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How are they managing their medications?
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Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Has he shown any signs of being violent? Angry outbursts? Throwing things? etc? If so, then the signs are there and it could fairly easily escalate, IMHO.
As someone mentioned, a UTI is a possibility. If that is ruled out, he/you may benefit from him being on some kind of a sedative or anti-anxiety to control his behavior to a more acceptable level.
So you and your husband sold your home and moved in with his parents. The dad has dementia. The mom has CHF. You are concerned that the parents may become abusive towards your husband?
I will say in general it is always wise to check any “rapidly declining dementia patients” for a UTI. UTIs are toxic and can cause accelerated dementia symptoms that can sometimes clear after treatment. A simple pee test can rule that out.
Abusive parents don’t usually change their stripes. After the “honeymoon” phase they revert to being the parent and it is difficult for the adult child to not respond accordingly.
The elderly, again in general, have higher anxiety. Change of almost any type is upsetting to them. Even if they have more needed help as a result of the move in, they feel a loss of control of their environment and this ramps up their anxiety. People with high anxiety are usually not at their best. It should be treated.
Any sign of violence can’t be swept under the rug. The police should be called. The elder may get a ride to ER and have an opportunity to get needed blood work, UTI test etc. Alternately, the elder can put up a defense and the police may be confused as to what is truly happening and you and DH may be portrayed as unwelcome guests. Regardless, as you are concerned about violence, don’t ignore your better judgment.
Make sure there are no guns or knives in easy access.
If your husband does not have a DPOA already, he is not likely to get one at this point. Does anyone have authority to manage their medical care and finances?
What is the end goal of moving in with his parents? Are the other siblings helping out or neglecting?
I'm posting what you have in your profile because it is helpful:
"Daughter-in-law who sold her home and moved with her husband to live with his elderly parents. They are controlling with dementia (him) and heart disease (her). I am finding it very hard to do this and they have always treated my husband poorly. They also have another son and two daughters in the same town. "
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As someone mentioned, a UTI is a possibility. If that is ruled out, he/you may benefit from him being on some kind of a sedative or anti-anxiety to control his behavior to a more acceptable level.
Good luck
You are concerned that the parents may become abusive towards your husband?
I will say in general it is always wise to check any “rapidly declining dementia patients” for a UTI. UTIs are toxic and can cause accelerated dementia symptoms that can sometimes clear after treatment. A simple pee test can rule that out.
Abusive parents don’t usually change their stripes. After the “honeymoon” phase they revert to being the parent and it is difficult for the adult child to not respond accordingly.
The elderly, again in general, have higher anxiety. Change of almost any type is upsetting to them. Even if they have more needed help as a result of the move in, they feel a loss of control of their environment and this ramps up their anxiety. People with high anxiety are usually not at their best. It should be treated.
Any sign of violence can’t be swept under the rug. The police should be called. The elder may get a ride to ER and have an opportunity to get needed blood work, UTI test etc. Alternately, the elder can put up a defense and the police may be confused as to what is truly happening and you and DH may be portrayed as unwelcome guests. Regardless, as you are concerned about violence, don’t ignore your better judgment.
Make sure there are no guns or knives in easy access.
If your husband does not have a DPOA already, he is not likely to get one at this point. Does anyone have authority to manage their medical care and finances?
What is the end goal of moving in with his parents? Are the other siblings helping out or neglecting?
"Daughter-in-law who sold her home and moved with her husband to live with his elderly parents. They are controlling with dementia (him) and heart disease (her). I am finding it very hard to do this and they have always treated my husband poorly. They also have another son and two daughters in the same town. "