourself and you're family first....

Its not easy and a lot of us totally get how they suck the life out of you sometimes.... Been there,.
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Paul,

Great advice! You have practiced what you are preaching. I admire that.

You’re entitled to moan periodically. Hahaha 🤣

I love how you support your wife.

You’re a great dad. You have built wonderful memories for your family.

Incidents with your dad have been irritating but you haven’t let it interfere with your family too much.

Be proud of that. I’m sure that your family appreciates that you have placed them first.
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Paul, you're doing your best, and that's all one can possibly do. You have been "juggling" this for quite a while, and have kept your priorities straight without being overcome by it all.
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Lockdown again here in wales....
Im still going to go see him boxing day but after that I m not supposed to....

MIL is out of hospital today which is good news. Shes with us for xmas but I dont mind. The battle now is getting wifes siblings interested for the future because they've all disappeared again!!!!
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Paul,

So glad that your mother in law is doing better and out of the hospital.

Sorry, I didn’t read through the past posts. Refresh my memory, is your mother in law opposed to living in a nursing home facility?

That may be the best option instead of asking siblings to take her on full time. If they willingly do it, that’s fine. Otherwise, they will stay in hiding.
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Paul, with the latest lockdown I think it's important to just get through Christmas right now, with what is and isn't allowed. Covid rates look terrible where you are at the moment so do stay safe. The UK news over the past few days has surpassed everything in the last 10 months in terms of awfulness. I plan to get through it with "happy" TV, limited news and playing a load of old board games to keep us amused.
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Paul,

I just signed up for a free trial of British comedies.

I adore Faulty Towers! I also love Keeping Up Appearances and Are You Being Served? Plus several other shows.

So funny!
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NeedHelp, excellent! Those are exactly the kind of TV comedies I have in mind to dispel the Covid gloom. Tonight we watched this season's first Christmas TV episode of "The play that goes wrong" . Not sure if you can get these in the US. New versions are shown every year, with scenery falling down and other disasters which are just so funny to watch. It was good to find ourselves laughing out loud for a change and enabled us to forget about the grim realities of life for a while.
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Crystal ball showing MIL expecting to move in permanently... and Dad having an 'emergency' Christmas Day.

Hope I'm wrong!
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Well looks like Dad is least of our problems this year.....

MIL got out of hospital. If you remember before all this we did have a bit of an issue with her staying a bit much.

Anyway, so we agree to have her today, xmas eve, xmas day, then she'd go to her sons for 2 days then her daugher another 2. She knew this.

Part of the reason - wife works shifts and she was working late shift for 3 days boxing day onwards. So from 1pm it'd be me the adult at home.

She said tonight "Oh I'm only going for an hour then coming back here".
Wife said "no you're staying for a few days then you're off to sisters".
Her - "No I'll come back here".
Wife - "But Im in work, its just paul here and anyway its all arranged"
Her - "That doesnt matter I'll come back here - I'll go home on wednesday or thursday see how I feel".

Absolutely gobsmacked. Not the first time shes done this. Seems to think she gets to pick and choose who and where she stays without being invited!

I can see its all going to kick off. Wife is just as mad as me!
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I can see the game shes playing here. Came out of hospital yesterday and already didn't take her tablets she'd been given this morning (she missed an important dose too) - wife picked her up this PM.

Instead decided to wait for my wife to sort her tablets out - even though the hospital had gone through it all with her.

She also passed an assessment she was fit to go home, to go up stairs etc. Yet today she needed to be helped.

Know someone else like this?
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paul: I had heard that you were on lockdown again across the pond.
I'm a bit flummoxed about your MIL, as in wow - that's a bit much!
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Seems like MIL needs to have things spelled out for her in a jokingly way.

"NO mother. We'd like you here for Xmas eve and Xmas day, the other days we need to have the house to ourselves. Paul has some surprises for me. (wink wink)" Your wife can say this while smiles mischievously.
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Yeh I have no idea what MIL thinks our house is. It seems to have turned into her 2nd home somehow where she comes and goes as she pleases....
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Faulty Towers - Do they have the episode with the Germans? They took that off TV here because of the racist thing.

Theres also a warning on a few things now on TV. Not sure why for some of them. I noticed the film "Aliens" - I cant remember anything in there.
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Update:

Wifes brother has turned up today. Got to be fair to him.

Told her "right I'm picking you up boxing day, you're welcome to stay with me for 2 nights then (other sister) has offered you to stay for 2 nights".

"Or you can come to mine for dinner and I'll take you home. Up to you?"

Shes now sulking in the corner not speaking to anyone. Battle won - its a start but I fear its going to be a war
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Paul, only a verbal battle won for now. What she will do is another battle. She still has a couple of days to "forget" what her son told her, same way she forgot her meds.

I agree with you that she views your house as her second home. She likes your house better but too much of her presence is an intrusion and imposition.

Do her other son and daughter have children that like to spend time with grandma?
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paul: Perhaps MIL thinks of your home as a hotel. Just joking.
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polar/llama - thing is wife is the youngest so all her other siblings kids are grown up. We're the only ones with a younger child so shes latched on a bit....

She was really nice after even thanked my wife for having her - which is a first. I'm wary though....

I don't understand how she feels the need to be like this to be honest. She is fine for a few days and I've no problem with that ever. Even if its every two weeks to be honest.

BUT the amount of bad feeling shes caused this time, I just think why are you biting the hand that feeds? My wife does everything for her mum and shes risking all by being so selfish....
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paul: I understand.
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Hi Paul. So, did MIL go to stay with her son on boxing day for two days? Hopefully, she's on her way to her other daughter to spend another two days there.
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polar - yep. After wifes brother told her straight it all went how the kids had planned it. She currently at wifes sisters.....

We'll see how things go now...
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Paul,

I haven’t seen the episode of Faulty Towers with the Germans.

It is a funny series. I like several of the British comedy shows. I watch them on BritBox, part of our cable network.
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Paul, please remember that BIL is your secret weapon!

I was talking with my hairdresser today; he says he is the "enforcer" in his family with regard to his 85 year old mom. Multiple family members had talked to her about getting the Corona virus vaccine, but she said she wouldn't. Randy got on the phone and in 2 minutes, she said yes!

Please remember this next time you're having a problem with MIL.
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Great advice, Barb. It doesn’t matter who the enforcer is, just as long as she listens.

You’re right in saying to call on BIL if needed. Pull out all the stops! Let BIL call the shots.
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Maybe for a small fee he could talk to your dad, Paul...
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Re Fawlty Towers: Waldorf Salad is my DH's favorite new thing to make. He took it to Xmas, leftovers with lunch, had again tonight with burger patties. We just can't help every time saying "I think we just ran out of Waldorfs!"
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Excellent idea Barb! And Paul, if your BIL is available for hire as an enforcer, I could certainly use him!
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