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I feel for you. I went thru this with my mom. She was in her mid 80s and fell every day. I was about 7 miles from her and went down once or twice a week. One brother took her grocery shopping but, insisted she fill his truck up and buy groceries for him and his family. And she had to feed him lunch. I know she would give him money also. I took the checkbook, brother quit coming. I drove her to the doctor, shopping, to get her hair done, get her glasses, took her everywhere she needed or wanted to go. Even after she was placed in rehab and then memory care. She had to quit driving when she hit the gas instead of brake and nearly ran over a person and into the pharmacy. Scared the wish to drive right out of her. She sold her vehicle as it sat at the store and didn't get back in it.

Now, I am going thru this with my husband who has dementia and suffers from tremors, balance issues, memory issues and scared the devil right out of me last time he drove. He is 76, has glaucoma and I drive him everywhere. I am not in the best health but do what I can. He has a truck with only 27K miles on it and it is 8 years old. He is driving me crazy wanting to drive it but, the battery is dead. It is a daily argument. His dr said NO to driving. He swears she didn't. I was there when she did. I guess I need to start recording his sessions.
But, don't give him. we have a Star Transport here and they are not exactly the best but, they do work. No taxi service, no ubers. But we do have grocery and food delivery services. She could use them. Maybe some of her friends have grandkids who would like to have an after school job and have a vehicle. They could drive her places. Just a suggestion.

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I feel for you. I went thru this with my mom. She was in her mid 80s and fell every day. I was about 7 miles from her and went down once or twice a week. One brother took her grocery shopping but, insisted she fill his truck up and buy groceries for him and his family. And she had to feed him lunch. I know she would give him money also. I took the checkbook, brother quit coming. I drove her to the doctor, shopping, to get her hair done, get her glasses, took her everywhere she needed or wanted to go. Even after she was placed in rehab and then memory care. She had to quit driving when she hit the gas instead of brake and nearly ran over a person and into the pharmacy. Scared the wish to drive right out of her. She sold her vehicle as it sat at the store and didn't get back in it.

Now, I am going thru this with my husband who has dementia and suffers from tremors, balance issues, memory issues and scared the devil right out of me last time he drove. He is 76, has glaucoma and I drive him everywhere. I am not in the best health but do what I can. He has a truck with only 27K miles on it and it is 8 years old. He is driving me crazy wanting to drive it but, the battery is dead. It is a daily argument. His dr said NO to driving. He swears she didn't. I was there when she did. I guess I need to start recording his sessions.
But, don't give in. we have a Star Transport here and they are not exactly the best but, they do work. No taxi service, no ubers. But we do have grocery and food delivery services. She could use them. Maybe some of her friends have grandkids who would like to have an after school job and have a vehicle. They could drive her places. Just a suggestion.

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It’s most likely not the milk that she is most interested in.

Some people look at errands as an outing.

They look forward to chatting with the cashier or butcher, etc.

Many older people are lonely.

They want to see faces, hear others, speak to others too.

Can she take an Uber to the store? Then you don’t have to go and she can get out.

Or pay someone who needs extra money to take her.

One of my neighbors was in need of money after her divorce. I remember her helping out an elderly woman by taking her to doctor appointments, hair salon, grocery and so on.

My neighbor even brought her toddler along. The elderly woman loved her little boy.

It worked out for each of them. I suppose it depends on their health, concerns about Covid but if your mom has been vaccinated, she can go out again.
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What others are saying- she may be missing that shopping experience, and if that need can be met the calls will be reduced. She could be using this as a way to keep a connection to you, or prove to herself that you ‘care’ enough. It may be scary to her that you’re doing things that will reduce opportunities for her to interact with you.
Since she is mentally intact she should be able to make a decision based on options available. It does sound like she is a bit like my mom and was raised to put on an uncomplaining face socially, and voice her discontent to someone she trusts. And so that person hears a steady stream of their wants and misgivings, but not so much the positive things. Your mom may not realise how it seems. If you’re family, you will likely feel like you need to help meet those needs. When that clashes with your needs, it’s natural to feel guilty.
Talk to your mom and make it clear you won’t be able to be her transport or last minute shopper.
Write a list of the different services available for her to keep, and review the list with her to pick an option when she tries to utilize you. You may have to work with her to get her comfortable using a home delivery app or uber - it may be easier to do that for her once a week. If she’s like my mom was pre-dementia, paying a delivery fee and a tip for a gallon of milk will shock her wonderfully into remembering it at the store next time.
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you could tell a little white lie and tell her that you lost your license due to your physical problems so she will need to find someone else to take her places. do they have a bus system where she is that she can take a bus to and from places? other than that, tell her that you were told by your doctor you cannot drive anymore. or you could tell her that your car is in the shop and don't know when it will be out and if you can afford the bill. wishing you luck.
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Personally, nothing you say or do is going to make her stop pestering YOU. So get YOUR doctor to say YOU are not permitted to drive for whatever reason. Show/tell her this. If that does not get through, have a few numbers available like shared ride, cabs, etc. Tell her YOU cannot drive as you are not well and are forbidden and you will NOT break the law. When she comes crying, tell her she should have listened and prepared and if not, that is HER problem. I was once a POA for someone and I told him he should start NOW and work out possible means of transportation when he could no longer drive (he was getting up there with many physical/mental issues). He became so infuriated that I even suggested this, we soon were enemies and I severed my relationship with him completely. People - and those taking care of them - MUST MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR TRANSPORTATION IF A CAR IS TAKEN AWAY - BEFORE IT IS TAKEN AWAY ...... But no one listens.
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