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She is being treated for depression and anxiety with medications, and a psychiatrist visits her monthly.

Are you sure she is getting the right meds and enough of them?

Once a month isn't much.

Have you TOLD the psychiatrist what you are telling us? He/She can up the meds.

For my mom that made all the difference. She had the right meds but too little to be of any value. when the amount went up, she became content and pleasant--not dopey. I am forever in the debt of the doctor who did that. a geriatric specialist.
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Thank you for your helpful comments. You are right that the guilt is unwarranted. I have been over-scrupulous in managing her funds, and completely accountable to family, and I've done the best I can to make decisions in her best interest...she is suffering because life is not at all what she hoped for in her elder age. She told me on Mother's Day (with my sister in law present) that she has nothing more to live for. The transition to the nursing home is the last stop for her...it's hard to sugar coat this fact. Yes, we will all die some day, but on all other days, we will live (Charlie Brown quote); it is just hard to see the lack of quality of life for my mother, and I feel guilty wishing that God would just take her...gently.
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"I am feeling very sad and guilty that I have to make this difficult but necessary decision to move her to a long term care facility."

Sad I understand. This is indeed a very sad situation.

But guilty? Why? Did you spend her money on yourself and now she can't afford to stay were she is? Did you do something to cause that brain aneurysm? Did you have anything whatsoever to do with your brother's cancer? Of course not!! You are just doing the best you can to cope with what exists and to act in your mother's best interests.

I am glad Mom is being treated and being seen by a psychiatrist. That it isn't sufficient is unfortunate (and, of course, not your fault). I think you could use a few sessions of therapy yourself, to rid yourself of the unearned guilt you are feeling. That won't solve everything but may enable you to cope a little more comfortably.
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The hardest part of all of this is that there is no solution to her depression. Life kicks us all in the teeth. Sometimes all you can do is hug her and not require her to cope any better than she already is. I would guess inside she is already stretched to her limit. Bless you both.
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There is nothing that pains me more than my mother being unhappy/depressed/anxious. I'm constantly saying to NH staff "I"m not the person who will EVER acuse you of over medicating my mom; make her happy/calm/comotose! Just not unhappy/agitated/delusional, etc.

You can't fix what is wrong with her brain. and you certainly can't fix the losses she's experienced...to lose a child; just not bearable for many folks.

I think if I were in your shoes, I'd seek out a good psychologist or psychiatrist to work with, both for meds and for therapy. This is not an easy situation to deal with and I think that professional help is indicated.
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