My mother passed away today.

In the spirit of complete honesty I have to say what no doubt many of us are likely thinking, your mom had the death we all hope for. No matter how complicated your relationship has been she was still your mother and I know that her passing will leave a huge gap in your life - I'm so sorry for your loss 🤗.

Oh Shell.
So very sorry for your loss. 🌹

Shell, I too am sorry for your loss, and for the challenges you both faced during her lifetime.    I hope that  after the initial trauma, you can remember the better times, understand her more, and realize how much of a role you also played  in her life.

May you also have peace as you travel this challenging journey.

Shell, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this is for you. The mixed emotions. Prayers and hugs to you during this difficult time.

I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced. I hope today is the first day you'll be able to start breathing again as the weight has been lifted from you.

I am sorry for all you've been through with your mom, and I certainly understand the mixed emotions. I didn't have a good mother either, and when she passed I wasn't sad, in fact I wasn't anything, because at that point my feelings were non existent towards her. I had always said that if I ever were to cry at either of my parents death, it would be because I was mourning the parents I never had, and not because they were gone. That is sad but true.
Hoping you can now get on with your life in a positive way and learn from your mom what and how not to be. God bless you.

Dear Shell. Please know you're in my prayers as during this difficult time. I totally understand why you are having mixed emotions given what you went through from childhood until now. One day at a time. I hope you will find peace.

My prayers are with you

I'm sorry.

Aw, Shell. I am so sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs)))))). Barbara

Your mixed emotions are understandable, Shell. Condolences on your loss and I hope you find closure and healing in the days ahead. I'm glad the site is helpful to you. I agree; this site is a lifeline in tough times. (((((hugs)))))

(((hugs))).
Prayers for peace as you go forward.

I’m sorry for your loss. Any emotions you’re feeling are okay and valid. Wishing you peace

I am so sorry for your pain and all the emotions that are bombarding you! Know that you have us!!!
✝️💕💯

Shell, am so sorry.

Shell, God bless you.

I am very sorry for your loss Shell. Wishing you peace.

Shell,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

I am glad that you found comfort from the forum.

Please know that you are valued on this forum.

You have offered all of us compassion and comfort. We appreciate you!

This has been a long and difficult journey for you.

Your mom is at peace now. That is what I want the most for you. I wish for you to have peace, joy and for you to realize all of your dreams.

You are blessed with a loving partner who has been by your side throughout your journey and when you are ready, you and he can start to build a life all of your own.

You will grieve. You did have your challenges with your mom but I know that you cared in spite of it all. Why? Because you have a warm and caring heart. I hope that you know this.

Please stay in touch with all of us. We are here for you.

Many, many hugs, Shell.

You called it Shell. You felt it.

MJ summed up my sentiments perfectly.

May your healing begin today and be total and complete, my friend.

God bless you and give you the peace you deserve.

I'm so sorry you lost your Mother Shell~
Take good care in the days ahead~

(((((((shwlll))))) hugs and prayers.. Glad your mum went peacefully, You have carried a large burden for a long time. For myself, I felt nothing but relief. Take care of you in the days ahead and don't be a stranger here.

Oh Shell, I know you have mixed emotions, but I am relieved for you. She is finally at peace, and your healing and peace is all that matters now. Please be gentle with yourself in these coming days.

Sending you love and a huge hug.

I'm sorry, Shell. Whatever conflicted and complex feelings you're having right now are uniquely yours and right. (((hugs)))

my deep condolences for your loss.

big, big, big hugs.

I don't think you'd be normal if you DIDN'T have mixed emotions.
I know what you mean about the support generated here as I have benefited from it as well, even when not my posts. The challenges my parents are generating of late have caused me to have very mixed emotions, including a heavy load of guilt. They both just seem to generate more and more work for me when my life feels out of order...outside of the sanity of my pup. I hope things go as easily and gently as they can for you. We are all your witnesses to knowing what a good daughter you are, so do not have any regrets. You did your best, which is all any of us can do. Sleep well and be at peace. Just because she is gone doesn't mean you can't answer posts here or let us all know how you are doing!

I am sorry for your loss - surrounding you in comfort and peace 🌻

WOW, I didn't realize so many cared! You all have brought me comfort in a way that is hard to find the words...

I feel that I need to write my experience about my mother's death...

Tuesday night, I got mad and frustrated with her and said some mean things in my moment of anger, which now I regret...

Wednesday, her and I didn't say to much to eachother, but I made beerbatter fish and fries and she did eat a little. Later that night, she told me she wasn't feeling good. I knew she was dying. I could feel it in the air & I could smell it & I could see that she was eating less and sleeping more.

Thrusday, she got sick to her stomach around 9 a.m.. This was nothing new. She had been throwing up on and off for years. I thought nothing about it. She stayed in bed as she usually does, but this time no T.V on and again she has done this many times. I heard her use the toilet around 3 p.m.. I checked on her somewhere around 6 or 7 p.m.. I watch as she round over with a wash cloth on her face. But again this was nothing new.

Friday, I woke up and said, "oh Lord give me strength today because I will need it. I know she is gone. How I knew I don't know, I just did! I got up and walked out my room and went to her room. I opened the door & I was shocked. I knew she was gone, however, I went to make sure and she was ice cold. I looked at her hands and face and she did not pass peacefully. Her left hand was clinched into her blanket & the other one was in a fist. Her eyes were closed and her mouth open as what happens in death; however, she looked scared (for the lack of a better word). I came down stairs and told my SO that my mother died. I made me a cup of coffee and took two drinks and went back up stairs to my mother's room and kissed her on the forehead and told her that I loved her even though she didn't love me. I called 911. The fire department, police, and the EMTs all showed up. I told them where she was and they went to her room. A minute later a firefighter came down and told me she was really gone. Asked me a bunch of questions then I was questioned by one police officer. 10 mins later, I was questioned by another officer. I was crying, but not the real crying. The kind were the tears run down your face and your nose is running, but you still can talk clearly. A officer called the funeral home that I wanted and I was able to make her cremation arrangements. Yesterday was cloudy; however, as they took her out the front door the sun came out & it was so bright as it shined through the front door. I called my aunt who is married to one of my mother's brothers and told her that my mom died...

Friday night, my SO went to bed & around 10 p.m. I started to sob...I cried because I was relieved...I cried because I felt guilty...I cried because my heart broke for her...I cried because any chance of having a different relationship was gone forever. I started talking to her out loud. I told her that I forgave her & that I hope she forgave me. That I did love her very much and all I ever wanted was for her to love me and for me to take care of her & that we had a better relationship...then...I could smell her and my cat (who was in the chair w/me) started batting in the air & meowing as she was looking up. The smell was so strong and lasted about 10 to 15 mins then it was gone!

It is my belief that my mother was sleeping and had a heart attack. Her clinched hands would be a sign of pain then death came & took her out of this world.

I couldn't sleep last night because I could not get the image of her face out of my head...

Sorry so long! Thank you for reading!❤

Oh, Shell

She knew that you loved her. You didn’t even have to say the words. Your actions spoke louder than any words.

All of your feelings are perfectly normal and you certainly have a right to feel everything that you felt previously and what you are feeling now.

We care. You can write as long of a message as you like. No apologies needed, ever!

Sending hugs, love and prayers your way.

Take care.

Shell, I am so sorry for your loss.

This big change will take time to absorb fully. Be kind to yourself. With time, her last face will be just one of many images you remember, not the only one.

"I told her that I forgave her.." This is brave & beautiful.
Makes me give a big sigh & a smile. That right there is your new connection to her.

Oh, Shell, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm so grateful you found some relief here. So many of us have been where you are.

May any sweet memories of your mother and may memories of your own goodness and strength bring you peace. *hug*