I have 7 siblings, I am the youngest, I'm 59. Our oldest sister 70yrs, JANE, I think has POA over our 91 yr old mom, whom I take care of. I don't know if it's Only Medical POA or what, but that same sister is also on mom's checking & savings accnts. I have taken care of mom for quite a few years, my home is just across the lawn, we've lived close all my life, I moved in with her about a year ago because she falls a lot. I allow my daughter & her family to use my home. JANE wants mom to live with her, But Mom doesn't want to, she has her own home and wants to stay in it as long as possible. So I'm trying to help her do that. But I also have to work because I don't get help from welfare or anything else. I'm self employed so I can set my own hours. I have NOT gotten paid for taking care of Mom, Which doesn't bother me, because Mom took care of me as I grew up and she didn't get paid for it. BUT JANE is trying to say that Mom has dementia, which, I live with & take Mom to all dr apptmnts & no Dr has said anything about Mom having dementia. mom signed HIPPA before at DR saying that me & any of her other kids can know what's going on with her. JANE recently transfered $5,000 from Mom's checking into mom's saving acct. I found out because I was trying to have council on aging or A&D medical have someone come & sit with Mom at least an hour a day so I could get out & work, so these places needed info about Mom's assets and accounts, so Mom & I went to her bank & got this info. She has almost $20,000 in savings accnt, Mom said before she wants to leave each kid $500 when she dies, because she didn't think she would have much in her accounts. But she's never done a Legal WILL. She had NO idea that she had that much in her savings accnt, she was flabbergasted! To me, it sounds like JANE had something up her sleeve because she is upset with me now. And all I did was get the info that the medical places asked me to get. JANE also doesn't come over but once a month to do Mom's banking stuff & write out checks for her, so that makes at least one of Mom's bills late, so now she's getting behind on it and they're charging late fees. Mom has never been late on bills before, each month she would pay it right off, but now JANE is only paying the minimum due. I know this is a long story. But the Lady at A&D medical suggested mom get an Elder Law Attorney to state her final wishes, even tho Mom has told us what furniture each kid gets and that each gets $500. So she wants to make it legal. So I set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, she has a phone interview first, then we'll go sign papers a later date. But he sent papers for Mom to fill out, it's asking for all her kids names, birthdates, addresses, phone numbers, SS#, how many kids they have & how old they are. So I've been trying to get this info from all my siblings, most don't want to give their SS# but 2 did, then the second sister down from JANE, (CHER) called me & said she wants to go when I take Mom to lawyer (I know she and JANE have been conspiring. JANE won't give me any of her info, says for me to let her know when we are going to lawyer & SHE'LL give it to Him then. I said "when an aging parent goes to a lawyer to state what each kid gets and what she wants to happen after she dies, it's not a family discussion, it's mom's decisions and her lawyer will let all the kids know what they get once she passes" JANE says "than why does ONE kid get to go in with her?!" I said "who says I was going in the room with her?" She then says "well, I can go too & sit outside" JANE is acting like a spoiled rotten BRATT, she said one day "I'd like to know when you're gonna cut the apron strings" Awhile back I went to work, while I was gone, JANE came, collected Mom's meds, clothes, dog, etc. rushing mom into car, I went to JANE'S, mom says "I have a bad feeling about this" so next day I picked her up, JANE was MAD! My question, Can mom have JANE taken off as POA? Please HELP?!
If Mom is able to assign you, I would take her to the bank and have new accounts open and the old ones closed. Also, have her make both accts POD (paid on death) making who she wants as beneficiaries.
It is GIVEN by the principal the the caregiver.
1. Your mother either DOES HAVE or DOES NOT HAVE DEMENTIA.
So off you go with mother to a doctor, to request a neuro-psyc exam to tell which is
the case. The doctor will have HIPAA forms for mother to assign to allow you to be informed and present.
2. You seem to feel that your mother does NOT have dementia. Even if she DOES have some minor failings beginning, it doesn't mean that she cannot assign a NEW POA. She will be examined in the attorney office for competency to appoint a POA.
STEP #2 is you and mom in an attorney office. There she makes a letter withdrawing POA from sister and she makes a NEW POA paper assigning you as POA.
3. You are now down to a very complicated step 3. Because Sister has convinced mom to put her on accounts. That means that you, as the POA and Mom need to go to bank and see just how sister is on the accounts, to make yourself the signee on the accounts and to prevent sister's emptying the accounts. This requires rock-solid POA papers from the attorney that you and you alone are to be signee for all executive functions.
4. Go with mom to Social Security office where mom makes YOU her representative payee. YOU then set up an account in which Mom's SS goes. YOU and MOM alone manage this account.
Before you do all of this I would, were I you, speak with mom and sister together that this is the intention. That mom wishes you now to be her POA and Rep Payee, as you are the one doing the care.
BEFORE doing all of this do understand if this is a job that you WANT. Because you will be in charge and you will be having a Fiduciary duty and filing papers yearly with SS to prove what was done with every penny into and out of mom's account, and will have to keep records of and pay all financial things. I did this job for my brother. I would not want to ever do it again. It takes a solid year to set up all bill paying and banking with trusted people, presenting your papers as you go, and then having to listen about how they didn't get the papers, lost the papers, etc.
Time for mom to update her will, as well. If you are doing the care she should have a care contract in which you are designated for shared living costs, transportation, food, services and etc. An attorney will help you with this.
When you speak with sister you will say you either can share, or if not then you will be in charge as the caregiver.
OR you can continue on being used in this manner and having utterly no idea what is happening? That to me sounds like a poor option.
I wish you the best of luck. Time to get the attorneys involved if sister is not cooperative.
Now, if mom DOES have dementia and sister IS the POA it is time for you to resign from care of a mother in a situation where you have no control. And let sister know if she doesn't assume care of her mother with dementia you will be reporting her to APS and getting an emergency guardianship to function for your mother. That certainly will be the messier of any options here.
Siblings at war over the living body of their parents is a situation for which I have so little patience, so I apologize if I have come over as harsh. You will remember the story of King Solomon and his threat to divide the baby for the warring mothers. I think we need such a king to threaten dividing the elder in like manner.
I do wish you the best. You are going to have to be proficient, efficient and INFORMED.
You will initially be sinking money into attorneys.
OR you can step away. The last would be my choice. Even if I had to sell my home and move.
Hope you'll update us.
Only if your Mom still has legal capacity to do so. If you take her to an elder law attorney, they will take her aside and privately interview her (you won't be allowed in the same room). They will decide if she has capacity.
But be careful what you wish for. If you still need to work to support yourself (and family?) your Mom's daily care needs will only increase. You want someone to watch her for 1 hour now, but that will morph into entire days eventually. And you cannot morally assume your kids into helping be her caregivers. They need to live their lives also.
IMO Jane has the right idea. Orbiting around your Mom so she can have the illusion of living "independently" will eventually drain everyone helping her. Jane is just trying to consolidate the effort so people don't burn out.
Your Mom can hire in-home aids. This is what she has saved for (assuming she saved money for her old age). IMO she should be paying you if you are not retirement age and need to support a family. This can be done through a written contract (so that no one can accuse you of anything financially nefarious).
Your Mom verbally telling each one of her children what they will inherit is a hot mess waiting to happen. This should all be written down, including pictures.
Also, please consider that if your Mom has the beginning of cognitive decline and memory loss, what she tells you about what Jane (or others) are doing may not be accurate. We went through this with my MIL. She lived close by to us. She didn't recognize her memory loss for a long time even though we saw her frequently throughout the week. Paranoia is also an early symptom of dementia (my own 95-yr old Mom has pockets of it, accusing me of trying to take her money and dumping her into a nursing home. None of which is true.)
Please consider working with Jane and not against her. Your Mom made Jane her PoA for a reason.