Can shouting cause stress?

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Can shouting cause stress?

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I have been going through this with my husband for awhile. He couldn't hear, and would then get mad at me for shouting. We got his hearing aid adjusted and that has helped. I now try to face him and speak normally but slower. I k ow how you feel. It can be a real problem.

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The audiologist said to put a little baby oil on the ear piece now and then. It makes it go in without too much ear irritation. My mother also does not LISTEN. It's like she is thinking of what SHE wants to say... Saying it a little differently does help, and I have started asking her to repeat what I said - which makes her mad, but at least I know whether she heard it or not. My family was just talking yesterday about how she blames everyone else when she cannot hear. When the battery goes out, rather than thinking that the aid is not working - she just fusses about no one talking clearly!
Can shouting cause stress? Well I have seen my BP go from 120/86 to 147/94 and since she lets her battery run down, I guess my BP will be spiking from now on... Cardiologist thinking about putting me on BP meds, but he said that it will make me even more tired than I already am..... sigh.

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not to beat a dead horse...in addition to my previous post...hearing loss IS genetic in my hubby's family. His sister is losing her hearing, too. Going to dinner with both of these people is hilarious of you like to hear people shouting at each other across a table. Their mother is almost stone deaf and when she chooses to wear her aids, they drive her crazy--evidently they pick up a lot of ambient sound that they're not used to. My hubby is SO patient with her. Why he refuses, flat out to get any kind of testing done is beyond me. He can't hear his cell phone on the nightstand 18" away from his head, he can't hear me unless I am facing him and begin each statement with "Are you listening?." ABSOLUTELY it causes me tremendous stress. I NEVER know if he has heard something important or not. He has been told that the one ear is nerve damaged and will never be better (20 years ago). I'd like him to get BOTH ears tested. Times have changed and I think there may be some type of aid that he can wear that won't look obvious and that could help him. Anybody know of such an amazing device???

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I sit and listen to my parents argue about something one of them thought they heard the other one say. Neither one can hear well so they get into it over nothing. It goes on and on.

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Midkid, there are SO many options for your husband if he was only willing to try. And as you have already discovered with your MIL, the longer they put it off the harder it is to adjust, all this annoying hums, beeps, snores, etc that we hardly notice come rushing back all at once and can drive you bonkers.
You can get hearing aids that are inserted completely in the ear canal and are virtually invisible, but even larger ones are not like those clunky big ones from years ago. And there are exciting advances with surgical options and implants as well. My mom opted for larger H.A.'s because of it was easier to insert them with arthritic fingers and easier to change the battery with her limited eyesight. She has been wearing them for many years and this was her third or fourth upgrade, they were supposed to be her last! Our problem is that it would be impossible to get my mom in to the audiologist to take new moulds of her ears and make new ones. Plus she is 95 and seems to get along fine without them, I'M the one doing the shouting and stressing!

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Cwillie--
Oh, I KNOW there are options. Hubby is just completely oblivious to the fact that his choices DO affect others. He always says "this is your problem, not mine, it doesn't bother me" but when we're driving down the freeway and he can't hear the fire engine behind us--it's NOT just MY problem.
He'll never get his hearing checked, I've asked, begged, pleaded and he always says he doesn't have a problem. Yet in the same breath he complains about his own mother who can't hear a thing. If this were me and he was asking me to get help, I would listen and be grateful for the attention. He thinks I am trying to minimize him--but it's quit the opposite. He's missing half of life by not hearing what's going on. I don't know what it will take to get him to take this seriously.

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Cwillie, I know what you mean by missing half of life by not being able to hear. I was in my 60's when I first got a hearing aid and as we were leaving the audiologist office . . . for the first time in my life I heard the birds sing. I can't tell you what that sound meant to me. At first it was sensory overload and I was shaking from it.

If a person enunciates their words well I have no problem but there aren't too many people who do that. The worst is the younger generation ... I can't explain it very well but they seem to gurgle their speech with a low, monotone. No pitches in their voice, nothing to let me know if what they're saying is good or bad. Hearing impaired people rely a lot on pitches in speech, enunciation, clarity and acceptable volume (not extremely loud, screaming). Personally, I also rely on lip reading. I hate it when someone says something to me and half way through it they turn away from me and walk away.

The screaming, to me, tends to make me back away both physically and mentally. It's as though my internal mental hearing aid (and my physical one) shuts down due to the screaming sort of in an effort to get away from it. When you think of Marilyn Monroe and Jacqueline Kennedy who were very soft spoken; people with normal hearing would bend close to them in order to hear them but if you think of people who speak loudly normally ... you just back away from them, right?

My husband is also hearing impaired and when he can't hear me I don't raise my voice I enunciate the words better, this seems to work very well. I find myself getting frustrated, perhaps this is a form of stress. If so then I'm stressed both from not being able to hear everything and also from having to deal with someone who is hearing impaired.

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Someday I will just go bonkers!! I deal with my husband's hearing problems which are always mine(you're mumbling!) and then I deal with my Mom's. It's such a relief to get away from one of them I don't know why I feel freedom when I'm with the other. I think because at the beginning of being with one of them, they actually try to have their hearing aids in and working.

Ladies, here's a simple tip for getting the men to hear you: very often men lose hearing in the range of feminine voices. If you lower your voice and talk in that lower range, your husband may actually hear you better.
Add soft consonants like the "ch" in "choose" and you have another example of what my hubby has difficulty hearing. So why does he decide to not wear his hearing aides, not tell me, and keep asking me to repeat and blame me if he can't hear??

Yes, you guessed it.

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Boy, can I identify with this problem. I will say this, whenever dad's stop screeching and he says something is wrong I know either the batteries need to be changed (which he's really good about changing every week), they have something in the tube or his wax has built up again. We go everything 3 mos. for wax. Dr. told us NOT to use any otc wax remover due to they have a tendency to "melt" back down into the canal. I also turn off tv or any noise in his apt. when we are talking. I would try the amplifiers also. Radio Shack. Go online to see. It can't hurt. BUT.....here is another thing.....I was told by 2 different dr.s that hearing usually changes every 5 years. Sure enough, dad needed new ones. Top of the line. He's been told after these there is nothing else to do. That's how deaf he is. I was just told I had high pitched hearing loss. nothing bad but I do have trouble hearing people at a long table or at a party. Dr. told me to always try and get a table against a wall or sit in the center of the table. Plus, I can hear men's voices better than women's due to pitch. Ok, enough medical but just some things I've learned with my dad and myself.

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okay folks but remember it is his problem. I have found that ignoring him or saying I didn't hear you causes him to stop. strange but ir works. he looks at me now when he thinks he hears something.

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HIS problem becomes mine. My husband assumes I've heard him and holds me responsible for things I've never heard him say. That includes things he's said while I'm not in the room, when he never looked to see if I was there. It leads to disagreements and more blaming on his part. I don't accept the blame, but he still assigns it in his mind. It's a miserable situation because he's unrelenting and I stand by my position.. We have a standoff on many topics and that's not a good way to live in this case.

I understand cwillie's original statement about shouting being disruptive to the peace in the home and our inner selves. Shouting just to be heard by the hearing impaired is difficult and doesn't always work.

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I''m laughing my head off. My dad has severe hearing problem. What makes it hard for me is I have a speech difficulty due to my cerebral palsy. He used to understand my speech right away. Then, he gets upset when someones repeats what I told him. Like some of you said, you must speak to the person with hearing impaired directly and pause on each paragraph, I know, it's very difficult!

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Freqflyer and all......my dad has worn hearing aids for years but has upgraded as needed but we kept having trouble with the new ones until we changed ENTs. We had so much wax build up that's what the problem was. The other dr. never even checked, just adjusted the aids on that day and sent us home. Now we go every 3 mos to have the wax checked. New ent told us NEVER to use over the counter wax remover. Said it could make it worse if you don't get it all out and it would pack down harder. He still has so much trouble but at least we know it's his hearing instead of the wax. Please be careful with whatever you are using. And yes, after being with my dad for a few hours I'm exhausted from repeating myself but like the other posts have said I talk directly to him. He just turned 94 yesterday and he reads lips pretty well.

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OMG---my hubby is like 90% deaf in one ear and about 50% in the other. Wont' go get his hearing checked, because hearing aids make you look old---so I find myself screaming at him to get him to hear me. The TV is on full blast (neighbors have commented, not complained, bless them)...and tells me (and all the kids) that we ALL mumble. I never know what he has heard and what he hasn't. He forgets everything because even if it's been told to him 5 times, it's like it doesn't sink in.
My stress level, when he is in town, is about a 90 out of 100. When he is gone, I revert back to being pretty calm. The kids (all married and gone) ask me all the time why I talk so loudly. Duh.
Anything I do, such as writing notes or reminders, or heaven forbid--a white board, just makes him mad. I, on the other hand, have great hearing and hear EVERYTHING. It's nuts. I can't even sleep next to him when he sleeps with his Bluetooth earphones...he has them cranked up so loud I can hear the music too. I just make sure I am in the same room with him, he can see my mouth moving and I have him sort of repeat back to me what I just said. That helps, but it's time consuming and annoying..,,and no, he doesn't get to babysit the "smalls" as he doesn't HEAR them and their mamas worry. The 8 and over crowd are super loud, so we don't have that problem.

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Pargirl, don't rule out cochlear implants. Even an older, very impaired myotonic dystrophy patient of mine was able to get them and benefited tremendously. And yes, hearing aids can be ridiculously inconspicuous nowadays. My first ones were bright red open fit BTE that I got in my forties, and people mostly did not notice, and now I have little pearly white ones that are a bit strong, receiver-in-canal, and NO ONE notices; I have to do even more educating on hearing loss not being just an octogenarian problem, and also not to assume a person is rude or does not care if they do not respond when they can't see you. And then you have to put up with all the jokes and pranks that people think are SOOOO original, like saying what a hundred times of moving their lips with out making a sound when you tell them you are having a bad hearing day. :-) Seriously, if you can tolerate an in-the ear/completely-in-canal (I also have migraines and can't handle occlusion, need zero amplification of lower pitch sounds) your aids can be truly invisible, for better or for worse. :-) I say print this out for all your loved ones that are make your lives difficult - and even dangerous - by refusing to get diagnosed and treated. There is no shame in having a bad gene or two or three, we all do! And OMG, how I hated being yelled at for "mumbling" all the time by my mom! I've dealt with this on both ends, and I hope the perspectives from both sides help someone.

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I can relate. It took me three years to convince hubby to get hearing aids. I insist he wear them when driving (when I'm in the car) and he wears them if we watch tv. Other than that - he doesn't wear them, so I am constantly repeating myself if a loud voice. Yes, shouting does cause stress! I get so darn angry that I have to be the one to adjust to his hearing loss, especially when he often blames me for 1) having my back turned 2) mumbling! I bite my tongue to avoid a fight - and yes, that causes stress too.

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AmyGrace, they'll do it to you every time! It's funny how people blame their hearing loss on others mumbling and not speaking right, or speaking through walls or walking away from them, or not looking at them and opening their mouths. It's like if everyone else would just talk and act right, they could hear.

My mother's hearing is getting worse, but the ENT said that it is as good as it is going to get. He said her hearing is typical for her age. I am having to speak louder and louder now. It makes me feel so aggressive inside when I yell at her, even if I'm just trying to get her to hear me and not feeling angry at all... until I keep having to yell.

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Mom's hearing has gotten much worse since she hit 94! I have to raise my voice at least double for her to hear me from 6 ft. away. I don't mind (or get mad or stressed) but my Mexican husband has a very hard time with it. In Mexican culture, you are very polite to your elders and "screaming" at them, in his mind, is very disrespectful. I try to explain that she can't hear and that SHE doesn't mind that voices are raised. It doesn't matter, HE can't get over it. He winds up going out to the car and waiting for my visit to conclude. Now THAT is stressful. I'm caught in the middle.

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Interesting and glad to read the stories of other people dealing with a loved one that has hearing loss. I too have to sometimes repeat myself several times over and over. It is even more complicated because English is not my mother tongue and I stress that I might be mispronouncing words, my husband is English. He will not wear an hearing aid either so it is for me to speak real loud but I am a quietly spoken woman normally and I too find it very tiring. I do sympathise with my husband but it sometimes really gets to me. I have found some good tips (advice) in the comments, thank you.

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Since my last post, my mom is now living with us. My hubby is still using his 'normal voice' and, even though he sits right
next to my mom, she still can't hear him.
He'll start talking and I'll say, "She can't hear you."
It's just against his nature to raise his voice to an elder. I'll usually restate, in a louder voice, what he just said. We do this multiple times a day!!!!!
At least it takes my frustration off of mom and puts it on hubby. 😠
Take a deep breath.....

Are hearing aids still running around $1000.?
But I hate to put her through the testing (94 yrs old, stage 6 Alzheimer's with very poor stability) this late in the game. I'm not even sure she could mentally get through the testing.
I guess we'll just keep screaming.

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Sue, do you think she would be willing to wear headphones? There was a recent thread discussing this, there are personal amplifiers that you can use for one on one conversations, some mimic the design of hearing aids (small) and others are a small box with headphones (like an old walkman), you can check them out on Amazon.

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To answer the question of cost. My present aids cost $8,000 for the set. VA paid for them. Cost may depend on which ones and what bells and whistles they have.

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(insert joke here)
An elderly gentleman finally decided to have his hearing checked and get a set of aids. His hearing improved tremendously.
Aa few weeks later he ran into the audiologist who ask how his hearing was.
He replied that he can now hear nearly everything around himself just fine.
The audiologist replied that his family must be very happy.
He then said he hasn't told them about the news aids but he has changed his will three time since getting them

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Ha ha ha 😆

Amazing what people will say when they think you can't hear them (or understand their language). I get that a lot living in Mexico. They will be cussing away and it's hard not to blush. I try not to make eye contact, so they don't suspect I know what they're saying. But sometimes I'll answer in Spanish and then they are the ones with the red faces! 😮

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WOW I thought I was the ONLY one. You do feel like a lone ranger. This is exactly how I feel. Haven't yet figured out how to deal with this issue other than having a wipe off little board and writing every thing down but that is time consuming. AND she thinks it's my fault because I am stressed out all the time trying to get her to comprehend what I am saying.

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Same issue. Take her to Ear doctor there may be wax blockage. or DIY with googling various baby oil, mineral oil, etc. Next, I put mom's hearing aid to my ear to make sure it's working even with new batteries. Ear doctor may recommend new hearing aid as hearing loss can make old aid no longer functional. The shouting is rough on you. She doesn't hear you honey she doesn't want to ignore you.

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I have to get face to face (dad reads lips), enunciate carefully and shout! Since we have COPD, I don’t have the air to scream for 45 minutes! So yes, I am wrecked when I can finally make a retreat.

He’s bought two different sets of hearing aids and still can’t hear. I notice he can’t hear higher voices (the kind women seem to have), so that makes it worse.

The amplifier earphones work better than anything else!

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Holidayend, You are so right about the pitch or frequency of a voice. Some people's voice changes frequency when they raise their voice putting it into a range the other person cannot hear. Mostly it is the female voice but many men's voices are the same. I have trouble hearing some men with that growling voice. looking directly at the person does help a lot.
Emotions can change the voice a lot. The speed of speech can also contribute to being able to understand what is being said.

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Can shouting cause stress?

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