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I just want to die happy grow old and wise and have a good life! i have no kids so glad i dont have to worry about them looking after me if i got very ill. Alot of old people ive met are quite sweet and funny and happy with thier lives thats how id like to end up i think the main thing is to be old and in good health but we just never know! writing a letter to yourself thats so funny but a good idea your kids could hold you to that!!! Mum told me when i was young and i had no idea about anything "if i get alz,shoot me". Nah never got it in writing!
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It's actually a very nice letter reminding me that my kids "are just trying to help" that THEY have lives too and to remember that my needs will be met, just maybe not on my timetable. Also a reminder that driving may not be so wise and to remember my manners and the words please and thank you. About 20 points in all to remember. It has been the subject of much discussion :) Come to think of it Kazzaa, I wonder if in 20 years one might be allowed to check out if terminal and it is all written down...
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Yeh i reckon we will be able to go into a nice hotel type place have a few drugs whatever then check out! lol i am only 48 but had an eye test last week and i need reading glasses i know its life but im kinda down i think this is the first time i am starting to feel i am getting on a bit! Im sure everyone gets like this? i mean i get a bit blurred at night but didnt think i needed glasses! ah well embrace it! GULP!
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Emojo.. how old is your mother,,, this math does not add up or I missed something!! I hope to heck I don;t live to be 103! I am 56 and tired, but I still love my job, and my life. BUT.. I hope when I start to slip I will still remember where the heck I put the sleeping pills! My Mom is so peeved that dad got ALZ, and they are no longer independant. I don;t want to put this on my daughter, or deal with the worry and stress. I have no fear of death, I have had a great life. And when it is over I hope to go peacefully and quickly. Not the living death my dad is going through. He has great care here. but his decline is awful to watch. Sorry if I offend anyone with this.. but it;s how I feel.
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1tired, you're right, when is it OUR TURN to enjoy retirement??

My parents never took care of their aging parents so my parents have zero idea what I am going through. My parents had siblings and their spouses, and dozens of grown nieces and nephews back in their respected home towns that did all that work. My parents probably sent money to help out.

I am resentful that when my parents were my age they were having a grand retirement and enjoying every minute without a care in the world...... and here I am, an only child with no children, putting a hold on my retirement. I live in the same city as my parents. Guess the secret is to live hundreds of miles away.
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Oh Fred, I hear you. My parents were traveling to China and Russia just 10 years ago... When I was prego my mom had just retired and stayed with me as my hubs traveled 2 weeks a month. I never see this happening with me. I am lucky that my folks have plenty of money and investments at THIS time, but I worry it won;t last . My Mom has only one sister left, and Dad is an only child like I am. And the In Laws are 91 and 89. Thank God Hubs has a brother.. I am not taking on another set of folks..LOL I had a great childhood, but my retirement is not looking so great! And like my parents, I want to leave something to make my daughters life easier. But at 56 I still owe tons on the mortgage on Housezilla... bought to take care of folks. Thankfully the houseing market is going back up here... and we got this place at a steal... but it will no longer fund our retirement at the current rate... I'll be working until I am 70...
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pamzimmrrt, I am 68 and still working but the reason I am working is for my sanity. Work keeps me focused on something else besides my parents. Plus it makes a great excuse for not driving my parents to more places.... "sorry, I can't get off work".

Freq Flyer
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I know, I have a CG to help out with the running around.. when Mom lets her! She gripes about the .47 a mile...LOL I had 8 days off. should have been relaxing but by day 5 I was soo ready to go back to my job at the hospital. It's the only place I don't stress, and I have a high stress job. That tells you something!
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YES, 20-30 YEARS I WILL BE DEAD TOO. Didn't read post only the topic. Will be like our parents 20-30- years.....
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pam - my mother is102 and I am 77 as of yesterday. I get tired at times too, but life goes on anyway, and I perk up for a while. Might as well enjoy the ride as much as possible.
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Freqflyer, 100's of miles even 1000's of miles does not do the trick! LOL , Alas , I have become a frequent flyer myself trying to help out my sis when needed while taking care of FIL in my home some 1600 miles away. Not pretty, though I do enjoy having the tv service on Jet Blue for 3 whole hours with no interruption each way, lol! The small things...
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Wow Emjo! Way to go, I hope I have your energy and attitude when I am your age!
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I have vowed to develop a more positive attitude, not complain and be more and more aware and kind to others. I have learned how one person can uplift many and one person can ruin people's lives or at least bring them down. I will will myself to be sweeter and kinder under all conditions and do my best to take care of myself. This way, I am hoping I'll be nice old lady when my time comes.
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thx pam - as sig other says "It is what it is". I come from a long lived family so have to plan for that and to make the best of it. I watch my diet, get exercise as I can, and stay involved, try new things etc. I think the habits of a lifetime really show as you age. One aunt died at 97, as kind, thoughtful and good humoured as she always was. She was a great role model. She kept up with the news so she always had something to discuss with visitors. I have known a number of aged people like that. Then there is my mother who is physically very well, has had lifelong mental illness and a negative, complaining attitude which is not getting any better with dementia.

Just because you have a pain you don't have to be a pain. Sig other's mother (she is late 80s - he is younger than me) doesn't talk about her infirmities. She says she feels better if she doesn't. I'm still listening and learning,

judda - I think choice has a lot to do with it. However, if you (in general not you particularly) get a disease like dementia or Alz unfortunately some bad behaviours go with it. God spare us!
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I finally got my parents into the Elder Law attorney this week, Trusts are so complex and very time consuming, it can take months to complete, I just hope my parents live long enough to sign all the documents :P

My parents have a Will but it is 12 years old, and would be a probate nightmare
because on how it is written.

I am so glad that my sig other and I are already in the process of having our Trusts, POA's, yada, yada, yada, worked on and we can't wait to finally sign on the dotted line. He's hoping he doesn't kick the bucket before hand as he would be spinning in his grave if the old Will was used, a lot has changed since then.
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What a difference a year makes from when I last posted on this thread. As of last month Mom is now bedridden in long-term-care hospice watch and Dad is still in their home now with 24-hour caregivers. Yikes, talk about expensive.

Now Dad is asking about Assisted Living, something that he and Mom should have considered a few years ago.... I really bet that my Mom would be still up and about if they had moved... instead it was her idea to keep living in that big house, had a major fall because she was too exhausted trying to be the housewife [97] yet refused anyone to come in to help be it caregivers or cleaning crews.... [sigh]
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Dear FF: Good reflection! But do not dwell on the "would have, could have, should have". You have given and done the best you could have with such stalwart personalities!!! Stop worrying....you have it handled.....and have a GREAT DAY!!
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Yes, FF, indeed....the difference a year makes! My Mom, also a member of your parents' very elderly age group (94, moderate dementia) is now, for exactly 1 year, healthy, stable and content (though now wheelchair bound after her own series of catastrophic falls, breaks, surgeries, rehabs, etc.) in a lovely ALF. I never even saw your original post last year becuz I was in the middle of total craziness trying to deal w/Mom's last (said while crossing my fingers) catastrophic fall, break, surgery, rehab nightmare. It happened the very night I returned home (I'm 1800 miles away from her....she's lived in SW FL for almost 30 years) after spending 2 wonderful weeks w/her over Mother's Day.....May, 2014.....I'll never forget the call I made to tell her I'd returned home safely and had such a wonderful time w/her and her good friends....only to be told "the ambulance has just left".....well, 4 months of hell later (dehydration, antibiotic-resistant UTI's, hospitalizations, a d*mn blood clot in her good leg, etc) and she was finally healthy again and settled in this lovely, small ALF I found thru the local ALZ org. She has been happy and very healthy there for 1 year now, so.....I guess you and I are on opposite trajectories over this past year. At least I only had 1 parent to deal with....oh, God Bless you.....dealing w/both....over 90! I just hope you, like me, will come thru this #1. Yourself OK and #2. Your parents OK and as content as possible w/their age and ailments. Finally, Mincemeat is right....good advice.....best of luck to you!
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I am not my mother.
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I am my mother's daughter, but I am trying and mostly succeeding in living differently! Mostly, not blaming, not having to be perfect or appear perfect, giving and receiving forgiveness, showing physical affection, being physically active, and not eating crap! If I can stay non-diabetic I have a chance of avoiding vascular dementia...if not, God's grace will have to be enough for me :-)
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