I am taking care of my father who has Major Depressive Disorder with Anxiety and OCD.
He also has type 2 diabetes which is uncontrolled and he may be insulin resistant.
My father needs some one to watch him on a daily/nightly basis. He is prone to falling due to severe nueropathy in both legs and feet.
During his last visit with his PCP, she said she would write a letter stating that my father needs a live-in caregiver.
I want to take the position of being my father's caregiver...who knows him better than me.
The problem is, my father lives in a 55 and older trailor park. He owns his two bedroom, two bathroom home, but rents the land to the land owner. After talking with the land owner (without the letter from the doctor), I explained what was going on with my father and that he needs a caregiver, live-in, and I would like to move into my father's home (just me, I'm not married or have any children), and take care of my father.
The land owner rejected my request and stated that he is afraid that other residents of the park may move out because I'm only 26 y/o.
But, the land owner does not know that other people that are not 55 are living in the park with out his knowledge.
My question is, once I have the doctors letter, can the land owner override a doctors request for my dad to have a caregiver?
Any information is welcomed. Thank you.
Check this out for more information:
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/are-we-being-discriminated-against-if-we-cant-buy-home-senior-community.html
As long as you don’t violate the norms of the community, and your behavior is respectful and consistent with reasonable expectations for a 55+ community, there may not be any problems. Make sure your dad pays his rent on time. Be discreet and be thoughtful to the neighbors. Let your Dad pick up the mail and present yourself as “visiting.”
If there ever becomes an issue, you will have plenty of time to move because the laws of eviction are very expensive and time-consuming to enforce and generally favorable to the tenant.
You’ll need the letter from his doc. The manager may likely not know about this law. Your local Legal Aid should be able to make a call to straighten out the confusion (they are free and exist in most communities/counties.). They can also help with the wording in the letter from the doc. There are plentiful Senior Housing legal guides published on the internet.
Best of luck. (:
My father wrote a letter attached the doctors note and mailed it to the land owner. We haven't heard anything yet, so we are going about our business.
My father is also in the law field. He is a Paralegal, registered with Connecticut department of legal affairs.
He moved to Florida three years ago and does not know much about the law down here, but he is eager to learn. Knowing what's legal and what isn't has always been a passion of his.
If you don't mind, maybe I can let him read your responce and ask a question or two.
Enjoy your evening and thanks again.
The park's main concern is that you not having wild parties on the premises and disturbing the other residents.
2 concerns
1) A pattern we see here is people who take on care giving a parent they have been distant from, and with whom they now hope to finally establish a good and close relationship. In the greatest number of instances it doesn't work. There are reasons why parent and child are not close and those reasons still exist and make forming a close relationship extremely difficult at this stage.
2) the stress/effort of care giving increase in an insidious way, so that c/gs find them selves overwhelmed and not knowing how to better,the situation and. the senior resists changes which leads to conflict. You say you will know what will be the best thing for your father and I am not doubting that. But he may not agree with you. At the same time will you know what is best for you? Just some things to think about.
That being said, I wish you and your father all the best in the coming years. He is very fortunate to have a son who cares so much for him.
You are very correct about the stress issue. And at some point in time, I may need help. At that point I can get assistance through his health insurance company.
The general, though gentle consensus seems to be that no, you shouldn't. Well, first of all please let me say that it is not my call, nor anybody's, as to what you should or shouldn't do with your life. You're an adult and fully qualified to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. Having said that, however, I would like to say that I find your dedication to your father both admirable and commendable, and I think he is beyond blessed to have a son like you. You and he must have an amazing relationship, for you to want to commit yourself to his care in this way, and for that you are both indeed fortunate.
I have no doubt that you will follow your heart in doing what you feel is right by your Dad, and count not the cost. It is my prayer that all obstacles may be removed and you may get about the process of caring for your Dad in a quick and timely manner if you have not already done so. God bless you both!
There is nothing in my way of starting my life here.
Some time in the long future, I hope, he may start to need help. And at that time, if I need assisants, I can get it then.
But for now, he cooks, cleans, does the laundry, bathes himself and gets dressed by himself.
I want to get involved with his doctors, medications and what they are for etc. before he really needs help and I have to start from scratch.
My concern is that you are not being fair to yourself. There may be some benefit to you, in the short term, to live with your father and reduce your expenses, as well as helping someone you care for, But, in the long term you may find it is taking too much of your life. Now you can work. Likely, eventually, he will need 24/7 care. What then? You still need an income and the benefits that go with it.
But, I would be glad that I was able to spend that amount of time with my father.
Please remember, I lived in CT where my father lives in FL. I would hardly never see him esp. when I start my career.
BUT, although you are young and energetic now, in a few years you will be in your thirties and not quite so energetic. It's one thing as a 26 year old to work nights, and then possibly be up during the day some of the time; to pull an "all-nighter" as I myself occasionally did back in the day, but trust me that won't work in your thirties. Only at the cost of your health.
In fact, working the night shift by itself is a known risk factor for becoming obese, depressed and diabetic.
What is your health like currently? Do you know if you are at any risk of developing Type 2 diabetes yourself? Have you had your fasting glucose tested recently? Is your BMI in the healthy range? Here is an online calculator:
www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm
Or, alternatively, is your waist less than half your height?
No need to answer these questions, just something to consider. You don't want to wind up with some of your poor dad's problems.
I don't have to just work at night. I can also work during the day. My father's health insurance company will pay for the devise if my father may falls he could push the button and have emergency personnel come to his home. He would have this service if I were not here.
I don't see why so many people think he can't do anything for himself. He is very self efficant.
First of all I am appalled at all the answers given here.
MsRandall is the ONLY person on this page that has it right (I only went down as far as her). IT IS THE LAW!!! It’s called reasonable accommodation and it is a federal law. The landlord HAS TO ALLOW YOU TO BE THERE!! You could be 18yrs old and live there taking care of your father. You could also sue them if they don’t let you be there. That place your father lives in is clearly not educated about the law...don’t worry, it happened to me too. If you are having problems, you contact the Florida Commission on Human Relations - that’s what I did and I won. Website: http://fchr.state.fl.us. This is all a part of the Florida Fair Housing Act. Their # 1-800-342-8170. Also, not only was I able to take care of my mother, this is also a no pet community and I won that issue as well. My cat is here as an ESA (emotional support animal). They can’t play around with that either. If you need to contact me, do so.
I don't think I'm Imposing to much since the land owner makes up rules everyday. If he had one set of rules and led used them, it would be a different story.
My father's insurance company does not have live-in help. They said maybe they could send someone 2-3 days a week for up to 4 hours in total per week.
My father does not qualify for Medicaid, they say he makes too much money and he only receives $15 a month in Snap benefits.
And like I said previously, I have made friends in the park. And I don't feel that I'm Imposing by wanting to assist my father with cooking and shopping.
The contract my father signed doesn't say anything about caregivers. I'm not sure if that is a good thing.
Also go away for a few days & hire someone to cover for you once in a while once your dad is stable - this will show that 24/7 care is needed & the break will be good for you too -
But having someone tag in when I need a break sounds good. Thanks.
Great luck with the caregiving. I am sure your dad will enjoy having you there!
Since it is a land lease, I believe this gives the landlord fewer rights. Contact HUD and ask if this is Discrimination due to his disability. If you hired an outside Home Care Company, they would not be able to guarantee their workers are over 55.
Also speak to an Elder Care Attorney, who is familiar with 55+ Real Estate Complexes.
I would also think about getting your CNA or LPN. You can get an LPN in one year. You would need to pay for outside help till you get certified, but credentials help keep the landlord from saying you are just looking for free rent.
I know my 55+ apartment gave me a hard time about not going to a nursing home after an illness last year. Since my hospital admissions were for observation, Medicaid would not pay for services.
My son can come for a week, or even 6 weeks if he was available, while I recover, but he is not moving in. Again, get the lease. What does it say about illness and inability to maintain independent living. Call Center on Aging and HUD....my apartment got tax credits for 10-20 years to build this complex. So they have Government Regs they have to abide by.
I had a friend who was herself disabled, and under 55. Because of her disability status she could be the paid caretaker for her Mom.
Lots of variables. Don't count on landlord worries about people moving out...that is not a legal basis for a denial. Might be handy to get that excuse in writing!
See, the lease might say he has to move out do to health, and no one can move in to give 24 hour care. Write him a note saying you just want to clarify your understanding of the discussion. That dad can have 24 hour care and stay, but care provider has to be over 55, because people bought in expecting there to be only 55+ people there, and that they may move out if young people move in, that he sees it as unfair to your dad's neighbors.
Don't include his mental health diagnosis. It is a valid need for help, but this guy does not seem to know the law, and will look for an excuse to get him to move. I also doubt he would protect his confidentiality!
The only case law I know of was a family where their children were killed, and they became guardians of the grandkids. They were forced to sell. Don't know if it got reversed in higher court. That happened in Huntley IL, if you want to research it.
If even the Doctor were to Send someone over who was a Caregiver of 25, What then? Just ridiculous.
Your father is already living there at age 50, vs those who are truly > 55. 50 is not old.
What exactly does his PCP letter say? What kind of care is specifically described in the letter?
If your father is asked to vacate, what will he do? Are you both prepared to legally defend your father’s already precarious position of being 50 in a 55+ community? Doesn’t matter who else does what there...
The trailer park is not government subsidized, is it? Thus it’s private property. The landlord doesn’t have to oblige by government rules. He can say no.
Your father may need more supervision and a change to that level of care may be more appropriate. I am a nurse & care for many brittle diabetics and perhaps they should not live alone. But your father is not current living in an environment that supports that, and even you can’t be with him 24/7. What happens when his condition gets worse?
I understand his and your needs but am not sure you can win this battle.
Sample request letters: https://www.mainelse.org/sites/default/files/DRCSampleLetters.pdf
QUOTE: t is a violation of the Fair Housing Act for any person to refuse to make a reasonable accommodation in rules, policies, practices, or services, when such accommodations may be necessary to afford a handicapped person equal opportunity to use and enjoy a dwelling unit, including public and common use areas.107 This means that the manager of an apartment complex must allow an exception to a rule or policy if it would afford a disabled tenant an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. An accommodation that permits disabled tenants to experience the full benefit of tenancy must be made unless the accommodation imposes an undue financial or administrative burden on a housing provider or requires a fundamental alteration in the nature of its program.108
With regard to a disabled tenant or disabled applicant’s reasonable accommodation request, the owner or manager of the apartment complex can request verification that the tenant or applicant is disabled and needs the requested accommodation to use and enjoy the apartment or community. However, the owner or manager cannot request information about the nature, extent, or severity of a person’s disability. Furthermore, if after a disabled tenant makes a reasonable accommodation request, the housing provider delays responding to the request, after a reasonable amount of time, that delay may be construed as a failure to provide a reasonable accommodation.
EXAMPLE# 1:
A blind person who utilizes a guide dog applies to rent a one bedroom unit at an apartment complex. The apartment complex has a “no pets” policy, but the blind applicant qualifies for the one bedroom unit. Without the guide dog, the blind person would not have an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. Therefore, the owner or manager of the apartment complex must make an exception to the “no pets” policy and allow the blind person to live in the apartment with the guide dog.
NOTE:
The owner or manager of the apartment complex would also have to waive the “no pets” policy for a disabled applicant that has a different type of service animal or support animal. Service animal means any guide dog, signal dog, or other animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including, but not limited to, guiding individuals with impaired vision, alerting individuals with impaired hearing to intruders or sounds, providing minimal protection or rescue work, pulling a wheelchair, or fetching dropped items.109 A support animal means any animal that provides a therapeutic or psychological aid to a person, due to their disability.
http://www.accessiblehousing.org/rights/accommodations.asp
Now doctors offices are asking for "papers" to prove that she is a service dog. Disabled persons only need "papers" for flying and train Transportation... different law.
For those who are curious, the doctors letter says I have multiple medical conditions for which I would benefit from a service dog. The Vet letter says she is of the proper temperament to be a service dog. That is it.
I carry cards that say, I am a Service Dog,
You may ask my owner.....
You may not ask my owner....
If you have been there since November and the landlord hasn't tried to run you off yet, i would say he is covering his back side by telling you no when it is already happening. This way if something happens he can say he said no.
Some people are screwy that way. He sounds like he keeps things all confused so he can't get nailed for discrimination, if you allow one, you can't stop anyone it would be discrimination.
I hope that your dad never needs you (for anything other then cleaning and shopping)and you guys can enjoy your time together with no emergencies.
I wish you and your Dad all the best. 🤗
I am sure that others have young caregivers, most over 55s don't do hands on care in home, I know there are many but from my experience they are younger. This can not be a new case scenario for the landlord. I think that you should talk to a social worker and ask for the Florida Revised Statutes that governor laws for in home care and age restrictive properties. Then when you are sure that you are within the legal boundaries, move in.
You know that you have to be a quiet tenant and not have a boyfriend with a Harley that has modified pipes blaring through the neighborhood 😎, that is the biggest concern for these places, peace and quiet with a sense of security. My point being you don't want to give the landlord any justifiable reason to evict your dad.
If you have never been a 24/7 caregiver, can I recommend that you try to do what you plan for a week or two, do your thing for dad, then go some place and be busy for 8 hours, come home and do it again. It is not as easy as it sounds, I would hate for you to find out to late that you can't live with the plan and then you feel stuck and angry.
I hope it works out for you and your dad.
There are other caregivers in the park, but none that I have been able to talk to.
I am a quiet person like my father. We both enjoy being home putsing around the house or garden.
I have been taking care of my dad since November of last year. I should say that my father does everything that he can by himself. He has trouble with house cleaning and grocery shopping. It's not like my father can't do anything for himself, it's just that I worry very much about him. And I want to be here if anything happens to him.
We received the caregiver letter from my father's doctors office today. My father plans on sending a copy to the land owner and see what he says, this time.
I'll keep you posted.
My father, nor I want a stranger helping my dad. I am strong enough to take care of him when it's needed.
My father's lease does NOT state anywhere that every one living in the park must be 55 years old.
I might ask you some questions pertaining to this matter if the land owner has a problem with me being a caregiver, if you don't mind?
Thank you again.
The problem that I see is that you are a 26-year old woman wanting to move in full time into a 55+ community to do so. These retirement communities have regulations for a reason. Other people in the community will see you coming and going, and they won't know what your relationship is to your father. They may well assume that you are his girlfriend. They will think, Well, if that old guy can have a live-in girlfriend, then I can, too! Only their gf may have a child, or two or three. And then suddenly it's not a 55+ community any more, where people have come to live for peace and quiet in their retirement years. It's just a normal, noisy neighborhood.
So the neighborhood board is probably going to be sympathetic to your dad's needs, but unable to accommodate them. You and he will have to make other arrangements to meet his health needs. Sell the house and buy another in a neighborhood without restrictions, or move into an apartment; move him into a nursing home where he can benefit from round-the-clock professional health care and you can visit any time; or consider some of the other options suggested here. My advice to you, dear, is to do what you can to provide as well as you can for your father's care, but do not allow his poor health to swallow up your life.
I wish you well, my dear, and your father as well.
I'm not trying to be rude, but what goes on with my father is no ones concern but his.
I am my father's son. I am not female so I don't think Mrs. Smith down the road will think he has a girlfriend.
As I have stated in other posts, is that my father IS able to stay in his own home. He does not need to be in assisted living.
We both, my father and I, want me to live here just incase there is a problem, I can call 911 and if he's admitted to the hospital, I'm here to take care of the cats, etc.
My father lives in a very small park and everyone that knows him, invites us over for dinner, play cards or have a movie night.
Although I am only 26, I am very respectful, friendly and have made several friends. Friends that are helping my father with my birthday party next week.