Caretaker inherits all in Oregon. Is this allowed?

MIL can do as she wishes. Perhaps considering the high cost of in home and/or nursing home care - MIL found a way to stay in her home. Actually paying for the service would be well over $150000 per year in CA and probably more for true 24 hour care just for a "sitter" housekeeper. MIL 's money is hers to spend - if there is anything left will go to whoever she wants. If she was able to get the caregiver to take care of her for just room, board, small salary and future benefit - she is saving her family having to do the actual caregiving. And before contacting any gov. services - is your daughter willing to go take care of MIL herself - relocating to Oregon, moving in with her and 24 hour care? What alternative is she offering? Doubt if MIL wants to move in with daughter in law and multiple kids.

If your MIL was of sound mind when she made her will, it should stand as it is. It seems the drifter has been much more involved in your MIL's life and care than her children or grandchildren. If family members have just been sitting back waiting to inherit MIL's money and property, they are going to need to revise their dreams.

From what you wrote the observation is that your daughter and her kids weren’t involved in mil’s life, not in any real way, is that correct? And now she’s pressuring this senior lady to give her information about her money and her lawyers name, to which the mother in law declined wanting to do so.

The short legal answer as other have said is yes, if the person is of sound mind they can leave their money and possessions to whomever they want. Whether they inherited, worked for in front of or behind the lines or all three they earned what they have and can decide who they want to enjoy it once they are gone.

This situation doesn’t sound that simple to me however particularly after sometimer’s clarification below. First it sounds to me as though her daughter, SIL and family were close to the MIL, actual physical contact doesn’t always determine this these days as it isn’t always possible given the distance family’s can be spread out. OP doesn’t say where her daughter and SIL set up their lives but it obviously isn’t in OR. In shall we steady times, the MIL did plan ahead enough to make her son POA and set up a will so there obviously was a relationship there, probably a strong one or she would have found someone else then. Her only son (at least by the sounds of it) and the only of her two children she was maintaining a relationship with, passed away 6 months ago and the months prior to that had to have been tumultuous. Children are not supposed to pass before their parents and this point in her life gives her far less time to come to terms with this loss. Along comes a guy in need of help who may or may not be genuine but gives her a distraction for that hole in her soul and she wants him to stick around. DIL while obviously caring about MIL and her well being has her hands full dealing with the aftermath of her husbands death including her own grieving and her children’s. I don’t know how old the children are but it sounds like they aren’t grown with families of their own so expecting them to watch out for Grandma is probably expecting a lot and apparently the rift between MIL and her daughter is big enough and old enough that she wasn’t able to grieve with her mom or watch after her, help this posters daughter care for MIL so her own mom the other grandmother is trying to step in and help. I was confused by why you were inserting yourself at first sometimer too but I get it now and I don’t really think it’s just about money or inheritance. The real fear here is this guy bleeds MIL dry while admittedly maybe filling that void for her and then what happens when she has little money left and becomes a caretaking burden, needs professional help? DIL likely feels an obligation both out of love for her husband and her MIL and because while DH was named DPOA as a couple they took on that responsibility and now with him gone she’s in an odd spot legally.

It’s a bad time for it but the first thing your daughter should really consider is wether or not she is willing to take on the responsibility her husband agreed to for her MIL, whatever that could look like now and in the future. Is there any hope of reconciling MIL and SIL since she seems to have a relationship with both or enlist SIL help from a distance if need be, does she want to take that on? Is it important to foster the relationship between her children and their GM? If the answer to all of this is no then she would let this go but if any are yes I think your fact collecting is good and she and kids need to go visit MIL. Probably there wasn’t the kind of service for DH/son that there would have been pre COVID so maybe they could have a family memorial celebration or if planning one in the future MIL could become an important part of the planning, bring her back into the fold and make sure she knows she is still a part of his family and they need her as well as want to be there for her. See if this guy can be either ousted or controlled ina more positive way before making legal challenges. I don’t know if she already has some signs of cognitive decline but one thing I have learned with Mom is when she is feeling out of control she digs in wanting all control and challenging that makes it worse. Challenging MIL about grifter may make her stand by this guy more.

There was an award winning movie about a father and grandfather up in years, his own son and daughter in law and their kids rarely visited didn’t help much at all, did things such as calling every so often for a brief chat and sending him a senior phone for Christmas. They clearly weren’t there for him he was heartbroken but didn’t want to come out and tell them he felt abandoned by them, one particularly heart rending scene he had learned he had a serious diagnosis and called his son to tell him but his son cheerfully before he can get out the words his son cheerfully starts talking to him like a child and says he only has a few minutes and as if to console him says they’re going to send him a senior phone for Christmas ( hooray) He realizes in that moment his son, daughter in law and grandkids who are teens (and old enough to form their own relationship with him if they wanted to) don’t care at all. In the meantime, he meets and becomes friends with an unrelated young man who actually talks to him, shares with him about his life, is there for him and helps him and more important than helping him, truly cared about him talked to him not like a child to offer a senior phone, but would have real long conversations with him, eat meals go on walks etc with him, in the end the grandfather as an adult decides to leave pretty much everything to the young man who was a true friend to him and was there for him, one of the last scenes of the movie shows the family racing to get what they automatically think should be theirs to discover he changed the will and wrote out his grandkids bc frankly they never gave any genuine sign of caring about him, were spoiled materialistic, didn’t spend any real time with him yet expected* to greedily inherit all this stuff, the look on the grandkids face when learning he left his beloved car not to the spoiled grandkid but instead to his beloved friend.

This movie highlighted the sad reality how many seniors are more or less forgotten about by their relatives in laws etc and if a kind person ends up caring about them like in the movie the in-laws are in a uproar wanting “their money”

Why was a drifter able to move into your mother's home? You, your daughter and the kids she's left out of her will don't have all too much contact with her do they? If she made a will with a lawyer several years ago that is legal, then it will hold up in court. You can try to break the will in court after she dies, but that rarely works and most of the time the court will dismiss a case like that. People have a right to leave their money and property to anyone they want. This drifter is the one who cares for her and takes care of her now. If all this was done years ago, then no court will take you seriously. Why should they? Did you and your daughters have any issue when the drifter first moved in with her? Or was that all right with you at first when a drifter moved into your mom's house to help her because you didn't know about her making him her heir?
Years ago, I worked for a homecare agency and one of my co-workers (another CNA) took a position with a wealthy old man. He didn't have any children, but he did have family that did not see him or speak with him. As he declined, he needed someone there 24 hours a day. He wasn't mentally declined though. So my co-worker and her little daughter moved in with him. He did a will with his lawyer making them his heirs to an 8 million dollar estate. When his relatives from all over the place learned of his death they all rushed here, tripping over each other trying to get to the money. They brought it into court too, but the state of Connecticut upheld that will that he'd done years before making my co-worker and her daughter the heirs to his fortune. That will was carefully done and air-tight. He made sure to mention all of his relatives and their kids, and left each one a dollar. That way it could not be contested. Good for him.

Where was your daughter and her “four children” all of this time when the mil needed help and probably company too?

I am not thrilled with my out of state Mom's caretaker. He has been the cash handyman for years and is the only person who will do what he does and take what she dishes out for what she is willing to pay. Many are desperate to stay in their homes, as I would be, and the people willing to care for them affordably tend to be people of limited options. Anyways, I and 5 others received an inheritance from my stepfather who left $1 to his own children. They hired a lawyer on commission and it was cheaper and much faster to give them a whole share than to spend years with the estate tied up in court. Unfortunately I expect this is abused much more often than it is legitimate heirs getting a rightful share.

The only think I can think of , is did she sign the will? And if she did did she have dementia when she signed it? This mysterious lawyer is very strange. Maybe your daughter needs to get one of her own, if it's worth it, and find out who this lawyer is who drew up your mothers will.

Perhaps you should contact a lawyer and/or petition the court for guardianship! Guardianship and POA are different things.

Just a comment for all those who say a relationship isn’t a true one if it’s only at Christmas. That’s all I ever had as a child. Don’t knock it, just because it’s not what you have. As an adult I moved 8 hours away from my parents and when children came along I was not rich enough to make the journey back all the time. Except that my Mum moved to my city, she too would have had little contact. DIL lives in a different state, there is going to be less contact.
I would also be concerned about a person with a rap sheet “taking care” of any elderly person.

Beware of Predators ... Im Afraid for My Mom Too Very Head Strong She Thinks Shes Always Right the Other Day She Asked Me How to Write a Check. Scary Scary Stuff

This is very difficult to answer without knowing details of the situation. My mother passed away several years ago and left her long time neighbors a generous inheritance. I live out of state and felt they probably should have received more. The couple were truly genuine caring people that expected nothing in return for all they did for her. My mother could not have lived out her wish to stay in her house without them. She was stubborn and difficult in many ways not just to me but, others as well. Her house was everything to her and sadly she missed many holidays and occasions because of it.

She needs a a lawyer YESTERDAY.
My great grandmother had a guy show up one day looking for odds/ends work. Next thing, he was there all the time keeping her company. He was 20yrs younger. Next thing wevknow he kept doing things to set up arguments. See if she would take his side or ours. She tried not to take sides.
Not soon after he tried to sell her on the idea of selling her house. Taking her life savings and buying him a fishing boat in florida! My mom said we will wont see you, we will get a call he left you, and took the boat. You are now homeless and penniless.
She asked me as a 6-8yr old what I thought. I said if he loves you, he would want you to be happy. Want to be a part of your life. And your family is part of your life. Not seperate you from your family and grand kids. He barely tolerated us. Luckily she never did it. He left right after she said no. Thats not love, thats using the person. A narcissist.
Id get to the bottom of this. But she might have felt lonely. And he has access to her to whisper sweet nothings. He might be legit or not. But a lawyer can help.

No it is not against the law. This could be a dangerous situation. You should contact an attorney, Find the Oregon Sr services protective organization and possibly call the police.

It appears your daughter and son and in law do not live anywhere near her? I mean if no one lives near her and this guy is the only one that has stepped into help???

This guy should be more forthcoming. Not giving access to the attorney. He is hiding something

It’s easy enough to do an internet search and find out. But my opinion is that people should be able to leave their property to whoever they want. Children are not, and never have been, automatically entitled to inherit their parent’s property in this country...one of the cornerstones of American democracy because of English entails and unfair British inheritance laws and practices. If Oregon law allows this, you could always legally contest the will. This “drifter” is the person caring for your mother. Perhaps she is extremely grateful that someone has stepped in because no one else has been paying attention to her needs. You could make a financial exploitation complaint with Adult Protective Services if you have any evidence but that pertains to her current care and the management of her financial resources. Since you know of the new will, why don’t you just ask her why she’s leaving her estate to a caregiver instead of yourself and these other family members who believe they are more deserving?

Read the book Sycamore Row by John Grisham

I think a lot of this depends on the relationship MIL has with the grandkids. Do they actually visit on a regular basis or just exchange gifts at Christmas? Is the 'drifter' taking good care of her? Has anyone seen abuse by this caretaker? If MIL is of sound mind she can leave whatever she wants to whomever she wants. She sees the caretaker every day and if she is happy with him that is who she wants her money to go to. Why would she leave it to relatives she never sees?

There is no formal evidence that your daughter's MIL is not of sound mind; therefore she can leave her property to whomever she pleases. Of course I don't know what Oregon legislation your daughter has in mind, but as a general rule the law doesn't interfere in people's freedom to make bequests. Besides - what's the definition of "caretaker" here? This is a man whom MIL has invited to share her home: is there even a formal contract for services?

Presumably MIL has been quite open about having changed her will - otherwise how did anyone get to hear about it? How did the subject come up?

How far has your daughter got in any conversation with MIL about MIL's plans? I only ask because if things haven't totally soured it might be possible to suggest she would like to remember her grandchildren in her will as well. But vilifying the drifter/caretaker/ne'erdowell - who, nonetheless, MIL seems to have taken to her heart - is a different route, which seems to me to be pointing straight to conflict and grief (and ruinous legal fees).

I am not an expert either. I can only relay the weirdness/insanity of my own elderly parents in regards to their estate. I have mentioned in other questions that my parents have changed their mind 4 times since 2016 in regards to their estate wishes. I knew the 2016 version as I was to be the HC POA. 2017 serious diagnosis for a member of my immediate family. Took some time off to sort thru and attempt to deal with all of that. Mom apparently thought I was gonna disappear-changed the will again less than six months after the 2016 version. Now GD medical POA. Selfish lazy brother getting the house on top of the large sum she gives to him every year. Cash to the housekeeper, the yard guy, neighbor lady, GD and GS of lazy brother now get a big pay day too. After all that then i get my share of what is left. My parents have made up their mind and do not see any reason about what they have decided is not fair.....I have been the only one to see both parents thru many many surgeries over the years, driving them to dr., making appointments, searching for roofing companies, care companies etc. Lazy brother actually refused to come help when mom went thru a bad surgery in the hospital and dr. threaten to redo the botched surgery again. I was afraid a redo would kill mom and lazy brother was too busy doing nothing to come help. You don't like the current arrangement you have concerns due to the background check of this person now living in the house. As others have said only if it is known/diagnosed that your mother did not understand what she was doing or know for sure she was coerced or not competent-you can raise your objections in court if that is what you feel you need to do.

Sometimes, here is what I found on Oregon inheritance law:

Whom may I choose to inherit my property if I write a will?
The only rule is that if you are married, your spouse has a right to claim part of your estate. Generally, unless you entered into an agreement in which you validly waived your right to claim a share of your spouse’s estate, spouses cannot disinherit each other. You are not required, however, to leave anything to your children or other family members. You may instead choose a friend or charity to inherit your property. If you plan to disinherit a family member it is very important that you consult with an attorney experienced in estate planning to make sure that your plan will be followed.

https://www.osbar.org/public/legalinfo/1116_YourWill.htm

If the MIL is still considered competent, a lawyer isn’t going to be able to compel the MIL to discuss her will. That’s not to say the lawyer can’t tell her how to proceed in the future though. MIL still living so really your daughter has no right to try to get money for the grandchildren, she doesn’t have a right to make MIL include them in the will. Her MIL, as long as she is competent, can do what she wants with her money. Instead of worrying about the will and getting money for the grandchildren, she needs to focus on MIL and whether she is a)being properly taken care of by the caretaker b)whether or not the caretaker is taking advantage of her and exploiting her and c)whether or not MIL can be declared incompetent. Your daughter isn’t boots on the ground. Her MIL could be in far worse shape. Or she could be better off than your daughter thinks.

I think there should be an APS investigation first. Because again a lawyer cannot force the MIL to show him her will & discuss her assets.

Ur daughter or her SIL need to get a lawyer. Since our members are from all over the US, Canada, UK and other countries, we really aren't the ones u should be seeking legal counsel from. If money is a problem, there is legal aide.

To be honest, daughter's SIL should probably pursue this since she is the next of kin. With ur daughter, there is no kinship. I guess she could pursue it in the name of her children.

Grandchildren usually don't play a part in the Will unless there is a trickle down clause. As with the death of ur SIL. Since MIL left everything to him, she could have had a clause that if he died, his inheritance would be split among his 4 kids. We chose not to do this. We feel if our daughter wants her boys to inherit, then she makes provision in her Will.

Really sorry ur daughter has to deal with this at this time.

In an effort to keep it short, I guess I left clarity behind. My SIL died of cancer 6 months ago. He had durable POW for his mother. While battling the cancer, daughter's MIL allowed a drifter to park his motorhome in her driveway until he got on his feet, in exchange for mowing the lawn. I understand he has quite a record with drugs and other things. While MIL has not been diagnosed, her friends have told my daughter that she is slipping, especially in memory and decision making. During the trauma of family grief, the man had moved into the house to care for her -- I guess cooking and cleaning. My daughter didn't find out until later.
MIL does not speak to her real daughter and her family as they had a big falling out some years ago. My daughter has always been friends with her, so it came as a shock to find that this new will had been drawn up, disregarding her own grandchildren. MIL has even visited them and purchases Christmas gifts for them each year.
I had hoped that someone would answer this who knows the laws in Oregon. Enter busybody Mom who is trying to help her daughter get to the bottom of this. She is still grieving and tying loose ends and keep the grandchildren's heads above water, and can't travel to Oregon because of COVID regs. She would just as soon let him have the whole shebang, even though it's close to $1M, but she wants at least some of it come to the grandchildren involved.
Thanks all for your responses.

If this is your daughters MIL, where is your son-in-law in all of this? This is his mother after all.

She needs to contact an estate lawyer in Oregon. They do have laws there protecting against predators like this. Pretty sure the drifter cannot legally get her to change her will if there has been a DIAGNOSIS of dementia beforehand.

On this forum. we, the responders, may come across as “not on your side”. It’s because we have seen both sides very often. We generally are on the side of the caregiver and always the side of the elder. Because we are a community of caregivers... Although often, what we have to say isn’t what the elder would hope for. They often need more care than they admit to needing.

Having said that, people who are not the caregivers seldom understand how very difficult it is to be that caregiver. Your daughter, her in-laws and grands perhaps should be very grateful to this person who has stepped up at the right time to help a needy elder live out her last days as she chooses. Several years you say. How lucky is your daughters MIL to have found such a person?! That she has the ability to reward the one who is seeing her through is commendable. .

I can appreciate that you are a bystander (although an interested grandma) who is just asking about the legality of the situation and no disrespect is meant towards you. I don’t know the answer about Oregon laws. But there is generally a reason why an elder decides to make a bold decision to reward the person who is caring for them, even though they are not blood. I’m sorry if I have misunderstood the situation.

Alva,

Years ago Louisiana had forced heirship. This is no longer the case. People voted against it. I am glad because as you say, there are many variables in families.

I am confused. You first say "My daugter's MIL" (where is your daughter's husband in this)? Then you mention a daughter and grandchildren also left out of inheriting. So this would be your daughter, the DIL of the woman in question. As well as the woman's real daughter and her children? And a son, presumably of this woman?
And are all these people close and loving family members with strong relationship ongoing over the years with the Mom/MIL? Involved with the Mom and helping with her care? Loving and involved grandkids?
The fact that MIL will not share information, and that a sheriff has been called, makes me think there is not a good family relationship here?
So basically I need more information.
As to the dementia. Is this diagnosed dementia? Are the son and DIL POA for the Mother in Law? Do they even live in the same state or town she lives in?
I just need to say here that my money would go to the person I chose it to go to. Not to someone because they are my blood. As it happens I am very close to my daughters/grandchild. My money will go to them. However, were I to need help and care in age, and my daughter and children were unable to "be there for me" while some other person WAS THERE for me, to assist me in staying in my home, and to getting to doctors, shopping, cooking and care of my home? Well, I am just saying, yes, that person would stand to inherit some of my money from me.
Given that this will may now go to being contested by family(and of course it can be), if this poor woman did indeed feel that the man with her the last two years is more a son to her than her blood son, I guess she would have done well to adopt him.
I think one reason this so interests me is that I have three friend/acquaintances where money is NOT going/did not go to family but to caregivers who have/had become "family". In two cases there was a long ongoing illness and disability; homes were actually built on properties left to caregivers. In one case an aging person who needed help, and whose own son was an alcoholic who did nothing but take from her all their lives.
I guess in some cases the definition of "family" varies.

Wow, how devastating for your daughter. I am not a legal expert in Oregon so I won’t pretend to know.

Maybe others will be able to offer advice. All I can say is that I am saddened by your daughter’s situation. I am sorry that you are suffering too because obviously you love your daughter.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Why in God’s name is her mother in law not cooperating so this issue can be settled and all of you can have peace of mind?