My Mom (who is 74) is my Dad’s primary full time caregiver (Dad is now 81 with very limited mobility). As my Mom is now getting older herself, the situation is becoming more challenging. Both prefer to remain in their own home at the moment and we do not have the means to hire 24 hour assistance. We have however tried to hire part time caregivers to help take some of the load off of my Mom. According to the service providers, this falls under Respite Care. But none of these Respite Care Caregivers will do anything? They bring homework, work from other jobs, books or stare at their phones 90-95% of the time. We have given clear instructions, leave lists have spoken to the companies they are hired through. And every time, it is the same thing.
We’ve made it clear to the Caregiving service that my Mom (the Caregiver herself) is at a point where she needs more hands on assistance. And we do not simply need someone to watch or just give companionship to my Dad. My Mom gives each caregiver a rundown about my Dad’s morning routine (feeding, cleaning, etc) and then gives them a few other things that are falling behind that she needs help with (maybe putting some dishes away, or a little laundry from my Dad’s bedding) - and every time she walks back in the room and the caregiver will have set themselves up at the dining room table doing homework or will be reading a book and not attending to anything she’s asked. Is this a thing??
We’ve tried 4-5 services and are very honest and clear about the level of care required along with our needs and past experiences. We are repeatedly reassured by each new company that, “their caregivers would never do that and if they did, we should let them know immediately.”
Sigh, 3 caregivers in at the new service and 2 out of 3 all but refuse to do anything. One last week was even hostile and yelled at my poor Mom. For the record, my Mom is really easy going. But by now, even she is completely frustrated with this whole situation. After last weeks caregiver was so rude to my Mom, we called and spoke to our representative from the company. She was extremely apologetic and reassured us nothing my Mom had asked was out of the norm. She even stated that each caregiver is texted a list of duties to be expected at each job, and that she had compiled the “to do list” that is then texted to each caregiver prior to arriving at my parents house.
Is the term Respite Care giving these Caregivers the idea they just need to physically “be there” to give my Mom a break, rather than actually taking her place for those hours? Do most Caregivers bring their own personal work to do while caring for clients? Is this a known thing? This is not giving my poor Mom any reprieve…it is now adding more to her stress level!
I’m at a loss and feeling hopeless! Anyone else going through this?
Any insight from professional Caregivers is definitely welcome as well! Thanks
With a few exceptions each aide sent to the house did a good job. One was sent packing by dad because he didn’t like her, one was dismissed by me because she was too small and old to physically handle dad. The only thing they wouldn’t do was scrub the kitchen floor on their knees which really bugged mom!
The second lady that I hired I explained I would stay with her the first day & show her what needed to be done. I also highlighted which of the tasks on my 'to do 'list needed to be completed that day. And had her initial when it was done. Also, I had her set the alarm on the stove so she would prepare the meals for my Grandpa on time. She was fine with it. Told me she appreciated knowing what was expected of her.
Its been 3 months now, I have her go to Grandpas 3 days most weeks and she's sticking to the routine. She takes a pic of the completed task list with her initials & texts it to me before she leaves.
When I was in the deep south, an old lady told me "the way you start is the way you end". Ive found that little piece of wisdom very valuable SUMMARY You might consider: Setting a clear written and spoken structure/expectation from the beginning
Request a Housekeeper, not a caretaker. ( ads of housekeepers list if they offer caring for elderly also)
If any caregiver does not comply with stated care:
1 - Show them the list of tasks and the expected time they should be completed.
2 - Remind them that this is what they are hired to do.
3 - Remind them that if they do not do the stated work, you will call their agency.
4 - Call their agency if they do not do the work.
We are very thankful for my MIL's 2 caregivers. They take care of all her needs while she lives in her condo in HI, her home state. We (live in FL) would care for her, but she refuses to leave and my BIL (lives in CA) is in charge of her care.
I think you need to hire some hourly employees (yes, contract or actual employees where you will take taxes out of the pay check or send them a 1099 at end of the year). I'm thinking more of a housekeeper who will do chores and assist with dad as needed (which appears not to involve a lot of time if current people have enough time to do homework). You will actually pay a private housekeeper less than through an agency because agency gets their cut plus the employee pay.
In the interview process, have a list of things mom needs help with and include X hrs a day to help dad with X and X tasks. If this person is hired for 8 hrs a day, then they should be working 8 hrs...not sitting. Go over the chore list and ask if that is a problem. Have prospective employee sign the chore list after reviewing to indicate it was reviewed with them and they agreed to the list. Ask around the neighborhood - very possible there is someone quite close by to come in a few hours several times a week to help mom out.
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Agencies talk a good game. The rep. you meet with is there to sell you, promise the world. But, it's a sellers market. You obviously need what they provide. In the end, you more/less have to take what they give you.
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Hiring through an agency merely provides the security that they are insured, the caregivers are certified and-hopefully-the shift will always be covered.
NOTE: before you sign- ask for proof of insurance and caregiver certification!
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My only suggestion is to consider hiring an "independent contractor" though a site. Some take out ads in certain publications and Craig's List.
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Provide a profile explaining your needs. Be specific! Including preferences such as "pet friendly", non-smoker.
Reach out to potential hires. Be sure to interview in person. What exactly is their experience? Do they have references?
Do they have reliable transportation? Chit-chat a while; do they seem like a good fit?
Agree the first 5 shifts will be a trial period. No harm/no foul if it doesn't work out on either side.
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Where I live, the average expected wage is $20/hr. Payment is expected at the end of the week. Caregivers prefer cash- I paid through Venmo (bank-to-bank transfer).
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Keep in mind, there will be down time. If they finished their chores and dad is sleeping, very few will ask for more to do. If this person is generally a hard worker-It's not a big deal from time to time. Otherwise, unless you have a ready list of busy-work, they'll be on their phones.
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Good luck and God Bless
I would not request respite care. I would request an aide.
Sometimes companies use miscommunication to their advantage and this sounds like one of those times.
This is not respite in the actual sense of the term.
Mom needs an aide to take care of dad from...to....on....doing the following:
Be as specific as possible and put it all in writing with the agency and caregiver.
If the caregiver shows up and is not willing to do what is required, send them home and call the agency and tell them that you will not be paying for their aide because they refused to do what they were hired to do.
I am also dealing with someone like this and this is getting worse and worse. Judy brags about herself. All the time. About 40 years old. She says that she is really good and that is why people are telling her they want her back; that patients and/or families call the office requesting her and doing this Judy says, "all the time". I cannot get her to tell me anything about the patient. We have a log... she writes no notes and not even any for the agency we work for. I asked her last Wednesday when was the last time our patient took a blood pressure pill --- her reply was, "yesterday". I then said, "I need to know what time yesterday because she can get one pill every 12 hours. If she took the pill last night at 10, she would not be able to get one until 10 this morning and right now it is 8 am.". She was snippy with me. Still did NOT give me an accurate time and why? Most likely did not know.. had not documented it... had no intention of passing this info on to me when I showed up to relieve her... and again... she never told me anything of what is going on with the patient! And YES! She is supposed to.. this is part of her job! All she says is this, "Had a great day!" I don't know what this means. Who had a great day? Does this mean the patient's cognitive abilities were better today? Less confusion? Was her blood pressure staying down so you did not take a blood pressure pill? She was not incontinent on your shift? Did she lose some weight? Did she do her exercises which she normally refuses? Was her breathing better? What does "had a great day" mean here?
These aides are not to do their own "stuff" during the hours they are there unless they have done everything they are being paid to do AND they have been given permission to.
The CHARMERS, I call them. Dealing with one right now, mentioned in previous comment. They think they are great... at least they tell everyone they are. And it works! They may use religion... say that they want to pray with the patient, want to do BIBLE studies with the patient and they may do that but.... their care is horrible to non-existent. Had one caregiver... she never wore scrubs like the rest of us - 3 caregivers at all times. This was NO agency. This gal was early 40's, always had every hair in place, nice clothing with her jewelry and makeup. She talked a good talk. She "reeled them in". Did a ton of smiling... always smiling and talking about GOD... and when she went on vacation, she went to see what? the ark. When she came back, she talked about the ark and how blessed she was. Patient was getting 2 different types of insulin. The second one---if sugar was over 150, she was to get insulin. I came on at 6 pm as usual. The thing was, the girl did write some things down! Noticed that blood sugar was 121. NO insulin needed. Blood pressure was 152/86. This woman had given patient that insulin she was not to give. I had asked her about it. She looked at what she had written to confirm what I was telling her? She said she must have looked at the top number on the blood pressure reading... the 152 and thought it was the blood sugar reading! I asked her if she was going to call the daughter? (giving insulin when not needed?) Nope.. she did not either. I called the daughter. This aide also told me later that one of the aides was not changing the patient's depends..leaving him laying in urine and feces. I knew this to be a lie. The aide she reported was fired and this was the aide who had gotten this woman this job in the first place. This aide, the charming one, had been with these patients, husband and wife, a little less than 3 years. I had been there for a few months. She also got another aide fired. Don't know what happened there. I knew I was next. I would come in at 5:55 pm...start of my shift, and check the hubby. He was bedbound... and needing suctioning. I tested this aide. He was constantly needing to be suctioned, his throat all the time for the last 2 weeks +. I asked the girl to turn on the machine. SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW!. So.. she had not suctioned him at all. She worked 8 hour shifts during the day. Then I tested her again. I would find his bed soaked and dried feces every time a came so, I came 5:45 pm. 15 minutes early. Still her shift so I could expect her to help me. She would not... would not even touch this man. Would not get depends. would not get water... she would not help turn him. She did nothing but stand there and watch me clean this man up. I went to the daughter.
OK... did no good. I hated to do this but.... I told her I could no longer work under these circumstances. I told her some of this but she seemed to not believe anything I was saying. I reminded her about the bed sores her dad now has. How did he get those if he is being kept clean and being turned at least every 2 hours? I let this daughter know that every time I came on shift, her dad was ALWAYS on his back. Daughter stated that maybe dad had just finished eating ? (yeah,...right) I tried to explain about me coming on and finding her dad laying in urine and much of the time, feces. I mentioned the suctioning. Got NOWHERE! This aide had charmed this daughter to the point that she was unable to see what was right in front of her. I have had other aides try to charm ME. One wanted to live with me and when I told her no... she put me through hell after that. Got me fired from that job. There are aides that will do whatever the patient wants even though it is against the law or company policy. Patients and family love these types of aides. They lie and a lot.