My dad has been in memory care for over a year. He has really declined over the past 5 months. It's so hard. I am an only child and I keep most of my emotions over this whole thing inside but today I am alone and crying for my dad. I am weary of people saying that well, I am lucky that he is alive because, unbelievably, their dad has already died. As grown children we prepare ourselves for the eventual death of a parent. But this dementia stuff is just more than I bargained for. I mean, eventually I am still facing his death. It's not like this is INSTEAD of his death. It really is the long goodbye. When a parent dies you can grieve and move on. Every day my heart breaks for my dad and this could go on for years.
It's time to begin another busy day. I am so lucky to have my husband, who helps me slog through the emotional bog.
And, thanks to all of you.
I have been going through this with my husband for almost ten years and it is the same thing: I lose him a bit more every day, day after day after day after week after month after year.
Recently I stood back from the situation and realized that I cannot end my life with him. I have to live. So, while I continue to care for him, I continue to live: to work on projects, to get together with friends, to find joy.
I wish I could tell you that I was traveling but this lifestyle is very confining. I am going to visit my mom 500 miles away next week and I think it was easier for Eisenhauer to plan the Normandie invasion. I am exhausted and have not even left yet!
But, so it goes. Long and slow, first with my mom and now with both of them. Long and slow. Thank goodness we have each other here to learn from.
So, I cannot offer you much. Only understanding, and please do not forget to live your own life!
There are many that feel the same way. Mom even asked me to help her to die early in her disease. There is a thread about wishing they would die. Perhaps it may help you not feel so alone, because you are not.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/a-common-caregiver-confession-i-secretly-wish-my-ill-loved-one-would-die-139321.htm
I guess they don't know what else to say...
I had someone tell me that too. but when they get to that certain point of dementia, its really just devastating each passing day. that blank stare :( etc ... by the time my dad passed away it was just a relief. (hope that doesn't sound bad)
Crying is good. It stops you cracking up so much.
I send you support and love.
(((HUGS)))
Hang in there Sweetie, sending you lots of love and strength.❤️