I am a 17-hour drive from my parents and I am the executor of their will and main person on their living wills. I am the first to show up at their sides when they need help. My Mother has alzheimers and my Dad had bypass surgery 10 years ago. He is her main caretaker. I have two siblings who live in my hometown and two who live 200 miles from them. Of the two siblings in my hometown, one of them always jumps up to help. The other is always too busy with their family and their family is too busy also. My Mom is having surgery next month, I will be home (minimally) for two weeks to live-in to take care of Mom and help Dad with anything he may need after her surgery but still my siblings flat out refuse to help them day-to-day. Any suggestions? I have talked to them repeatedly. It doesn't seem to help. - Out of Answers Down South.
I had a lot of issues with Medicaid and home health for the first year. It was hard for the limited local home health agencies to find reliable home health workers, so my dad's worker kept changing. It took up a lot of my time. I decided to find some other way to get my dad help. I fitted the cost of private home health through a nation wide company into his budget once or twice a week - it was $20 an hour, I spent about 80-$100 a month. It helped him out, gave him some help when he needed it. He had a hard time cleaning himself after bowel movements, so I installed a toilet-bidet and took away the toilet paper in his home. This helped him out a lot. I also did some modifying in his bathroom, tiling the floor partially by the toilet and rubber flooring as well, creating a wet-shower around the toilet, and installed a hand held sprayer by the toilet so he could use the rest room and get cleaned up without falling. It made for a weird looking bathroom, but it worked.
I contacted a few of the local churches and the local grocery store and worked out a system where I emailed the store a shopping list and then a local church elderly outreach group picked them up and delivered them to my dad while ministering to him. There were times when they couldn't, so I called and set up transportation for him (his area does have a bus for seniors) and coordinated with the store to have a worker help him shop. He really liked that.
All in all it cost about $120 extra a month for my dad to live on his own. He had to make a few cuts in his budget in other areas, but it was worth it and worked for him. Reaching out to local stores and churches was weird at first, but they really helped my dad out a lot.
I don't know the financial situation, but the biggest help to me has been the geriatric care manage who is in Florida. She goes to his doctor appointments, keeps an eye on Dad's physical condition and the condition of his condo (clean, looking healthy, appropriate clothes, decent groceries in the refrig, whatever you need checked.) You might try suggesting to your sibs that you split the cost of a care manager between you. A good care manager will be able to coordinate obtaining any other care that is required, such as a part time caregiver, cleaning service, visiting nursing or whatever might be helpful. This may encourage your sibs to realize that someone has to do the care, and it will come out of their pockets if they are not able/willing to help.
Whatever happens, I wish you a lot of luck with caring for your folks. I know how frustrating it is to be such a distance away, but it shows you have a kind and caring heart.
mdladytenor