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It will take a while for him to adjust.
When he calls tell him..
"Dad we have to wait for the Doctor to tell us you can go home"
or
"One of the medications you are on has to be given by a Nurse and they have to make sure you are OK after you take it"
or
"They are working on your house to make it safe for you when you come home, it might take a little while"

What he really want when he says he wants to go home is..he wants to know he is safe. Tell him.."Dad you are safe where you are, we want to keep you safe because we love you"
Just keep telling him you love him, he is safe.
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Just change subject! Only if you want to be 24/7 caregiver....& not have a life then take him home..but be aware he’ll fall a lot, be incontinent, get lost if going out for a walk...maybe leave stove on & forget...maybe become violent...if you hire home care, they don’t show up & you have to change his diaper...& make several $$$$ changes to your house for him. If that’s the life you want, go ahead! I would just change subject & say that you’ll talk tomorrow or see him on weekend. Don’t you dare take him home! You will regret it .. Hugs 🤗
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It's really tough when our LO sounds like their old self and we want to help. But, the reality is that they are not that way consistently. They may sound normal, but, that may be for only 5 minutes a day. The rest of the time we would be attempting to provide care to a person who resist, who is agitated, and cannot be soothed or kept from harm. I'd try to remind yourself of this.

I'd also consider that sometimes people who have dementia say that they want to go home, EVEN IF THEY ARE IN THEIR home. So, bringing him into your home may not change that. He may still be very restless and think you and your family are crazy people. lol Delusions are common.

I'd try to come up with some things to say to him that may appease him. With my LO, she grew comfortable rather quickly and thought of her place as her own apartment. She liked it a lot. But, before then, when she talked about home, I'd say that I had to discuss her progress with the doctors, had to get insurance forms completed, filed, processed, you know paperwork, but, all would be handled in time. Just hang in there and enjoy the good food and service. Of course, she would forget, so, I'd have to repeat it. I'd keep in mind that often the person with dementia is not being persistent when they ask questions, but, they have forgotten that they already asked it a dozen times.

I'm not sure what type of activities they have due to covid at his MC, but, later on, if covid is resolved, he will likely have more in the MC to distract and entertain him.
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I've heard it many times where elder believes that all of the other facility residents are the "crazy" ones, but they themselves are just fine! Elders don't really realize that the reason they seem fine is because they ARE in a facility and their situation is being managed in a controlled environment. I just had someone tell me last week that she felt she "should have gotten out" of the facility before covid hit. She honestly believes she's OK to do so and it's the other residents where she "understands" why their families put them there. Not her, however. She believes she's way too high functioning compared to the other people and tries hard to convince anyone and everyone of that. Nevermind the fact that she does not even remember all of the falls and crazy things she did while in her own home.
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How long has he been there? It can take many months for adjustment. It took my mom about 6 months to settle down. In the early months she would call and cry and scream for me to get her out of there. Now she has formed friendships and wants to redecorate her room. She says she is lucky she is in a safe place. So you hang in there and be kind to yourself.
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ArleneClaire Jun 2020
Thank you for that information. He’s been there since June 12, so not long.
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You will have to accept that you cannot fulfill the wishes of others at all times, and this is one of those times. You are a human being, not Saint. I think it is more semantics here in what you are saying to YOURSELF. You will have to change "I should be able to do this; he needs me" to "I cannot do this, no matter how much I wish I were able, and that hurts".
I used to tease my bro. He was in better mental shape than many at the assisted living. He would complain and tell me of incidents and we finally decided he was in a 60s commune for the aged. Always an issue, always a community meeting, always a bicker with sides taken, and etc. He formed friendships. He made his way through it and said "It's like when I was younger and in the Army. I didn't like it, but I was determined to make the best of it". And he did.
You will have to come to some gentle acceptance for yourself first. Then tell Dad that you are so sorry, but he cannot come home, that this is home now for him, and you will visit when you can, and you hope it will get better for him.
There is no answer to the end of life when things are taken from us one at a time, our balance, our abilities, eventually even our minds. It is sad and you have a right to feel sad. But you didn't do anything to anyone, so guilt is out of the question. Not an option.
So sorry for the hurt for all.
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ArleneClaire Jun 2020
Thank you for the kind words. You are correct. It’s just difficult. You are correct in that what I say to myself is important as well. I want to “fix” things for my dad. And I have because he is now safe, clean, and well-fed. I guess I never thought he would get dementia. Again, thank you for your reply.
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