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Oh, yeah. At 80, and a nurse all my career, you can imagine. Partner is 82. So it is always in your mind. You are fully aware of the aches and pains and the balance, and the fact that if/when you do go down your odds of a break are pretty good. And then what. Sometimes it is one things after another after that on a downward trajectory--was the case with my Mom. The UTIs and then the more falls and then the pneumonia and the in and out of the hospital and the losses of one thing after another. Mobility? Mind.
We were just speaking of this on another thread day before yesterday.
We all want that going to bed at night and boom, you are gone. My father passed in his easy chair watching Monica Lewinsky on Larry King Live, without a second to even say ouch. But being here on AgingCare we all know that's rare as hen's teeth; my Mom's case is the more common, the more likely.
Can sympathize, Golden, and right there with you!
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golden23 Feb 2023
Thanks Alva. As a nurse I imagine you have seen much suffering and have many unpleasant stored memories. That can't be easy, especially as you age and know your likelihood of disease/disability increases. Your father went as we all would wish. My grandfather too. He had a full physically active day at 81, went to bed for a nap before supper. My uncle walked by his room and noticed that he seemed too still. Bestefar (Norwegian for grandfather) had passed quietly. Both my parents developed vascular dementia, slowly declined and needed facility care. I am convinced, and there is research to back this up, it was largely due to their very conflictual relationship and the resulting high blood pressure. I certainly don't want either of those things. It's an unpleasant journey for sure as is Alz which we see much of here. Other family members have been ill for a few weeks and then died in their 90s which is much more appealing. Not that we can choose entirely.

I am slowly reading the Great Age Reboot in which the author stresses the importance of making good lifestyle choices. He is singing my song. But I am fully aware that no matter what you do you die anyway. Death in itself doesn't bother me as much as the various processes leading up to it.

You don't have to break bones if you fall, Alva. Be sure to take in enough calcium, magnesium, and Vitamin D and - ta ta - protein. I aim at 80 to 100 gms protein a day which is now what is recommended for seniors. I aged 84 tripped and fell like a sack of potatoes on the concrete driveway. It was after my ex died just over a year ago and taught me to be more careful in times of stress. At my age the normal expectation would be that I would break a bone. As it was I hardy had a bruise and my bones were fine.

I am working at seeing the good side of Hoyer lifts and so associate those images with something positive. Thank goodness we have them for people who have lost their mobility!
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Bumping up.

(I originally replied, regarding some flashbacks I’ve had regarding my father’s care before he died, but I realize now that I’ve had coffee 😉 that that really wasn’t germane to this particular question! Which I think is interesting: items from caregiving past that is remembered later on in terms of one’s own future.)
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golden23 Feb 2023
Please post your flashbacks, snoopy. I have others than the ones I posted. Just that these are on my mind right now and I need to let them go. Flashbacks of any kind are no fun and extend the trauma - maybe help work it out. I don't know. When I had flashbacks to my youngest son as he died I hung a framed picture of him looking happy on the last holiday I had with him not long before he died, It was where I would see it from where I usually sat in the living room. Every time I got a flashback to his death bed I immediately looked at the photo in order to replace that painful memory with a good one. It did help. I don't have the degree of pain "seeing" him on his death bed any more. Of course tme helps too.
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