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This must be so tough.

Keep setting those boundaries. Just because he keeps asking doesn't mean you have to give in. Feel free to say, "I've got to go" and hang up when he starts laying on the guilt.

When he says he is ill, you can say he can call the doctor or 911 if is an emergency. Then say you are going to hang up so he has the phone free to call :).

I've read that it can be helpful to have scheduled calls and visits, and stick to those, ignoring the other calls. And hang up or leave if he starts the guilt thing again.
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No, I dont mean usually. I mean what was his specific complaint this weekend?

You called after you got back. He said

" I've been ill".

What is your response.?

Dad, I'm sorry to hear that. What was wrong? Did you ring the doctor?

If he dismisses those questions and goes on to demand yourboresence you say " No dad. I won't be able to do that. You can call other brother or have groceries brought in. Which will it be?

If he continues to demand you say " I'm sorry dad but I can't show up. I've other things on. Like I said, you have other choices here. " And then you hang up (ring off as you would say).

Have you been in touch with the folks who arranging his care as CM suggested a few weeks back?
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"I can't promise"? That's your idea of a boundary?

"No" is a complete sentence. If you must elaborate, tell him you're working on the car.
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Usually nothing specific to be honest.

"Legs are aching" - hes had two knee replacements and has got arthritis.
"Feel tired" - hes got blood problems takes warfarin.

To be honest, hes been to the doctor probably about 50 times to moan about said symptoms over the years. They now basically just repeat the diagnosis they've given him and ask him if he takes the meds hes been prescribed (he doesnt).

In the past, hes told me he can't breathe, cant get out of bed, can hardly speak on the phone. I get to his house and suddenly he can speak perfectly fine, slight sniffle. The longer I'm there the better his health gets - its amazing! In the end he tends to forget hes supposed to be ill.
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What does that mean "I've been ill"? What symptoms is he having?
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