Hello!
My 89 year old mother is in Memory Care and she most likely has metastatic lung cancer. She has moderate dementia. Cancer diagnosis pending biopsy. We would not persue aggressive treatment , We are in favor of keeping her from knowing her diagnosis as she has always been an anxious person and we dont want her last days on earth in mental distress about the cancer. Has anyone had an experience with dementia and cancer and what are your thoughts about telling or not telling a person they have it. I will also get some professional advice but it would be nice to hear personal experiences. Thank you!
How can you be so cruel and advise someone to tell an 89 year old with dementia living in a memory care that they have terminal cancer?
I don't say this very often, but really you should be ashamed of yourself that you would tell someone this.
Your mother is 89 year old and lives in a memory care unit. Do you really think telling her she has cancer is really the right thing to do?
I was a caregiver to the elderly for 25 years. I had more than a few people with dementia that had terminal illnesses they didn't know about. No one told them either.
Here's what will happen. Your mother will likely get hysterical then not remember why.
The after affects of this shock will likely be felt for days or even weeks afterwards. It will also cause setbacks in whatever she is still able to do for herself.
Really, all it will achieve is to make the job of the people who take care pf her even harder.
Please, let your conscience decide for you. I'm sure if you look there you will find that not telling her is an act of mercy and compassion.
I know in my heart and mind what is the right thing to do , but it has been extremely enlightening and reassuring to hear what others think and would do if they were in my shoes . It's a matter of respect and protection of my mother that I feel compelled to keep the peace in her life as it exists now.
Thank you so much for all the thoughts. We have decided to do a PET scan instead of a biopsy as it is much less invasive..but I'm still worried she will freak out even doing that...she is quite suspicious of doctors and fearful of hospitals.. I will tell Mom that it's just to check an inflammation spot they saw on her lungs. I still am going with not telling her if she has cancer. Right now she is happy to get up to eat her breakfast, enjoy her room with big windows, go to PT...be with friends etc.. shes happy