Hello, this is my first post here. I need to know if I can hire someone to come in and bathe my mom two times a week without having conservatorship or power of attorney over her. She has dementia and is extremely combatant and uncooperative and denies how smelly and dirty she is and literally refuses to shower on her own despite being physically and mentally able to do it. (Sh'es in early stages of it where the most apparent thing is her asking the same questions over and over and refusing to shower. Otherwise, she has a pretty good mind thank God and unless you spend over a half an hour of time with her, you wouldn't even realize she has dementia) .
Anyhow, I have been the one bathing her for the last 5 years, but it's just began to be too much for me. I have my own issues, I'm short on patience and tolerance, get angry easily, and have a constantly racing mind. (I probably have undiagnosed adult ADHD and recently was diagnosed with having generalized anxiety disorder) so I am not the person to be doing this job. I'm not a professional nor skilled with dealing with this kind of behavior.
Anyhow, we live in the South Bay Area of California so if anyone might have an idea of about how much the service costs, that would be helpful also. My mom has Medicare and Kaiser, but if the price is reasonable, I will probably just pay out of pocket in cash.
Thanks in advance for all input!
Since it is difficult to get someone to come in for just an hour or two to give a shower I suggest that you look for a caregiver that will come in 2 days a week, 3 would be better.
The caregiver can do the shower, light housekeeping, toss in the laundry and bedding, keep mom active, do lunches and you go out for the day. You NEED a break. And as moms dementia progresses caring for her will get more difficult, not easier.
OK...(I really should do this first but I just read your profile...)
It almost sounds like you are dealing with 2 people with dementia.
If dad is also refusing to shower and refuses to allow anyone in to help.
I suggest that you look into getting POA for both if you do not already. Your dad should be checked by his doctor and dementia either confirmed or ruled out.
If he truly is alright and still refuses to allow anyone in to help out you could report to APS that mom is a vulnerable senior and your dad is not properly caring for her ADL's I know that sounds harsh but he may need a wake up call that this is serious. And it may be that caring for m om is really more than he can handle. And it is not just the showering.
Most agencies you hire require a 4 hour minimum for their caregivers, so they won't send someone out to just shower your mom. They'd charge you the full fee of 4 hours, at the very least. Plus, they come to the home to do an assessment first to decide if they'll even take the job, so it's become quite difficult these days to use an agency unless you want a full time caregiver.
You may be able to ask around and see if you can find a CNA who's willing to take the job privately. The CNAs I've known who work private duty also require a 4 hour minimum, and charge $25 per hour.
Or, watch some Teepa Snow videos on bathing a person with dementia on YouTube and get some tips on how to do it yourself. She's got some great ideas on the subject of demented elders who hate bathing.
Wishing you the best of luck finding a good solution to your problem.
I have no desire to ever give my mom a shower so I can totally understand why you would not want to do so. Though after doing it for so long, makes me wonder if her condition is even worse because otherwise why wouldn't she have been showering alone for these past years??
You can ask around if there is someone that friends/neighbors can recommend to do the job you are looking for. It may be difficult to get someone to come in just for showering so may need to add more chores to the list to meet their minimum hours. Other things with mom or some light cleaning of her room/house or meal prep or errands or something.
If she is combative in other situations, I would consider talking to her doc as she might benefit from some type of med to calm her down a bit.
Its hard to find an agency that will hire out an aide to just bathe. 4 hours in usually the minimum. For me, a friend of my daughter's did it for me.
How do you shower Mom. Do you use a shower chair? A handheld shower head? Keep the room warm?