This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
An aunt,91, mid to late stage dementia and 2 very high risk family members should they contract Covid. I take mini breaks and block text msgs and calls. Have started getting more rest, cooking, praying and reading that makes me feel peaceful. Realizing I have no control over mom and sister but I can control how I choose to respond.
A week ago, she was asking to go out every time she sees me, and asks repeatedly again as soon as we get home because she has forgotten she already went out. Now she hardly asks.
Last week, she was loading up our shopping cart with big bags of chips, one after another. Now, she pushes the shopping cart like a zombie, doesn't even look at the junk food as she passes.
She now sleeps a lot more than before. She's probably only awake for meal times and a bit more after that, She sleeps while in the car, she sleeps while sitting on the bed watching tv. She almost falls asleep sitting on the toilet.
She doesn't fuss much anymore, She eats what's given. She has a lost look in her eyes. She had a few bathroom accidents in her pants, and on the floors. Groan.... I'm so afraid of this phase where she may lose control of her bladder and bowel movements.
All these changes happened in a few days, like a switch has been turned off, or a brain synapse just snapped.
I pray for God to take her. I hope my late father will come back and take her. Take her before she loses anymore dignity and quality of life.
I am new to this forum. I took care of my mother from 2009 to 2012, and started taking care of my father in 2017 when he broke his hip. My husband left in 2010, it wasn't what he wanted. Fast forward to today, and after a breakdown, exhaustion and my father verbally abusing me for the first time a couple of days ago, I'm actually feeling ok today, thank you for asking! It's quiet here, I have some time to catch up on work, and I can hear the baby Robbins in the nest outside the window. It's moments like these that I cherish. Life has been difficult, rewarding, sleepless, sweet... everything in the past 11 years. I have been considering changing my name, though, it gets called so many times in a day! But yes, today is a good day. I hope all of you can take a moment today and tell yourself that you are doing an amazing job, and give yourself some love and appreciation.
All the best to you all,
Tempestdelfuego.
I'm sorry to hear this. Your mom needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist in my opinion. She sounds very psychotic, that is out of touch with reality and a geriatric psychiatrist can help with that.
I see from your profile that she has dementia. Has she been seen by her doctor recently? Her doctor needs to know about these things.
I'm a basket case.
I thought I was having a heart attack, I see my chiropractor before I go to the doctor and thankfully it was a rib out, but I was having heart burn, couldn't take a breath, couldn't stretch and then I felt highly anxious on top of all that.
Just for your information. I hope you are feeling better.
Symptoms of a hiatal hernia
1. heartburn that gets worse when you lean over or lie down.
2. chest pain or epigastric pain.
3. trouble swallowing.
4. belching.
So, I have an idea of what you’re going through with the health issue and being a caregiver. I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with seizures like you. That’s really difficult. You can get hurt. Kudos to you.
Book, I hope you are feeling better. I have occasionally had chest pain that would worsen when I took a breath but I think it was a muscle thing.
One, I’m a female and know nothing.
Two, he’s the parent and knows more than me (his child).
Three, he had Pride.
I have found that he listened more to outsiders (without arguments) and my male younger cousins even a teenager!) I’m wondering if your father would be more receptive to someone who is not you (no offense intended - even though I was very offended in my case.) ... Can you see if your father can have a social worker? They were Very Helpful referring dad to various programs, etc... You take care.
He couldnt get up to come to dinner and became very depressed. i finally just set his dinner by his chair and he ate. When it came bedtime he couldnt get up. I got his wheelchair and with some struggles got him in bed. I'm not really strong enough to lift him. We talked about the good and safe way to stand up. he refuses.
I told him about lift chairs and I doubt he will go for one. Unfortunately I cant afford to just buy him one. My dad doesnt talk much about his struggles and all questions are either met with silence or a 'Im fine'. To which I ask if he'd tell me if he wasnt and he says no.
So I had him just sitting and being depressed all day. hes at a point where he has a very hard time making decisions, so if I give him a choice I make it very simple, like between two things. He has extreme issues using the TV remote and sometimes he will grab his phone or an old remote and try and use it. He gets mad if I just do it for him but then he gets depressed when he cant do it.
Anyway, the past two days have been rough and i pray tomorrow is the start of a good cycle. I always fear waking up. I dont know if hes still alive and what shape hes in. Ive been out of work taking care of him and studying to switch careers. Not working out right now, not alot of hope in this. Great respect for you folks who do this for a living. Take care
As your little gerd buddy, I suggest you get some OTC Pepcid Complete. That is what I take now. It has 10 mg. Famotidine,
800 mg. Calcium carbonate, and 185 mg. of Magnesium hydroxide.
Always follow your doctor's advice though.
Any kind of tea leaves me with a strange feeling. I would never try flavored teas with fruit flavors. Is your Mango tree blooming again?
Maybe you are allergic.
Gershun, yeah I heard about the new symptoms. I don’t recall having a twisted ankle feeling as one. Maybe it’s a new one. 🤔
My chest pain was a moving one. Most of yesterday, it was left and central. Painful to breathe deeply or to bend in any position. After I exercised last night, it was now right chest pain. I noticed when I tried to burp, it got stuck halfway up my esophagus(?). Severe pain hit when it got stuck... I narrowed it down to GERD or lactose intolerance.... I recently switched to daily coffee of cappuccino (has dairy) ... And on Friday, I ordered a strawberry black tea with sugar but no milk or yogurt.... Only one time I had severe GERD which I had very painful chest pains for days from only drinking half a small bottle of V8 berry fruit drink. At that time, my EKG came out normal. Doctor had my food/drink intake. She warned me that I was very sensitive to fruit juices. I remembered this when I ordered my strawberry tea but figured the fruit was diluted with the black tea. I guessed wrong... I haven’t had a GERD attack in decades, so I don’t have Rx or any acid reflux meds. I’ve been very careful of my diet... I’ve been eating toast and Skyflakes crackers all day today. It has helped reduce the chest pain. I was worried for a while because of the medical cost to go to the clinic and the various tests they would do.
Sadly, I have to give up that delicious strawberry black tea... Hmmm... I wonder if the Kiwi black tea would cause GERD?
You weren't at the beach were you? Walking in your sleep?
Well, seriously, with the heat, a new outbreak of fleas could have happened. = rash from baby fleas?