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EanneNo: If for no other reason, your dad needs to be back in the US where he has healthcare/insurance. Even if he's a vital, healther older man, that could change at any moment. And while I'm getting that you and your husband are comfortable financially, you need to think about your futures as well. No reason that you should be subsidizing your dad while your brother does who knows what with your father's house and possessions. Whether you send in law enforcement, a lawyer, an accountant, send someone with authority to act on your dad's behalf and straighten out your brother.
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Wow.... EanneNo, you have a lot on your plate I to, have a loser brother that caused drama within our family in and out of jail punched me in my arm fought my father all of the above and I try and avoid him like the plague. I took my parents in my small condo to get away in which my daughter and my grandson live too. My parents are very sweet and don't bother anyone. A suggestion take back your home at this point it's all you have YOU are in control your dad is old my dad is the same age they need to feel important let him do some things if you like the cleaning let him know it don't be afraid to stand up.
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me and my brother live with our 83 yr old mom. i do all the house maintenence- landscaping -plumbing, going to store for her , picking up her medicine etc. my brother used her name for his paypal account on e bay and does not have a checking acct due to hiding from child support liens he has two kids and has not had a job for 5 -6 years and does not even look for a job. he cooks and showers their and refuses to pay anything for utilities. he drives an expired car - that leaks oil everywhere. he even got mom to put his internet in her name- he has ruined credit. i work on the house doing major landscaping on both yards , and i 've asked my brother to split the utilities with me. if i move out ,my mother will be stuck with this deadbeat and he would probably have her put in a nursing home, as he has threatened her with. i live their also so i am benefiting also ,but i cannot take it much longer living with the laziest person i've ever known.
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Hatemooch, I'm not sure what to suggest. You could shop him (!?) - rat him out to the child support people, report the car… but it's not an attractive way of getting rid of him, I appreciate. But the thing is that you don't want him near your mother in his current condition, because it leaves her vulnerable to financial abuse. On the other hand, I imagine that your mother prefers to put up with his ways to the idea of his getting into even worse trouble? Very difficult.

What does he have to say for himself? He can't be truly happy with the way things are, either, because his life must look pretty hopeless even to himself. Can you talk to him sympathetically about trying to find some way to move forward?
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Hatemooch, your brother sounds like a danger to your mother -- if not today, then definitely at some point. You're afraid to leave your mother alone with him because he'll financially abuse her, but he'll also probably physically neglect/abuse her.
Your brother's not just a deadbeat, he's a dangerous person. And CM, I assume that his brother is just FINE living the way he is. Some people are truly happy being this way, and believe that we (the employed, bill-paying, child-supporting, home-maintaining people) are the real fools.
If you do leave, which isn't a bad idea in my humble opinion, let APS know about the situation.
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It sounds like a case of elder abuse on the part of your brother. It might be helpful for you to find someone in your area who deals with Aging agencies. Perhaps legal help is needed. If your brother has taken your father's house, and is living in it, and not allowing your father to be there, or receive income, there is something very wrong about the situation.
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If your Dad needs to feel useful and he can do all you have said then perhaps he should look for a part time job or do volunteer work. It will do him a world of good to be productive in the outside world. I rwalize he has lnguage barriers but if he is as charming as you say then he can get around that. People do it all the time. You gotta get Dad out and busy! Best of luck.
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EanneNO, do you have an update for us as your last post was over a year ago.
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