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Another thought..

If you replaced "I've been so ill" every call as code for "I've been so lonely" or "I've been so down".

Not all folks can fully describe their own emotions. Eg my DH says he only has two or three emotions: anger, normal & hunger 😉
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1 pound in currency but it's the attention that's worth gold to him. You don't give it so he's off to get some from the Doctor & pharmacist.

By the way, I don't mean you should!!! H-no.

You know those people who come back from holidays? (when we had such things 😔)...
The plane was 30 mins late! I ordered the salty nuts but got the unsalted ones! It RAINED the 1st day then on the 2nd day the sun came out & I got SUNBURNT. Then a mosquito BIT me & my arm swelled up - you've never seen anything like it....

Not, I had a lovely relaxing time at a tropical beach for 5 days.
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But doing well with Dad....

Ignoring his "I've been so ill". (Counted - last 5 calls now thats been his first sentence).

Lost a bit of sympathy when I told him it may be hay fever and to buy some tablets. He chose not to, but to waste the doctors time to get him to give him the EXACT SAME TABLETS.

The tablets cost £1 in a store. Which brother could get for him. I dread to think how much its cost the nhs now in GPs time, pharmacists time, admin etc. A LOT more than £1....
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margaret - Dad has got internet. Only because it was cheaper to get internet/phone rather than just phone.

Only people who use it are me and the kids. Dad is not interested. Wont even use his mobile so no chance with internet.

His idea is that the internet is full of people just messing around. He doesnt think you can buy stuff on there - it must be 2nd hand or fake. I've given up.

Hes got Sky TV (which is satellite TV here in the uk, pretty much only company). They do download service too. Pretty much on demand stuff. Of course, hes got internet so could use this. Nope wont do it.
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disgusted - I worked in Defence industry a few years ago. Did some stuff that was deployed to Kandahar. I had the chance to go over there - Umm no thanks! The young lad who did volunteer got a LOT of money for going though. Spent 3 months over there and pretty much had thousands - enough for a large deposit for his first house. Not for me no way!

I remember doing some crypt work in the office. I had to be in a locked room to do it - couldnt leave. All I remember thinking was "what if I'm busting for a wee"
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Hi Paul, thinking about Dad loving those 1968 ‘Paradise People’ (all girls, naturally), I wondered if he had a computer and the internet. You’ve never mentioned it, but considering your job it must have come up. If he refused it point-blank, you might point out to him that he has cut off a lot of interesting things that would be a big help right now. And you might find it easier to tell him about behaviour in writing, rather than leaving it to the telephone. What’s the story?

Australia has a lot of ‘Grey Nomads’, retirees who take the caravan up north during the southern winter. 'Snow Birds' in US speak. Alice Springs (where we ought to be right now if we could travel) has a radio station designed for them, constantly playing songs that you have to have reached the dignity of 65+ to appreciate. It plays ‘Abergavenny’ quite often. Also ‘Purple People Eater’, ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’, ‘The Pub With No Beer’ (an Australian heritage item), etc etc. We keep our history alive down here! Dad might enjoy it!

Old Billy the Blacksmith, the first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife.
He walks in the kitchen, she says ‘You’re early my dear’.
Then he breaks down and tells her (sob): ‘The Pub’s got no beer’.

Love it!
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Sic transit gloria mundi, as the flower children never got around to saying.
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"It was flower child era..."

Already confirmed, but I didn't think he was old enough for that 'era'! Although a bit older, I wasn't even old enough for the 'Flower Child' movement... Not familiar with either of those songs...
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MargaretMcKen - some years ago I was lucky enough to be sent to Omaha Nebraska for work (Offut AFB, home of the Stealth bomber)... Before going, I looked up info about Omaha... At that time, the high points were the world's only roller skating museum and the world's largest planted forest... Oh boy! Gonna have a GOOD time there!

Known for beef, the AF people kept yakking up that - in 5 days there, the only live animal I saw was a bunny rabbit along the fence outside my accommodations... Not even birds!!!

The 'highlight' of the trip was heading out of the base the first day they had some kind of lockdown... Great sitting in your car watching them walking around with BIG guns!!! There's no place like home... there's no place like home!!!!

Even funnier, I was not a good choice - there are several check points to get through on top of the entry gate. I had just switched from sub-contract to primary employee. When signing into the computer room, the person checking asked what my security clearance was. I stopped, looked up and gave him the 0 sign... They hadn't done that yet. He was not a happy camper - our system was not only in the computer room, but in the super-secret part of the computer room!!! They let me in to do what I had to do and had to stay with me all the time. At one point, one person asked that the monitor to my left be turned off - without even looking at it, I was able to press the off button. I then told the person I don't even want to be here, I just want to figure out what the issue is and get OUT! A few times they had to escort me out of that little room, when secret messages were incoming.. FUN stuff!

The person who SHOULD have gone, figured it out later and they were going to send me back... UGH. That Friday, my son broke a bone in his foot. I was to go Monday - I called the project manager on Saturday and told him I can't go, then told my son extra $50 for Xmas that year!!!
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Margaret - Well no I've never heard of that song. Marty Wilde 1968 I see.
(I was born in 68). Thats amazing.....

Yes the National Lido for Wales is in Pontypridd. Alas, it got flooded a month or so ago and is closed anyway for about a year....

Not the most forward thinking place. It never changes to be honest. Used to be an important town in the days of Coal and Steel but, thats all gone.

Cardiff is 12 miles away though. I read somewhere that something like 80% of the working population of both Pontypridd and Rhondda Valleys (River Rhondda joins the River Taff at Pontypridd) actually work in places like Cardiff.

Now when I retire I'd like to move "back up the Valleys". Cheaper houses, quieter. But NOT Pontypridd!
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Paul, I looked up ‘10 things to do in Pontypridd’, and number one appeared to be the Council swimming pool. No wonder you moved.
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Hi Paul, how could you have missed it? It was flower child era, British version, a similar approach to ‘Indian Lake is a scene you should make with your little one’ (which my younger sister insisted was ‘little ones’). There was another which was known in my circles as ‘Fifty eunuchs singing in a railway tunnel’. I can’t remember its actual name, or I would find that one again on YouTube. Anyway here are the lyrics, and you can find a version on YouTube. The ‘o’ sound was in ‘go’ and ‘show’, and he tones it down in this version:

Taking a trip up to Abergavenny
Hoping the weather is fine
If you should see a red dog running free
You will know he's mine

Ah, chasing the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go, then I promise to
Show you a photograph

Ah, passing the time with paradise people
Paradise people are fine by me
Sunshine forever, lovely weather
Don't you wish you could be

(repeat all)

Ah, chasing the hills up to Abergavenny
I've got to get there and fast
If you can't go, then I'll promise to
Show you a photograph
A little photograph, A little photograph, Up to Abergavenny!

PS got there just before the edit ran out. Have a look at this old version. Even your Dad might like it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VwRgd_Koj8
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Tonights phone call was interesting....

Hes been moaning for about a week that hes SO ill. Sounded like hayfever to me. Dad - "buy some hayfever tablets" (they're like £1 a box).

Didn't want to spend any money so didn't bother. Today hes called the doctor whos given him........hayfever tablets (the same ones you can buy in the shop for a £1)...... BUT his answer "why should I pay for them?"

(In wales - not england - all prescriptions are totally free).

Guy I work with. Elderly mother same age as my Dad. Fell ill. Hospital Thursday, dead Saturday. Tested positive for COVID.

Dad is fine. Wasting everyones time, moaning, and STILL more interested in saving money. Honestly, sometimes I just look at him....
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"5. It is (SLOWLY) sinking in with Dad and hes not gone full tilt (yet!)"

Given this lock down will continue for a while, keep working on tuning out and saying No. Just NO, end of statement, when needed. Otherwise, Umm Hmm, Really? 'Zat so? Wow! Ooops, teakettle's boiling over, Gotta go, later!

AND, the big part - DON'T slip back into the old habits after the worst is over. Maybe stop in twice/month with supplies (if you WANT to, not because he demands), occasional phone calls, etc. You're getting a really good chance to hone your skills now!!! He probably will ramp up, if not now, then certainly after some kind of OllyOllyOxenFree is given. So, hone skills, batten the hatches and keep the walls/shields up and strong!
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SGN for me at the bottom of this post!

Forgot to add that we worked in an old mill building, at the end of the hall, in a little closed off area, probably used for storage at one time. Given the brick walls, interior and exterior, cement floor in there, etc, and an open door, the sound carried down the hall, WAY down the hall. Walking back I could often hear them yakking and laughing quite a ways down, as could other employees. I asked that they keep it down - you get all the work done and want to quietly sit and chat, fine. A little chit chat while working is okay, so long as it doesn't slow you down or cause errors, but this was ridiculous! Nope, this was one of the "not having fun" complaints. Good god, this is why it is called WORK, not PLAY!

I do believe this type of attitude has spread considerably, like this virus, over the many intervening years. Too many think they are god's gift to whatever they do (and most are anything but!) and feel they are entitled to praise, raise and lotsa ATTABOY's (sound like anyone we all know here in the US????) I always try to make a point to thank anyone who does a really good job, some who have gone above and beyond the norm, AND ask if I can provide feedback to their management.

Ok, so MY SGN for today:

Chewy, where I order my cat supplies, went SUPER crazy just after all the TP disappeared. Trying to get my regular orders (autoship) for this month was a HUGE challenge! Just barely managed to get everything needed over the course of a month (I have 4 autoships, 10 cats to worry about!) Stuff is still showing up as Out of Stock periodically, but it is getting better.

The GOOD part? We long-time autoship customers are getting our items stored in a separate area of the warehouses, to ensure WE get taken care of! WOO HOO FOR CHEWY!!!! I sent them several NICE emails to THANK THEM and suggest they should all get a month (or more) paid time off after all this settles down!

MORE SGN from EVERYONE!!!
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Beatty- MANY years ago I worked with a woman... oh wait... a woman was employed where I worked... Her complaint? She wasn't having fun. OMG!! You want to get out of the house and have fun, join a freaking sewing circle! As for her work... UGH! I was made Lead Data Entry Op (which ticked her off, she thought she should have that*), which was not management - no hire, no fire, nothing, just make sure all the work got done. The complaints were many from her and her newbie sidekick. I considered both of them useless. I had a sense before being promoted, and voiced it, that I was doing half the workload, out of 4 people. Seeing a lot of error corrections coming through (they were not submitted errors, they were data entry errors by someone in our group), I took time during my lunch break to look them up. What I confirmed was:
1) I WAS doing 1/2 (or more) of the workload**
2) Our latest employee was doing 1/4
3) The 2 clowns were doing 1/8th each AND making most of the mistakes!

The newest employee, a Chinese woman from Thailand, was only given a week of training and a week of doing actual work (normally it is 2-3 months of training) before I went out on maternity leave. I told her I wasn't looking for speed, just accuracy and someone doing the work because it was a matter of time before I would be out! The sidekick newbie got her months of training and was still making too many errors on too little work, but we needed someone working, even if it meant redoing stuff, so she went "live".

So, back to my checking the work. I tried to be diplomatic and just make note that there were errors being made, all of us, myself included, and to be aware/careful. Mrs Wanttohavefun pipes up and states "I don't make mistakes." I repeated what I said and she repeated her statement. I really wanted to grab her shirt and shake the living daylights out of her and say you make more FN mistakes than anyone else in here and I can PROVE it! Today, maybe (minus the 'touching'.) Back then, just rolled my eyes, sat down and went back to work.

Her and her sidekick only did about 700 lines/day (should be 1000+) and made the most mistakes. Too many mistakes. On top of that, they would 'cherry pick', choosing the sheets that had a lot of duplication, which the formats would handle for you, making the work EASY! I would purposely take those where every line was different, yet I was doing about 2000 lines/day (error rate for me was maybe 2 out of that 2000.)

After they decided to jump all over me one day and make all kinds of useless noise, I requested another job. Managed to get moved to the computer room and never looked back. *SHE was made, temporarily, lead, but couldn't manage the position! This is a person who after years of doing this work still couldn't start her machine up in the morning without her notes. She didn't last as lead.

She came to me one time asking me if I could teach her how I would fix a bad tape (this was key to cassette, back in the dark ages of computing!) I said no. Basically this was NOT part of the job AND there would be no way to teach HER how to do this. When a tape was being updated, sometimes it would get jammed (feeding tape without stopping, like cassettes will do.) I would take it apart, smooth it out as best I could, copy tape to tape up to that point, manually enter the data (no format goes on the tape, just the data, so spacing is important), let it write to the new tape, and then proceed on. Complicated for someone with no brains or technical ability. I did it because it was easier and less time than finding the batch sheets and reentering everything! This is when I came up with 'Necessity isn't the mother of invention, laziness is!!'

**On top of the 2000, I had to covert cassette to mag tape and do online entry as well, so def I did more than 1/2 the work.

They are out there, everywhere. That one or two in the bunch who make life miserable - just try to avoid/stay away from them.
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"Forgot to be positive yesterday!"

But you remembered today! One day at a time... SGN!!!!
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Hi Margaret - Ha ha. Never heard of that song lol! Of course, I know where Abergavenny is....

Have a look for Pontypridd too. Its north of Cardiff. This is my hometown and where Dad lives....

"O" Sound? I know we have some funny sounds particularly in the welsh language inc place names (The "LL" sound is the best) Like in Llanelli. English can never do it.
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Forgot to be positive yesterday!

1. We're all fit and well.
2. Wifes knee is getting better every day.
3. I'm still working and we're both getting full pay.
4. The kids haven't throttled each other yet.
5. It is (SLOWLY) sinking in with Dad and hes not gone full tilt (yet!)
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Paul, I looked up Newport in the Atlas. I think it’s grown a lot, Cardiff used to be the big one there. Anyway, I looked around, and started singing ‘Taking a trip up to Abergavenny, hoping the weather is fine’. Do they still sing it up your way, or is it long forgotten? Is it Welsh to make that peculiar 'O' sound? Margaret
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Beatty,

Very smart kids!
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I have this infuriating co-worker. If anyone enters her eyeline it's 'I'm really busy blah blah blah, this needs doing, all that needs doing'.

She eats up new young staff by befriending them, buying them a coffee, bringing them home cooked treats for morning tea, as she dumps more & more workload on them. Each new staff member takes it, then wakes up, firms up & pushes back. Then she moves on to a fresher victim.

I treat her very black & white. Oh you are busy? Yeees. This needs doing? Hmm. All that? Riiiight. I make no actually steps to help her unless she actually says "could you please help me?" Like a normal polite human being. Then I consider it. She occused me if of ignoring her. I explained but she didn't get my view. She needs help - everyone must provide it - that's how she saw it.

So the Boss sits us down. Explains that her current style of communication was lacking clarity & she needed to improve it. That 'assuming' everyone would help her because she wished it was just causing her frustration. That trying to slide her responsibilities onto others was making her look like a bully & was not team spirited.

Some people are just like this & cannot see that it is selfish & entitled.

She old enough to retire but just won't. Says she'd be lonely. Says she won't know what to do as "you have kids so they can look after you" but hers won't (one moves around in the army, the other lives on a farm miles away - smart kids).
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For Disgusted, the very popular version of that saying in my children’s primary school was ‘You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose’. I never did like it. For Paul, look on the bright side, he could be asking for worse things (like that).
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Ikdrymom,

That is true. A person has to be humble to request help. It’s arrogant to be demanding, fits his style more. Yep! You’re right.

Sad, isn’t it? I suppose they will never see themselves as others see them. It is a sense of entitlement that they feel.
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Needhelpwithmom....I don't think he will be ASKING for help...I see him DEMANDING or assuming he is entitled to help from them...they OWE him. That is the big difference. Just like Paul's father...he isn't asking for help, he is telling Paul he needs to help him.
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Disgustedtoo,

Yes, As you can see I am not close to my brothers. God knows, I tried to achieve a healthy relationship.

No matter how much we may like the idea of a ‘fairytale’ ending, it certainly doesn’t work out that way for everyone. I am happy for families who have circumstances that allow for healing.

Unfortunately, in my case I don’t feel like there will ever be a restoration of a relationship. I began to realize that there were only moments of happiness, nothing more. The kindest thing that they can do for me is to simply allow me to live the rest of my days in peace.

Restoration requires a solid foundation to build upon and I don’t have that in my relationship with my brothers.

I appreciate that you seem to have a clear understanding of your situation with your brothers.
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"I suppose at this point I feel indifferent towards him. Does that make sense?"

Absolute sense... For me I think it has gone way beyond indifference. OB is NOT welcome in my presence, ever again. He lives 2 days drive from here and can stay there. I could overlook (and joke about) his childhood abuse of me (I was his first birthday present, not what he wanted!), but when he does this as a 60+ yo? Nope. Done. I no longer have an OB. YB has issues as well. Not abusive, but he's just sometimes not all there. Until mom passes, he still has a tentative link, but once she is gone, I really have no use for him either.

"It’s interesting because some people feel like just because people are related they should always love and respect each other. Doesn’t always work out that way."

If anything, it is more likely the opposite! As the saying goes, you can pick your nose and you can pick your seat, but you can't pick your family! (birth family that is.)
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Paul,

Yes, my brothers always blame others. It would never occur to them that they are capable of making mistakes. It’s sad, really. They caused their own grief but can’t see it. Or else, they refuse to see it. Who knows what makes them like they are?
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Llama - Ha ha thanks. I'm now officially classy ;-)
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Cm/ldrymom - Past experience had shown that in 20 years time brother will be on facebook "Its sooooo unfair", "My kids dont want to see me", "WAhhhhhhh"
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