It's been over 6 mo and still hasn't showered. She says "I'm not running marathons so I don't need to. Sponge baths are good enough," then storms off in a tizzy. Her Dementia isn't severe (not typical of mid/late stage but short term memory is getting bad, under 2 hrs) but she does need it since she will NOT allow me to do anything; like washing her legs or hair. She isn't incontinent and doesn't have accidents but there is a slight odor, partly due to hair not being washed I'm assuming. I need to take her shopping for clothes and underwear but I'm afraid that I'm too used to the smell, you know, like a farmer that is used to a barn smell and she won't be allowed to try on the clothes. Actually, what I'm more afraid of is that someone will call Senior Svcs saying I'm not taking care of her and her Neuro (He gave me his POA as long as I'm living with her and that I'm properly taking care of her) or he will send her to a nursing home. Her day nurse has tried and 1 of 2 things happen 1. Mom goes to bed til she leaves OR 2. She berates her and argues with her for the duration that she's here which is for 4 hours so I can get a couple hours of sleep for work. I drive a truck for 12 hrs on the midnight shift. Any ideas would be helpful since my only idea left is taking a garden hose to her when she does decide to go outside for a few min to pull some weeds. Just kidding on that but what other option is there?
Would she be using a shower stall or need to step over the bathtub side? I have a bad knee and even though I'm 25 years younger than your mother, stepping over the side of the bathtub is sometimes difficult because the knee is too stiff or swollen to bend well. I have a grab bar installed at shoulder height just outside the tub surround so I can maintain balance while getting that stiff knee over the side of my soaker tub.
Does she dislike getting "hit" in the face with the shower spray or needing to turn in the shower to rinse all sides of her body? My mother didn't like showers much until she experienced hand held shower heads in the rehab hospital. Once we installed one for her at home, she loved showers.
Is your mother concerned about maintaining her balance in the wet tub? Rehab hospitals recommend grab bars, shower stools or transfer chairs, and/or a towel placed in the bottom of the tub/shower. An added benefit of the shower stool is that it's easier for an aid to assist in washing your mother's hair.
By the 80s (and sometimes sooner) most adults become much more sensitive to cool temperatures. Is the bath a few degrees warmer so she doesn't feel a chill? I heat the bathroom to about 80 degrees for my mom.
Hope some of this stuff is helpful.
Poor hygiene is the #1 cause of bladder infections. And in Seniors, those can be really rough. But, I understand why Mom doesn’t want to shower. With bad shoulders and back, showering and dressing for me is a real effort. But when I don’t, even for a day, I feel dirty and itchy.
Have you told her she has an odor? Have you told her that her hair is dirty and it smells (and probably itches as well)? Have you said you’d like to go on a nice day trip and buy her clothes, maybe go to a hair salon and go out to lunch but you can’t because of her poor hygiene? If she truly doesn’t have dementia, maybe a little tough love is called for?