First of all I just want to say how this forum been so supportive, encouraging, and informative to me. I’m the youngest of 7 siblings, 2 of which live in the same state as I am. I’m 37. I have a great job, and I’m pretty much a successful mid-level career professional . I live with my parents by choice. From the min I graduated college, I took it upon myself to take care of them and I took over the house finances and all their expenses. Again by choice. Two years ago mom was diagnosed by dementia, she is now stage 5. I continue to work full time, take care of all finances and manage doc appts, and take care of her full time. My two sisters do help, but because they have their own family they can only care for mom for limited hours during the day. Mom started not sleeping much at night, which means I’m also awake with her and have to report to work next day. I booked a hotel nearby and told my sisters to take care of mom for 3 nights so I can sleep. I was shocked by their negative reaction to my request, they even hung up the phone on me. Am I wrong for asking just 3 nights a week to sleep? I’m now being treated as if I committed a crime for requesting that. I feel stuck and burned out.
You need to save for your own retirement and old age care should you need it. You cannot do this by yourself or you may not be around to enjoy your retirement. Time to move out. Get the folks placed in a retirement community.
I would recommend that mom and dad's income be used to pay for someone to watch over them at night, so she can sleep. If their income is low enough, depending on state rules, they might even qualify for some Medicaid care - it is usually limited hours, but if all she really needs is overnight on weeknights, Medicaid and/or using mom and dad's income to pay for help should work.
Unfortunately you're probably going to have to hire some overnight help(normally I would say with your parents money, but since it sounds like you're paying for everything, with your money)so you can get the much needed sleep your body needs to be able to function properly.
Most people discover exactly what kind of family they actually have when help is needed in one way or another. Wishing you rest.
you wrote:
“Most people discover exactly what kind of family they actually have when help is needed in one way or another.”
true.
anyone asking me 10 years ago, “if an emergency would happen, would the whole family help?”
me: yes, for sure!!
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that was wrong.
i, however, prefer to know the truth. i’m glad to know the truth about their lack of morals, lack of compassion, awful personality.
indeed i prefer to know the truth as early as possible.
i only want to keep nice people in my life.
not awful people.
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i wish us all well here on this forum!! hug!! hope your week goes well!!
bundle of joy :)