I am noticing that sundowning is worse in my husband on days when he has showtimed a lot. He puts on the show for others when he has to, and then crashes when we are alone and is a complete mess that evening.
Example: Since dad passed, we have had a lot of meetings with a financial planner. He is all perky and bubbly and friendly, the star of the show, Mr. Social, at the two-hour meetings. By the time we get home, he's mean and nasty and unreasonable. It wears him out to be so social for that long and I do think it causes him to be worse in the evening.
I guess I'm wondering if this is common, if others have experienced the same thing.
People say that some elders can confabulate enough to fool doctors and strangers that they are completely normal, when really they aren't. That's how that one got labeled as performing for strangers and hence "showtiming".
And yeah, sounds like you have a "showtimer" who is exhausting himself with performing so that in evenings he is extra cranky with the sundown effect. Great, huh? Two for one! I surely do think they can end up related in this manner GG.
My daughter and her family were here visiting for a week. At first Mom was so thrilled to have the extra company, by their last night, at our last dinner together, they witnessed her nastiness and the mean things she said to me. Brought me to tears, (which is no easy feat,) Ha!
Hang in there. You are not alone and what you are experiencing, unfortunately is real.
I do believe you are very correct that these two are connected. I also really like the term “cognitive fatigue.”
Good luck with everything. Know that you are doing a wonderful job. And remember that you are not alone.
* cognitive fatigue * I would call it
An OT described having a set amount of energy during a day. This was for physical fatigue, eg chemo or long covid but I think it could easily apply for mental fatigue too. When you use up your supply of mental energy, well it's gone. Only a good night's sleep (or more) can hope to restore it.
As you may remember, I have a chronic illness.
When I have to be “on”, I have to be really careful not to “over-do”.
If I DO “overdo”, I can trigger a flare that ends me in bed for days. It takes me extra energy to then be of good cheer for my family. Since I really don’t have that energy, I have to fake it.
I’m guessing that with his FTD, he can’t pace himself. He can’t consciously conserve his brain/body energy.
Unfortunately, this means that YOU are left with a man who can’t consciously make the effort it takes to be kind and considerate, after he has expended all his energy. He can’t fake the good cheer.
I’m so sorry, my friend.
A little off topic, but many would say to me "There's nothing wrong with your mother. She's dressed in nice clothing with her hair done." My reply "My mother has wet AMD and the resulting legally blind status, incontinence, CHF, Atrial fibrillation and her blood pressure is 60/40. That is why I put my life on pause, having had to move in with her." My mother was able to fool a lot of people, herself not among them.
Sundown Syndrome is characterized by increased confusion, agitation, and occasionally aggression in the late afternoon and evening. For Sundown Syndrome, it helps to have more lighting, simple routines/environments, and occasionally anti-anxiety medications to calm agitation.