My brother, an m.d. and the DPOA of my mother's healthcare, recently pushed to enroll my mother in hospice. There is no known terminal diagnosis and when I ask my brother what the diagnosis is he remains silent. My mother has periods of lucidity as well as confusion since she had a laminectomy under general anesthesia. How can I find out what the specific diagnosis is that qualifies my mother for hospice?
I feel for you. I do. I think I would feel as you do.
But on a practical level, your mother is now on hospice. Medical personnel say she meets the criteria. One of two things will happen:
SCENARIO 1
1) Mother will continue to decline.
2) Hospice will do all they can to keep her comfortable.
3) Mother will die.
(This was the case for my husband. He died 5 weeks after enrolling.)
SCENARIO 2
1) Mother will improve.
2) Hospice will keep her comfortable but realize that she no longer meets the criterion of being close to death.
3) Mother will be discharged from hospice.
(This was the case for my mother. She was discharged about 3 months after enrolling. That was nearly a year ago.)
Whether you know the terminal diagnosis or not, one of the two possible hospice scenarios will occur. You knowing or not knowing will make not one fraction of an iota of difference to the outcome.
Your brother is empowered to place Mom on hospice, with her approval is she is lucid enough, and within the guidelines of the program itself. Accept that.
He is not telling you the exact diagnosis. I have no idea why, and I can understand your frustration. I join other posters who've suggested talking to the hospice social worker. If it is meaningful to you, also talk with the chapline. Get comfort from whatever source you can!
Do not let your conflicts with your brother interfere with your relationship to your mother. Please, continue to visit her, comfort her, love her, and be there for her without regard to what your brother does.
My mother-in-law was transferred to a hospice, and she was physically fine. BUT she refused to eat, and her Health Care Proxy stipulated "no feeding tubes, or artificial means to prolong life, and a DNR". She did have dementia, but had given up her will to live.
I would definitely look into this, the way "Babalou" suggested. Speak to her nurses also. Hope this helps ... Good Luck and God Bless.
Perhaps your mother asked him not to reveal her diagnosis. Perhaps he knows/thinks that you will be upset by whatever he reveals to you. Perhaps there is unspoken family baggage here.
I would suggest that you get in touch with the hospice social worker and chaplain and discuss your concerns.