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"Then I get "what am I going to do when you're away"."

Response: The same thing you do when I am not away. (no more, no less, just that.)

"He'll pull serious makeupitis the day before we fly or something to try and get me not to go."

Then he is NOT privvy to plans until you are on the plane, or later.

IF you feel the need to respond (BUT, it's best to just mmmmHmmmm to these):

"its dangerous in the us" - State how many times you have been there, nothing happened. (gee, I've lived here all my life, probably many more years than you have traveled here... haven't encountered anything "dangerous" yet...)

"why not save you're money"
I am saving my money, but WE are entitled to enjoy some of it, otherwise what is the point to earning any?

Secondary response to that last one, if you feel the need:
I don't want to end up like you.... ;-P
Or even better, save that line for my brother dad... HE doesn't save anything, just drinks it all away, and look where that's gotten him.... sputter, sputter..
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Paul: My brother's and I had a firm policy when it came to vacations--no one was EVER expected to rush back due to mom being ill or even dying. There isn't very much that one's physical presence adds; you can talk to doctors on the phone from anywhere nowadays.

Say every goodbye to your dad as though it might be the last one; shifting my mindset about that made a huge difference for me.

You would be reinforcing his bad behavior if you show up every time he claims he's ill. Your response might better be "so, what did the doctor say you should do?".
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Barb - thanks I'll take a look...
Beatty - Oh Dad keeps every letter he ever gets and files them. Even the "changes to terms and conditions one".
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Staff - Get it every year. We go to Florida on holiday every year (im in the uk). Every year he tried to talk me out of it "its dangerous in the us", "why not save you're money" etc etc. Then I get "what am I going to do when you're away".
Bear in mind, he looks after himself fine, no needs at all apart from someone to get his groceries. (brother lives a mile away).

Last year he really annoyed me. Got there, phoned him next morning "Not I don't want you to worry, but I've been really ill, I've had to get the doctor out". I could have guessed this would happen. What did he expect me to do from the other side of the Atlantic? Get next flight home because he had a cold....
Didn't work I "worried" for less than a second.

My wife and I have talked about it because IT WILL happen one year. He'll pull serious makeupitis the day before we fly or something to try and get me not to go. Hes good at getting hospital admissions too - done 3/4 fake ones in the past.
We've decided unless I can get independent medical details from someone we will go as planned anyway. Even if there is some modicum of truth in his illness, my family will go and I'll follow on a few days later.

I hope he never does this. To be honest, if he deliberately sabotages my family holiday like this, then that will be the end of our relationship.
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*rigidly organized personalities*

Cutlery sorted by pattern. DVDs alphabetical. Spreadsheeted Xmas gifts.
Only wearing one colour.

These are the people in my family I consider normal range... Hahaha
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I remember what my brother used to say about my mom. As soon as he went on a vacation or spent money my mom was sick. However, we traveled a lot and she was watching our dog and she was happy for us. However, everything has changed i am almost two hours away and my brother is back living right next to her but he hasn’t spoken to her in two years. But I also have my own health issues and a elderly father in law. It strange she is finally realizing by me being a broken record, I cannot do everything and it’s time to get more help or she has to move. That’s motivating because she doesn’t want to leave her home. God bless you
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Paul, I've private-messaged you what I think might be a useful article on how to deal with people with rigidly organized personalities.

I hope it proves useful, if only because it gives his problem a name.
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Paul,

I get it. My mom is extremely frugal. It’s the, ‘Save for a rainy day.’ mentality, which is admirable but some people go overboard with it.

Some people have a hard time spending money. I remember reading about an ordinary woman who did not have an extremely high paying job. I think she was a librarian.

She died very wealthy because she hardly spent any money. She saved, saved and saved some more. She ended up with millions when she died. She had no heirs. She donated the money to certain charities in her will.
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Dad is so bad with food if we go away we only go to one chain restaurant. People in the uk will know wetherspoons.

Its OK to be honest, not down market really. BUT, we went away for the weekend one year and had breakfast, dinner there every day for 3 days. Because its cheap.

Dad ALWAYS has the same thing. Ham,Egg and chips (fries). Because its the cheapest thing on the menu and, in his words, its "proper food and you can't go wrong". If I order steak (which is still very cheap for about £8-£9) hes looking at the menu in horror at how much it cost (compared to his £3-£4).

Remember once drivng for 4 hours to watch the cricket. Went straight there. Small ground only place for food was a small hut doing sandwiches. Run by the club with a few old ladies running it. The homemade sandwiches were like a pound. Dad refused "Daylight robbery that is, only cost pennies for bread". Of course in a supermarket a pre-packed sandwich is probably £2-3- nope he was saving his money and that was it. I ate but then had the "more money than sense you have" nag for hours!
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Vegas - yeh hopefully soon. Wifes 50th in 2 years hopefully....

My 40th - Prague
Her 40th - New York
My 50th - Edinburgh
Her 50th - Vegas (maybe)

Dunno how she gets the best places!
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Paul - DO go to Vegas at least once in your life. The casinos there are awesome, no not the gambling. It's the unique and beautiful architecture, the decors, the colors, the lights, the energy, the vibe, the fabulous food, and especially the amazing shows. It's a city that never sleeps. There is no place like it. And while you're there, you can go visit the Grand Canyon. That is one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World.
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paul: 'K. 💞💞
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Paul,

I live in New Orleans. We get a fair amount of rain. Tornados are not common. Occasionally we do have tornado watches. Yes, we have hurricanes and our worst was hurricane Katrina. Hardly ever get snow! Everything shuts down if we get snow. Hahaha, we like to marvel at it and we aren’t used to driving in it.

My gosh, your dad sounds very set in his ways like many from his generation. Don’t all kids love pizza? Your son has great taste in food. I married an Italian!
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We've had heavy rain today - DH bogged in mud for 2 hrs in rain...but tornadoes! Yikes!! Keep safe out there.
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Pizza too foreign 🤣

My DH's wonderful, but very small town Grandma was taken to a Chinese restaurant for her 80th many years ago. Couldn't eat that 'rabbit food'. The family still laugh about that.

Her small town is now a thriving foodie-vegan-arty town, being not far out of the city, past hipster suburbs. We went last year & just loved the Farmer's markets with organic food & crafts. Had lunch from the Ethiopian food truck. What she would have made of that!
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Dad would NEVER go to the US. Ever. Hates the place and the people...

Don't worry you're not alone. He hates europeans too, and asians. Actually, he hates English people too, and people from Cardiff (our capital city). And non-white people, and gay people. Common theme here!

He wont eat food thats not british. Not even pizza. Refused to believe me when I told him pizza was pretty much bread, tomato and cheese. Its foreign so he wont eat it.

I remember when son was younger. We were out with Dad. Fed son pasta bolognese. Dad actually commented "Its not right to feed that to kids. They need proper food". Couldn't stop laughing... Not sure what he thinks italian kids probably eat even more of...
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I REALLY want to to go Vegas! Just saying.....
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NeedHelp - Tornados!

Where do u live?

We very rarely get severe weather in the uk. Few inches of snow and the country grinds to a halt.....

I have been in two hurricanes in florida now though - inc the last serious one....
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Llama - oh its ok. You all help me. Its dad himself that makes me sad!
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Need: I think the woman did the purple as a morale boost. Suffered from post partum depression. Take care. We were just watching the potential tornado activity in your area. Hope it does not occur!
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Llama,

Oh, okay. Yes, pretty. Some people can carry that look off and it looks great!

It’s bad weather here now. 😞 Tornado watches...
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Need: No lavender. It's deep purple. Very pretty. She is in her 30s so looks cool. It's not streaked but all over.
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paul: Okay. Good - would never want to make you sad.
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Llama,

Lavender or deep purple? Oooh, the deep purple streaks are pretty. Lavender can be pretty too but wouldn’t show up as well. I like the bluish purple, not the red purple like Barney! LOL
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Speaking of hair, one relative went all Purple! Really cool!😁
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Beatty,

Now that’s true. Wonder what Paul’s dad would think of Vegas! LOL
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He might like the betting shops...
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Paul,

I just had a crazy thought. You will laugh out loud when you read it. Can you imagine your dad on a trip to Florida? Or anywhere in the United States? Even if he would have a great time. he most likely wouldn’t admit it.
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Normal service is resumed. Last night he was "so can't you visit?". Its still NO Dad.

Not only would I be putting him at risk, the police have been fining people for going outside their local area. Of course, Dad is 25 miles away so not local (for the uk lol!)

Thats him to a tee, doesn't listen to sense, and, not for one minute, is he considering me here (i.e. trouble with the police). Same old same old.

Oh and hes asked me if I've had a refund for my holiday to Florida yet. Umm no because its in august and if its all open we're going. That started him off again. How irresponsible I was to go etc etc.

Why on earth he thinks me as a 52 year old can't make my own decisions without his expert input I'll never know. He is completely clueless anyway. (He hates me going to Florida because hes convinced there are drive by shootings on every corner, and americans are all crooked lol).

Methinks part of this thinking is, wow paul wont be able to go away and leave me alone for 3 weeks now. Always a bright side with Dad !
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Disgustedtoo,

Gotcha, your secret is safe with me 😊. Go for it!
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