My 94-year old mom is in AL and has had a DNR order for the past 4 years, obtained when her mental faculties were sharper and she knew what the DNR was and its purpose. She always refused to wear her bracelet, so it was placed in her purse so it would be available if she left the facility for an outing with family or facility sponsored event. Recently I checked the purse for her, it was missing, and I found it in her jewelry tray. I told her it is her ID bracelet and she should wear it all the time, just like she wears her wedding ring. Ever since, she has been wearing it all the time.
Another family member thinks this is wrong because I am not being fully honest with her about the bracelet and its purpose. My opinion is that, given her current situation, she would not comprehend, and calling it an ID bracelet is something simple that she understands and can relate to. Am I wrong here?
You'd probably also have to explain that, in an earlier era, many people were genuinely cared for at the end of life and not treated as a sack of parts to be hooked up to this or that machine. But medicine organized itself into a "profession" (originally based on expertise in the application of leeches), vanquished the healers, hoarded control of palliative medicines, and here we are.
Sorry for the hyperbole. Really, though, there is no "honest" explanation that she'd be able to understand now. And saying something like "this bracelet stops doctors from restarting your heart and saving you" actually *isn't* honest. It's one of those partial truths that is, in effect, an appalling lie.
Your mom is lucky to have you.
Maybe we should all be wearing bracelets with DNH : Do No Harm.
Who cares what the other family member thinks? If mom and you are happy with it, that is all that matters.