My 90 year old father is being released from the hospital after suffering from a mild stroke, he also has dementia. My grown children and I are planning on alternating stays so he has 24 hr care when he is released. I want to keep him in his home as long as possible but am worried about personal hygiene. The nursing staff has told me that he now needs moderate help with toilet/showering. How can I ask my sons to have to clean their grandfather after restroom breaks? Nor can I bring in an outside agency every my father needs cleaned. I don't know what to do. My father has always feared being "stuck" in a nursing home and I want to honor his wishes, but is it fair to expect my children to be able to handle this type of care?
Should I ever come to realize that I have begun slipping into dementia my intention is to stop taking all meds and cease all medical care so as allow mother nature to take me sooner than might happen were I to continue receiving healthcare. I would rather pass while I still had some dignity than to live on without it. For me not being able to bath and toilet myself would represent a total loss of dignity.
Your children will be better people in the long run if they are able to provide care to someone they love. Not pleasant but good for the soul.
To make sure everyone completely understands what will be involved - talk about it. Maybe hiring a home health person on day 1 and 2 of the first time each of them will do their duty. (Be specific with nurse that everyone needs to know how to clean him up. ) At the end of Day 1/2, I'm sure they will tell you if it's more than they can handle.
We have them on every toilet in our house, it's SO much better than toilet paper.
The talk with the case manager is important. If you can get him into rehab for a short time it can and will help everybody. They can teach you as well as him.
There is also a specific tool made to help people wipe. You may have to ask the therapist about this. It is not standard equipment. It can make a big difference.
You would then be left with only a wash up after, while wearing gloves. Anti-bacterial soap and a wash cloth was all I ever used on DW, Luz, and we had no problems with infections.
Many wipes contain a lotion to help prevent other irritating conditions back there. We used them as well.
The bidet would be a great addition to cleansing.
Good luck in what ever you decide.