He has a tantrum when I try to assert how I want things. He rips items out of my hands saying he wants to do the task, asserting that he wants to earn his keep and stay useful. He has taken over taking care of my dogs, does all the grocery shopping (with my credit card), holds onto my set of keys for my apartment (it's not possible to make more copies of the keys; it's part of my rental agreement) and so I have to buzz to get into my own home. He moves all the cleaning supplies, rearranges my cabinets and linen closet, insists on doing ALL the laundry, the dishes, etc. I effectively stay in my room all day, cajoled into submission -- he makes it clear that he NEEDS to stay active in order to live longer. My life is not my own. I feel just like I did when I was a little kid. My parents would just leave me in my room all day when I wasn't at school. Please help. The only way I can stand up for myself leads to him throwing a tantrum and calling me ungrateful and showing me how hurt his feelings are that I don't just love sitting on my bum all day. What's happening here and what can I do to effectively take my home back without rejecting my dad?
What does he have to say for himself? He can't be truly happy with the way things are, either, because his life must look pretty hopeless even to himself. Can you talk to him sympathetically about trying to find some way to move forward?
Your brother's not just a deadbeat, he's a dangerous person. And CM, I assume that his brother is just FINE living the way he is. Some people are truly happy being this way, and believe that we (the employed, bill-paying, child-supporting, home-maintaining people) are the real fools.
If you do leave, which isn't a bad idea in my humble opinion, let APS know about the situation.